Join the Unexplained Mysteries community today! It's free and setting up an account only takes a moment.
- Sign In or Create Account -

Taun's Blog

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 1
  • entries
    14
  • comments
    191
  • views
    4,656

First Annual Wear-It-Backwards Ball

Sign in to follow this  
Followers 3
Taun

487 views

Just 8 more days until  the first Annual "Tennis Shoe and Tuxedo - Wear it Backwards Ball and Melted Crayon Art Show" ... It will be held at the "Grand Ball Room" high atop the historic Grand Central Dungeon Tower (provided we can install the braces and supports in time)...

Here is a listing of approved attire...

Tuxedos (any color or style), - the “louder” the better.

Formal Ball gowns (with neon colored t-shirts or scuba wet suits under them for those who are "a bit shy"...

Attire made solely of melted crayons (must be “worn” over an approved body suit – mainly because the melted crayons are rather warm to the touch at first!

Formal Uniforms (military, band, Service industry, etc) are also acceptable of course – the UM Zeppelin Service Uniforms are actually quite stunning when worn backwards (as we did in the Great War – in an effort to confuse the enemy as to whether we were “coming or going” – it actually only served to confuse us, but “Oh well”)

Cultural dress must be approved by the UM Bored of Inquisitors... Such as the “cultural dress” seen on many Beauty pageants – the gaudier, the better…

Shoes must be inappropriate for whatever is worn and may be worn correctly if your feet won't turn backwards...

As an example, I have decided to wear my formal uniform as Emperor of Mooselandia (it actually fits better backwards anyway) – with all my many ribbons and medals (all awarded to me by a grateful…. Me)… Upon my hooves…er… feet I will be wearing my “Bullwinkles” (provided they get out of the cleaners in time – else I will be wearing neon-pink scuba flippers)…

I had planned on wearing a nice evening gown made of melted crayons (which seems to be a popular choice this year), but the only crayons I could get away from my grand-nieces and nephews were white… I didn’t want to look like a giant lump of ice cream, so….

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing “formal attire” of another gender (or even species in some cases), in fact a man has a bit of an advantage in this as a full length beard can do wonders in covering up a “backless gown”…

Dancing is to be done “front-to-front” from the perspective of the clothing, so you will be facing away from your partners… The clever partier will therefore NOT dance with their date but with a stranger and position themselves so that they will be able to actually see and converse with their date, as they dance with someone else…

Entertainment is scheduled to be provided by UM’s most popular band “The Noggin’ Knockers” (provided they get time off for “good behavior” following their performance at the UM "BlackLight Costume Contest Valentine's Day Dance and Rummage Sale")… Should the “Noggin’ Knockers” not be available the High Inquisitors office will simply snatch up five or six random dungeon denizens from the Lower Oubliettes and force them entice them into forming a band on the spot (they might even sound better than the “Noggin’ Knockers”)…

As always Zombie dates will be available for those who either fail to acquire a date on their own, or just like dancing back-to-back with zombies… Volunteers are being sought to assist in dressing the zombies appropriately – in ball gowns and tiaras… Volunteers may get time removed from their stay in the Lower oubliettes…

A banquet will be served “cafeteria style” while the Melted Crayon art show is being viewed and judged –midway through the ball. So bring your best art work (that must be made of melted wax-crayons of any brand name, and be executed on either butcher paper, brown paper bags or the writing paper they give to kids when they learn to write… Any substitute paper or “paint” medium must be pre-approved by the UM Office of The Fine Arts and Sewage Control (UM Form x-3221.775 May 325 BC)...


10 people like this
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 3


26 Comments




ouija ouija

Posted

I think the mood at this year's shenanigans will hinge on the result of the UK election held 2 days earlier :unsure2:

p.s. what is a 'Lower Omelette'? Are they tasty? Will they be served at the Banquet?  

5 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
freetoroam

Posted

Well I am so excited now, i will not be able to sleep at night.;

I have my melted crayon art and I am certain I will win the competition, (note to self - bribe judges). Here I a am preparing my entry

 

crayonmelting10.jpg

and here it is finished:

40a3ff5764dc91c10f67ca407800a357.jpg

and here is my melted crayon attire, obviously I will be wearing this backwards:

 

fea9053be07c73998b5b4eed8e10730f.jpg

5 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
ouija ouija

Posted

Oh, ftr, you will literally be The Belle of the Ball! :clap:

 

 

(Until I get there! :ph34r:

4 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
third_eye

Posted

I can't tell which way my thoing is supposed to be the back to front ...

:(

~

5 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
Imaginarynumber1

Posted

If I show up, I won't be wearing any pants. So it will be a normal day for me.

5 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
third_eye

Posted

6 hours ago, Imaginarynumber1 said:

If I show up, I won't be wearing any pants. So it will be a normal day for me.

You'd have to switch the nakkid back to the front though ... you'd stalked by FTR !

~ No indeterminate backing into people oopsies ... :)

~

4 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
Lilly

Posted

I will be going rogue...will be covered in sparkly jewels vs melted crayons (my Bedazzler is working overtime). From my Keds to my undies I intend to sparkle...there are unicorns who will be jealous of my attire!

4 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
spud the mackem

Posted

Can I wear my Italian winkle pickers, the ones that force me to take one step forward and three backward , like the Italian tanks did to get to Iraq (they managed to get there the day after the war ended)

5 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
Taun

Posted

@ouija ouija A lower omelette is one that has been dropped and then picked back up again by the cook hoping that no one noticed, and then given out to someone the cook really doesn't like...

@freetoroam Nice... You've got skills (obviously the other entrants will need to up their bribery attempts... er... their talents)

 

(I wrote this reply a few days ago - I have no idea why it did not post, but sat in the edit/create window...)

4 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
Taun

Posted

@spud the mackem Of course you can... As long as you wear them backwards... (Which just might allow you to take two steps forward and then 1 back)...

5 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
JVG

Posted

How will I know if I'm coming or going...I confuse easily...

3 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
Taun

Posted (edited)

The Ball will end promptly (ish) at 5:30 PM and will begin at midnight - so make certain you leave on time so that you can arrive after a nights enjoyment...

Edited by Taun
1 person likes this

Share this comment


Link to comment
JVG

Posted

I shall endeavor to be on time or late for this gala event!!!!

2 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
JVG

Posted

I do hope the famous " Noggin' Knockers" Will be able to attend as they play a very mean polka and that's the only song they know...

3 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
Taun

Posted

The First Annual UM Tennis Shoe and Tuxedo – Wear It Backwards Ball and Melted Crayon Art Show

 

Well, the police reports and damage estimates are finally in so I can now post the results of the first Annual "Tennis Shoe and Tuxedo - Wear it Backwards Ball and Melted Crayon Art Show"… To be frank (or Charley if your name really is Frank) it was a mixed bag of successes and “not successes”… Where to begin?

It all ended promptly at the appointed time of 5:30 PM when Grand High Inquisitor Herman “Lumpy” Lukowski bid the attendees a “Good Night” and a pleasant journey back to their cells and thanked them for having attended, while the zombie cleaning crews began clearing the dancehall of debris… The popular dungeon flogger band “The Noggiin’ Knockers” proceeded to play the closing song of “Good Night Ladies” (in case any had shown up)… The Noggin’ Knockers were a bit of a surprise as they still had not been paroled following their performance during the "BlackLight Costume Contest Valentine's Day Dance and Rummage Sale" – however they had their costumes on backwards and as they walked toward to jails doors the warden thought they were actually going into their cells and in the confusion they got out…

There was some confusion among the dancers as they attempted to stay with their dance partners while not facing them, this was made more difficult by the fact that most dancers had zombie partners – as they wished to be facing their actual dates – and zombies are difficult to keep up with when you don’t face them – plus they don’t really polka very well…

They dancing continued into the evening hours, with surprisingly few fist fights and visits by only a hand full of rabid porcupines, mongoose (mongooses? mongeese?) and rampant squiggle herds – but nothing out of an ordinary day at UM... All in all the evening was proceeding from the closing ceremony toward the grand opening in as orderly a fashion as is possible here, and with everyone in (more-or-less) good spirits – though there was a large contingent of the Grumpy Old Coot and Cootess community on hand to show the upstart whippersnappers and Urchins “how it was done back in the day!”… Dancers were dancing, the band was wailing (literally) and everyone was having a good time…

Then things got bad…

For some unexplained reason, the decoration committee had decided on a theme of “South Pacific Island Volcano Worship” and had decorated the massive dance hall accordingly. When asked why they had done so, the committee chairperson replied “Because nothing says fun like polkaing backwards through bonfires, erupting volcanoes and high winds!”…

Those who wore melted crayon costumes soon found them completely melted off – which caused a bit of a sensation and might have been taken more seriously except that there were a few accidental fires caused by clothing coming in contact with the various decorations strewn about the dance hall that had been set aflame to “set the ambiance”… While a few dancers came in contact with the flames, mostly it was their zombie dance partners who lumbered into the open flames… Quick (ish) response by the zombie fire-brigade kept most of the dance hall from going up in flames as they lurched about attempting to “put out” their flaming – but still dancing – zombie brethren (and sisteren) with UM approved plastic whiffle bats…

However, one flaming zombie (Marvin) managed to polka his way into the huge stacks of fireworks that were set to go off at the start of the Dance at midnight (ish) by the UM Chapter of The Fireworks Meisters, Artillery Wranglers, Big Boom Makers and Child Day Care Workers Union (local 315)… The resultant explosion was heard as far away as the UM penguin research colony located far to the south – After seeing the concentrated, three second fireworks display UM Artillery Chief Irma “Boom-Boom” deFuze at the distant Eastern Artillery Impact Zone (A) was quoted as saying “OOOOOhhhh! Pretty!”…

The devastation was surprisingly light since UM building codes are designed to counteract frequent contacts with Pookie The Moat Monster, so no buildings were actually destroyed (worse than they already are that is) – and no windows were broken by the blast wave as UM has no windows, however…. The world famous UM “Grand Ballroom” suffered for it… The hastily constructed supports and seismic bracing that had been installed failed on one side and the entire Grand Ballroom fell over on its side, broke free of its foundations and (since it is a round building) rolled down the Grand Processional Way during evening rush hour… Fortunately the lights were with them and they avoided crushing too many aimlessly roaming Lurkers and other sightseers, and eventually the Grand Ballroom came to rest against the Great Southern Wall and Bastion… All the while the dancers, zombies, attendants, band, caterers and the local and international media were tumbled about like wet sneakers in a runaway clothes dryer…

Due to the sturdiness of UM’s building codes, the Grand Ballroom suffered no lasting damage, and after the attendees within it managed to straighten themselves out, get to their unsteady feet and relocate their (sometimes still flaming) zombie dance partners, the evening’s festivities resumed to the inevitable Opening ceremony at midnight (ish)…  The dancers danced and feasted on (very thoroughly) tossed salads and extremely well mixed drinks… The attendees were further subjected to more tumbling as an emergency crew brought a nearby herd of elephants to the scene and pushed the building back over onto its flooring…

The melted crayon art show was cancelled due to the exhibition hall (which was made entirely out of wax) was totally lost in the inferno, as several flaming zombies wandered inside to snack on the crayon art…

The party broke up at the opening ceremonies with an official tally of 362 zombies destroyed – mostly by fire but some by really bad dancing, 53 taco, hotdog and ramen stands smooshed flat by the rolling ballroom, massive smoke and whiffle bat damage to the interior of the Grand Ballroom, numerous minor burns, contusions, abrasions, concussions and other assorted ouchies and a half dozen emergency rescue elephants with pulled muscles  … though in true UM fashion no one was actually hurt (except a few zombies and a couple of lurkers of course)…

The Noggin’ Knockers managed to escape during the final moments of the rescue attempts by riding away on some of the rescue elephants and thus are still loose and the run. They are considered armed (and legged) and really annoying…

Various attendees commented to the media after the event…

“I didn’t know zombies burned!” – Frieda Wigglesworth

“More fun than I’ve had in a long time” – Greg “Sour Grapes” McGinnty

“Will someone please stop the world from spinning?” – Numerous attendees

“Bah! We did it better back when I was a young’un – and it was all uphill against the wind in the snow!” – An unidentified Grumpy old Coot

“How do I get all these porcupines off of me?” – Shirley “Pincushion” Pinchley

The UM Supreme Court and Knitting Circle is expected to take up the case of whether we will be allowed to continue this event in the future – as the destruction was not as great as had been hoped…

4 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
ouija ouija

Posted

I'm going to second Mr.McGinnty's comment: "More fun than I've had in a long time!" :w00t:

2 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
spud the mackem

Posted

I have a confession...I was the  G.O.C who said we did it better,and we did as the escape doors handles were coated in sticky toffee, then we tied the Zombies shoe laces together hee hee utter panic even the Moderators laughed until they found out that  the escape staircase from the dungeons had been greased with axle grease, it was a grand night ....cheers S.T.M    

4 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
tcgram

Posted (edited)

*Note to self*   Next year make sure I have another costume on hand in case the crayons melt.  Thank goodness my zombie dance partner had a suit that he unwillingly gladly gave up to save my honor.   Although to be honest, it DID cost him an arm and a leg.....

Edited by tcgram
4 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
Lilly

Posted

I told everyone that bedazzling was far superior to melted crayons (no one ever listens to me). However, smacking the zombies with whiffle bats was just great! We have to make that event a yearly classic.

3 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
Taun

Posted

Perhaps next month we can have the first annual UM Whack-A-Bedazzled-Zombie-With-Whiffle-Bats Marathon and Taffy Pull! - Thanks for the idea Lilly!

3 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
tcgram

Posted

1 hour ago, Lilly said:

I told everyone that bedazzling was far superior to melted crayons (no one ever listens to me). However, smacking the zombies with whiffle bats was just great! We have to make that event a yearly classic.

Indeed, your dress was most magnifient, Lilly.   The bedazzling was so bright that I could only gaze on it for a moment before it began to burn my retinas.   

3 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
Lilly

Posted

Yeah, I might have over done it just a teeny weeny bit (not even to mention how the jewels on the undies tend to chaff).

3 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
ouija ouija

Posted

:lol: Lilly's got jewel-burn on her bum!

3 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment
JVG

Posted

Thank god the Noggin'Knockers got away!!! I hear they are being inducted into the Polka hall of unfame...

3 people like this

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now