Nothing comes easy
It has been my observation that nothing I have done in my life came easy or "naturally" to me.
Even in school I began to notice certain things such as tests, for example; I could study and memorize then when the time for the test came I oft times made the mistake of thinking I could pass the test because it seemed relatively easy. Stupid me, thinking that I was getting the answers right only to get the test back and discover I flunked it big time; it wasn't just once or twice but every single time.
The lesson I gleaned was that for me, all this nonsense about esteem and confidence was useless; unless I was second and third guessing my action, worrying about missing a step or basically sweating every step then I was doing something wrong.
So I learned as time went by to second guess myself with everything, whatever I did I had to try, I had to always double-check to make sure I wasn't doing something wrong or missing a step because if, at any time, it seemed to go easy and smoothly then I was definitely messing up big time.
It is not that I want to mess up nor am I anticipating something going wrong but the lesson has always been that if something seems easy then I am doing something wrong.
No action or skill ever really "flowed" for me, nothing came easy, readily or "naturally" so after a point I began to wonder what was worth doing if everything is a constant struggle. Even writing this is a struggle as I have to constantly delete and re-write things just to avoid mortally offending people or something.
Yes, I realize all skills take time and effort to develop and sometimes there are snags; I am not that ignorant or naive to think otherwise but there comes a time when it would be nice to have something come relatively easily, where something flows and seems "natural" thus making it more attractive and appealing to pursue.
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