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Christmas Holiday Eating Tips


tcgram

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  • About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

  • Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!


  • If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

  • As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
  • Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
  • Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

  • If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as you can before becoming the center of attention They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
  • Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
  • Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

  • One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Reread tips, then start over. But hurry: January is just around the corner.

4 Comments


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Some good tips there tcgram. :) Heres some additional tips, hope you dont mind.

Eating also helps to soak up all the booze in the bloodstream too - double win.

Take a small carrier bag to the party, its easily hidden. Near the end of the party when others are a bit unsteady, fill your bag with leftovers - thats breakfast sorted.

If you find one type of sandwich is tasty then place three of them on your plate - better than returning later to find them all gone.

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Ooooh, dont forget to save some of that food that tastes yucky. You know that person who you cant stand - theres always one at any party/celebration. Well when they are soon to depart via taxi or car - fill their coat with pickled onions, open fish sandwiches etc :D

If you want to take it further, wet some toilet paper and stick that inside the pockets too - happy days :D

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