The UM BlackLight Contest and Ball - Results
Well, 2017's version of UM's "BlackLight Costume Contest Valentine's Day Dance and Rummage Sale" has passed and was another smashing success!... Attendance was at an all time high (no doubt helped along by the Chief Inquisitor's Office releasing all of the Inmates residents of the Lurkers Dungeons for this affair), and a fun time was had by all - as witnessed by the fact that the Riot squad was called out 5 times - beating last years record of 4 times - and the National Guard had to be called in at closing time to assist the Sheriff's Department in rounding up the usual suspects....
Here is how the evening went:
The party-goers formed up just across the Grand Bridge of Sorrows which spans the Great Outer Moat... With the UM Kazoo and Snare Drum Marching Band leading the way with a rousing rendition of "Louie Louie" The parade kicked off and crossed the bridge to the cheers of hordes of on lookers - and the hungry gaze of Pookie the Moat Monster...The survivors then wended their way down the Grand Concourse, between the Central Administration Complex and the massive Repository Of Lost Postings Complex to a veritable blizzard of confetti, ticker-tape and rotten tangerines, which rained down on us from the many Office Drudges Workers who make this great Establishment work! Normally the Drudges Office Workers would be in the parade - displaying their pride - but the Head Flogger in Charge of them could not find the keys to their shackles in time - so they enjoyed some (un-paid) overtime... The parade then crossed over the Great Outer Moat again - on the Eastern side of the Complex - and into the Great Eastern Artillery Impact Zones, and over to the UM Mortuary where a crew of Zombies, caffeine freaks and "the very nervous" had spent the past three months decorating the Grand Ballroom...
Marching order for the parade was: The UM Kazoo And Snare Drum Marching Band, The world famous UM Precision Drill Team of Zombie Nixon's and Churchill's, Some random tourists who were shanghaied into marching kind enough to join in the festivities, The ever popular "Inmates of The Dark Oubliette's Choir of Shriekers and Moaners" followed next and as always are a great crowd pleaser, Next came the Contestants for the BlackLight Costume Contest, marching under a portable BlackLight - a truly awesome sight as always ... Next came the people who just wanted to dance, escorted by their fictitious spouses, dates and/or Zombie Escorts - A fan favorite was UM Asylum Member freetoroam who showed up escorted by a gaggle of custom modified Zombies - many creatively put back together with festive duct tape, super glue and bailing wire - The UM Office of Zombie Wranglers is currently studying her handiwork to see if any of the "kit bashed" zombies could be mass produced... Several parade floats were intermixed with the marchers - prominent among them were; A giant rubber duckie, A paper mache replica of the founding of the UM Complex complete with the Neanderthal's Quest to Find the Land of Accordions and a Mount Rushmore style float featuring the likenesses of The Head Mods of UM (The Office of the Grand Inquisitor is currently investigating who leaked the photos of the mods - so if you know who did it ... Probably best to keep silent)... Near the end was a platoon of Chief Floggers who "encouraged" stragglers to keep moving... Bringing up the rear - as always was the most popular entry - the cleaning crew who sweep up all the trash and removed those who "drop out"...
After arriving at the Ball room, the party started with a quick judging of the BlackLight Costumes (being under the blacklights for so long had started making some of the costumes - and people wearing them - begin to melt, so time was of the essence)... The winners were announced and prizes awarded, however a quick challenge by some of the winners led to a postponement of the announcements pending a full investigation, bribes and the usual amount of moaning, complaining, DNA testing and threats - by the winners... So the prizes were once again herded into their holding cells, where they await the naming of the unfortunate souls lucky winners...
Once the carnage of the Costume Contest was cleared away, the Dance started. The featured band "The Noggin Knockers" proved why they are the premier band in UM... They started the first set with their popular first recording hit, "I Wanna Smash Your Hand", then they moved into the romantic ballad "Take My Heart (But Give it Back Later I Might Need it)"... They were in fine form and received great applause when they finally quit... They set decibel records three times in their performance, which led to several unplanned "breaks" as their Roadies had to replace several of the musical instruments who had suffered excessive trauma... Two other newly formed member bands provided filler music when the Noggin Knockers took their breaks - they were the all female band "Lizzie Borden's Step-Kids" and the Punk Rock/Skiffle band "Why Should I tell You?" (At least that's what they said when asked what their name was)... Both bands were loud and fun to dance to, and neither one attacked the audience more than twice...Special thanks goes to the UM Chapter of the World Disaster Relief Organization - who were on hand as always - for minimizing casualties and providing hearing protection for those members who could afford it...
At the stroke of Midnight the Judges announced the winners of the Fictitious Spouse and/or Significant Other(s) beauty pageant... Below is a photo taken of the "Queen" and "King" of the Ball, on the landing just at the entrance to the Ballroom... The strapless, very risque gown certainly raised some eyebrows - and the Queens gown was rather daring as well.... Congrats to the winners!
The Rummage Sale (a new event this year) will be held over the next three days, until all of the items left behind by partiers as they fled the Sheriff's Posse - and the odd bit dropped by the Zombie Dates - are sold... So come on down to the UM Morgue and Ball room and find a great deal on abandoned trash priceless relics of this years event!
During the closing ceremonies, the Chief Mod announced that the UM Office of the Chief Inquisitor would be available to help make bail for members who were "a little short"....
The success of this years UM BlackLight Costume Contest, Valentine's Day Dance and Rummage Sale has led the Planning committee to look eagerly forward to next years festivities - Members who would like to volunteer to be on the planning committee should report to the Committee's Headquarters located in the third sub-basement of the Giant Trash Compactor building near the Quicksand factory... Remember - if not enough people volunteer... You just might GET volunteered!...
The next event planned by our evil overlords kind and caring Mods is this years UM Tricycle Race and Demolition Derby, next month... So get your favorite tricycle ready and write those wills!... See ya!
- 11
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