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A trip with Fr. ClarenceChanging perception(A piece I wrote 11 years ago when in working in our infirmary.(8/2/06)For whatever reason, Clarence’s driver, the one who takes him to dialysis did not show up on Thursday morning. So I was called to take him in for his appointment. The trip is not a long one, it takes about 25 minutes to get him there, so I got the caravan, and off we went. I called ahead to let the head nurse know that we would be about a half hour late. Luckily the traffic was light; it was after rush hour, and we made good time. Clarence was in a talkative mood, and excited, since he was going to see his sister, soon in Orlando. He is going down for four days, and having his dialysis done there. At first I was worried that he would not be able to go, since his white blood cell count was elevated. The results came back ok, so he is cleared to go. I did mention to the doctor my worry about him getting ill while away, but the doctor assured me that his chances of getting ill are not increased by him making the trip. Besides, the main reason for him going is his knowing, that this will be the last time he will see his sister in this life. Both are old, and in poor health, so I am glad that he is able to make this trip, tiring though it may be.When we arrived, I saw a man, who looked to be in his late 70’s, standing in front of the building, tired looking, and leaning against one of the support beams, on the small porch, that was there just before the main entrance. Clarence did not know him personally, but knew that he was one of those who start their treatment at 5 AM in the morning. After we parked and I was helping him into the building, I saw that the man was standing there with his eyes closed, indeed looking extremely tired. On the way out, I greeted him, and wished him a good morning. He opened his eyes, smiled, and returned the greeting. I introduce myself, and he in turn told me that his name was Ralph. I asked him how long he was receiving treatment, and he answered me that he was in his eighth year. He said that at first, the treatments were hard on him, but over the years he has gotten used to it, and does not mind coming in at all. He gave me another smile and said, “I never let anything get me down”, he then tapped his skull, and continued “It is all up here you know, how we either let things bother us or not”. I nodded, shook his hand and returned to the car.As I was getting ready to drive away, I again looked at the man, but this time I saw something different. I did not see an old man leaning against a post, but a very wise human being, who through his long life has learned some valuable lessons, one that he shared with me in that moment As we talked, Ralph’s appearance started to change for me; he seemed more alive, and beautiful, animated. I no longer saw a tired old man, but a vibrant human being who loved life, and was willing to do what was necessary to keep on going. He was different because I talked to him, and in that process his deep humanity shown through, he was real, not an archetypal figure of the tired old man, but a unique human being.In our getting to know someone, no matter how slight, there is a corresponding change in our perception. Such is the gift that others give to us, if we but are willing to spend some time, and simply try to see truly, and to listen intently. To get to the place of peace that he seemed to have arrived at, is the fruit of a lifetime, of making small, yet important decisions on how he was going to face different situations, as he came upon them.I suppose for the majority, growing old gracefully is not an accident, but the harvest of a life lived consciously. A life were responsibility is taken for ones actions, joined with the ability to know when a wrong was done, and the ability to admit it. There are a lot of old folks who could teach us a great deal, all we have to do is watch, and listen, when the situation allows us to.In 2007 because of extreme fatigue stopped dialysis and died peacefully a few days later. He was on ‘the machine’ for five years until it became too much for him. It was five good years.
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This essay is the summary / conclusion for the previous 19 essays that are best read in the order they were originally written, starting with Essay 1, here:
“The stars began to fray, and time and Earth washed hands in mischief.”
— Firdausi, tenth-century Persian historian
“It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look.”
—Henry David Thoreau
In our journey here, we’ve descended deep into the muck and thorns of life, and deep below the habits of mind and emotion, into the heart of the matter, and we’ve surfaced with a view that has the potential to offer renewable contentment and sustainable, even profound, happiness. If we invest effort into consistently contemplating the Five Steps and practicing their related exercises until they shape our vision, intentions, and actions, we’ll experience a radical reorientation to our lives, the human community, Earth and sky. We can step out of our discontentment, confusion, and dullness, and begin to see clearly the world and our place in it. Not filtered through narrow, inaccurate, droning fictions. Not distorted by obsessive conceptuality, robotic grabbing at and pushing away, and blinding beliefs. We can experience both a collective perspective and an organic individual identity that acknowledge our innate place in the human community, the life and order of Earth, and the rotations and punctuations of the sky. We can rewrite the source code of life so that we relate to the world in ways that benefit life rather than degrade it; in ways that rejuvenate patterns of thought that cause us to perceive ourselves as separate from everything. We can free ourselves from being hypnotically driven to frenzies of false euphoria or emotional distress, illness, blind and dangerous consumption, madness, and—ultimately—war of one kind or another. We can be contented and happy.
These Five Steps keep the embers of organic sanity burning in our species during this increasingly dark season of decline and fragmentation. They protect us during this topsy-turvy in-between time as something dies before something new is born. They help us to realistically understand that there’s no solid ground, and they teach us to dance with the moving moments and seasons of life. We can meet the muck and thorns of life with a sustainable happiness that’s born of clear intentions and kind, effective action. We can be contented and happy as we reflect on the state of things in each moment from a well-lighted and lightened place. Our ancient ancestors incorporated this way of life into nearly every aspect of their societies and preserved the knowledge for us, as other elements of their societies dissolved into dust. They carefully preserved this way of life for us because they knew that we would critically need it now and in the coming years, as we move deeper into the closing storms of this world era. These Five Steps are a survival guide for the human species in a dynamic, twirling planet that’s embedded in a gyring solar system, galaxy, and universe.
We can’t change the reality that life is tough here in this ever-changing planet and in our fragile bodies and minds that tend toward wild. We can’t stop the myriad movements of the heavens or their effects on our planet and its inhabitants. We can’t micromanage the entire earthsphere and cosmosphere. We can’t prevent Earth’s magnetic axis and electromagnetic field from adjusting to the constantly changing circumstances of the sun’s grand seasons. We can’t cling to this world era and we can’t shorten the challenging period of time between world eras. The endless seasons of times operating at all levels of existence and the jolting of the cosmic wheel are inevitable, and the human community is along for the ride. We can’t conjure stability and solidity with denial, intellectualized certainty, or comforting clouds of magic, mysticism, religion.
Possessions, achievements, and sensory stimulations can’t create the solid ground that we squander our brief lives in chasing after. We can’t halt or control the myriad cycles of degeneration and regeneration within which all of life exists and that it depends on. We’ve crossed boundaries, exceeded limits, bankrupted everything … and now the ancient piper is piping once again and we’ll pay the price for our folly. We’ve been warned by our ancestors, and modern scientific knowledge is aligning with their preserved wisdom. Whether we choose to heed or ignore the warning is up to us. Either way, the world is simultaneously shedding itself and giving birth to itself, and there will be labor pains with the sloughing away of old skin. We do best if we accept and honor these messy realities, and work skillfully with them.
At first, when we begin to understand the reality of our situation, it may seem like a joke, a B-grade Hollywood movie. Of course the Earth doesn’t periodically freeze, boil, flood, get bombarded, spit liquid fire, do the shimmy, and bring civilization crashing to the ground … does it? How could it? We’ve got smart phones and electronic tablets, supersonic jets, skinny laptops, laser surgery, and skyscrapers. We’ve got wi-fi and we’ve mapped the human genome. We’ve landed on the moon. Our mobile devices are buzzing and tweeting. We’ve been nipped and tucked, dyed and tattooed, and we look fabulous. We’ve got endless things to do and tons of stuff to buy. This cannot happen. Not to us …
But it can. The secret is out and must be faced or be insane. It’s happened before, and it’s happening right now, internally and externally. It’s always happening—we just forgot and blinded ourselves. Exoterrestrial forces will continue to change. Earth’s electromagnetic field will continue to disorder. The ground under our feet will adjust to the shifting tides of the sun and moon. Rocks will fall from the sky. Volcanic eruptions will block the life-sustaining rays of the sun. Food, water, and other essential resources will at some point become scarce. In this time at the end of time, we’ll see an increase in starvation, species die-off, human disease, economic instability, escalating madness, declining consciousness and ethics, irrational violence, and social unrest. We’re moments from midnight. After a while, the reality will sink in: even our magnificent civilization can be brought down in a flash, despite our modern mythologies that we believe will protect us from the natural fate of all previous civilizations ever to form in Earth. Our world, society, and our life can and will fall apart at some point, in a relative blink of an eye. Our path is to adjust our vision so that it matches current realities, to see through the conventional reality that we’ve invented and cling to, and to cultivate clarity and kindness in the human community until things turns around again, which they will, everything turning in its season:
Spring, Summer, Late Summer, Fall, Winter …
Generation, Expansion, Degeneration, Dissolution, Dormancy …
Birth, Aging, Sickness, Dying, Death …
When we look at our ancient and premodern ancestors’ relationship to the earth and the sky, we understand that the process described in the Five Steps was central to their view of the world and their place in it. Our ancestors incorporated an informed and balancing ecology of mind and life into their everyday intentions and actions.
• In Late Summer, they emphasized reflection, the tending to circumstances because everything is in chaos and coming apart at the seams.
• In Autumn, they emphasized releasing (letting go of what isn’t useful) and consciously returning to the path because the old is dying and everything is again returning to the beginning.
• In Winter, they emphasized acceptance—the experiential realization of the interrelated and interactive relationship that exists between darkness/degeneration/death and light/regeneration/life.
• In Spring, they emphasized a refined and refining practical application of Winter’s realization.
• And in Summer, they emphasized enjoyment, knowing and celebrating their humble and integral place and purpose within the revolving Earth and gyring sky.
It’s critically important to our survival as a species that we reexamine our ancestors’ sensitive and sophisticated legacy within the now-missing context of the precessional cycle and its continuous, periodically catastrophic effects. It’s time to acknowledge and cultivate their ancient relationship with and within Earth and sky. It’s time for their encoded knowledge and science to be understood and spoken again, in clear direct language, not hidden now. No more secret codes. What we refer to as mythology and ‘religious’ stories, the social codes and folk tales, symbols, architecture, geoconstuctions … all the fragmented traces and remains of an ancient advanced global civilization need to be methodically reexamined and reconsidered in the light of periodic generation and degeneration on a grand scale. Our entrenched assumptions, thought patterns, and beliefs about them must be revealed, deconstructed, and contested. Even the origins of common but ancient words that make up our languages contain references to and preserve knowledge of the ancient moving dance that we’re a part of. We must carefully brush away the layers of confused and forgetful misinterpretation, trimming away the dense jungles of cultural accretion and unconscious psychological, ideological, and religious projections of mind, so that the true context buried deep within shines through, illuminating the messages that have been sent forward in time for us, here at the end of time.
And then we must preserve this ancient and now modern information and science for our descendants in clear and direct language. We must once again tightly weave it into our lives and stories, into our language, symbols, buildings, and songs, into our hearts and deep memory. And most important, we must weave it deep into the community with our intentions and actions in every moment and circumstance. A clear knowledge of the subtle and grand cycles that we are all a part of, this context of all life in Earth, is the glue that holds the human community together. When the community loses a direct and shared acknowledgement of this core context, we become self-obsessed, go mad, and destroy life on a grand scale, especially during the in-between phases when patterns and processes of degeneration are peaking. We must democratize this knowledge, and protect it from the greedy and aggressive who will try to dismiss and erase it, and from orthodox institutions that will again try to pervert it for their own power and gain—as happened with the burning of huge ancient libraries, the destruction of scientific ritual sites, the ongoing mystification and trivialization of ancient wisdom, and the strategic erasure of an awareness of the cycles of time from our senses and memory.
Practicing the Steps may at first stimulate reactions of heightened fear, frustration, anger, grief, or hopelessness as we begin to see the enormity of what we’ve been blind to. It may be hard not to retreat into a familiar cocoon of fantasy, denial, and distraction. Curiosity and courage are needed. Commitment is important, as is knowing that every tight spot is also a portal. How we engage the future is determined by the quality of our awareness and thoughts, and by our intentions and actions in each moment. We hold the balance of life in trust for our descendants. We form one organism. Just as the mind and the body have deep memories, so the human organism as a whole has a long deep memory. Our ancestors’ experiences are encoded in our genetic memories. Our experiences will be encoded in our descendants’ genetic memories, like a candle flame passed to another candle before it burns out. When we’ve woken from the fog of amnesia and denial, and have returned to the wheel of life, we’ll reconnect with the wisdom of our ancestors and skillfully care for our descendants as we would for our own family and loved ones … as we want for ourselves. We’ll do unto others as we would have them do unto us, regarding everyone as kin.
We practice the Five Steps for our descendants because this is a necessary condition for renewable contentment and sustainable happiness in our own lives and time. It’s important to understand that just as there is no contentment or happiness if we remain deeply alienated from the patterns and processes of Earth and sky, there is also no contentment or happiness if we remain alienated from the human community—past, present, and future. We’re all inseparable parts of a long, flowing river of human life, and it is now our turn to protect this river through this rapidly changing time, as the Sixth Extinction Event is happening all around us and within us.
Starting at the Source
The Five Steps are the answer to the question we asked ourselves at the end of Part I of this book: how do we live with the knowledge of continual punctuating change and periodic degeneration and regeneration at all levels of our existence, in every moment, from subtle to grand? Our ancient ancestors provided us with a clear answer to this in their carefully preserved messages sent forth in time: we enjoy life. We do this by paying attention, letting go, cultivating clarity and kindness, letting these awakened states of mind inform our intentions and actions, and bringing the resulting happiness to the muck and thorns of life, for the common good. Enjoyment is an action. It’s the sharing of our happiness with everything we meet in life—we en-joy, that is, we consciously infuse with our happiness, whatever circumstances we encounter. Enjoyment isn’t something we suck out of life, it’s something we bring to it. These Five Steps sharpen our vision (Reflect), detoxify our mind (Release), reveal the heart of the matter (Realize), reorganize our intentions and actions (Refine), and remap our lives (Revolve), no matter what’s on our plate. They are at once profound and profoundly simple. If we practice them consistently, then we cultivate renewable contentment and sustainable happiness. By walking the Five Step path, we’re returning to and continuously turning the wheel of life, in balance with the turning seasons of the natural world and the Great Turning of the precessional cycle. This results in an enjoyment of our life and the world.
There will be those who will dismiss the Five Step process of familiarization and engagement, pointing out that they don’t offer material solutions, political strategies, or social policies. They will be right, though shortsighted in their observation. It’s common in modern society for people to think that the many serious problems in society and the natural world require that we set aside our personal development and focus entirely outside ourselves on social activism and the development of social policy and political solutions. These problems have been identified as existing “out there,” separate from us. We think that society has the problem or that the natural world has the problem, and it’s up to us to control these unruly entities that aren’t meeting our unrealistic expectations of them. Entities that we unconsciously think we’re separate from. These problems are often described in the language of war, in militaristic terms, as if we’re being attacked by them. This pattern of thought is identical to the thinking that creates nearly all of society’s problems (as we prefer to frame them), blinding us to the elephant in the room (our everyday madness of alienation) while ignoring the law of cause and effect and our ongoing involvement in the creation of what are actually our problems and reflections of how we think and act. When we think of these problems as somehow separate from us, as existing “out there,” we feel embattled and this seems to justify aggression toward them, and it directs our attention away from our everyday complicity in their creation and maintenance. This finger pointing is a symptom of a surplus of powerlessness that we participate in the creation of.
It’s important that each one of us realize that it is the quality of our own sanity and vision that creates society, determines the quality of society, and gives form and flavor to society’s relationship with, and effect on, the natural world. If we’re not seeing the big picture that’s hidden from our view by our own self-absorption and its attendant neurosis, and if we’re not conscious of the effects of our own grabbing at and pushing away patterns of thought, belief, and action that defend our delusional separate, solid, certain identity, then all our best efforts to solve the problems “out there” will fail. If we try to solve problems in our life and society without acknowledging what we have hidden, denied, and ignored, and without dissolving the grabbing and pushing patterns in our own state of mind and their effects on our intentions and actions, then our efforts continue to manufacture, magnify, and entrench problems, instead of dissolving them.
Before we attempt to determine solutions for dealing with the problems of life and society, we have to work with our own vision first by paying attention, letting go of conditioned thought patterns, reconnecting with relational reality, and then refining our intentions and actions in ways that beneficially and effectively work to create the conditions for a healthy life and society that are in balance with the patterns and processes of the Earth and sky. When we do this, then we can deal with life and circumstances as they actually are, awake and unchained from our fictions and unconscious reactions to the cycling hills and valleys of existence, and free from our materialistic illusions of separateness, solidity, and certainty. When we do this, our activism, policies, and solutions will be effective, harmless, and liberate us from those who exploit our everyday madness for their own gain and power. When we become clear and kind, our intentions and actions will be reflections of these awakened and beneficial states of being. These states of being will then organically minimize our destructive impact on life and society.
Clarity and kindness, and the contentment and happiness that arise from them, are a powerful combination. This combination is not passive; it’s an engaged, committed, and active presence in our life, society, and the world—it can be sharp, strong, and committed, yet at the same time receptive, caring, and refining. This combination is a great untapped energy resource that we’ve radically limited our access to. It’s flexible and adaptable, renewable and sustainable. It’s free, and with it we’re freed and free to change the world. The freedom to change the world starts with each one of us, from the inside out, if we cultivate this balanced and effective energy of life, unbound by unhealthy patterns of thought and action.
But before we can change society, we need to return to our senses and change our minds. We can rediscover Earth and sky and perceptually reconnect with their dynamic nature. However, we can’t do this if we only see their nounness and ignore their interrelated and interactive verbness. A central part of our madness is that we unconsciously assume that we can conceptualize our way through every problem. Thinking is critically important; however, without first training our mind and cultivating an organic, consistent, nonconceptual, preverbal way of knowing that results in a reciprocally direct relationship with the systems in which we’re embedded, all of our grand conceptual strategies and organization efforts will just result in spinning our wheels. We have to know Earth and sky from the inside out, feeling them moving at the heart of the matter, inside ourselves. We can cultivate a clear connection to just what’s real, which will enable us to unite with others in a kind and effective way. There’s nothing naïve about clearing our vision and changing our minds. What’s naïve is believing that we must first fix everything that makes life tough before we can be happy. As Mahatma Gandhi, a brilliant master of political strategy and social policy, said: “The outward freedom that we shall attain will only be in exact proportion to the inward freedom to which we have grown at a given moment. And if this is a correct view of freedom, our chief energy must be concentrated on achieving reform from within” (Gandhi 1928).
Something Is Dying, Something Is Being Born
Time is moving very fast here at the end of time, like the final grains of sand rushing through one hemisphere of an hourglass to the other before time runs out and the hourglass is flipped to start anew. We’re beginning to sense, palpably, that something old is dying and something new is being born. Such times of grand transition are monumentally challenging. We don’t know what’s coming, or when. We have a long haul in front of us, and it won’t be easy. It’s going to continue to get worse before it gets better. The force of what we’ve created will continue to take its toll until it’s exhausted itself, as the world continues to disorder itself before settling in a new order. This sobering knowledge is in stark contrast to the central marketing message that permeates modern society and everyday perception … that we should continue with our habits, work harder, and buy more. In this darkening and turning time we must begin to repair the rips in our perception by reweaving our relationship with the senses and the heart. We must reclaim a clear vision that includes all living beings and the processes and patterns of the natural world, Earth, and the sky. We must cultivate a lightened and lighted clarity and a life-embracing kindness, extending them outward into society, looking out for each other and all living beings, making sure that everyone is cared for. This will mean reordering our priorities and the habits, personally and collectively, supported by our commitment to the preservation of the essence of civilization and the safety of the human species.
Civilizations come and go like clouds in the sky. Our towering global civilization, like all previous high civilizations, will be repeatedly tested and will finally crumble to dust. There’s no knowing when. The focus of the Five Steps presented in this book is to do what we can to protect and pass along the essence of civilization, not this particular degenerating material civilization, which at some point will need to be let go of. Our clarity and kindness, contentment and happiness, and the love that radiates from them, are now critically needed for each of us and humanity to avoid being sucked into the maelstrom’s vortex, no matter what circumstances we encounter. We can do this. We can keep contentment and happiness echoing throughout the endless cycles of time. First we tame and train the mind, and then we live the effective freedom of renewable contentment and sustainable happiness, with which we can change our life and society in ways that contribute to humanity’s wellbeing and survival as this bumpy perilous time unfolds. This is skillfully placing the horse before the cart. It’s also the way to live a meaningful life. Our modern society has a small, impoverished, shallow definition, understanding, and experience of happiness. This charade of happiness, propped up by grabbing at and pushing away to protect a cherished amnesia and an illusion of separateness, solidity, and certainty, is always fleeting, dissatisfying, and ultimately meaningless. It follows then that modern people would think that meaning is found separate from happiness. Real happiness, inseparable from clarity and kindness and the effective contentment their union gives birth to, doesn’t create a craving for meaning. The craving for meaning, endemic in modern society and easily exploited, is a symptom of being lost in our madness of alienation. When we’re rooted in the patterns and essences of the body, the human community, the Earth, and the sky, then meaning is none other than happiness.
Will you choose the familiarity of a discontenting, diseasing, and endangering “me” madness? Or will you choose to be wide awake at the uncertain wheel of life, sowing, cultivating, and sharing the seeds of contentment and happiness for all living beings, those present and those to come? Both options take a lot of energy and work, but they are radically different experiences with radically different effects that determine the quality of our lives and all of life. Choose carefully, and know that not choosing is a choice for much more of the same. If you choose contentment and happiness, then it’s important to keep in mind that the concepts and data presented in this book, while useful, are secondary to a committed and consistent practicing of the exercises at the end of each of the Five Steps. Without an experiential knowing from within, the concepts and data only contribute to more “talking talking” in the head … they’re just words, and as the writer Joseph Conrad said: “Words, as is well known, are the great foes of reality.”
And remember, time is running out …
On September 1, 2007
I went into a twilight Vision that would playout over the next year, during my sleep.Though they would come sporadically sometimes with months between each vision.On September 1, 2007 was when I saw ,some of what I will begin to tell you. I will try to explain this the best that I can so that you can picture it the way I received it. I will note that it was not long after this that I began to see strange things in the night skies. To which I have had witnesses together with myself, see these things as well.
I was.standing in a large crowd, like people gathered together for a concert. I was in a large glass building. I cannot recall if there was a roof or not, but there appeared three very bright stars, high up overhead of us all. Out of the three stars stepped a man in a white tunic, he walked downward towards me, as though there were invisible stairs. I started to look around at the crowd of people who were talking to each other and not paying attention. Can you see him. Don't you see him, I started asking, trying to get someone, anyone to look. No one even looked at me. I started to become loud. How could no one see this. The people ignored me and kept talking to each other. As he got closer I could see he had curly short medium brown hair and glasses (of all things ) he was maybe around thirty something and had a very peaceful presence. He stood to my right, we were shoulder to shoulder , I never turned my head to look at him , I don't know why. He never spoke he just put knowledge in my head which I was receiving telepathically. I didn't find it strange at all while it was happening. This is what I then saw......
The very next thing I knew, I seemed to be viewing the earth from space (I know strange, but hold on it gets stranger). I knew the angel or man or messenger was with me, a little behind me still to my right. I began to hear a humming a vibrational hum, coming closer from somewhere. As it became closer it became painful to hear not because of how loud but there was actual pain in the sound, it was the sound of pain a pain I will never be able to explain. It was a sadness and a hopelessness and a desperation I will never be able to explain. Within my very being I felt it all. The hum was alive. The messenger I knew was with me the entire time, though it brought little comfort because I felt everything. The next thing I was falling and falling. I was falling inside the hum, encompassed by it ,like along dark tube of pain. Every emotion brought by pain was inside the hum. It was unexplainable. The fall seemed forever the further I fell the more magnified then pain. The pain began to become physical as well. My body became heavy began and I could feel searing pain in every part of my body and I could feel light itself, leaving my body. I could not escape
Upon the earth I fell, all the emotions and pain were still there, then I saw behind me thousands upon thousands of others falling to the earth as well. They were dark like shadow people but they were very tall. No male or female, no faces, just dark human forms. They screamed and howled in a way so painful, I will never be able to explain it. It was unhuman. There was a grief and sadness in their howls, I will never forget. They kept trying to move back up into the hum as if trying to ascend upward, but they could not, as though they were stuck to the earth. The earth was dark and desolate. It seemed no life could survive there. I wasn't sure if this was the result of after humanity or before The ground was like red dirt or clay. Then I saw the shadow people begin to congregate, I could feel they're sadness and pain had turned to bitter rage surpassing hate, resentment a sense of betrayal..... I saw one of them kneel before the hum and fall forward on its hands and knees in grief. It's sorrow and despair (that I also felt) was so much so that death could not not even rescue it.. It seemed an eternity, that I felt and watched this. The others begin to mock the one that remained sorrowful. They begin to attack it and seemed to hate it. I sensed, They detested it's continued grief and sorrow, as their own pain had gave way to the very essence of hate and evil and a feeling of the most vile resentment.
Then I saw that one , divide, and it become two and it disappeared into the ground of the earth. As though it were pulled in. I thought maybe it was given the gift of death for its wretched suffering. The messenger who was with me, "asked" me if I knew who that was, but I did not.
I looked to see that the red clay on the ground in front of me begin to move and rise and fall and take form . The messenger relayed to me these words....
"Before darkness was without light there was and is an Eternal knowledge, redemption is born from this knowledge."
Again he asked me, Do you know who that was that became two? Still, I did not know. I looked and the clay had taken form of a human, a man. He looked like a sleeping sculpture of damp clay. Like a man covered in Tawney muddy clay that had formed right out of the earth. I heard the hum again and it seemed to be right over him and his chest begin to rise and fall.
Again the messenger asked me...Do you know who he is?
At that moment I knew exactly who it was.
Then my vision had ended and I woke, but it was then I began to understand things that.... nobody wants to know. This was just the beginning of hidden knowledge that would come to me over the course of a year and even now.
I will not tell directly tell you the meaning of what you just read.. if you do not yet understand ,but I will tell you this......
" We are not without redemption, as well we "were" not without ego rebellion and greed, but it was and is, the Eternal knowledge that has allowed "man " to become a "creation" of redemption".
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The index so far
1) pocket of poems ~ 10 poems
- ~ endless night ~
- ~ a dream of zen ~
- ~ a moth and a candle flame ~
- ~ in his darkness ~
- ~ of an eye ~
- ~ in her eyes ~
- ~ the conqueror's gaze ~
- ~ baby soft ~
- ~ curtains ~
- ~ the abyss of purity ~
2) pocketful of poems ~ 10 poems
- ~ in purnama's radiant glare ~
- ~ how dance the bodhi tree ~
- ~ Strands of a forgotten dream ~
- ~ sleep dance ~
- ~ a return ~
- ~ before I, was i, I ~
- ~ seeking the emptiness ~
- ~ a dream of a whispher ~
- ~ a dream of Aphrodite ~
- ~ inside the eye ~
3) a pool of poems ~ 10 poems
- ~ o'gentle ... ~
- ~ twas to be ~
- ~ of defiant fate ~
- ~ a gem they call by that name ~
- ~ a wave of sunflowers ~
- ~ Season of lavender ~
- ~ one night, i saw ~
- ~ a little drunk ~
- ~ a final dance ~
- ~ an incandescent sound ~
4) an eye of poems ~ 10 poems
- ~ and yet ~
- ~ eyes almost ... ~
- ~ how long ago ~
- ~ how do i ... ~
- ~ in my arms ~
- ~ a dream of Troy ~
- ~ a date with Jack ~
- ~ another click ~
- ~ a fading of a dream ~
- ~ it was thus ... ~
5) a shadow of poems ~ 10 poems
- ~ a tip of ~
- ~ time ~
- ~ a priestess' lament ~
- ~ waves ~
- ~ awaits a sound ~
- ~ brush ~
- ~ judge, jury and executioner alike ~
- ~ all is dust ~
- ~ paces ~
- ~ what they knew ~
6) a petal of poems ~ 10 poems
- ~ here ~
- ~ Vae ~
- ~ gentle (lover) ~
- ~ broken ~
- ~ one each to a man ~
- ~ and there she ... ~
- ~ upon a hill ~
- ~ A bubble of sanity ~ ( Revised )
- ~ The pen and the nib ~ ( Revised )
- ~ comes tomorrow ~
7) a painting of poems ( updated September 27 2015)
- ~ White ~
~ Shorts and Rags
When I was a teen, me and my family bought a modest-sized house in a quite neighborhood on the outskirts of New Albany, Ohio. The house was in rough shape, a real fixer-upper. But Mum said the house had "potential" and we spent most of the summer renovating the outside of house. Replacing old boards and re-plastering the walls, but what struck me as odd was that the outside of the house had 12 windows in total, but I only ever counted 11 inside. I brought this up to my Dad, "Son, you know these old houses, patched and rigged beyond recognition, that window is probably behind the shower now or something." He told me. I didn't pursue the question any further, my parents already though I focused too much on the trivial things in life.
By the time August rolled around we had fully moved in, me, my Mum and Dad and my younger sister. My room was on the second floor, near the back of the house, which gave me a great view of our back yard and my Mum's garden, or what was left of it, for the chill early fall air had killed off most of the flowers. But Mum was persistent and still tried to nudge the flowers into life. I was busy reading one of new books when I happened to look up and notice one of my sister's "My Persnickety Pony" dolls on my shelf. I sat my book down and when over to remove the doll. "Sally!" I called, "Come get your stupid horse out of my room!" I heard my sister long before I saw her, she sounded like a herd of elephants when she ran. "Mrs. Crabapple there you are." She said as I handed her the horse. ""Mrs. Crabapple" needs to learn that she doesn't belong on my shelf Sally." I said as I pointed to my shelf and the replica skull "Mrs. Crabapple" was next to when I found her. Then I realized that the shelf was too high up for Sally to have placed the doll. "Hey, uh Sally..." But before I could ask her how she had pulled that off, she had ran back to her room.
I tried to rationalize how she could of put the doll up there, but I couldn't think of anything. There's no way Dad would have let her drag a ladder upstairs, and my bed was too far away from the shelf for her to stand on it. I'm overthinking this. I though to myself, and soon the event was out of my mind. The next few weeks passed without much incident, until one late September day when I was out front raking leaves when a couple of local kids came riding up on their bikes, they were about my sisters age. "Hey, can Sally come out and play?" One asked me. "No, I'm sorry but Sally isn't home, she had a doctor's appointment today." I told them. The second kid pointed at the house, "Your lying, I can see here right there in the window!" She said. I turned and looked where the kid was pointing. The window at the far right of the house, the one that didn't lead anywhere. "There's no one in that window, it doesn't go anywhere". I told them. "Sure there's someone in it, they have long blond hair, like Sally!" The first kid said. "She looks sad, is she in trouble?" The second kid asked. I looked again at the window, but still didn't see anything. The kids soon rode off, I guess no longer in the mood to play. I'd be lying if that little event didn't give me the chills. After I was done raking the leaves I headed inside to read for a bit, when I got to the top of the stairs, I looked off towards where the window should have been on the inside of the house, but there was only a wall. Me and my sister's room were across the hall from each other, on opposite ends of the house, if there is enough space for my sister's room to be at the front of the house, could it be possible that...
"Dad I think our house has a hidden room!" I told my Dad at dinner that night. "Pfft, and I'm the Duke of Brookshire. Son, I know every inch of this house, there are no hidden rooms." He said in his usual dismissive tone. "But Dad, today these kids said they saw a little girl in that window, that darkened one." I tried to explain to him. "Son, their kids, kids say all kinds of things. Really, a little girl in the window? You need to lay off of the horror flicks." He said. That night I laid in my bed thinking things over, and I decided that first thing in the morning, I was going to open that hidden room, and prove to my Dad that I was right.
Once my parents had left for the day, and Sally was off at her playdate, I went and got my Dad's old toolbox and started to work. The end of the hall was covered in wallpaper, but with a little probing I was able to find an old metal latch beneath the wallpaper. I pryed away the wallpaper and found an old oak door, bolted shut and flush with the surrounding wall. "Yes! I was right." I proclaimed to myself. I carefully unhinged the latch and pulled the door open, it was surprisingly heavy and creaked and groaned with resistance. What I found inside made my blood run cold, the room was done up in pastel colors, and filled with girly flourishes. A layer of dust covered the room, and there, in the tiny bed lay a little skeleton. She was dressed in a light-colored gown and tiara. Bits of hair still clung to the diminutive skull, and one bony hand clutched a crayon, worn down into a nub. On the wall, scrawled in crayon was the words "I was a bad girl, and they left me, I was a bad girl, and they left me..."
first off I got to say 2016 was a hell of a year and in my opinion horrible. It wasn't the politics or anything else it was just that so many people died this year. Especially people I admire such as David Bowie. I always listened to his songs on the radio when I was a child and I liked them growing up and knowing he died makes me feel sad. I liked him especially since he collaborated with Arcade Fire which was awesome how they played Wake up, which also is one of my favorite bands. I just hope 2017 doesn't have so many deaths this time.
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Slow morning on the farm. Woke up to four deer milling around in the yard. Now that hunting season is over, they feel it's safe to come out of the forest and chew on the trees and shrubs in my yard. Apparently forest trees don't taste as good.
I put a mineral block behind my house to give the deer some salt and micronutrients. I figure the hunters can taste the difference in their venison roasts and deer jerky. One of my neighbors gave me a pound of deer sausage one winter after the local butcher shop processed his buck. I made a batch of deer sausage chili in the crockpot, and it was hands-down the best chili I've ever eaten.
The deer don't normally lick the mineral block itself. They prefer to lick the dirt around the block. I don't know why they do that. It's like going to a Las Vegas buffet and licking the tablecloth.
Not much traffic on the gravel road in front of my house. Most weekday mornings, during rush hour, I count at least three pickups speeding by on their way to work at the John Deere dealership or the plastics factory in town. This being a work holiday, I've only seen one pickup. If my calculations are correct, that means a 2/3 reduction in traffic flow.
I almost had another kitchen disaster this morning. I made the coffee too strong, so I poured some more water into the coffeepot reservoir, forgetting there was still some coffee in the carafe. Fortunately, I recognized the sound of coffee boiling on the hotplate and I ran to the kitchen to rectify the problem before it got out of hand. After years of living on my own, I've become very adept at handling kitchen disasters.
Well, Happy Day Two of 2017 to everyone!
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I recently saw a silly little Meme on Facebook about aliens discussing us (humans), and all the things we.do.
It really struck me that we are not what we propagate. And that is sad.
We pride ourselves on being evolved, but we focus on fights of physical adaptation, yet we don't focus on evolving in our thinking and our behaviour towards each other. We propagate freedom of speech, yet we criticise when people say what they think. So our behaviour is actually preventing some from speaking out...
Then again we have.people saying in public how they will kill others because of.the difference in creed, colour and religion. How is that evolved? Wouldn't a society that has grown be more 'lets make a plan' than 'you are in my way'?
Our fear of that that is different and unknown is the driving force for our actions since we then act in self preservation instead of for the good of the.collective.
It's a challenge, I was thinking, if there really is intelligent life 'out there' what do we have.to offer them? If they have mastered space flight, and (for argument sake) are visiting planets, what would they think of us? We don't stand together, we destroy each other (and sometimes ourselves or our loved ones).
We form little groups within the big groups as to sustain ourselves, yet we don't stand United in a common goal. Imagine if all the minds combine their knowledge for a common goal, we would certainly excel.
I just wonder if the 'aliens' are.pointing and laughing, saddened or in shock when they look at us on our planet....
I live here....and I mostly just shake my head....
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As long as I keep waking in the morning I'll keep moving right along.
There's no sense in sitting sulking over what did not become.
All the points where it would have been fun if someone had of seen it my way, but their not doing so having kept me from living out dreams.
They only serve to keep me miserable.
Tomorrow I'll see a new potential outcome that might come to fruition.
It'll be fun tending it, believing in it, and trying to make it reality.
Maybe it'll work out for me : maybe it won't.
Maybe the success and each subsequent one after will catapult me to the top of the world.
Maybe I'll just wind up needing words similar to these to help pick me back up and keep me moving forward.
Ultimately, it's really not all up to me.
But, as long as I keep waking in the morning I'll keep moving right along.
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When the word "introvert" is mentioned people will often think of some anti-social hermit who hates people and sneers in disgust if anyone so much as looks in their direction. This is somewhat an understandable assumption given that this is how society tends to portray them.
I, my self, am introverted; this does not mean I hate people or dislike interaction. On the contrary if I am with one or more people I am comfortable with then I can talk about subjects that we might be interested in. I can talk, laugh, joke, enjoy movies and all that jazz like anyone else. The only differences being that I do not require the same amount of interaction as others; I generally prefer to keep quiet and just listen and observe. If I am at someones home and it gets too chaotic for me then I generally excuse myself and retreat to the restroom to obtain a few moments peace to clear my head from all the mental chatter and slag.
For me quiet time means reading, watching a movie or tv, playing a video game or some other activity that doesn't require noise and interaction. Granted I am not well informed about the latest movies or shows nor do I keep up on the latest music trends because it doesn't really pique my interest so I tend to avoid commenting on such topics; if one wants to truly talk of subjects that go beyond the mundane and superficial then you have my attention.
However there are those few who truly shun any sort of interaction and will go to great lengths to avoid it even if it means moving out into the country. Fortunately those types are pretty rare; but we do have a society that values mindless blathering over quietness and contemplation and those who prefer to be left alone and choose interaction on their own terms are often viewed as ill, anti-social or just down-right defects of society.
Like a online comic stated: I simply value silence in a world that never stops talking.
Our friends from the Galaxy in general, Zarkor and Zerak, have been celebrating Christmas, an obscure Earth holiday.
Zarkor especially is interested in our obscure galactic species. Of course, he considers us an inferior species, as he considers all life-forms except his own as inferior. I think he is only insecure in this sense, having been born a poor orphan. He means well.
Thing is, he got to liking Earth punk music on a random fly-by looking for an adventure. This is what first interested him in Earthlings. He even attended a punk rock concert on Earth. Funnily enough, no one considered his presence unusual that evening.
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She never wants me.
She wants anyone.
She takes me when Prince Charming is with somebody else.
I'll always fail to be good enough for her though.
She was the object of my affection, fascination, obsession.
The right word for it depends on the phase in life.
No matter how it's described at the end of the day living happily ever after with her has been one of if not my biggest goals.
I've grown tired of fighting like cats and dogs.
With the world after she can't stand it, and subsequently needs me to tell it to change.
I get it she's too good for her life, and deserves better.
I'm done being in her way, and keeping her from having it.
I wish her the best.
Will somebody wish me the strength necessary to not bend to her will when she tries to settle for putting up with me after the cover of the book on the fairy tale ends up looking funner than the story inside actually is; because the kingdoms green grass has to be maintenanced, and it just so happens to take work from all parties even the princess.
I've always been putty in her hands.
She's always taken full advantage of it.
They say if you love something let it go.
If it comes back it loves you too.
What do they say about it coming back then wanting to leave again?
It always comes back.
While gone it's looking for the same thing it wants from me.
Is there a point where it's okay to say these doors are no longer open to it?
How does one make themselves mean it?
The Gravetard Crow
Strange days have found us... He is here once again.. A man with no face wearing a very worn out mask... He has no name but he goes by The Graveyard Crow. The more you think about him, the closer he gets to you, ready to remove your eyeballs with his own fingers.
His house is next to a cemetery where a lot of people reside in there, underneath the dirt... Some are alive and screaming and trying to get out but completely out of strength and with their bodies disfigured by the Graveyard Crow and his "playful" nature. He likes to remove eyeballs, cut the limbs and cut open the stomach. This man knows no boundaries he does as he pleases. Nobody has ever identified him. Don't forget to not think about him, the more you do... the closer he gets to you.
Death is a mercy that you will not face if you're caught by the Graveyard Crow.
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I've had a male Gang around me for over 20 years now. And I still dont understand how they think.
Two boys, and a husband, I am very aware of their, let's just say ..... differences. Men think differently.
Let's go back to Crate day, a Kiwi tradition since circa 2005. The first Saturday in December is now crate day.. this is a crate
The goal is to start the day with one of these and end it with an empty wooden box. It's not a big goal, it's not an enlightened goal, but it is a goal.
Crate day is not limited to just the males, many women attempt participation. So this blog is not about the beers.
It's about what happened after the beers...
I have a young man in my house who apparently had a good time on Crate day, he has a black eye.
It involved boxing gloves, a back yard fight club, (I've seen the videos but I'm not allowed to talk about it) and him and his friends beating each other to a pulp.
Then they all went to the movies and McDonald's on Sunday, black eyes, bruising, and swollen chins.
Good times....good times...
It's 1:30 AM here in south Alabama. The election will be decided in about 48 hours. A lot of sound and fury that signifies nothing? Oh no, it signifies a great deal for us and the world.
I want to begin with a disclaimer because there are a few here who cheerfully accuse me of inciting violence. The following statements are my OPINIONS. They are nothing more or less than that....opinions. I do NOT desire or advocate any violence against ANY person, group or government entity.
I pray that HRC is defeated but I fully expect her to win. Unless irrefutable proof is brought out that cheating has occurred on a scale that could change the electoral outcome, I will accept the vote and the new president as legitimate. That does not mean I will not protest any illegal actions by the administration, simply that I will accept the legitimacy of the choice of my fellow citizens. What follows are my predictions about what I see happening in the weeks and months ahead. I pray earnestly that I am mistaken but I base these predictions on my faith, (scant) knowledge of history, and my rather deeper understanding of human nature.
When HRC wins, I expect there to be a few here who will crow, shout and gloat over their "team" winning. I consider that to be a childish response but I understand the urge. If the Donald were to win I'd expect the same from many on the Right and I'd feel the same about them as well. The issues in our country and our world are far too serious to surrender to such inanity. The choice that Americans make in the next 48 hours will echo for years to come. The only real guarantee that can be made at this point is that when the election is certified, half of the population will be angry, disgusted and perhaps, fearful. That is a sad pronouncement on our nation but it is, what it is...
In my lifetime I have seen this country fall from a place of honor and respect in the world to a place of disrespect and disrepute. I've seen the death of civility in our political discourse and the rise of rampant dishonesty and assignment of blame taking the place of genuine attempts at compromise for the common good. Instead of finding a middle ground, our politicians have clashed and become expert in procedural moves that tie up government and confound their opponents. The "game" has become more important than the outcomes for the people. Our politicians have come to love the power and prestige so much that they will suffer any dishonor to acquiesce to their check writers.
We are beginning to see our country unravel because of our greed and inability to compromise. Over the last couple of decades, the most dangerous changes have become business as usual. Unless quickly remedied, those changes will be the death of our republic. For a "nation of laws, not men" the very hint of corruption on a large scale can be devastating. When the votes are counted this time around, I expect Americans to have given the nod to a known criminal with more excess legal baggage than a mobster. I cannot find the words to explain how obscene I find this to be. When she is declared the winner, there will be celebrating crowds to usher her into the office. I wonder where those crowds will be a couple of years hence? I suspect they will be angry at their lot in life and will be blaming everyone but themselves for that condition. Elections have consequences. By installing a lawbreaker as the chief law ENFORCEMENT official in our republic, lawlessness will naturally take hold on a wider and wider scale. If equal justice under law gives cohesiveness to our government, what will the opposite condition do to it?
HRC desires to raise taxes on those earning 250K or more per year. Most small businesses fall into that range. Small business provides about 80% of the employment in America. Between that impact, the upward spiraling healthcare costs, and the strain of ever-increasing regulations on businesses, what kind of economic future can we expect?
I believe that HRC and her immediate predecessor are both Alinsky disciples and have as their goal the dissolution of our current type of governance. They actively work to make the system unstable with the goal of collapsing it and building a new edifice on the ruins. Unless there are enough citizens who will stand against them, they WILL succeed. The chaos this will cause globally will affect every nation on earth. Standing against this juggernaut won't be easy or cost-free. The alternative will be the loss of freedom and the imposition of a radically new form of tyranny in what was the greatest nation on the planet.
The "just" and "inclusive" government will openly demand obedience to the whims of tiny minorities whose behaviors are considered disgusting or bizarre to the great majority of voters. And when the media and the Left have completed their "legal" putsch, America will be a one-party government for the foreseeable future. Oh, the irony of an inclusive government that demands strict uniformity of everyone who believes differently from themselves. It is a recipe for rebellion. When that rebellion begins, the nation they have created will crumble. What, if anything, will rise to take its place?
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Misc.: Just talking to myself and a few entities in the states. Apx.: moment was,18:35 Thursday,October/13/2016
Oh quaint apropos, truly a plethora of colloquial platitudes abound. --As of yet UNKNOWN!;D
I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected.—Jon Stewart
There is nothing impossible to him who will try.—Alexander the Great circa/around or about /Apx.: 333 B.C.
Keep the dangerous close.
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On September 22nd, 2016, I finally got my wisdom teeth removed. I wish I had done this when I was younger, as when I was a teen, I didn't have high blood pressure or other issues. In August my blood pressure at the oral surgeon's office was too high, so I had modify my diet, so it was in an acceptable range. Early September it was acceptable, so I finally made an appointment. I don't remember much that day.
I remember taking a medication to sedate me. When my friend arrived, I felt very tired. I remember going into the Dr. Office, getting into the chair and having the IV put in my right hand. I then remember being told I could go home and then I remember eating a chocolate Wendy's frosty. I felt okay. I slept very well. I called my brother twice and didn't remember.
I didn't have a lot of numbness in my face or lips and it went away very quickly. I did have pain, some of it off and on that was bad.
It will be 3 weeks tomorrow. For several days I had soups and liquids and probably did so longer than I had to but I'm older. I haven't yet started eating chewy, crunchy food or hard candy.
I also haven't sip out of straw and will wait another week before doing so, again, probably longer than I had to.
I was concerned about dry socket which is a very painful if you have the misfortune of getting it. Thankfully, I didn't get it.
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Lately, I've been having a gut feeling that someone (a specific person) is going to pass away, in a very specific way. I had a dream about it at first, only one. I thought about it, then forgot about it, as I am not afraid of death for myself or others. However, the gut feeling started coming up during the day about a week later while this person was away and it was my first thought when that person wasn't home or didn't make it home in time. This passed last week. Now, starting last night, it randomly came back like a huge wave crashing, but much more heightened than it had been in the past. It is now a constant nagging feeling in my gut that this person is going to pass, and there is no way I can help. I am wondering if this is a premonition that gets more and more intense as I get closer to the event or if it has just become a form of anxiety.
Ok so, for this entry I decided I would tell a few tales that I have from being a therian at the school that I go to. Most of these I no longer care about nor do I wish to care as they truly don't matter, but to understand more into why I get angry towards my school about stupid punishment things well here are the few major stories I still remember.
One weekend me and my current mate (we weren't at the time) were talking. Some guy was threatening him trying to get him to come to the mall and fight, which he never would do. Well the guy threatened to beat him up, race his current girlfriend, and come kill the rest of us. Well this being a serious matter we toke it to the office. That Monday I was sick so it was everyone except for me who went there. After they went, he messaged me, saying that they let him off with a simple warning of not to bother us. What he said and what he was threatening and they didn't give it to much thought. This relates to the fact that as soon as a rumor started on how we had a hit list or that we were going to shoot up our school or dump acid on someone we were called down and questioned.
Another goes to my friend having her tail stolen which is how a lot of the things began. This guy, the one who started many of things, had stole my friends tail and had it in his locker. There was basically a bounty on all of us and that if they got our tails and toke it to a certain person then they would get money for it. Nearly two months later and the school had finally done something about it. We waited for so long, tail or not, it was stolen property and we waited so long to get it back that all of us had began to get so angry and asking for a friend of mine to get into his locker to get it because he knew the locker combination.
These are two of the bigger stories many are little or don't matter or have a lot of importance behind them like these two. So much had happened and the school did very little to help us when this is our belief and also my Native American side. They stated we had to have papers showing that we were our tails for that stuff otherwise they wouldn't count it because it wasn't a major belief or anything. Eventually they banned our things as props to get around our belief and so now we still fight, not as bad, those who bother us and try to attack us all because the school won't do anything. Some teachers or friends who know me well enough or are very nice will stop people, but otherwise they go unnoticed and get to do as they please.
Well for now this is what I have to say. Much of this is in the past, some still lurks in my memories, but at least we are more safe now then we were before, but that's because we fight for ourselves and no one else. We don't even bother going to the office for anything at all because those who still go here and we're or weren't a part of the war, they know we can't rely on the school for ****.
So for now this is Lunar Wolf signing out. Be safe my mates and never let the world stop you. They see only a sliver of your life and judge you on it. Don't let the hate get to you when they don't know your full story and haven't seen all parts of you. Be safe, be strong, and I'll see you all next time. This is Lunar Wolf.
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