About a month ago, I was being tortured by these tiny annoying insects know simply as bedbugs. A creature I did not know actually existed before this. Well, I am here to tell you that they do exist; they are very, very real and composed entirely of evil.
These little fu--sorry, language filter... these bassturds (really, language filter?) are vampires. Except for the fact that you can choose not to invite a vampire into your home. Bedbugs will get in any way possible. They are tiny so you never really notice them until they're sucking out your life's blood every day. My little friends probably came from a used mattress that my roommate acquired. Although it's impossible to know because he didn't have symptoms like I did. He did get rid of the mattress for some reason. Then he moved out and decided not to take the bed, leaving it in my possession. I had been sleeping on a couch for the past few months so I was happy to finally have a bed. He knew about the bugs, I knew about the bugs. I figured if he can handle it, so can I. So whoopie! I'm sleeping on a bed tonight! So bedtime comes. I grab my blanket and pillow and jump into bed. I get all snuggly and warm and withing minutes, I am asleep.
An hour or two passes and I wake up, itching in several spots, tossing and turning. But every time I got comfortable, a new itch would present itself. So after a few minutes of this, I gave up and got out of the bed. I flipped on the light and saw nothing. But I knew exactly what it was. So driven by a madness, I take off my bedding and lift up the mattress trying to just see one of the a--holes and know that I wasn't just insane. Well, I found one, killed it and came to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to be sleeping tonight.
My friend who was staying over was sleeping on my couch so I went into my closet, searching all of my boxes of stuff that I never unpacked; looking for signs of bugs but I found nothing and got sidetracked looking at things, reveling in nostalgia. Finally my friend woke up and left. So this is where I screwed up. I grabbed my blanket and pillows off the bed and headed to my couch, where I finally got some sleep. Unknowingly bringing some of the s--tfu-k-rs with me.
The next day, I decide to find out how bad the problem really is so I grab a screwdriver and a knife (to kill them) and head into the bedroom. I lift up the mattress and inspect every side of it, lifting up the little corner flap things and killing every bug I see. There are about ten all around the mattress but by now I'm sweating with nervousness and because it's kind of hot in the room. So I get to the box spring which is standing on its side by the wall. I start lifting up the fabric from the wood and killing bugs. There is one or two for every inch along the edge of the box spring and some on the metal frame. At this point, I say f--- this and decide that it is not a job I can do alone.
So I resign myself to sleeping on the couch and for the next few days I am keeping an eye out for my apartment manager to tell her about the problem but she's never around. And by this time, I can't even sleep on the couch because I had brought them in there. Even after killing 12 or so of the f93$%rs in the couch and drowning their hidey hole in alcohol, they kept coming back. So I had been sleeping on the floor in the kitchen, washed and dried my bedding and hadn't been bothered at night for a few days. During the day, they would still bite me as I sat on the couch watching TV or whatever. But it wasn't so bad during the day because I wasn't trying to sleep and I found if I moved enough, they would leave me alone.
So finally I get a chance to talk to my managers and they understand how despicable the bugs are so one of them is all over the problem from the beginning. The other one kind of stays out of the whole mess, she is just there to collect rent. Anyway, the other one comes in the apartment to survey the situation and I tell her everything. She says she will contact their exterminator and get it taken care of asap. Good, right? Nope, because she comes back and tells me that she spoke with the landlords and I am going to have to pay for everything and also have to get rid of the bed and couch before they will even start. If I don't, they will evict me. Okay, I will do everything I can. She also says I will have to bag all of my clothes, take them to an off-site laundromat and put everything in a dryer for 45 minutes or so, then place everything in new sealed bags. I was completely willing to cooperate, even after she switched exterminators the next day and said they would create a payment plan for me, just add 20 bucks to rent every week. I was fine with this, I was excited to get the problem taken care of. But I was having problems finding someone with a truck who would haul the furniture for me. I finally found someone who was coming the next day.
The next day, I started on the bagging things when the manager came to my door and said they decided to just kick me out. Said I had five days to vacate because I "let" the problem go on too long. So then, I was very angry. I cranked up some Cradle of Filth (a metal band that I listen to when I'm feeling angry and want to annoy the neighbors) and started packing everything into boxes. I texted the truck person and cancelled that, then called my cousin who I lived with before, told her that I got kicked out and I have nowhere else to go so I'm moving back in. So, I moved out and left the bed, the couch and a bunch of junk that my roommates left and other junk that I didn't want.
Since moving out, I've seen and killed one bedbug and haven't felt or seen any since. So I'm hoping that problem is done and over because now I have a new and bigger problem to worry about. Anyway, so the lesson here is if you think you may have bedbugs, find out for sure and then get rid of the f----ers. It's not easy and it will probably cost you a lot of money, unless your landlords aren't douchebags. But it will save you from going insane and sleeping on kitchen floors.