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Bendy's Thoughts

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Being Happy?


Bendy Demon

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I was reading a comic done by "The Oatmeal" (maybe you've been to is site) and this one was about being happy or in his case, NOT happy.

After reading it I realized that he, at least in part, described what I had been feeling for years. See, our society, as Oatmeal pointed out or at least alluded to, has a very limited view and perception of what "happy" is, that it somehow is a end result of something, a end goal to be reached. Happiness, like most other emotions, is transitory and simply fleeting. It changes from day to day, moment to moment.

I realized that this is how I really feel; not happy or unhappy really. I like things and I can appreciate certain activities but my reasons for doing them is not to be happy or because I have some sort of goal or because I want to illicit some sort of sensation. Perhaps I feel something in between, perhaps one of the million shades of grey that falls between "happy" and "not happy".

I am not sure how to describe it but after reading a seemingly silly comic I began to realize that it is society that creates this unhealthy mode of being by insinuating that you have to always maintain this mode of being no matter how tedious and tiring, that you can be just fine without the simpering grin or maniacal giggling. That you don't have to have this mindset all the time that is really not sustainable.

Actually I had been contemplating what "happy" was supposed to mean; what it was supposed to feel like and why people assume that if you aren't behaving a certain way then it must mean you are un-happy. I don't do things to make myself feel "happy" but simply because I like to. Nothing more. I play video games because they're fun, not because I want to be "happy".

I draw (when the mood moves me) because I wish to do so and if I am motivated enough I can work on something for a couple of hours. Not because I have a goal really or that I am out to create something; I just do so because it is what I wish to do at the moment. It's kind of hard to explain but I am beginning to realize why we have such problems in our society when it comes to emotional equilibrium and mostly it stems from our rigid and limited view of what we think and assume people are supposed to feel and we judge them for not fitting into our rigid paradigm that makes no real sense and just causes confusion for others.

So..am I happy? No, not really. Am I un-happy. No, not that either.

Content? I don't know, maybe. Neutral? I guess, for lack of a better word at the moment. Motivated? On occasion I suppose.

Like the Oatmeal, maybe I am wired differently, just like he is. Maybe I just don't get the same things out of existence like society thinks I should. But I am still alive, I really don't know what keeps me going every day because it certainly isn't because of any goals, desires or the hopes of being happy. I just exist. That should be enough for everyone.

For those who don't know what "The Oatmeal" is or the comic I refer to; here is the link to the comc that I was somewhat inspired by.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy

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I have wondered if this is why some people believe they have depression. I know that depression itself is real, but sometimes when I hear people talk about happiness, I realise they are talking about searching for happiness.

Like happiness is an amazing and wonderous Hollywood creation.

I wonder why people don't look for happiness in every day things. Like a secure and happy family, food in the cupboard, a tidy home, money in the bank, or good health. 

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Society has, for a long time, dictated to us what and how we are supposed to feel and if we aren't laughing and smiling and talking rainbows then we must therefore be un-happy and miserable.

Happiness is fleeting and transitory; it can be demolished in an instant just as easily as it was created. For myself I am not searching for happiness and no longer waste time searching for purpose and meaning. These are artificial psychological constructs and each concept is no long lasting either.

Everyday we do things that have, for the moment, a purpose and meaning. For example, I go to an elderly woman's home to do cleaning, meal preps and other stuff; I don't do it to feel good about myself or because it gives my life meaning. I do it because it needs to be done and since she knows me and my family it made sense that I do these things for her. She appreciates it and my service helps to keep her in her home for as long as possible.

Does it make me happy? No. Un-happy? No. I do not think of it in those terms, I do it because there was a need from someone nearby and I was nearby to fulfill that need.

Anyways the English language is woefully deficient when it comes to defining states of being and our definition of such is equally deficient. I have food, a little money, a home so I guess I am "content" in that arena.

It is hard to define one's own psychological state but I realize that in the end, barring anything severe, only I can define my psychological equilibrium and not others (even though it is hard to do so oft times)

 

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StarMountainKid

Posted

It might have been a Woody Allen movie, I don't remember, but a daughter was complaining to her Jewish mother about not being happy, how to be happy.

Her mother said, "Happy? What's happy? You want to be happy, marry a doctor."

In other words, maybe happy is too much to ask, settle for some contentment and ease of life.

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StarMountainKid

Posted

6 minutes ago, Habitat said:

I'm not sure what marrying the doctor implied.

Marry some man with a good income and you'll have a comfortable life. That's as much as you can expect. You may not be happy, but at least you'll have spending money. That's as close to happiness as a wife can expect. It's Jewish humor that has some telling wisdom in it.

Jewish mothers. A Jewish mother sends her son in collage two flannel shirts to keep warm. Her son comes home to visit her wearing one of the shirts. His mother looks at him and says, "What, you don't like the other shirt?"

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I thought as much, SMK, but wasn't entirely sure ! Silly me, it does seem like a no-brainer, that that was the meaning.

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StarMountainkid, oy vei Jewish humour :rolleyes:. That made me laugh. *juxtaposition of reality, is always funny stuff.

On a side note contentment is a form of happiness we forget about. Can't appreciate the sunshine without a little rain and all that.

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NightScreams

Posted

For me happiness is just an internal attitude kind of thing. Every day I always select fond memories at any given point in the day. Purposefully think of a positive. I look around and look at something beautiful. So I could be at work, up to my ankles in mud trying to pull a fiber optics wire through an old, broken down duct into a cabinet and at every opportune moment, I'll look at the sunshine, the trees. If it's nice I think of how good the weather feels. They might just be fractions of seconds here and there but consciously choosing to look at a positive is actually programming your brain to eventually do so on it's own without you forcing the thought.

Every habit you do is caused by a repeated behavior from which at one point, you consciously made the choice and remembered to continue it until your brain did so subconsciously. Thinking positive is much the same way. It boosts your overall mood and if you consciously force yourself to think of things that normally would put you in a good mood, even if it doesn't that day, it becomes a habit for your brain to perform those more positive feelings and thoughts.

At least it works for me. Every day may not be fun by any means but I have that overall sense of happiness and contentment in general without every doing drugs or alcohol. That's where the bad habits come in, when people use a crutch for those good moods, their brain just repeats it even though it could get the same good mood without any stimulants.

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