Calm in the storm(the gift of self-awareness)
Entry posted by markdohle
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Calm in the storm
(the gift of self-awareness)
I have two fish, ‘albino-catfish’ in a small aquarium. They take little care, just change the water, about a third of a tank once a month and add when needed in between. I guess these fish are from a long line of ancestors born in captivity and they seem content, but really, how would I know. I do know that they are beautiful to watch and they seem ‘happy’ enough in their tank. Perhaps in captivity, they live longer than in the larger ‘freer’ world. I am not going to eat them, or hurt them and try to feed them ‘not too much’. They make me smile when I feed them. Sometimes they know when I am going to drop in the food for them and they start swimming up and down, and round and round, and in my mind, I believe they are saying “bacon, bacon, bacon”.
They were the same size at one time, but one is about a third larger than the smaller, I have been told that is the female. Though I still feel a twinge of conscience about them being in such a small space. Though if I were a fish, I doubt that ‘smallness’ is something I would worry about.
My friend Marco and some of his friends are great lovers of animals and I guess that would include fish as well. He is helping me understand at perhaps a faster rate than I would if I did not know him, that there is always ‘more’, always more ‘depth’ to discover about the world around us. Even plants, from the articles/essays he has sent me, seem to be ‘more’ than we would think possible. I do love plants, and always have a few in my room, in water. I love watching the roots grow. They are like a work of art, with their going here and there seeking more depth, perhaps like humans in a metaphorical sort of way.
Roseanne, last Christmas, gave me a ‘money tree’ as a gift. I have it in one of the windows in the retreat house, it is doing quite well. About six months ago I cut off some high growth. The plant was starting to look top- heavy. So I decided to put the cutting in water, wondering how it would do. To my surprise, it did well, and a month later it was still healthy in its little bottle of water. Then during the second month, small roots came out, and about a two months later, suddenly, the roots starting to grow larger and now are quite long. A beautiful addition to my collection of plants that I can enjoy looking at the roots.
I had a snail for a short time, but it did not make it, I think that there was not enough algae for it to feed on. As I get older, I hate to see anything die…..silly I know, for if nothing died, this world would soon turn into a living hell. I often wonder what is the awareness of creatures, (beautiful creatures indeed) like snails and others what we call lower life forms. That is a human designation of course and probably valid up to a point, yet the mystery remains. There must be a broad spectrum of awareness in the life forms around us and a snail probably does not care what we think about its inner life. Overall, I bet his life was much happier than mine is, I tend to worry about the future from time to time; I would think the snail lived in the moment.
I do believe that humans pay a high price for being so self-aware. Worrying about the future and perhaps at times obsessing over the past can cause a great deal of suffering. It can get so bad that we develop techniques to simply keep the mind focused on the present, the now. From what I see from other creatures, they life blissfully in the present, though they suffer as well of course. Pets, for instance, can develop severe emotional problems if the owners are cruel or indifferent to their needs and survival. I do believe that when people begin to understand that there is probably much more to all of the life around us, it is then that awareness and the morality of how we treat them arises.
One awareness, that is growing in me, is that I am thankful for is the limited time we have in our lives….we are here for such a short time. The more I think about that, the more I can live in the actual present, even in the painful times. Each moment is like a fine piece of gold, priceless, but it soon turns to mist and becomes the past. If I am not truly present, it is an experience that can’t be relived. It is true that the past does influence us and perhaps more than we would like to admit and controls us as well. Like roots that show in a plant grown in water is our past. In fact, we are rooted in our far past, the time before we were born. Our DNA makes sure of that I believe. Family traits are passed on, the good, the bad and yes the ugly.
When we become aware of the moment, it is then that we discover that we can choose how to live it, how to respond, how to love others and not react, how not to take for granted each moment that will never return. I sometimes think that our lives, while real, are in actuality a form of dreaming, that is until we wake up. Hopefully, we can wake up before we die, or if not, I believe that when we pass on, it is a form of waking up.
God in each moment, dwelling in our hearts, loving us even at our worst, seeking to enliven our hearts and minds, to become the heart and mind of Christ Jesus. To become present is to see the ‘flow’, the constant changing of our thoughts, emotions, fears and anxieties, as well as joy, peace, and wellbeing. It is a constant stream, one that our self-awareness allows us to watch, contemplate and choose how we are to take root. If we don’t wake up, we will simply be washed in the flood of emotions, fears and our desire to escape the ever-changing present. We seek peace in forms of recreation that only leave us hollow if we are not rooted in the depths of reality……..we are rooted in the Infinite, made for the love that our hearts long for. It sounds all sentimental and pious, but in reality, it is not. To be rooted in the present, yet to see perhaps from a deeper perspective, that is a truly conscious choice and discipline that is based on freedom and not simply reacting or making choices that lead to fear, bitterness, and cynicism.
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