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I'm no longer banned from there. She told Michael I was never banned, which is a lie. She said I was banned bug now I'm not. I've only returned for Noel's (FIL) sake as I would like to have him know in person he matters to me and it's so I can say goodbye to.
Im seeing a psychologist again, who has given me some helpful advice after just one session, she told me basically avoid mil. Also when she stars her outburst calmly say I will speak to you when you are calm I cannot speak to you until then. Also if I find myself wanting to react just say I'm calling a time out in which I'm going for a walk and will be back in x amount of time.
Pyschologist also told me she gets the impression it's not BPD MIL has but instead has Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and manipulative personality when I told her a few bits and pieces of what's happening. Including that she told me (just casual chat few years ago) that she loves the turtles more then Noel and Michael.
MIL currently (it's 5:42) is on the phone bad mouthing Michael to a friend on the phone loudly, just saying he doesn't do enough for her. He works 5 days a week sometimes 6. She's trying to say he was in a bad mood yesterday when he got home, that's a lie since he was texting me and if he was in a bad mood he'd say or he wouldn't have texted.
6:00pm she started talking about my dad, how she only sees him at birthday dinners. He's not a social person is why.
Also how I never invite her to Christmas etc those events aren't at my house so I don't choice who is invited Katie does as she is host.
She said about my mom and how she passed that almost had me ready to snap at her but I didn't. She said something about my house it's the spotless well 3 dogs and 3 inside birds stops that plus dad who's work gets him dirty. That I don't invite her over, no one gets invited over.
She talks LIKE THIS so she can be heard through the thin walls. I'm not reacting to her doing it.
I was told by the pysch to write things down, which I will be more then happy to do if it helps me.
I will not let her break me.
Once again Im so thankful to those who have commented or inboxed with help advice or let me vent to them and given me a laugh. It means more then I can put into words.
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ow to Survive An Encounter with an Winged HumanoidWhat if one late night, while walking home you hear a strange sound in the distance. You recognize the noise as flapping wing, yet the situation is puzzling because you are unable to find where it is coming from. While scanning the area, you locate the sound coming from above you and approaching. Under the light of a street lamp lands a massive create with sizable flapping bat wings. What seems out of a nightmare, stands an entity with a humanoid body along with animal parts. The creature turns its attention to you and begins to roar, what do you do?If I recalled ,the mentioned scenario proposed by my friend Par after watching one of those paranormal TV shows involving a couples meet with the New Jersey Devil. This would then spark a discussion about what course of action to take if we found ourselves in such a confrontation. Even though the situation was hypothetical, researching cryptozoology would show humans having brushed with creatures categorized as winged humanoids throughout historyWinged humanoids are any entity with the body of a human, such as arms and legs, mixed with animal characteristics that can fly by using either bat or feather wings. These creatures been seen in the skies across the global since ancient times like angles and harpies. Some of the more known cryptids include the New Jersey Devil, Mothman along with the Owlman. Sightings of these avian creatures were not only been reported but also accounts given where they assaulted people. A noted case was in 1909, when the Jersey Devil attacked a trolley car in Haddon Heights, NJ. All of this was part of the discussion Pat and I had on how to react if one day we came face to face with one of these winged humanoids.During our brainstorming session, we worked under the assumption the cryptid in the scenario was just an organism and not dealing with anything supernatural or extraterrestrial. In examining eye-witness reports, we concluded these creatures could fly, are strong and very agile making such encounter dangerous to be in. What does one do when being stared down by the New Jersey Devil? Here is what Pat and I suggest.As mentioned in similar past articles, any confrontation with the paranormal will result in the human brain going into meltdown as it struggles to understand why you are encountering something that should not exist. This will result in you being frozen in fear or fleeing in panic. If all possible, stay calm and collective as you need to assess the situation before reacting.1.) Always question if what you are seeing is real? Is there anything artificial about the creature? You would not be the first to fall victim to a prank or be on a movie scene. Also consider if there is anything you had consumed creating a hallucination. Anything about the wings which look fake? Observe the surrounding environment.2.) Once you concluded the avian humanoid is real do not move or make any noise which may provoke a response by the cryptid, just observe. Maybe with a little luck, the creature is only taking a break before flying off.3.) If the cryptid starts to act aggressively immediately seek out any cover or shelter. Get into heavy dense forest, inside a building, under a structure or anything large enough that could be an obstacle. You are at a disadvantage being out in the open with a flying cryptid. In taking cover forces the creature to the ground giving you a greater chance against it.4.) Some may believe fighting any winged humanoid would be the same as fighting a human. This is a false assumption as may of these creatures as described to have animal traits such as claws, talons, beaks and fangs along with reported enhanced strength you do not want to be in arm’s length. Keep your distance. Use the environment for barrier or obstacles.5.) Assess your surroundings for any improvised weapons . Rocks, sticks, garbage, coins, dirt or any object you throw at the creature. Target the face and the wings while creaming or yelling. This may discourage the cryptid to withdraw.6.) If equipped with a cell phone and if possible call for help. Maybe the sirens of emergency vehicles will scare off the creature or at least have someone armed on their way. Informed them some unknown assailant is attacking you without going further into detail. Any mention you being chased by the Mothman would lead only to recommendation of seeking out professional help instead.7.) Upon being cornered by the creature, you will need to fight it as now your life is on the line. If possible, arm yourself with anything that could be used as an improvised weapon such as keys, cell phone or pen. Target the eyes or any other vital part of the body and hopefully this will convince the cryptid to retreat. Seek immediate medial attention and upon reporting this incident will fall upon you to say unknown animal or what would come to say winged humanoid.Now this is maybe a hypothetical scenario, however if you are ever visiting the New Jersey state and encounter the Devil you now got an idea on what to do.
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My struggles to understand ‘Trust’ in God through prayer and study
When I received Holy Communion, I said to Him, “Jesus, I thought about You so many times last night,” and Jesus answered me, And I thought of you before I called you into being. “Jesus, in what way were You thinking about me?” In terms of admitting you to My eternal happiness. After these words, my soul was flooded with the love of God. I could not stop marveling at how much God loves us.(Faustina’s diary 1292)
I believe that the ‘private revelations’ of the mystics can be very helpful for Christians to grow in understanding of God’s love. Those that are approved by the church have been scrutinized closely before they are approved. For instance, the St. Faustian revelations were at one time repressed, due to errors in translations. It was St. John Paul the second who reopened her case and encouraged the faithful to read her. It, of course, is dealing with the mercy of God. It is not an easy attribute of God to understand since the Church is still on the road to growing in understanding of the depth of God’s mercy for mankind. These revelations do not add to the Public Revelation of the scriptures but can give new insights and emphasis.
There is a paradox for those who seek God and understand their need for grace, no matter what tradition they follow. For God responds to those who seek and in order to draw them deeper into His embrace, it is imperative that we grow in self-knowledge, which is not an easy journey. The ego will often hide from the darker realms that exist within each soul. Repression has its uses, for there are aspects of ourselves that if they came to full light would lead us to despair. So the Lord in his mercy and his deep knowing what each soul needs, only brings to light what can be tolerated, though not without pain. For mercy can only be received at the level that we understand our need for healing, as well as for the harm and yes evil we have committed against others, as well as towards ourselves. We can be very sensitive when we are treated in an unjust manner but may be unable to see what we do to others, for we always have a good excuse I believe….or I do. I am speaking of course about myself, more than others.
I struggle with the idea of God’s love and infinite mercy. In my mind, when I try to figure it out I become confused and I am tempted to unbelief since unconditional love is not something I have ever experienced. It seems impossible, or too good to be true, etc. Yet the Lord through the mystics is constantly trying to redirect our fear towards trust and love. The paradox is that in order to lead us deeper into trust, the Holy Spirit has to reveal to us (me) the truth about my need for mercy and healing. It is only love that can heal the inner pain, sorrow and yes rage that lurks ln the souls of many men and women.
When I meditate on the passion and remember that Jesus died for each unique human being, it is then that I begin to understand that it is my own inner rage that lashed Jesus, and mocked Him with the crown of thorns and in a rage nailed him to the cross. I find this hard to sustain. I tend to think of myself as one among billions, unnoticed, yet with God, there is only each ‘me’ as if that ‘Thou’ was his only child. I don’t get it, but pray and work on it and wonder when my heart will break open. I really do want to breathe, but at this time of my life, I still gasp along.
When I think of the mercy of God, at times I feel nothing. When I think of the passion, I fall asleep, I can find God boring and find it hard to pray. I guess that is why I use beads so much, it gives me a track to follow when I pray, a way to settle down and to just ‘trust’ that God is present.
Yet amidst my poverty and yes my still love of ‘sin’, of my own way to deal with my pain, that never works…Yet I still trust in God’s love for me. All these years, with my stumbling, getting up, wandering off, coldness and indifference, yet the grace of God has seen me through. Perhaps that is where I need to experience God’s love, in his faithfulness towards me who is not always faithful. When I am at my worst or feel alienated from God and others, it is then that I am called to open my heart in trust and abandonment to the Divine Lover of my soul.
When self-knowledge continues to grow, prayer changes, oneness become a reality, where others are also incorporated in one’s embrace of God….none of us journeys alone, we are connected to many and in our struggles and prayers, we support one another.
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I have been toying with the idea of writing a book. Not that anything I would write would interest anyone else, but I want to document my experiences for the sake of my children, so they have a record of their mom's paranormal events.
There have been a lot of them over the years. It started with dreams as a small child and just kinda grew exponentially from there...
Anyway, I am a science nerd in pretty much every aspect of the word. I took non-required classes like chemistry and human anatomy in high school for fun. So, in my everyday life, I try to approach things from a rational, explainable perspective. Make decisions and draw conclusions based on evidence, etc.
But there are things in life that defy logic.
I have come to believe that the truth of everything/reason for everything (ala The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy) lies somewhere at the intersection of science and spirit, and that there are reason's the laws of physics breakdown at quantum levels and/or with a singularity. I consider myself an atheistic agnostic (I know it sounds like a contradiction, but check out the link below~), I don't believe in a God or Gods, specifically, but I understand that until I observe such an entity directly, I have to leave my mind open. I would not be surprised if we ultimately discover that the universe came into existence by chance, and that no divine intervention occurred. I would be equally accepting of some type of intelligent design, no matter what 'it' was....
My point being that I don't generally just accept things because I've seen them, I have to understand why and how, before I incorporate it into my beliefs. I don't take believing in things lightly and don't look for strange things where they don't exist. So when I talk about the things I have experienced personally, I have thought about what happened, try to debunk it myself, and after a process of elimination, only then do I begin to accept. I think that trying to be objective in all things is paramount. I find staunch believers and staunch skeptics to be equally flawed in their approach. Both eliminate the room for future discovery or a shift in their belief set. In that sense, I'm as much a believer as I am disbeliever. Weird, right?
I wanted to share a little bit before I start writing so you guys know what window to view what ever blogs follow this one. 'Cause I've seen some bizarre ****.
Hope you all have a good one.
I have lost people very close to my heart throughout the years but they all seem to have paled to the grieving I am still experiencing from the death of one of my best friends almost 6 months ago. I am not sure why, but her death seems to have hit me harder than my own father's death and a friend that I thought of as a mother.
She and I were close in age, I was 1 1/2 years older. We saw each other at work almost every day and hung out when we could on our days off. I walked into her office every morning and we talked about what was going on in our lives. She had divorced 3 years before and remarried within 6 months so a lot of times we discussed her relationship with her new husband and how they were adjusting to each other.
It still hurts to see pictures of her, and I cannot bear to take her number out of my contacts yet. I still have our last texts we sent to each other the night she died. I seem to be doing well and then someone or something reminds me of her and I find myself grieving anew. I often wonder if her death has hit me harder because of being close in age and the death being very sudden.
I know that everyone grieves differently but I feel like I'm still going in waves of grief and I'm not quite sure why. I did not post this to get sympathy, I simply needed to talk about it. But if anyone has insight I would be willing to listen.
I'm looking forward to reading the new book from Mark Bowden, 'Hue 1968' (He also wrote Blackhawk Down and Killing Pablo).
I was in Hue, Vietnam in 1993, just a few days before the 25th anniversary of the Tet Offensive. Various members of the Vietnamese family I was traveling with would point out bomb craters or damaged buildings, then somberly nod their heads and say, "Tet". The Offensive is celebrated as a great achievement by the Communists, but the citizens of South Vietnam probably see it as the beginning of the end of their freedom.
The Tet Offensive lasted for 24 days. The Communists took advantage of the fireworks explosions of the Tet holiday, and attacked U.S. facilities in the South. In some places, it took hours for people to realize the explosions were coming from bombs and bullets and not just fireworks.
According to some historians, as many as 30,000 North Vietnamese Army and Vietcong guerrilla fighters were killed during the attacks, compared to 3000 U.S. fatalities. Following that battle, many Americans became disillusioned with the war, and celebrities such as Jane Fonda became involved in the anti-war movement. (I may have to change the casualty numbers after I read Mark Bowden's book. When I first wrote about Tet following my 1993 trip, I came across those numbers in my research.)
We "toured" several of the ancient palaces around Hue, which was the former Imperial City of Vietnam. When I say "toured," I mean we paid a small entrance fee, and then walked around inside the buildings and the palace grounds. No tour guides, no roped-off areas or beautiful landscaping, no crowds. What should have been national treasures were basically just large abandoned buildings. That was the nature of Communism (out with the old ways, in with the New Ways!) before they realized that tourism could bring in a lot of foreign cash.
During Imperial times, each Emperor would have a new palace built for himself. I think it was the palace of Emperor Gia Long that had a huge wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling mirror in what I suppose was the Royal Reception Room. That monstrous mirror was gifted to him by Napoleon Bonaparte in the early 1800's.
In a moment of pure vanity, I walked up to the mirror, pulled my comb out of my back pocket, and combed my hair. But really, what else is a mirror good for?
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We live in a society that thrives on the promotion of the idea that we all have a purpose in life; this concept is instilled into our heads at a early age via t.v show, books, games, movies as well as the people around us. It is presented in a manner that makes it seem like there is this special little nook just waiting or even seeking us; that somehow some mysterious person is going to follow us and at some point say something like "You passed our test..you have been chosen..." or something along that line.
We have basically been trained from childhood that we are supposed to spend our lives searching for this mystical purpose that will somehow make our entire lives make sense and that from that point onward we are just going to be this awesome hero or something.
But..that doesn't work, does it? I mean it sounds very encouraging and nice but the sad fact is that millions of us, including myself, have fallen into that psychological trap. To be short, I do not think we have any purpose whatsoever rather we end up fulfilling many daily purposes. For example I used to work for an elderly neighbor, I was there for the "purpose" of doing things she couldn't do for herself such as laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping and other tasks. My "purpose" for that time, was to do specified tasks. Then I go home and I have other tasks to do. For example, if I am the only one home at the time, my "purpose" is to do a few things that might be needed.
What I am trying to convey is that the very idea of "purpose" is rather transitory and temporary. Purpose is not something grand or life-long but merely tasks that need to be done and if you happen to be around or, in many cases, hired to do that then -for that parcel of time- your "purpose" is to do whatever it is that needs to be done. In fact we have many "purposes" daily including parenting, yard work, pet care, student studies, etc.
I wasted much time being seduced by this erroneous lie that as I went along doing what I had to do that I would somehow discover or stumble upon something that told me "This is your destiny. This is the purpose for which you were personally born for". This is not to ever say that what you do is pointless, not at all, I am just saying that whatever you do is to fulfill a task, obligation or promise. If you happen to be around to do those things then that is what your "purpose" for the time being is, to do whatever you were told to do. Once that has been accomplished then you go on to other things that you need or wish to do.
This what I think kids should be taught in school, that the concept of "purpose" is nothing special or mystical, it simply means there are things to do and if you are willing, qualified and able to do them then go ahead and do them. Forget the mysticism and fantasy, that is for movies and games, if you have that "to-do" list then your purpose for the day or at least the time being is to try to complete that list.
In short, purpose is a personal invention, a concept we attach to objects as well as to ourselves. It is not something that is waiting us or bestowed on us by some fairy or other-worldy thing, it is something we undertake and when that is done we go on to other things.
This is not to imply that what we do is unimportant, it just means we all do similar things, there are millions of people right now working in cubicles or behind desks, there are millions who are shuffling documents or giving shots to pets or serving meals in a cafe.....if you happen to be there and you are asked/told to do it then that is your purpose for the time being.
That's all there is to it. That is my view, nothing more.
An Atheist Historian Examines the Evidence for Jesus
There are many posts presented on this site about Jesus, who he was, or even if he even existed, then, of course, the whole mythic veiw about Jesus. This is written from the standpoint of an atheist scholar. Long but worth the read for those interested in this kind of topic.
Several weeks back I got notified by one of Linda's (stepmom) co-workers about a cat named Toby the Gray Tabby. Dad and Linda went off on vacation then when they came back we adopted/rescued him. At first he was scared and went into hiding. After a few days he felt comfortable enough to come out and interact with us. Toby is 3-4 years old and very affectionate and has a bond with me. He's already had the snip and sometimes he's a complete spazz. He likes to run around without even being triggered into doing it.
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You go into your classroom at college. You see a girl crying quietly. You approach her and ask what's wrong. She looks at you and you notice that she looks exhausted, dark circles around her red eyes and it looks like she'd aged a little too. She says with a very painful tone" I'm tired of traveling in space and time. I can't do it anymore. I just don't want to. I want to be like everyone else".
Would you believe her? Would you think that's she's crazy? What would you do?
Just 8 more days until the first Annual "Tennis Shoe and Tuxedo - Wear it Backwards Ball and Melted Crayon Art Show" ... It will be held at the "Grand Ball Room" high atop the historic Grand Central Dungeon Tower (provided we can install the braces and supports in time)...
Here is a listing of approved attire...
Tuxedos (any color or style), - the “louder” the better.
Formal Ball gowns (with neon colored t-shirts or scuba wet suits under them for those who are "a bit shy"...
Attire made solely of melted crayons (must be “worn” over an approved body suit – mainly because the melted crayons are rather warm to the touch at first!
Formal Uniforms (military, band, Service industry, etc) are also acceptable of course – the UM Zeppelin Service Uniforms are actually quite stunning when worn backwards (as we did in the Great War – in an effort to confuse the enemy as to whether we were “coming or going” – it actually only served to confuse us, but “Oh well”)
Cultural dress must be approved by the UM Bored of Inquisitors... Such as the “cultural dress” seen on many Beauty pageants – the gaudier, the better…
Shoes must be inappropriate for whatever is worn and may be worn correctly if your feet won't turn backwards...
As an example, I have decided to wear my formal uniform as Emperor of Mooselandia (it actually fits better backwards anyway) – with all my many ribbons and medals (all awarded to me by a grateful…. Me)… Upon my hooves…er… feet I will be wearing my “Bullwinkles” (provided they get out of the cleaners in time – else I will be wearing neon-pink scuba flippers)…
I had planned on wearing a nice evening gown made of melted crayons (which seems to be a popular choice this year), but the only crayons I could get away from my grand-nieces and nephews were white… I didn’t want to look like a giant lump of ice cream, so….
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wearing “formal attire” of another gender (or even species in some cases), in fact a man has a bit of an advantage in this as a full length beard can do wonders in covering up a “backless gown”…
Dancing is to be done “front-to-front” from the perspective of the clothing, so you will be facing away from your partners… The clever partier will therefore NOT dance with their date but with a stranger and position themselves so that they will be able to actually see and converse with their date, as they dance with someone else…
Entertainment is scheduled to be provided by UM’s most popular band “The Noggin’ Knockers” (provided they get time off for “good behavior” following their performance at the UM "BlackLight Costume Contest Valentine's Day Dance and Rummage Sale")… Should the “Noggin’ Knockers” not be available the High Inquisitors office will simply snatch up five or six random dungeon denizens from the Lower Oubliettes and
force thementice them into forming a band on the spot (they might even sound better than the “Noggin’ Knockers”)…
As always Zombie dates will be available for those who either fail to acquire a date on their own, or just like dancing back-to-back with zombies… Volunteers are being sought to assist in dressing the zombies appropriately – in ball gowns and tiaras… Volunteers may get time removed from their stay in the Lower oubliettes…
A banquet will be served “cafeteria style” while the Melted Crayon art show is being viewed and judged –midway through the ball. So bring your best art work (that must be made of melted wax-crayons of any brand name, and be executed on either butcher paper, brown paper bags or the writing paper they give to kids when they learn to write… Any substitute paper or “paint” medium must be pre-approved by the UM Office of The Fine Arts and Sewage Control (UM Form x-3221.775 May 325 BC)...
Around 8 years ago (2009) my father witnessed a dove circling our house, it would fly above our house around 3 times before flying off, my father thought nothing off it since birds are very common where we live so it must have been a coincidence, A few weeks later my grandmother fell and was taken into hospital.
A month went by and she sadly began to deteriorate and passed away in hospital.
6 years on (July 2014) the same breed of dove came back to our old house, it continued to circle the house for a while before flying off... Again thought nothing of it, 4 weeks later my great-grandmother fell... She was taken to hospital but luckily came back home. It was then 2 months later she passed away peacefully in her home
This time (October 2014) the dove never went away, we would see it circling our house still and one day my father said "Look it's back, I hope nothing happens again!".. We waited and nothing happened, or so we thought....
Come December we visited my grandfather, all well and watching TV we talked for a while before heading back home, 20 minutes after arriving home my mother had a phone call saying that my grandfather collapsed. The paramedics brought him back for a brief moment but sadly passed away in the Ambulance going to the hospital.
Was this a complete coincidence that this dove was flying around our house and only ours? Was it bringing a message?
In Plain Sight
by Marco M. Pardi
"The art of secrecy lies in being so open about most things that the few things that matter are not even suspected to exist." B. H. Liddell Hart (1895 - 1970) Strategy. 1954.
"When you want to hide the needle, add more hay." Classic Intelligence Community adage.
All comments welcome. To those readers who have been hesitant to comment or ask questions, please be assured you may do so freely. In recent days several new people have signed on as followers, enabling them to comment freely, and it is hoped they will. Reader participation keeps this site vibrant. MMP
In these past few months I have noted what appears to be an increased tendency among people to keep their thoughts to themselves. This is not surprising, given the presence of a demented man-child in the White House and a virtual take-over of government by the cabal which supports him. As we've learned in the past few days, even being a spokesperson for this administration puts one's credibility at risk of irreparable damage from the almost Tourette's like tweets and pronouncements coming from the titular president.
Official secrecy has long been a tool of governments, accepted even in the same breath as transparency. However, most concerns are raised not over secrecy itself, but about what is being kept secret. And, as the opening quote implies, some subjects are and remain secret simply because they have effectively been made a non-issue. The recent Trump order to the Environmental Protection Agency to remove all mention of Climate Change from their website, Trump's "looking into ways to change the libel laws so as to sue journalists/media" for publishing unflattering statements about him, Trump's abrupt firing of the FBI Director heading an investigation into the election, and the Trump administration's move to place access to the internet in the hands of a select few reminded me of a twenty six page article in the August 2008 edition of the journal Political Theory. Dr. Alexander Wendt, then an award winning author and professor of political science at Ohio State University and Dr. Raymond Duvall, then professor and chair of the Department of Political Science at the University of Minnesota wrote, "Sovereignty and the UFO" (the term UFO, carrying non-rational baggage, has since been replaced by UAP -Unidentified Aerial Phenomena). Surprisingly, not a single political scientist, or other reader, subsequently responded to the article in the journal Political Theory.
No, I'm not writing about UFOs or UAPs. For the record I, along with the governments of Argentina, Chile, Peru, Brazil, the U.K., France, Belgium, Sweden and Russia have accepted the mountains of physical, electronic, photographic, radiologic, botanical and testimonial evidence of their existence from multiple unimpeachable witnesses but I stand fast on the Unidentified appellation since there are several equally plausible hypotheses regarding their origin and nature. What I am doing in referencing this article is drawing a parallel with the very successful burial (only in the United States) of any discussion of UAPs in heaps of illogical but effective criticism with the equally successful burial (again, only in the U.S.) of any serious discussion of the nature of a major American political party and its true agenda. (UFO/UAP Note: In January 2017, under direction from then-President Obama, the CIA de-classified roughly 1 million UFO/UAP documents and made them available on their website). Did you notice? Adding more straw.
Wendt and Duvall's article was not intended to prove or even support either side of any UFO/UAP debate; it was intended to elucidate how an authoritarian State can render a subject invisible despite the mountains of evidence for its presence. The article did so in truly remarkable fashion.
Essentially, the paper lists a series of tactics used to discredit UAP advocates and even serious and credentialed scientists by: Portraying the subject as fringe, New Age, and incoherent while casting a shadow over the career futures of anyone should they speak approvingly of it publically; inventing "straw man" arguments based on only one of a series of plausible hypotheses and then attacking the stated hypothesis with information not scientifically valid ("space distances make travel impossible, so it has not and cannot occur" - this has long been shown to be false); and, appealing to an anthropocentric belief that humans, as children of God, enjoy primacy in Nature, including the universe. Discovery of another life form, so advanced as to master the technology displayed through UAPs, would not be acceptable to people who, having no competence in science, must fall back on religious dogma. This is appealing even to those who do not see themselves as particularly religious, but also have little to no understanding of science.
But more importantly, Wendt and Duvall's article shows us that the worst way to keep something the public already knows about secret is to call it secret. This only spawns distrust and conspiracy theories - "they know and aren't telling us." The far better way, as demonstrated by the official U.S. position on UAPs, is to declare them invalid and not worthy of attention from competent people. The parallel, for me, is the treatment of the F word - Fascism.
I've written elsewhere of my understanding of Fascism and will not repeat myself here. The internet is now alight with entries such as, The Defining Criteria of Fascism and similarly informative pieces. One might think this blossoming of information is new. It's not. Every Republican administration since Richard Nixon has been held against this list of criteria and found, in various degree, to be a match. But institutional checks and balances have, until now, provided a firewall against a looming conflagration that otherwise would have burned democracy to the ground. Now, our modern media have made the publication and understanding of the criteria of Fascism more accessible. So, it's out there in plain sight. Several excellent lists are available on line, for those who bother to look. But how many are willing to sort through the haystack? How many have decided a priori it is fringe thinking, impossible here?
Also in plain sight is the historical success of the advocates of Fascism in labeling such accusations (those arising from an understanding of Fascism) as fringe, radical, Leftist, and unworthy of consideration from "normal" and "patriotic" people. I remember a nationwide exercise in the 1970's in which people across the country were shown a copy of the American Bill of Rights, with the title obscured. They were simply told it was a proposal for submission to Congress and asked their opinion of it. By an overwhelming majority the Bill of Rights was vehemently denounced as Communist, un-American, Socialist, Radical, and/or dreamed up by Hippies. At the same time the word Fascist elicited "Jack booted" Storm Troopers, armbands, extended arm salutes, marching armies, and - horror of horrors, seizure of privately owned firearms. No one seemed to know of Mussolini's own words: "Fascism is corporatism". Now, the granting of personhood to corporations, embodied in the Citizens United Supreme Court ruling empowering corporations to fund political campaigns with no restrictions is the very backbone of Fascism. In plain sight. Unseen by most.
So, I am not at all surprised that, today, Fascism can come into full bloom in America through the recent complete takeover of the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial branches of government by the very people who have advocated Fascism all along. I mentioned elsewhere attending a dinner about 5 weeks after the November election at which a senior staffer for a highly placed United States Senator crowed, "Now we can do anything we want!" Sadly, he is so far correct.
I accept the likelihood that some readers will dismiss what I've written as radical drivel. I also accept that some drivers see State mandated seat belt laws as infringements on their personal liberty. Darwin can be so current. I will not accept a continuation of the "Pendulum hypothesis" of politics, the idea that we continually swing from left to right while living mostly in the middle. James Clapper, the former Director of National Intelligence, was interviewed yesterday and said our basic democratic institutions are under attack, from outside and from within. Asked if, by "within", he was referring to Trump he said "exactly". Pendulums can be stopped. Do you care where it stops?
Contrary to some public opinion, Trump did not break and enter into the White House by himself, or even merely with the help of the "undereducated White males" he appealed to. Every move since his election, every executive order and appointment has had the backing of a hitherto largely silent cabal which can be described only as Fascist. His repeal of every environmentally and socially beneficial action of his predecessor enables corporations to freely plunder and rape the planet, economically, socially, educationally and medically disempowering the vast majority of Americans in favor of a very select few.
We have lived for decades with the now defunct belief that inter-stellar space flight is impossible so it doesn't happen. We are living now with the same flawed logic telling us that Fascism can't happen in the United States so it isn't happening. Refusing to see Fascism is here until we see boots and salutes is of the same order of flawed thinking as refusing to admit to UAPs until we see little green men. So long as people continue to think that Fascism is only here once we see "boots and salutes" we will miss, at our peril, the actual parade of Fascism as it marches by in plain sight.
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July 2015 we got told Noel/ Michaels dad has stage 4 Bowel Cancer.
Last year they said they had got it all over then a spot on his liver, which they shrunk enough to remove.
They told him last month they thought he has 5-8 years of life left.
Sunday 7th May he came out of hospital, but went back in on Tuesday 9th due to an infection he got put in ICU.
Friday 12th May: Michaels mom Paula walks in Michaels room (his door was open) and goes OH you're both in here Noels going downhill fast, drs called a family meeting with her. The Chemo has stopped working, his Liver is beyond repairing the Cancer has taken over.
She then starts with: You 2 need to think about getting married while he's alive unless your going to deny him that pleasure or seeing it.
I said were getting house first.
Then came YOULL NEVER GET A HOUSE ON ONE INCOME YOU CANT GET A JOB YOULL NEVER GET MARRIED IN THAT CASE. YOURE BETTER OFF LIVING HERE ITLL BE CHEAPER THEN RENT AT $250/300 WEEK. YOULL NEVER BUY A HOUSE YOU CANT GET A JOB. She said this twice while adding in (because I said no and we're getting house first) YOU'LL NEVER GET MARRIED THEN, YOU CAN'T GET A JOB.
I told Michael I'm going for walk so went to the playground 5:40pm at night and rang a friend, rang oldest sister, rang dad.
Sat at the playground until it was too dark and cold to stay out walked back to Michaels.
I said to Michael later basically as much as I want to marry you, I'm not rushing it cause then it could end (due to dealing with her and a child's sized bedroom) badly. Also said his room is too small and with a house we'd basically be able to be in different rooms when annoyed at each other.
Worse comes to worse YES we can get house on one income (he tried saying she means its hard. That's not what the money hungry itch said thou besides her house was brought with Noels income and her government benefit as she was classed as job seeker at the time) or we would live here (at dads) for little while. We wouldn't be happy living with her because of her BPD mood swings (as in if she got nasty and tried throwing him out, she threatened to once before when things didn't go her way).
My focus is being there for Michael since he needs support, holding myself together while also facing the fact that his dad is not going to see us get married or ever visit when we do get a house. Also dealing with her.
Saturday 19 Paula tried a verbal attack on me while Michael was asleep but didn't get anywhere.
Then tried saying her mom rang her and tried blaming Noel for his cancer. Michaels grandma is NOT that type so I think Paula said it in hopes Michael and I will turn on his grandparents. Michael was told what his mom claims and also doubts his grandma said it.
update 22 May: Went to take in a coffee for him, he wasn't there. Paula has ability to use his cell phone, his Facebook, her own cellphone and house phone to contact us since Noel couldn't due to sedation still. I wasn't told nor was Michael their own son!
Noel's gone home for a little while, he's going into palliative care very soon.
When it was just Michael, Noel and I in the room (also when just Noel and I) not once did he say anything about hanging on til he says Michael and I marry or that it's his dying wish.
He did however say to me when I was there yesterday, that Paula needs to pull her behaviour in line once he passes. Also suggested a home loan and real estate they went through to get their house.
So the wedding talk and we should live with her has been confirmed to be her doing not his. Which is what I thought.
I ended up up leaving the room when she was there because she started verbally attacking me. I didn't want that stress on Michael or Noel.
Michael followed a couple minutes later and told me what Noel said, which is written below.
Noel told her he's sick of her trying to interfere in Casey (me) and Michaels relationship and causing problems by attaching us so much.
I suspect Noel can see that by her attacking she's pushing not only me away but also her son. She's single hand ably ruining the only family relationship she will have left.
I'm doing my best to support Michael while also trying to cope with it all. I'm thankful I have a loving supportive family who consider Michael family.
This is my first time posting.
I will start with a some background history before I get to the interesting bit.
I met "SG" about 5 years ago in 2012. My friend sent me a picture of him and from the first instant I saw that picture I felt drawn towards him. He was so good looking and damn sexy. 2months went by and we were going out to dinner with my friend, she brought SG along and told me that they were together so I pushed that feeling aside (let me just add that I had a boyfriend of 6years, so it was just a harmless feeling towards SG).
My friend and SG started dating and the 4 of us used to spend alot of time together. About 2years into their relationship she started to treat him alittle badly and he would message me to ask what she was up to ect because he was worried. My boyfriend and I were going through a very rough patch (he liked to party and drink and it started to affect our relationship ) My feelings for SG started up again and intensified with every fight each of us had with our partners. I started to imagine scenarios happening between SG and I were we would kiss or sometimes alittle more.
In September 2014 my boyfriend an I broke up due to his drinking, constant partying and drug use but we were still living together in seperate bedrooms. My friend had taken a trip over-seas and one night my (ex) boyfriends friend slapped me across the face. I packed a bag to sleep at my dad's place which was where my friend and SG lived too. Her mom rented out rooms and my dad stayed there and SG and my friend stayed in a granny flat on the property.
He told me to come sit with him and watch movies to feel better and one thing lead to another and bam we had sex. A few times after that night too. (Yes im a terrible friend siss on me) but flip I was in love by this stage!!!
They broke up for other reasons (she cheated on him and left him for another guy) and he moved into a spare room at my house (with my ex boyfriend and I) the sex between us was our secret and no one knew what was going on. This new living arrangement just made it so much easier to continue our "just casual sex".
When SG started to bring other girls home I realized how hurt I was and that it wasn't just sex for me I was in love but we had spoken about it and agreed we could never be together in a relationship as my friend and ex boyfriend would find out and things would get even more messy! ! Especially as we had no where else to live.
We both decided to stop our casual sex and I tried to work things out with my ex. Things were going well for one month when my ex went out and did drugs partied for a few days and didnt come home. I was so mad I broke up with him again and SG and I ended up in bed again the next week.
Fast forward 11 weeks. I find out Im pregnant I don't know who the father is and SG admits he loves me and that no matter who the father is he will love the baby like his own. We tell the world our story, we move out into our own place and our casual sex becomes a head-over-heels love that I have never felt in my life. We are meant to be together. He is my life and I love him with every fiber of my being. There is no other man in this entire world for me. We make love every day 3 to 4 times a day. We have the same likes, dislikes, tastes, we think the same, we are one.
He is there when the baby is born, I have never felt a connection so strong as I did the day I gave birth. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. I pray that the baby is his. We do a paternity test and 3 weeks go by.
Our little family is so perfect, he is such a good dad and I can picture our wedding until an email comes through and destroys our perfect bubble. My ex is the father!!!
As soon as he finds this out he distanced himself from me and the baby. And within 2weeks he breaks up with me and asks me to move out as soon as possible. His reason for breakingbup is that he cannot handle the baby growing up and being in contact with my ex and living my ad more than him, he used excuses then that he will never love my baby like his own blood child (so karma has kicked my ass HARD).
My whole world was destroyed and I was broken.
While I was pregnant my ex realized what his life style was doing to him and he decided to change. He stopped drinking and going out, he stopped using drugs and he started to exercise more and go to church. He changed his life around and was doing much better in his career.
As soon as he found out that the baby was his he wanted to meet him. Along with his family. When he heard that I needed a place to stay he offered for me to live in the flat on his parents property. This was Feburary 2016.
He stuck to his good ways and he became an excellent father to our son. (Our son loves him unconditionally) . By November 2016 we had grown closer as a couple and family and we became the couple I always knew we could be. He forgave me for what I had done to him and I forgave him for all his mistakes. He proposed to me in December and we plan to get married in 2018.
It took me 11months to heal my heart from what SG did to me. But still to this day I hurt sometimes and memories are always popping into my head. I will always feel as though I've lost apart of my soul.
A week ago (April 2017) I got an overwhelming sense of depression and saddness for SG I even cried. It came out of nowhere and nothing had reminded me of him. This feeling lasted for 2 days and then just vanished.
I was so confused by it that I googled what it could mean. One answer was that when someone shared a strong connection with another person they can feel what that person is going through even if they haven't spoken or seen each other.
That night I had a dream of SG and my sister's boyfriend (who works in the same company as SG) that morning when I woke up there was a message from my sister's boyfriend that said SG was going through a depression and was trying to hook up with girls at his work.
The next day I saw that SG was looking at my whatsapp statuses and liking pics on my social media.
This hasn't been the first time I have felt connections with people I haven't seen in a long time or the dreamt of random people and then seen or heard from them the next day.
Has anyone else felt like this or experienced something similar? I would love to hear your stories. Or any answers/explanation to mine.
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Ah.. still we are in Genesis. You have heard it said that when the first two people were placed in the garden they were told...eat of any tree you wish but of the tree of knowledge do not touch or you will surely die. So then the serpent says try this it's delicious and you will be wise like god and eve eats it and so does Adam and all the sudden they realize that they are nude and go hiding from god and god happens to be strolling through the garden that evening and says hey Adam where are you and Adams like we're hiding because we're nude and god's like, who told you that? And so the blame game begins and god's all upset, sewing leaves or skins together for them to wear (please read why you are both good and bad blog first, it will explain a lot about "god") and then he's like get out with a big ass eviction notice for both of them. No more free meals, no more free rent no more free loading, your on your own and you can work to death for all I care !!!! Wow tough crowd huh???
So No ... that's not what happened and the whole thing got twisted and heavily watered down because the old leaders felt it was too provocative and way too much info, so you got this .....an apple, a tree, two dumb kids, some heavy peer pressure by a snake , and finally a very p***ed off parent / landlord.
Nope..... I'm gonna explain this whole thing very shortly... Put some things in perspective for you.......
OK so let's begin, first off when I say dumb kids I don't really mean kids as in children I mean undoubtedly young people because they would have been in the prime of youth ,healthy, young strong ..logical right? Right!
So as you may or may not be aware the first man and woman were not exactly the first man and woman and were not exactly the first people's they were the first with a self awareness a higher consciousness of understanding. Intelligent!!! I will show where this proves itself,later. For now let's continue in the book if you look , the word tree is often used in reference to a family a lineage, weather spiritual or literally a tree is exactly this all throughout the book !!!! A fruit is the offspring of the tree often referred to as fruit ,again all through out the Bible it is referenced that a tree will be known by what fruit it bears. Meaning what kind of people and the offspring or children they produce.
So if we look closely we see a young woman roaming through a garden , I'm thinking we are not looking at a actual garden here but a fertile and bountiful territory of land that is obviously occupied by other humans So here comes a snake a talking snake to tempt eve.
Or how about here comes a person out of a different linage an older lineage an older model creation if you will. A more primitive but intelligent human just not quite tweaked like this couple. "Let us create man in our likeness " which should probably should have read " OK we have created but how about we create them to be like us, with a conscious an awareness a higher intelligence. So in other words, hey you two don't mix or mingle with anyone but each other. Got it.! Of that tree you must not partake !!!! So here is this beautiful different type of man and woman and who comes along,.... old proto type. Now he's smart he was the most cunning beast of the field. Right ?? Right!! Cunning = having or showing skill in achieving one's ends by deceit.
OK so this tells us that this one has been around long enough to learn how to be clever in a sneaky way like a criminal who has mastered the art of stealing but lacks the intelligence of a conscience. Primitive !!! And note it says" the fruit was pleasing to the eye" so this was one beautiful piece of fruit or we are talking about someone's apparent physical attractiveness! So, he says to eve ,if you eat of the fruit your eyes will be opened and you will be like god knowing good from bad. I doubt that conversation ever took place but She fell for it and ate of the fruit ......
*SEX* that's what happened and she gave the fruit to Adam and he too partook of the FRUIT. *Sex*.... she taught him sex after she herself learned it. Then all the sudden they notice they are naked and feel shame.( What an odd reaction. after a eating a piece of fruit ) So then they get thrown out of the garden. Why because the project is now ruined, she's pregnant she mixed with the lower intelligent being the offspring will NOT be a reproduction of great intelligence of these two, Adam and eve. Then the intruder/snake is cursed by god to slither it's belly and eat dust all the days of its life. or maybe it should have read "you are a lowly creation never will you prosper you will crawl all the days of your life. Her offspring and your offspring will be enemies. (Enemies with snakes ? What!) Notice up until this point there are no children born to them. Now here's where it gets crazy. All the sudden Adam and eve are pregnant but she says with the help of the lord. I have bore a man (male child). What...I thought it was with the help of Adam ???? So here comes Cain and Abel twins I would stand to bet. One like his mother one like his father "the snake" so like his father he is primitive so he kills Abel who probably had more of his mother's traits. Cain leaves he's now an outcast and goes of and settles in some town and finds a wife! But how they were suppose to be the first people's back in Eden. Second time it proves the point of a prior primitive creation , besides the so called snake or rather the guy who wasn't Adam! Also look over Genesis carefully. There are two creation Stories back to back. You will see where primitive man was created first and then a second people's that were obviously created with intelligence in mind. You can't till the ground unless you have some type of awareness. Just read Genesis and note where it starts over completely. So anyways after all that with Cain. Seth is born and notice when he's born ,then and only then does Adam speak and says now I have a son from my own flesh. Quite an odd thing to say after your supposedly third child. Don't you think ???
We will conclude tomorrow.
What you selling?
Nah, man... that don't work right away takes forever but controls you way to hard.
^bless is 1/2 of that so you are already 1/2 natural bless^
^you got 1/4 bless
Do I got a quarter bless?
^bless yourself by -Do (multiplied by) -¿tone?
I got quarter bless
^bless flip real soon, got truckers atlas that roads itself, and got your own 4 corners
Like that perpindicular some say is cross.
^bless yes see king arm crossed stand high proud/see king arm crossed same pose but on back -pride +++telling his princes about clouds and stars
And I'll flip it now bro sis and say quarter turn either way I see queens rule then 180° or turn two corners and queen tells man carry this ^bless for me
.....QuoteKain: The Pillars don't belong to them, Raziel... they belong to us.Raziel: Your arrogance is boundless, Kain.Kain: There's a third option, a monumental secret hidden in your very presence here. But it's a secret you have to discover for yourself. Unearth your destiny, Raziel. It's all laid out for you here.Raziel: You said it yourself, Kain... there are only two sides to your coin.Kain: Apparently so, but suppose you throw a coin enough times... suppose one day, it lands on its edge.
--soul weaver ii
/hip connect to hop, thigh sinew connect to main, and come and cover (jacob 2 iarael Etymology Mix reprise)
And we count heads, tails, edge, and alloy. Who has a head and a tail? Then perfect balance for that side inbetween both light and dark, right and wrong, this and that not this vs that, then you have noble within known as goddess annointed or deity powered.
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We had a chance to participate in an elk study of the vast herd of Aspen Ridge, high (9500 feet) in the White Mountains of Arizona.
Every day, without fail, we would be rewarded with a great view from our perch on a ridge overlooking a large meadow.
This video [2:51] shows a herd of about 65 beautiful animals. We especially enjoyed to young ones playing and running.
Once you decide to take the 1st step of preparation you’re going to want to put together a small bag that you can keep in a place that makes the most sense for you; at work, in your trunk, in a closet, or your garage. Now there are many variations for these types of bags; get home bag, go bag, bug out bag, whatever you want to call it, it’s just a bag to help you get by when a situation arises where you need to move from A to B or even just an assembled bag to have what you need when you need it even if you’re just staying put.
Before you go out and buy a huge expensive pack that’s intended to use to hike Everest, you may want to decide what you’re going to put in it. When you decide what you need, gather it up and figure how big of a bag you really need, a small book bag may be all you need, or maybe not. I do suggest that it is a size that you are comfortable carrying when it’s fully loaded for at least a few miles.
For instance, I use a small dark brown backpack of good quality, but doesn’t scream, hey I have stuff that you may want to take from me. Here’s a list of what’s inside, just for ideas. Keep in mind I live in an urban area with desert and mountains not too far away depending on which way you choose to go. I travel often from San Diego to Sacramento, CA about a 550 mile trip one way, or from San Diego to Phoenix, AZ about 350 miles away. So I like to be prepared if I have a break down in my car and have to spend the night in an unknown area. There’s a whole lot of nothing on either of those trips that I make at least once a month.
Contents of my back pack:
1 skivvy roll (shirt & underwear rolled inside of a pair of good boot socks)
1 beanie, bandana, lightweight jacket & 1 pair of hiking pants
1 filled 32 oz aluminum water bottle & 1 empty collapsible water pouch, 32 oz
Food, jerky, granola, nuts, sunflower seeds, fruit leathers
First aid kit, Chap Stick, sun block, water purification tablets
Fire making materials
Multi tool & a fixed blade knife
Flash light & a headlamp, with spare batteries
Emergency blanket, the sleeping bag kind
Pen, note pad, ear buds,
Spare wallet with $100 in small bills, and an ID
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Tim and Mrs. Hickory were in a forest. They were walking with Jane towards a castle because some nice little squirrel had told Jane it was a good idea. They didn’t remember the hospital or how they knew each other. They just knew that they must have been good friends because they got along so well. The forest was just beautiful too. It was filled with lush evergreen trees and there were no briars or brambles or any scary animals. And Tim discovered that he could always hear the river nearby; it flowed parallel with the path to the castle. So, there was no way they could even get lost in this forest. Tim was having a wonderful time.
The group was nearing the edge of the forest when they heard a loud thump. The squirrel who was following them, scurried off to hide. Tim, Jane and Mrs. Hickory walked toward the sound. It was in the direction they were already heading. It wasn’t long before they saw some brush moving on the side of the path. They drew nearer and discovered a woman lying there, moving her arms and legs slowly. Tim thought she was trying to get up.
“Hey, are you alright?” Tim asked. “Need some help?”
“No. I’m fine.” The woman in the brush struggled harder.
“You don’t look fine to me, Lady.” Tim replied.
The woman said something Tim couldn’t understand and then she managed to lift herself onto all fours. Tim, Jane and Mrs. Hickory stepped backwards as the woman in the brush caught her breath and got on one knee. Then used her recovering strength to stand on her feet.
“See, I’m fine. Wait…Tim? Mrs. Hickory? And is that…Jane? What are you guys doing here?” The woman in the brush inquired.
“We’re going to the castle but first we have to get through The Peaceful Forest; that’s what I’m calling it anyway.” Jane said.
“A nice little squirrel told Jane to go to this castle and then she found us so we all decided to follow her. The Peaceful Forest is so pretty isn’t it?” Tim added.
“How do you know our names?” Mrs. Hickory demanded. “We never told you.”
“Yes, you did. At the hospital.” The woman answered.
“What hospital?” Tim, Jane and Mrs. Hickory asked simultaneously. The squirrel came out from the trees, running and short of breath.
“We have to go. Come on, hurry!” The squirrel said and sprinted towards the edge of the forest and the castle beyond. Tim, Jane and Mrs. Hickory followed suit. The woman in the brush, whose name was Ria, stood still for a moment. She looked at the dark castle and knew she had made it back. This time, she was going to make it to the castle and nothing was going to stand in her way, especially not those three idiots and their dumb squirrel. But for now, she would play nice with them. Who knows what existed in this world, it would be wise to stick with a group. She ran towards the castle after them. Back in the forest there was another thump, but no one was around to hear it except for the trees and one lonely deer.
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When I was abducted.
the purple flower was the only different species of it's kind and all the othe flowers would bring it down saying it didn't belong...but the purple flower was the most outstanding and of course one of kind who had been picked by a beautiful young lady who absolutely loved poetry, and would tell the purple flower a sad love story every day.
I died on the operating table after having an arrow removed. It came from a powerful Crossbow. They snipped the metal tip from my back and yanked out the arrow from my chest. Then I died. A hospital security warden wheeled my bed to the morgue and left me through the door. Feeling like an alien I jump off the bed and caught the door from closing as he never noticed a thing from leaving the door to close. I made my way through the hospital exit with nothing but a hospital gown on and made my way home with my ass showing
Event : Clubbing Courtney Place. Wgtn NZ
Incident: Outside main door Burger King
Time of actually happening: New Years 12:10am
Hospital: Lower Hutt Main
Hospital exit door: In corrodoor via cafe kitchen
Story: Fact ..
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Around the world, people are celebrating the Chinese New Year and the start to the Year of the Dragon. This got us wondering: Where did the myth of the dragon come from in the first place? Scholars say that belief in dragons probably evolved independently in both Europe and China, and perhaps in the Americas and Australia as well. How could this happen? Many have speculated about which real-life animals inspired the first legends. Here’s our run-down of the likeliest suspects.
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Remember that girlfriend I mentioned in a previous blog? Well it wasn't long after that blog was posted that we broke up. It was doomed to fail from the beginning. I don't even know why I said yes when she asked me out. I am in no position to have a girlfriend. It's too bloody expensive and time consuming. Frankly, I have better things to do at the moment. So in a way, I'm glad the relationship ended. Yes, she came to my life at a time I needed someone to save me from the darkness and I found comfort in her arms. But we didn't have a lot of time to spend together so as soon as she left, I was alone in the dark again.
The problems started very quickly. She began complaining about her family and her friends and even herself. Almost everything she said was putting herself down because of what someone else said to her. I tried to help her. To convince her that she was a good person; that these people were just mean and they didn't care. But she didn't listen. In fact, most of the time, she ignored me when she was feeling upset. Even after I did help her feel better many times. I began to expect getting the cold shoulder instead of a warm greeting text every morning.
When she told her family about me, that's when the real trouble started. They immediately rejected the idea of me dating her. They overreacted like we were in a Mexican soap opera or something. They would yell at her or sometimes just ignore her to try and make her break up with me but she couldn't do it. She wanted me to meet them so I agreed but they refused. Then I somehow got roped into meeting a friend of their family. That went about as smoothly as a rusty saw blade. I only succeeded in making our entire situation worse because of my awkwardness around strangers being misinterpreted as disrespect. It was at this point that I was beginning to give up.
Now we were forced to sneak around and see each other in secret at irregular intervals. It dwindled from once a week to every two weeks to over a month without seeing each other. That was when she cheated on me with her ex. Why she would want to go back to him, I still do not understand because based on what she told me and the screenshots of some of his texts to her, he was a complete grade-a douchenozzle. Harassment was just the beginning of the horrible things he did to her. And yet she still sought attention from him just because there was no way she could come see me because we were so far away. She couldn't wait. She couldn't text me back. She couldn't even have an intelligent conversation with me. She just couldn't be what I needed so I couldn't take it anymore.
The stress was too much when piled on top of all the other stress I was already dealing with. While I am happy for the experience, I regret every single second of it. I should have never let myself get that close to someone I barely knew. Someone I didn't even really like that much. The worst part is, I actually did grow to love her before the end of it. But I can't even think of her anymore without thinking of everything she put me through. And for that, I don't think I can ever love her again.
This is a hit on the late side, but that doesn't harm anyone now does it. So seems this past year of school has been passing by at a much quicker rate than I had ever noticed before. It is my senior year and here I am looking at college, jobs, and so much else. Slowly have iI seen my pack grow as well. From new members to new lives. I am engaged to my mate, I have been doing better at being open about me being trans and that my name is Damon. I have figured out that I am actually more demi-asexual, someone who is only partially asexual, and that life has seemed to smooth out from what it used to be like. So as I am here I am going to announce that I am starting another blog section and it will be called Story Time With Damon. This is where I shall be posting past stories and stories that I will later be experiencing in life.
in regards to all this, spring break is in 9 days counting weekends. Not sure if I will be here or in Kentucky yet, but as it seems I will be here. In that sense I do hope to see Standing Fox as soon as possible since I need to pick up my pelts from him.
Expect to see me outside on Tuesday April 4th. This is a day for therians and otherkin to both go outside at 5:00 pm your time and make the sounds of your theriotype and kintype. To show that you are not alone where you live. So expect to hear my howls of my wolves and maybe even the roars and growling of my dragon, who will be talked about in my next entry.
another blog entry on here will be arriving soon this week or this month. For now this is Lunar Wolf signing off.
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So.... is it wrong that I am concerned that the current political situation in America is gradually spiraling into a religious stand off.
With Trump being strongly represented by,as well as being a representative of the Christian Faithful.
More and more I see, read, and hear religious quotes or people talking about prayer in regards to Trump. It worries me because segregation and feelings of rightful superiority for any race/religion is dangerous.