How I spent my Christmas Vacation...
I awoke early Christmas morning not really feeling like going anywhere, but I felt I was committed to at least try to visit my Sister who lives in Kansas - about a three hour drive from where I live...
(Cue up the theme song to Gilligan's Island - "A three hour tour....")
The roads had been icy for the past four or five days but on Christmas morning they were clear - though there was a very cold fog and the temperatures were in the mid-20's F...
Gathering up the gifts I had purchased for my youngest sister, her husband, their daughter, her husband, and my little 3 year old grand niece Payton (cutest little hellion that ever
stole a cookie), and the gifts for my baby brother, his wife, and two adult sons, I piled into my trusty 2004 Chevy TrailBlazer and set forth at 7 am for the fast cultural wasteland of Southern Kansas
(at least that is how I always tease my brother about moving there)...
Loading some lovely Christmas music in my CD player (Moya Brennan "An Irish Christmas"; and Horslips "Drive the Cold Winter Away") I sallied forth across Oklahoma City's deserted streets and
headed of to Interstate 35, then north through the thick fog...
It was like driving in the Twilight Zone - trees, overpasses and other vehicles would appear out of the fog as if they were being created by some powerful but sleepy deity, only to fade back into nothingness as if the deity decided it was too much work or not interesting enough to keep them....
After about 80 miles the deep fog suddenly lifted, without a trace of having been, and I continued my trek in the brilliant morning sunshine...
After arriving in Kansas, I was forced to change my normal route to my sisters house because the side road was still heavily covered in ice... With a feeling of irritation that I would now have to drive through the town traffic of Arkansas City, Kansas - which the strange natives insist on pronouncing as Ar-Kansas City rather than Arkansaw city like any sane person would... Since I seldom traveled this way i trusted my ever faithful GPS system to guide me unerringly to my sisters house and to the many delicious treats she had baked...
Treachery... Foul treachery!... My so called trusty GPS device led me on a twisted and circuitous route through the city with the strangely pronounced name... Up one brick paved city street and down another, each seemingly further from the road that I needed...
At long last I was on a street that I was at least passingly familiar with, and once again traveling toward the warmth of my younger siblings home and all the tasty treats I had looked forward to for so long that morning...
My once trusty GPS (now temporarily back in my good graces) was showing me that I was finally within three miles of my sisters home and I need only travel down this one country road...
And so it sprang it's last and most diabolical trap!
This 'road' (for want of a better word) was a narrow dirt track deep in the shade of the trees and brush that grew along the ancient fence lines that lined either side... and there were patches of slippery, glistening ice laying in wait...
I feared not for I had driven upon such ice many times in my life without once having suffered injury or mishap, one must merely drive slowly and steadily, not turning the wheel and neither pressing the brake nor the accelerator with any force.... Alas... My evil GPS device had a foul accomplice in it's evil and dastardly plans...
As I slowly came to the top of a small rise in the road, I could spy the end of the road a scant mile away... at that moment, the evil ones plans came to full fruition... The foul accomplice - in the guise of a simple and gentle deer leapt forth in front of my trusty vehicle - less than a car length in front of me... As the demon in animal form leapt, my wheels struck a sheet of ice that lay upon the hard packed dirt road...
Suddenly I was traveling sideways at slow speed, none of my driving skills affecting the direction or speed in the slightest.. then I was traveling backwards in the same direction i had been going before the trap was sprung... I was going at slow enough speed (20 mph) that i had time to see the evil deer prance back into the brush and away with an impudent flick of its tail... i also could see that there was no ditch on the road side and so I relaxed knowing that once I hit the dirt and got off the road ice my vehicle would stop, I could turn around and proceed...
Alas... it was not to be.... As the two wheels on the driver side of my faithful vehicle struck the soft thawed dirt of the road side, the vehicle did stop... It seemed to hesitate for the briefest of moments... And then lay over on it's side trapping me inside it..
Laying there for what seemed a long time but was in fact a mere second or two, I was suddenly pelted with the loose objects inside my vehicle as they fell down on top me, to include an open bottle half full of a soft drink....
My thought were to get out quickly... i have seen too many movies wherein the most minor of accidents always results in the vehicle turning into a blazing inferno... So unfastening my seat belt (I ALWAYS wear my seat belt thank goodness!) I stood upon the inside of the drivers door, and managed to roll the window down on the passenger side... Climbing out I say for a moment atop the
side of my vehicle, hearing fluids dripping down....
Jumping to the ground (very spry for a 60 year old!) I walked away and gathered my wits...
I was not injured... but I was wet (with the sticky cold contents of the Mt Dew bottle), and was able to place a call to my brother in law...
To prevent from boring you children longer I will sum up and say that my faithful and beloved vehicle is dead... It shall sojourn no more upon America's highways and byways... My foul and faithless GPS lies shattered and broken upon an icy Kansas field... a plaything for cows, crows and coyotes... And I sit back at home with a vehicle loaned to my by my brother in law... awaiting my insurance company to add further complications upon my life...
As I had no injury - and no one else was hurt either I am in good cheer...
Merry Christmas to you all!
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