Being Happy?
I was reading a comic done by "The Oatmeal" (maybe you've been to is site) and this one was about being happy or in his case, NOT happy.
After reading it I realized that he, at least in part, described what I had been feeling for years. See, our society, as Oatmeal pointed out or at least alluded to, has a very limited view and perception of what "happy" is, that it somehow is a end result of something, a end goal to be reached. Happiness, like most other emotions, is transitory and simply fleeting. It changes from day to day, moment to moment.
I realized that this is how I really feel; not happy or unhappy really. I like things and I can appreciate certain activities but my reasons for doing them is not to be happy or because I have some sort of goal or because I want to illicit some sort of sensation. Perhaps I feel something in between, perhaps one of the million shades of grey that falls between "happy" and "not happy".
I am not sure how to describe it but after reading a seemingly silly comic I began to realize that it is society that creates this unhealthy mode of being by insinuating that you have to always maintain this mode of being no matter how tedious and tiring, that you can be just fine without the simpering grin or maniacal giggling. That you don't have to have this mindset all the time that is really not sustainable.
Actually I had been contemplating what "happy" was supposed to mean; what it was supposed to feel like and why people assume that if you aren't behaving a certain way then it must mean you are un-happy. I don't do things to make myself feel "happy" but simply because I like to. Nothing more. I play video games because they're fun, not because I want to be "happy".
I draw (when the mood moves me) because I wish to do so and if I am motivated enough I can work on something for a couple of hours. Not because I have a goal really or that I am out to create something; I just do so because it is what I wish to do at the moment. It's kind of hard to explain but I am beginning to realize why we have such problems in our society when it comes to emotional equilibrium and mostly it stems from our rigid and limited view of what we think and assume people are supposed to feel and we judge them for not fitting into our rigid paradigm that makes no real sense and just causes confusion for others.
So..am I happy? No, not really. Am I un-happy. No, not that either.
Content? I don't know, maybe. Neutral? I guess, for lack of a better word at the moment. Motivated? On occasion I suppose.
Like the Oatmeal, maybe I am wired differently, just like he is. Maybe I just don't get the same things out of existence like society thinks I should. But I am still alive, I really don't know what keeps me going every day because it certainly isn't because of any goals, desires or the hopes of being happy. I just exist. That should be enough for everyone.
For those who don't know what "The Oatmeal" is or the comic I refer to; here is the link to the comc that I was somewhat inspired by.
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