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A Night (or 3) With Insomnia

Posted by magnoliaReverie , 30 July 2012 · 733 views

insomnia sleep sleep deprivation rambles
Since I have insomnia, and absolutely nothing better to do, I feel like maybe going on with a dusk till dawn sort of..play by play if you will..so, here we go.

Everyone is going to sleep, one by one.  You pace around the house. Pick up this, wash that..pet the cat.  Put on some music, turn the volume up. Decide headphones might be better since there are people who actually sleep in the house. Can't find the headphones.  Maybe you left them by the computer?
Decide to log in and poke around different sites. Realize that late night internet is just about as bad as late night TV.  Shut the computer down and decide to be intellectual. Grab a book, flop onto the armchair, read.

Your eyes start to droop and you can't focus on what you are reading..it's starting to blur, is this it? Switch off the lamp and go to bed. Instantly you are wide awake again, but that's only because you were moving!  Close your eyes, lay still. Breathe deep, slow breaths....count backwards from 200.  Too hot, turn the fan on, too cold - throw the blanket on the floor in frustration. Go get the blanket back. Fluff your pillow, turn it over. Lay on your side, lay on the other side. Turn around so your head is where your feet were.

Give up.

Turn on the light and grab your notebook and pen. Write. Write every word that pops into your head. Sketch & Scribble. Write a letter you'll never send. Construct a poem you will or will not share.

Go to the kitchen, get some water.  Notice how quiet it is while you stand alone with your back to the counter. Not in the usual good silence either, because you know that this silence isn't meant to be heard by you.  And as quiet as it is, your head won't shut up.  Maybe go outside. Breathe in the cool night air and listen to the crickets or cicadas..whatever they are called. Hear a train in the distance.  Reminisce about your old apartment that was about 60 feet from the tracks and how it used to shake every time those trains went by.

Sit on the deck stairs with your water and look at the stars. Strain your eyes to find them, find 7. Think about how lonely they look up there in the night sky.  Great.

Stop thinking. Just sit.

Go back inside and turn the TV on. Don't channel surf because you won't watch anything anyway, just sit and listen as the enthused infomercial voices drone on and on and you start to drift away...

Realize that you really, really need to go to the bathroom, but you can't move now, you're almost there. Open your eyes and drag yourself upstairs, angry at your glass of water.

Back to the couch, google symptoms from your phone. Conclude that you have some sort of rare tropical disease or mental illness. Yawn.  Wish that you had friends in different time zones that you could talk to to fill the hours.

Make yourself go back to bed.  Find the headphones laying where you left them last night, on the floor under the night stand. Grab your phone and put on a guided sleep meditation you find on youtube. Get annoyed with the robotic voice and positive comments listed and shut it off. Stare at the ceiling and notice it's getting lighter and lighter. Cry; silently in frustration.

Wake up not long enough later and the first thought that goes through your head is to be grateful you were sleeping. Get surprised that you even managed to dream. Check the time and count how many hours you slept. Be extra grateful that it's summer and the kids slept in today.

Sit up and feel the pounding in your head, neck and shoulders. Stretch. Hold your head in your hands and contemplate why you gave up drinking coffee again.  Check the circles under your eyes in the mirror and shake your head in disgust. Go to the kitchen and make some tea. Take 3 sips before you realize you forgot to put in the teabag and your brain is mush.

Suck it up and carry on.

Simbi Laveau
Jul 30 2012 03:52 PM
...hnnnn,there's an issue nagging at you .Maybe more than one,and you're over thinking ....thinking thinking thinking .
Is this close ?
Watch a movie or tv. Sometimes when I cannot sleep,I just say,well accept it,and watching something on the tube,puts me out .
Also,(please check with your physician before doing anything alternative blah blah blah,I have to say this ,lest I be yelled at,again) try acupuncture.
It can settle you a bit. Over thinking stresses the spleen,which makes you over think more.
There's also an outright sleep point. It's a Japanese point,so not all acupunctutrists may know it,but a treatment will def help whatever is going on with you .
Just a suggestion ....and feel better,as you are very stressed .
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Should I try to do some more? Twentyfive or six to four.....
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Jul 31 2012 04:09 AM
Thanks Simbi,
I probably would have never thought of acupuncture for insomnia..actually I didn't even realize that was an option until you mentioned it. We'll see how the next few nights go. I'd be more open to the option of acupuncture then any sort of sleeping pill at this point, that's for sure.
And yes, I was over thinking things which I tend to do occasionally. Certain things have a way of creeping back up when you spend so much time blocking them or trying not to worry about them during the day, ya know? Thanks again for the advice. :)
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