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The Ex

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Xanthurion2

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Remember that girlfriend I mentioned in a previous blog? Well it wasn't long after that blog was posted that we broke up. It was doomed to fail from the beginning. I don't even know why I said yes when she asked me out. I am in no position to have a girlfriend. It's too bloody expensive and time consuming. Frankly, I have better things to do at the moment. So in a way, I'm glad the relationship ended. Yes, she came to my life at a time I needed someone to save me from the darkness and I found comfort in her arms. But we didn't have a lot of time to spend together so as soon as she left, I was alone in the dark again.

The problems started very quickly. She began complaining about her family and her friends and even herself. Almost everything she said was putting herself down because of what someone else said to her. I tried to help her. To convince her that she was a good person; that these people were just mean and they didn't care. But she didn't listen. In fact, most of the time, she ignored me when she was feeling upset. Even after I did help her feel better many times. I began to expect getting the cold shoulder instead of a warm greeting text every morning.

When she told her family about me, that's when the real trouble started. They immediately rejected the idea of me dating her. They overreacted like we were in a Mexican soap opera or something. They would yell at her or sometimes just ignore her to try and make her break up with me but she couldn't do it. She wanted me to meet them so I agreed but they refused. Then I somehow got roped into meeting a friend of their family. That went about as smoothly as a rusty saw blade. I only succeeded in making our entire situation worse because of my awkwardness around strangers being misinterpreted as disrespect. It was at this point that I was beginning to give up.

Now we were forced to sneak around and see each other in secret at irregular intervals. It dwindled from once a week to every two weeks to over a month without seeing each other. That was when she cheated on me with her ex. Why she would want to go back to him, I still do not understand because based on what she told me and the screenshots of some of his texts to her, he was a complete grade-a douchenozzle. Harassment was just the beginning of the horrible things he did to her. And yet she still sought attention from him just because there was no way she could come see me because we were so far away. She couldn't wait. She couldn't text me back. She couldn't even have an intelligent conversation with me. She just couldn't be what I needed so I couldn't take it anymore.

The stress was too much when piled on top of all the other stress I was already dealing with. While I am happy for the experience, I regret every single second of it. I should have never let myself get that close to someone I barely knew. Someone I didn't even really like that much. The worst part is, I actually did grow to love her before the end of it. But I can't even think of her anymore without thinking of everything she put me through. And for that, I don't think I can ever love her again.


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StarMountainKid

Posted

Some people with low self esteem seem to want their low self esteem to be constantly confirmed.

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sees

Posted (edited)

39 minutes ago, StarMountainKid said:

Some people with low self esteem seem to want their low self esteem to be constantly confirmed.

Yes...some are not interested in healing/dealing with their issue since they have a vested interest in remaining as they are, i.e. for the attention and sympathy.

Xanthurion - maybe next time you will make a better choice since you said you don't even know why you said yes to her in the first place. At least she gave you comfort from the 'darkness'. 

We can always learn lessons when we look back at what happened...if we are in the right space for this - called a learning curve, I think!  Easier to see the bigger picture in hindsight.

Edited by sees

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