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Death Aproaching

Posted by White Crane Feather , 18 May 2013 · 781 views

death family
Last night I took my mother to the emergency room. She has been getting weeker and sicker with each passing month. last year I was visited by my father, and he told me she was on her way, and now I have been observing this death process for the second time. I was 19 the first time and it was very difficult.

Strangley or mabey not so strange I
am unphased by death or the prospect of it. Even the prospect of loosing a loved one does not pack the same punch. It makes me feel guilty, that I am apathetic. In all internal honesty I have rolled, jumped, sprung, and floated out of my body so many times and met spirits and the dead so many times that I have become 100% sure that the other side is just a shift away...... death being a `lucid dream` in which we never wake. Others will disagree with me of course, but they have not seen what I have nor does it matter.... they will one day.

Its a very strange place to be in psycologically. Im in her hospital room listening to her sounds while in severe discomfort. I am deeply concerned for her, and want despretly to alliviate her suffering, yet at the same time I feel the rite of passage, the bitter sweat sometimes gruling and painful march and cycle of life unfolding before my very eyes. I felt so greatful for our lives. All of our lives. The greatness, the beauty, the wonder, the pain, and even the horror. There is a completeness to it that frames our existance on this world.

My mother is one of the very few people in my personal life that knows a little bit about the extent of my experiences. She still has very strong native american features and beliefs. her great grand mother was born on the trail of tears. She asks me what she should do once she is there. She knows I am more concerned than normal. I told her not  to worry about that, they will be waiting.

She suffered a  very mild fall a few weeks ago, but it was `the` fall. With older people on their  way out, there  always seems  to  be a  fall that  signifies their final tilt down. Also, my  2  year old, Logan, came out and sat  silently with her on  the front  step  as she waited for me to gather a few  things. I  watched them  face each other in silence. Logan sat there with strong posture and a strange  confidence  very much untoddler like.  He glanced around for a moment as if searching for words, then  he just tilted his head and smiled. She  smiled  back, and I  realized I was watching two souls a generation  apart  embraceing  without embraceing potentially for the  last time.

I would have teard up ....... I would now as I write, but it dosnt  come .  Im not jaded. I am greatful. So very greatful that I am so  privledged to wittness such a masterful master piece of a moment....true ultimate beauty upon  the earth, a  work of art of the spirit  wrapped in the gaze of an old indian woman and her two year old grandson.

Thank you , thank you , thank  you god for my life .......

ok , now im crying .

You are not strange at all, you just have many rich experiences that allow you to live in a broader world than most of us, me included.  I am sorry for your suffering at this time, and will pray for your mother as well as you and your dad.

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Simbi Laveau
May 19 2013 12:01 AM
I'm so sorry your mum is ill. I cared for an elderly parent ,my mom,for many years,and it affected my health . I was on the edge all the time,worrying when the shoe would drop .
This will sound odd,but when my mom was on the edge of the two worlds,I think she was given a choice.
I ,of course ,would have wanted her to stay ,but she would have been in recuperation for a long time ,and I would have out my life on hold for it ....
For reasons I won't go into ,I think she was given the two scenarios ...,and she chose to leave ,so I might move on with my life .
We never know everything that goes on with the other side and its workings,but things are quite worked out for our progress ,in many instances .

I still wish...she had stayed ....
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Professor T
May 19 2013 12:50 AM
I lost mum 3 years ago, and dad 5 months ago..
I've found their passing as bitter and sweet, sad and a relief..
When weighing the emotional turmoil, it's ironic that loosing loved ones can leave you wanting to feel sad yet unable to..

Mum's was a short farewell over several months of cancer I cried a river of tears, Dad's was a long farewell over a year of slowly sliding health with barely a sob, and yet I love them both in equal terms.

Best wishes to you and family..
I hope her passing is kind to you. Death isn't sad or a celebration.. it just is.
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White Crane Feather
May 20 2013 11:15 AM
Thank you everyone for your comments.
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19 years ago when I was 14, I was killed by a car,  dead for 3 min and 27 seconds, I did experience something very soft and loving and smelled sweet stuff than I was breathing again. So I know about death. I am sorry about your dad, and mom. <3 <3...

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