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  1. Paradoxes and Communion

    It is all one, our relationships.  With God, others, and of course ourselves.  In community how that is worked out is unique to each individual.  What we bring to community, whatever our gifts, are used to build up community.  We are called to step out and to develop them to the best of our ability.  Some people are good at administration, others are insightful about how relationship within the community work, often on an unconscious level.  Some are very goal oriented and their service to the community can never be overestimated.  There are those who teach and healers as well.  No one has every gift.  So in community our gifts can build up, but they can also keep us from entering deeply into relationship with all members.  Humility can only be deepened when the realization comes to the fore on how gifts are truly given, all we can do is to receive them and develop them.  If this is forgotten then actual deep communion with others, self, and God, are curtailed and in extreme cases, severed.

    In the garden of life, we plant seeds, others water, but it is God who brings all to fruition.  When this is forgotten then there is strife and a struggle for dominance and control.  This can be seen in I would say in all communities through gossip and what the Rule of Benedict calls murmuring.  These situations often have their start in gifts that we bring to community. 

    Self-importance and the feelings of superiority can be present without actually being named.  However these can keep us isolated from the community, this can set the victim of such a painful situation in a place of deepening frustration and even anger that they are not listened to, or obeyed. 

    The remedy for this or one of them that the Lord uses is an experience that allows self-knowledge to grow.  This comes about through our weaknesses, or as St. Paul would say “our thorn in the side”.  We fall, or cause division in the community and are brought to task.  This experience, which is an invitation from the Lord as well as the community to deeper communion can be embraced though often with difficulty or rejected and there will be a hardening of one’s position.   Which can be stated this way.  This is from my own experience with my own struggle with my own community in my interior. 

    “I know what is best.  My way of thinking is the only way to do things.  My insights are more on point than others.  I just want everything to go my way”.

    I actually said that one time when I was 15 when my mother, in frustration, asked me what I wanted.  I so I answered with the cunning/simplicity of a young teenager:  “Mom, it is simple.  I just want everything to go my way”.  So the above attitude comes from a place of immaturity.  From a lack of ability to see oneself, or to actually see one's community as the road towards deeper conversion.  Not a project to control. 

    Without self-knowledge, real communion is not possible with anyone.  True growth in this area is slow.  Which is the normal path most of us follow.  A slow, often painful process of purgation towards deeper union.  Purgation is not about punishment, but there is pain that flows from one’s own inner wounds and insecurities. 

    Growth in humility takes the battle away from those around us, to its rightful place, a battle within our own hearts.  That is why we make promises to live out ‘Conversion of Manner’, it is a daily struggle towards growth in love and compassion for those around us.  It also brings us to the point where we can understand that there are other ways of doing things, of understanding how things work.  We can either learn from one another, which deepens community, or we can fight, murmur, and slowly grow rigid and unyielding. 

  2.                            Natural Point of Aim

                                by Marco M. Pardi



    "There are no precedents: You are the first You that ever was." Christopher Morley. (1890-1957). Inward Ho! 1923.


    All comments welcome


    True to the genre, self-help books are blossoming on the market.  The old saying, "Self-help books are like diet books; no one can have just one" definitely applies.  Now, if the book addresses a specific issue it may have some merit. But we periodically see books that purport to solve all our problems - so long as we perform the physical and/or mental disciplines advanced by the authors and do so on a daily basis.

    I get really irked when I see the books which claim to guide us to our true identity, and worse yet, to our higher purpose. It is hard to escape the conclusion that these authors view the broad spectrum of humanity in conveniently categorical ways. (A diet book corollary claims one should eat according to one's blood type. Aside from the gross misunderstanding of blood type, there is scant evidence that following the supposedly appropriate diet yields anything more than a placebo effect).   

    When I see books which claim to lead us to our identity, and to our purpose in life I think of a favorite book from years ago, If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Kill Him.  The meaning here is obvious: enlightenment is a singular and ultimately personal event. I cannot tell you that you are enlightened; you cannot tell me I am not.  I do, however, respect those rare books which guide. The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying is a favorite. Sounds arcane, but it is precisely written without judgmental positions or implications. There are no tests, there are no diplomas.

    For people who are put off by such exotic sounding fare I would reiterate a sentiment I expressed elsewhere: I am thrilled when I find that a seemingly narrow and context bound principle is indeed applicable in a variety of applications.  Two examples germane to this topic came from Marksmanship training and an Alcohol rehab.  

    I had owned and used several handguns and long guns before receiving formal training in their use.  I had several times spent a week or so alone in the woods with just a handgun and a knife to feed myself. So, I was not altogether new to the techniques being taught.  But match competition entailed learning a particular stance. Imagine this: Standing in the firing lane sideways to the 50 meters distant target holding a .45 semi-automatic at full arm extension. As you sight in on 6 o'clock on the tiny bull's eye you notice your arm quivering. What to do?  Answer: You swivel your head to face front, away from the target and you relax your arm as you let it rotate into a comfortable, steady position. That position is called your Natural Point of Aim.

    Once your arm is steady you swivel your head to look through the sights.  But you discover your handgun is several inches to one side of the target. Do you move your arm? No. That would return you to a quiver.  Instead, you move your back foot, bringing your arm to align on the target. In short, your arm is in synch with your entire body.  Proof of this comes when the recoil of the first round returns your aim precisely to the bull's eye without you having to do anything.  Hold that thought.

    The second example developed when, years later, a college administrator asked me to assist him in bringing a fellow faculty member into a 28 day alcohol rehab program.  As we got her through registration and into her room she commented on other patients we had seen. "They seem in a lot worse shape than me." The administrator instantly said, "Do NOT compare yourself to anyone else." I had never heard him speak so forcefully. Obviously, those words stayed with me to this day.  For me, they carry meaning far beyond the single episode playing out in that room.  Comparison to others is not simply irrelevant, it is potentially very damaging either way: "I'm better; I'm worse."  Instead, what I am is Different and preordained value systems do not apply.

    The late 1960's and early 1970's were filled with popular discussions of Biology versus Culture, "Nature versus Nurture".  In teaching Anthropology classes to young college students it was clear they were looking for an alternative.  One day I picked up a blackboard eraser and informed the class it was a 1911A1 .45 caliber semi-automatic.  I told them I had been given the task of shooting the pencil sharpener on the far wall, some 50' away.  As I entered a common stance I could see the class was largely convinced; several students ducked as the eraser swung their way. I then explained the quivering of the "handgun" and proceeded into the exercise I described above. Then I invited anyone in the class to come up, take the eraser and, with my help, put their feet exactly where my feet were and see if they were on the bull's eye. Of course the students realized that simply could not happen; each person is built differently, each person is individual.  (Yes, you can try this at home. It would be especially interesting if you had a twin.)

    The fundamental point of the handgun exercise is simply that no Range Instructor can tell you exactly how to stand, no training manual can give you the 12 Steps to Success; you must immerse yourself in the holistic experience, the relationship of the bull's eye to the barrel to the hand to the arm to the body to your breath and ultimately to the juxtaposition of what IS at that point in time and space. Only you will have that experience. Some readers will recognize this as the fundamental principle of Zen archery. I engaged in that practice for several years as well. 

    The Nature versus Nurture debate is a false dichotomy.  Each person is not merely an expression of their genes but also an expression of their (culturally driven) life habits.  The easiest example comes from examination of the arm bones and muscles of professional baseball pitchers.  We can tell not only whether he was right or left handed but also get a good sense of the particular throwing habits and years in the game by the distortion of the bones and development of the muscles. The principle applies in every aspect of our lives, expressing the intermesh of biology, culture, and personal habits.  In the classroom case I encouraged the students to each find their natural point of aim in life and in so doing to discover themselves.  And, do NOT compare yourself to others.  In a classroom culture ultimately ranked by grades, this is hard for some students to overcome.

    So, the risks with the self-help genre as I see it are the aforementioned strong tendency to divide people into pre-determined categories, with presumed maladies, and then pitch "solutions" to them.  This encourages people to seek others "like themselves" and, through comparison, determine if they are working the solutions correctly or, worse yet, if the others are doing it all wrong and need some advice.    

    So, have I written a How To piece despite my disdain for such material.  I hope I have written, if anything, a guide, not a manual.  Ultimately one can recall the popular wisdom of the '60's/'70's, "The universe is unfolding as it should" and dismiss every person's orientation and behavior as the expression of their Natural Point of Aim.  While that is certainly possible it cannot be denied that some people live in chronic distress from their perception that they are missing the target they have selected. Perhaps this small piece helps.

    NOTE: Moments after I posted this I was notified that my older granddaughter, a college Junior, had passed the MCAT (Medical College Admissions Test) on her first try. She was told her score was high enough for her to apply to the College of Medicine of her choice. What was her score? She will not tell anyone, even her mother. Why? Even though her younger brother is now in one of the highest ranked Colleges of Engineering and her younger sister is firmly on track to complete a B.S. in Physics very soon after her high school graduation, she does not want to establish any markers by which her siblings would draw comparisons to their own achievements.  I don't know about you, but I consider this display of maturity a sure sign my elder granddaughter has found her Natural Point of Aim. 

  3. Now we have harvested from the first harvest on the high ride of summer, and start into the cullings and final harvests of the second harvest yet to come in a few short days... the one that brings the first reaping of leaves from the trees.

    Now the furious steams and tangs of canning kettles and brewing goodies of harvest wane off. We start heating up drinks instead of wanting iced ones to take off the heat of summer. Now comes the combined scents of mowed yards, early leaf collections and later branch burnings making a smokey seasoning to the dying and collecting of the green living season.

    The honeybees of the youngest born are now working up to their harvests before the frosts really close off their gates for the season. They are bearing loads of golden and purple flowers bounty off to their hives to store up for chillier days to come.

    The summer plants of plenty have now given up their goodly yields for this year. The next few weeks of harvest will leave gleanings till the next time growing touches us again..

  4. Ordinary Adventures Blog

    Siri made me laugh out loud this morning. I got up early and drove 50 miles to Des Moines to have my misbehaving car checked out. Westside Auto Pros is in a weird location, so I used the MAPS app to ensure I didn't get lost. As I pulled into the parking lot, Siri announced "Arrived at destination, Westside Auto PROSS". It took me by surprise and I started laughing like a fool.

    Westside Auto Pros is a topnotch auto repair shop, with an odd twist to their service. It's like checking into a hospital: three reps seated behind a long counter, tapping away on keyboards, wearing rockstar headphones with wraparound mikes. "We'll run some tests. Help yourself to beverages in the waiting room".

    Apparently my car is in very serious condition, possibly requiring an overnight stay.

    So, I made the most of my complimentary rental car, starting with the Waukee YMCA. I walked 4 miles on the indoor track and worked out in the weight room. There was a toddler's gymnastics class in the gym, with about a dozen little kids hanging from bars and falling backwards onto the mats. The highlight was a rousing rendition of "Itsy Bitsy Spider".

    Afterwards I drove to Winterset, home of the famous covered bridges of Madison County and the birthplace of John Wayne. It’s a cool little town, nestled in the forests and farm fields of rural Iowa, like a Norman Rockwell painting come to life. I saw a young kid with schoolbooks walking down the sidewalk. He waved at me as I drove by. How often does that happen? Made me feel like Jimmy Stewart.

    I visited the home where John Wayne was born. It was kind of emotional for me, because my Dad was a big fan of The Duke, as were many from his generation. He represented the America we all long for, where the good guys always win with honor.

    Then, after asking for directions from two different people, I drove the winding, bumpy, one-lane road through the woods to Clark Tower, a memorial to Caleb & Ruth Clark who were among the very first settlers here. From the top of the tower you can gaze across the hills and imagine life 150 years ago. A crowing rooster in a barnyard across the valley really set the mood.

    And then Westside Auto Pros called me. They said they were still diagnosing, but for sure my car would have to remain under their care overnight. They sounded hopeful that my credit card would soon be maxed out.



  5. The UM Grand Tour (2nd Stop)

    DISCLAIMER: This is a work of pure fiction… While I am using actual places, every single thing else is entirely made up and solely a product of my rather strange mind… This is not meant to be a comment (pro or con) on any person, place or thing that I mention or show. It is solely done for (hopefully) humorous effect, and does not reflect the opinions, attitudes or beliefs of any person, organization or group – myself included. It is intended entirely in fun and should any person, organization or group take offense at anything I write, infer or that they believe I infer, I apologize fully and will gladly change, remove or retract the offensive “bits”. All factual information included in the following was gathered from purely public sources and/or my own personal knowledge, based on having actually been there (and so noted at each instance).

    UM’s Field Offices in the Pago Pago (American Samoa) area.

    When the Lapita people first settled the Samoan island in about 1500 BC (ish) they discovered ruins of many buildings and empty beer cans left behind by the migrating tribe of Neanderthals who had been searching for “Polka Paradise”, giving UM a legal (ish) claim (of sorts) on the Islands… Or so it is claimed by the UM Department of Highly Improbable Archaeology… Rather than contest the issue with the (rather frighteningly strong – and irate looking) Samoans, UM decided in the “spirit of international cooperation” they would forgo their “claim”, settling instead on operating a small – but vital – administrative center on the island of Tutuila, near the current port town of Pago Pago.


    -          the red circle shows the location of UM’s Administrative Annex on the Island of Tutuila (with apologies to whoever actually lives/works there)

    The Admin Annex complex is actually buried deep under the mountain and consists of many miles of narrow twisting corridors, small cramped offices and a surprisingly large open cavern meeting place where many dances, flea markets, public meetings and Polka Parties are held. It also serves as the testing ground for UM’s world famous and much dreaded (by our allies at least) Military Assault Pogo Sticks – which are manufactured at the top secret factory located 10 floors below (don’t worry about the location being included here – no one would ever guess what the top secret password to the huge vault doors hidden behind the large fern plant in the lobby is)


    As all of you are no doubt aware, this Admin Annex is the Second  (fifth, nineteenth and fifty second) stop on your UM enrollment ordeal process, and it is here that your carefully completed enrollment packet of 1,273 clay tablets are studiously scrutinized for completeness, incoherence, spelling, proper Hittite grammar and proper use of a number two stylus on UM approved surfaces (i.e. mud from the Tigris/Euphrates Rivers)  (this is all subject to the customary bribes to have the scrutinizer “overlook” any irregularities of course).

    Pago Pago is also the main call center and delivery point for its world wide network of Pizza parlors. A simple call here from anywhere in the world (on the UM highly secure communications network of tin cans and string) will promptly get your favorite type of pizza baked and then lovingly packed in cases made of reused tuna cans, and dispatched to you on the backs of giant sea turtles (guided by a group of Lemur jockeys imported from our new offices in Madagascar). Delivery in 6 months (ish) or none of your  money back, guaranteed! Just get out that official UM tin can on a string phone and dial 0333-66382-88391-993424547346120473-777322940523321 extension 5 and your fresh (ish) piping hot (maybe once upon a time), delicious (ish) pizza will soon be crawling it’s way to you!

    The Admin Annex is the home and workplace of one of UM’s most hated hated least liked beloved employees Myrtle “Do It Over” Dunagin, who as you all know is in charge of checking off this station on your Enrollment Check-List. Myrtle has been lording over working here in the Office of Forms, Regulations, Bureaucracy and Pizza Deliveries for most of her adult life, or at least since 1815 when she showed up at the door and took over was hired… While she is never rarely occasionally sometimes once and a while often always a charming and pleasant person it would probably be best not to mention her hunchback, excessive body hair, peg leg, hook for a hand, halitosis, and that rather remarkable scar that runs across her very large nose and hairy chin(s). Although – if she likes you – she will regale you with countless hours of tales of her exploits as a blood thirsty pirate buccaneer mercenary legally ambiguous adventurer merchant sailor in her youth. And hey fellas! After a long and tumultuous (often violent) affair with UM’s Chief Head Flogger Maximus "Knuckles" Yu-Benswattted, Myrtle is now single! While the cold broken hearted lady politely declines to comment on exactly why UM’s most talked about “couple” is no more, she can often be heard to mutter (in flawless Hittite which she is surprisingly fluent in) over her flagon of grog that “he was just too much of a @%$#&@* softie”… Could you be stupid enough to be “the one”? Just give her a wink the next time you see her and find out!

    The Pago Pago Admin Annex offices are always looking for new hires. Among the many benefits to living and working here are a pleasant tropical climate, warm sunny beaches, friendly locals and a laid back relaxed atmosphere (except at work where roving flogger constantly wove up and down the lines of chained office workers “encouraging” them – unless you work for Myrtle in which case it gets really stressful)… The only requirements for being transferred here are that you hate the outdoors, hate the sun, hate the sea, hate the warm sunny beaches and hate being around anyone – including yourself. So if you enjoy being sequestered in a small cramped, moldy, slime encrusted cell only to be let out to an even more cramped, moldy, slime encrusted office cubical, being fed only week old sardines, and never being allowed outside or to see the sun, and earn next to nothing in the process, then this is the place for you!

    Next stop on our Tour will be the UM Offices in Ulaan Baator, Mongolia! Stay tuned!

    (Second Disclaimer: American Samoa is a place I’ve always wanted to visit. I’ve met many Samoans – mostly during my time in the military – and found all of them to be very pleasant, friendly people (though rather frighteningly large and strong) and have the greatest respect for them. This was written in fun with no intent to offend, and it is my sincerest wish that it is received as such.) 



  6. In Japanese folklore, some yokai were once human, an animal or even a household. After being wronged in some way they manifested into a malevolent force seeking out revenge such as the Tenome. As legend goes, a blind old man was attacked by thugs while travelling down a road. The robbers viciously beaten the elder and left him to die alone. In agony, the old man cried out a curse wishing to had eyes to see their faces before succumbing to his injuries. After such resent-filled death, his spirit refused to rest and transformed into a Tenome.

    Legends described this yokai as a ghost resembling an old man with no eyes as they were now coming out from the palms of his hands. Tenome wanders around open fields, graveyards and country roads at night seeking out those who killed him. The yokai would stick out his hands in front of his face to see, yet not knowing the faces of his attackers along with a blinded rage, anyone unfortunately enough to cross his path became a target.

    In Japanese folklore, comforting Tenome meant certain death. The yokai was faster and stronger than a human and could track its victims by scent if they evaded his sight. Stories mention Tenome preyed upon people where he sucked all the blood and bones out the person leaving behind the skin. Most legends may mention how to fight off yokai, however there are few options to defeating this spirit other than warding, sealing or exorcising it.

  7. SIGMA News

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    Hey guys, guess who's back?


    It's been a while, hasn't it. Well, today, I have something to share with you that has proof. At least 20 pieces of footage, shot on a classic Nintendo 3DS. Let me just go ahead and explain the backstory. 


    Two months ago, me and my family took a trip to Disney. It was a Tueday, and the rain ended up flodding the parking lot, so we stayed inside of our hotel room. I had brought my ChromeBook with me. I forget exactley what I was doing, something in my Google Drive, when I stumbled upon a backup of my old 3DS' SD Card. On it, I found footage of an event I had long forgotten.

    Summer 2014,

    .Me and my friends, Dylan, Jaden, and Thomas were getting ready to get our 3DS's and play some Pokemon. It turns out that Jaden had brought some of his Pokemon Cards. However, we took one look at them and noticed that something was wrong. At least 90% of the cards were fake. Some were easy to tell, as they had attacks that did ridiculous amounts of damage, or had a staggering amount of HP. Others weren't so easy, leading a small group of kids like us to call some of the real cards fake, and vice versa. 

    Eventually, all of us left Jaden, who had spent good money for some of those cards, over at a little area with beanbags (this was filmed at a summer camp.), while we sat at a table and discussed everything. Over the course, of that discussion, Jaden began acting very paranoid, and often left his area to interrupt our conversation. A peice of footage even shows him frantically yelling at us at one point. 


    (Continued Tomorrow, in Revision 2.)


  8. "I go about Greece and ask my fellow Greeks difficult questions."

    - Socrates

    (NOTE: Please don't take my verbose writing as my attempt to sound smart. I just like to play around with words and try to make it sound complex :P)

    Be This Friday, in my Film Class...

    I make my way through the labyrinth of desks to my seat, squeezing my way through students who are packed together like sardines. Settling myself down into my chair, I take a gander around the room, observing my peers. Part of my heart sinks as I observe the new classmates. These aren't the same students from last year, you see. These are newcomers who had advanced from the beginner film class they took the year before. The fact that they're newbies isn't the problem, you see. It's that the film students of yesteryear, whom I came to appreciate the presence of, had all graduated. Not only that, my previous film partners, all one grade lower than me, refused to take film class this year. To be quite frank, I don't blame them. My school's Movie Production program is favored by who I consider some of the shallowest pupils my school has to offer. By their attitude and demeanor, I can only assume that they're partaking in the program in hopes of gaining stardom among their peers, and so they can eventually admire their own self-centered faces on the big screen of our school's auditorium. I, on the other hand, enjoy film making for the sake of viewing things in different perspectives and playing with ideas. So basically, although this may sound (and most likely is) narrow minded, I feel like I'm the only innovator in a class full of narcissists.

    Anyways, one of the class officers, we'll just call her Stacey, barks at us to form two separate groups. The group I'm in is ordered to go out to the school quad, for a group activity. As we settle ourselves in a circle inside this grassy space, I try to make chit chat with my fellow students. They of course, take to ignoring me. Perhaps because I'm somewhat idiosyncratic with the material and social norms of society, they see this as some sort of evil and therefore shun me for my own individualistic ways. I must assure you, that although the alluring vastness of my mind has rendered me socially maladjusted, I am not in the least unaware of my tone. Therefore, and damn me if my judgments show folly, my classmates are at this moment shrouded in stifling clouds of their own egos. I must say that I was beginning to feel flustered the more and more I thought about my classmates' bigotry.

    Stacey takes out a ball of white yarn, and explains to us the rules of a very simple game. While standing in a circle, one of us takes the ball and states one of their interests. Whoever raises their hand in shared agreement gets the ball of yarn tossed to them, whilst the thrower holds on to the string as it unravels in the air. Overtime, as the yarn is passed around to one another, this forms a complex web of unbearably simple interests. As the yarn was being passed from student to student, I couldn't help but think to myself how shallow and simple-minded these people were (although I'm probably no better), after they ignored me in an attitude of arrogance that seems to have encrusted their hearts. I couldn't bear their responses: "My name's Bob and I like playing video games!" "My name's Johanna and I like to ride horses!" I decided that I'd challenge their train of thought. Once the yarn had reluctantly passed to me (by the only student in the class who seems to have any respect for me) I opened fire: "My name's (blank) and I like to pace around my room and think!"

    Just so you know, I don't actually spend my time pacing around my room and thinking. Although I do frequently use music as an outlet to daydream, which causes me to go from here to there around my bedroom, since motion stimulates my thought. I said this though, to see how they'd respond. Sadly, they didn't exceed me expectations. The whole class was silent, except for a brave girl who said "Me too!", perhaps being the only one smart enough to realize it as a joke. I kid you not, my peers had absolutely no idea of what to make of my statement. It was as if their faces were saying "This isn't a part of the script!". A student to my right leaned over and told me "Just say that you like air!", like he was trying to save me from my socially awkwardness and his classmates from an abstract perspective.

    Needless to say, I felt very pleased with what I said. I had introduced to my classmates' minds a different thought for once. Hopefully they'll see me as even more mysterious, and be even more careful to ignore me next time, for I don't wan't anything to do with them anyways.

    Well, that's enough writing for now. Thank you for reading, my friends!

        - Hi-NRG Eurobeat Man

  9. Musings of a random girl

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    Dear Time,

    Confusion fills me to the brim as I glance at you

    You are a dictator that insist on only moving forward

    "No looking back" is the rule deeply written in your veins

    "Why", I ask

    "Why", we ask

    "The past can't be unerased.", you stiffly reply

    As I sit here mulling over the seeds of yesterday

    The roots it has grown into today

    And the flower it will bloom into tomorrow

    I have still yet to comprehend why the past can't be unerased

    Or the fact that all we have is 24 hours a day to utilize 

    24 hours that some people never get to live through fully

    Because time insists on slicing away innocents' life span it seems

    Dear time

    You are a hard dictator with a fatherly like gaze

    Who insist on throwing storms as you please

    And extracting lives as you deem

    Before this seed is even fully grown

    Can't comprehend you fully I'd say

    But to live today is a gift

    Which I suppose is all that matters


  10. Ruby04
    Latest Entry

    This was a status update, but due to size and I know it's not done yet felt blog would be better.


    This happened Sunday 20th Aug 2017, 7:30pm.

    MIL to be came over here last night unwelcomed, to demand the desktop computer she gave Michael back. BANGED (I mean banged like when you're punching something banged) on the door (door bell broke years ago) yelled at me to tell him. Again she called Michael a FING SELFISH PRICK, because he told her that it takes hours to transfer things if he has to give comp back. That's one of her go to lines.

    I rang local police station and they told me I can't get a restraining order out unless she harms one of us or our property more then twice. First time is assault charge only. We can tell her to leave or refuse to answer door and have police removed her.  

    Considering when Noel was in the local hospital near me (5/10min walk) she "forgot how to get to my house" so Michael could give her a lift home, she found our house yesterday in the dark. I have her phone numbers blocked on my phone and deleted her friend request on Facebook.

    I got told by the police station that her threats aren't seen as something they deal with!

    That homeowner (dad) has to be first to tell her to leave then police if she doesn't listen or he's not home.

    Basically until the person harms you or your property atleast twice, you are powerless.


    We know she'll be back sometime this week to try again.

    When she comes back part of me so badly wants to say YOU'RE BANNED AND NOT ALLOWED HERE LEAVE! Then slam the door in her face. I will however be recording everything said if I think to grab phone at the time to do so.

    Dad said he's going to padlock the front gate (instead of it just closed, back gates are pinned and locked to) again so she try getting in here, it used to be padlocked when he had the medium he owned out front. She wouldn't be able to jump it its too high for her to.

    Thurs is her birthday, so it'll be Weds or Thurs she returns.

    I'm angry she's free to verbally abuse because the law sucks.


    That's why I wanted a restraining order to stop her being able to contact or come near, but got told no. 

    I know if I really wanted to I could get her to the point she would lay a hand on me, but I'm not that type.

    In one way he still has to in directly deal with her, Will hasn't been read by lawyers yet and Noels court case is still going but that's through Noels lawyers who have Michaels number.

    Michael says don't answer the door to her. I think she's heading for Psych break because of everything she's done is biting her in the A.

    We legally can psychward her if we feel she's a harm to herself or others (great psychologist I had told me that) and Michael said go for it (even he wanted me to get AVO out on her).

    I don't want to unless it gets really bad, because her dogs only have her (as in people they know well), lost Noel, Michael moved out so they would have been grieving that and would stop eating etc from stress if they lost her for a day or more.


    Best we can do is call police to tell her to leave. Gate was shut so she would have lifted the pin and opened it to get in here. To me closed gate is DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT PERMISSION,  but she and her crazy self things the rule doesn't apply.

    Michael thinks she'll be back when he and dad are at work, in the hopes she can get me to let her in or grab it.

    Not happening there's no love or any good feelings to that woman, she's his mom and that's it is how I see it.

    Michael says he thinks she's losing it, she told him pick up his dart board so she could rent his old bedroom out. He did and day later she rang to ask had he been to her house.


    The exact words one of the local (where I live there's one in one area and another in a different area, both close to me) police stations told me last night when I called. I said so threats to KICK MY A** THROW ME BY THE SCRUFF OF MY NECK! YOU WON'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT while trying not to have an Anxiety attack. That they're (AVO/restraining orders) very hard to get now.

    She can verbally abuse and threaten us with no legal ramifications, because there's no physical harm or damage.

    The law is fudged up that's for sure.  


    I have abusive notes (Michael gave permission for me to share and show my psychologist) from her she wrote to him before he moved out of her house.

    We're talking nasty stuff calling him lazy, selfish etc and playing the dying husband/ his dad card to try to get her own way. He works 5-6 day weeks 10-11 hour (Sat is 4 hours if he gets called in) days and she does nothing yet calls him selfish etc.





  11. I travel around the interwebz on a pretty regular basis.  I've been participating in one forum or another for the better part of 10 years.  So, I like to think of myself as current, and up-to-date on all the latest movements and emerging ideologies.

    Until I stumbled upon the Hotep Movement.  I have had a twitter account for several years, but never used it until this last election.  If any of you are on twitter, you know what a volatile, fascinating, infuriating, exciting place it can be.  That is where I first encountered the Hoteps.  

    Mostly a movement within the black community, but it is currently gathering people of all colors.  It's more of an ideology than a movement, but at this particular moment it is both.  Basic codes are as follows:


    Now, for me, this was a total ah-ha! moment.  I have felt abandoned and under-represented by the current political and social establishment.  I do not buy into victimhood, a captain of my own ship, as my Dad would say.  But this movement shuns group-think, abuse of social services, ignorance of law, and other things that seem to be pervasive among certain classes of people.  It's about survivorship, ownership and accountability.

    One of my favorite speakers of the movement is Uncle Hotep, or as on his YouTube channel Handy Mayhem.

    I consider myself a part of this movement, only in as much that I already live by the above ideas.  If you are looking for a group of people who value self-sufficiency, freedom, accountability and community service....these are your people.

    Much Love,


  12. Xanthurion2
    Latest Entry

    In times of trial, I often find myself with a great desire to escape or ignore the problems I face. Although, I know this is not the best course of action, I usually feel no need to fight this desire because in the past, I have had great success with this method. In many cases, I have ignored my problems and they have resolved themselves or someone else found a solution without me even seeking help. I know my luck in this area is bound to run out eventually, but I feel like I want to test it. I want to see just how lucky I can get by ignoring even life’s greatest challenges. It seems crazy, psychotic even. But I need to know. When my luck runs out, perhaps I will begin to regard my issues in a more attentive way but until then, we shall see.

  13. Purplos
    Latest Entry

    I haven't been to UM forum in.... years? I'd have to check the dates. It's been a long time.

    Off to see if it's the same science vs. religion debating, photo manipulation revealing, conspiracy theorizing, it-wasn't-a-ghost-it-was-probably-swamp-gas-from-Venus (ha!) -ing place it was back then.


  14. Well it's been a while. 

    Not sure what made me come in. Thought of doing it many times, but so much going on. 

    I found a home elsewhere. They do not mock my spiritual beliefs, which is appreciated. 

    Still friends, offline, with a couple people I met here, all those years ago... 

    We think about 7 years... I think so.. 

    Well. Still haven't even peeked into the forum. Figured I would post first. 

    Love too all old friends that may read this. 




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    I like to practise random acts of kindness - to help make a difference.  It can be anything from just making a spontaneous, passing and complimentary remark on what someone is wearing (I love the colour purple) or offering to let someone go before me in a checkout queue. Giving is its own reward - it's enough, a good feeling i.e. I don't expect anything back.  So what happened here took me by surprise....

    One day I was cycling down a high street when the bike chain somehow jammed/went back on itself.  I duly walked the bike to the pavement, turned it upside down (sitting on its saddle) whilst I attempted to disentangle the greasy chain.  I was somewhat surprised when a man offered to do this for me!  (It was a dirty/oily job!)  I explained that it would mean him getting his hands dirty but he didn't mind!  He fixed it for me and I gratefully thanked him.  He was very cheerful and didn't seem to mind that his hands were now covered in black grease, as were mine.

    So I then realised I needed to get my hands clean.  I saw a nearby cafe and walked the bike to these premises, thinking I could slip into their toilet and get cleaned up.  With my hands so dirty, I thought I would just risk leaving my bike propped against the shop, i.e. unchained....hoping it wouldn't get stolen for the short time it took to get cleaned up.  Then, to my amazement, 3 teenagers (it seemed from nowhere but, obviously, they had been watching what had occurred) approached me, smiling, and offered to watch my bike as I went in to clean up!  This totally blew me away and was beyond what I could ever have expected or hoped seemed so unusual and blessed!  Of course I thanked them and got cleaned up..... 

    I was left in a state of deep appreciation and amazement.  color.gif

    Expressing spontaneous kindness is a growing movement....

  15. Nonentity
    Latest Entry

    The ever reliable Merriam-Webster defines trust thus:


    assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something

    To be sure, there are other definitions of trust, but for this particular blog post, I’m focused on the one above.

    I have a friend (whom I will call Theatre Gal) who has been going to therapy for a few weeks now. It’s something she sought on her own, but is very much needed as she comes from a very problematic family, to put it nicely. On the whole, it seems that the sessions she’s had have been good ones. At least until last night. She’s had to schedule her appointments in the evening because she cannot take time off work in the middle of the day and she works in another city at least thirty minutes away (on a good day).

    Last night around 7:30-ish, I receive a text from her that she’s sitting in her car angry and near tears. Through several text exchanges I got the story of what was going on. The therapist had forgotten about their appointment. I can only assume that the doctor keeps normal business hours, but returns to the office for any evening appointments. Mondays aren’t the usual day for TG to have her appointment, but last week the therapist told her that that was the only day open for the evenings. Everything else was booked.

    Long story short, TG has lost faith in people when even her therapist cannot remember that they have an appointment together. They were, ironically, supposed to talk about trust issues last night, as well, so that doesn’t bode well for the future. At least in TG’s eyes. TG also stated that the therapist is always late to their appointments; 15-20 minutes late. While this is never good on a professional level, I assume that TG gets her full hour or however long their appointments usually last.

    I hope that the therapy sessions do not end because of last night. I am very fond of TG and do not wish, under any circumstances, to end the friendship, but the problems she has are more than I can help her with on my own. She needs a professional to talk to, with at least one friend to give the extra support. I want to help her regarding trust, but I don’t know how. Or even if that’s something I should try taking on myself.

    While I relied solely on the definition of trust from the Merriam-Webster dictionary because of the long history it has of being a reliable dictionary. However, one word I saw in other definitions that is missing from the M-W definition is reliability. I’m not sure how important that part is. Do they go together? Can you trust someone who is unreliable? Is it possible to trust a person even taking into consideration that they might not be reliable?

    I just want to help her grow into the young woman I think she’s got potential to be. She’s only a little younger than I was when I started to forge my own path. It’s not too late even at 30.

  16. Is my dad crazy?

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    My dad is in his mid 50s, he is, as I said in the description, a hard drug user and has been since he was 12. he has also been a diabetic since he was 4 years old and he does not take care of himself like he should. Anyway, He is stubborn and has never spoken of aliens before, he has actually made fun of my friends for believing in aliens in the past. Fast Forward to late last summer: I called my dad one night when I got off work (like usual) around 10pm. He wasn't slurring like he does when he drinks and he wasn't talking fast like he does when he is high. He sounded very normal but started talking about "people" being in his apartment he said they came in "through the walls" and that they just sat on the couch. He described them as "cool" and "interesting" I assumed he was on acid and had friends over, so I brushed it off and told him I would call him in a little bit. About an hour later I called him and he was very short with me and said he would call me back. Then just before midnight he called me and he was absolutely hysterical panting like a dog yelling at me telling me to call the cops because there were "intruders" in his apartment trying to hill him. He hung up quickly and I immediately called the police and told them he was a drug user that I thought was either high or was having a blood sugar crisis. After I hung up with them I called my dad back and he was still hysterical I told him the police were on their way and I told him I was on my way too he told me to not come there out of fear for these things following me or seeing me and trying to harm me. The police showed up and he hung up with me. About a half hour later, an officer called me and said they were taking him for a psych eval at the local hospital. He also told me that when they got into my dads apartment he was naked, sweating and swinging a large knife at them telling them there were people in his apartment. The officer said they searched his apartment and found no one. He told me to come see my dad in the morning when he had calmed down, he said my presence may upset him more than he already was. In the morning I went to the hospital and my dad, who by this time had calmed down because the nursing staff gave him downers, told me about what had happened.

    He said, "These things walked through walls and into my apartment! they looked exactly like people, just like you and me. They just hung out on the couch they didnt talk, blink or nod or anything. You're gonna think in ****ing crazy but they put messages into my head to communicate with me! They were really chill and interesting at first, but then they got really upset and I got a really negative feeling and they started chasing me- I ran all the way around the neighborhood naked in the rain running from them and they followed me back to the apartment! Then they just disappeared when the police showed up! It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me!"

    He said he couldn't remember what their names were but they called them selves "something that sounded like The Couscous" (that wasn't it but he said thats what it sounded like.) He said they were there for 14 hours. Also, it did not rain that night, and my dad literally CANNOT run due to his health, he can barely walk on his own. I completely thought he was high and hallucinating. The more I thought about it and talked to him about it, even weeks later, after his high would have wore off he still fully believed it happened and he has never believed in aliens before this. A few months later it happened again. Not as bad and he said they didnt stay as long and they weren't threatening at all. Now just the other day it happened a third time! I called him and he was whispering into the phone and said he had another "intruder" and he was calling the cops. I was out of town and called my sister and brother to go over there. By the time they got there he was still freaked out but was slightly calmed down. The cops never showed up so we don't think he ever actually called them. He told my sister that he found "a kid hiding in his bathroom and it was the child of one of the visitors" when I talked to him he referred to the kid as a "stow away" He said something about how the visitors still didnt speak but they transmitted messages to him mentally and the female visitor wanted him to keep the child but he said he couldn't even take care of himself let alone a child. Then they left. He didnt seem as freaked out or threatened by these "visitors".

    Can anyone please tell me if my dad is crazy or if this might actually be happening to him? I have a hard time believing it, but at the same time, I don't know where he would have gotten this kind of info from. He only has a home phone. an old school radio and a tv that only gets literally 6 channels and he has no way to get on the internet (he has literally never been on a computer or smart phone in his life.) 

    Here is everything I know about these things from the info he gave me, if it helps:

    The first visit (i think) it was 2 or 3 males. the second visit Im unsure of gender. the third visit it was a child (unknown gender) and a female.

    They walk through walls.

    They don't blink, speak out loud or respond in any way. They only send messages from their mind into his.

    They look exactly like humans

    They don't let him listen to his radio or watch TV.

    He said his cat hides when they are there.


    If it happens again or he gives me any other details I will post about it. Thanks for reading and please, comment or message me if you have any idea what might be happening to my dad. 

  17. Weird Things Happen (A trip to Medjugorje )

    I was an Anglican curate when I saw the sun spin. It happened like this. One of the teenagers in the parish had been to Medjugorje and suddenly got keen on the Blessed Virgin Mary. He joined a Medjugorje prayer group and twisted my arm to go with them on a visit to the Bosnian town where the Virgin Mary was supposed to have been appearing to some local youngsters. I resisted, pleading poverty. Then someone in the pilgrimage group wiped out my excuse by offering to pay my airfare.


  18. I have lost people very close to my heart throughout the years but they all seem to have paled to the grieving I am still experiencing from the death of one of my best friends almost 6 months ago.  I am not sure why, but her death seems to have hit me harder than my own father's death and a friend that I thought of as a mother.  

    She and I were close in age, I was 1 1/2 years older.   We saw each other at work almost every day and hung out when we could on our days off.  I walked into her office every morning and we talked about what was going on in our lives.  She had divorced 3 years before and remarried within 6 months so a lot of times we discussed her relationship with her new husband and how they were adjusting to each other.  

    It still hurts to see pictures of her, and I cannot bear to take her number out of my contacts yet.  I still have our last texts we sent to each other the night she died.   I seem to be doing well and then someone or something reminds me of her and I find myself grieving anew.  I often wonder if her death has hit me harder because of being close in age and the death being very sudden.  

    I know that everyone grieves differently but I feel like I'm still going in waves of grief and I'm not quite sure why.  I did not post this to get sympathy, I simply needed to talk about it.  But if anyone has insight I would be willing to listen.  

  19. Ruby04's Blog

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    Michaels mum is making threats saying I'm not welcome she's going to kick my A pick me up by neck scruff, that I have a face like a sour lemon, she hopes Michael never has the good sense to marry me. I'm a Fing lazy cow, I don't care about Noel (she says I didn't say hi I did) that I better not go crying to Michael he won't care. If I come back she'll grab me by scruff neck throw me out. I'm selfish don't care about my dying father in law, I got moody she said (bring up past) girlfriend instead of fiancé. Dads too ducking lazy to help her. All cause I said no to hanging pair of her socks. She's having a bpd lash out. Plus she threw my 2 containers in her trash pile saying they're trash. He'll be outta here before long. She's pulled this before, she'll pull it on him when he goes out to. Last time she banned me he just stayed over my place. All I said was if it's Michaels I'll hang them. She went you'll Fing hang them don't be rude. You'll hang them or I'll kick your ass. I hang his during week doesn't matter who's they are you'll hang them you're selfish cow. I gently put them on counter and she went off. She kept going. She's pulled this before, she'll pull it on him when he goes out to. Last time she banned me he just stayed over my place. All I said was if it's Michaels I'll hang them. She went you'll Fing hang them don't be rude. You'll hang them or I'll kick your A. I hang his during week doesn't matter who's they are you'll hang them you're selfish cow. I gently put them on counter and she went off. She kept going YOU WILL HANG THEM OR I'LL KICK YOUR A. IF YOU DONT LIKE THE RULES LEAVE AND DONT COME BACK YOURE NOT WELCOMED HERE. She goes in normal tone still more washing that needs to go out DONT YOU DARE THINK about putting on airer. She's either snapped out of it or it's intermission. When we left she was in her husbands room yelling at him. Shes going to send him to hospital from stress, he's dying of Cancer and she was yelling at him since she couldn't yell at Michael or I

  20. We live in a society that thrives on the promotion of the idea that we all have a purpose in life; this concept is instilled into our heads at a early age via t.v show, books, games, movies as well as the people around us. It is presented in a manner that makes it seem like there is this special little nook just waiting or even seeking us; that somehow some mysterious person is going to follow us and at some point say something like "You passed our have been chosen..." or something along that line.

    We have basically been trained from childhood that we are supposed to spend our lives searching for this mystical purpose that will somehow make our entire lives make sense and that from that point onward we are just going to be this awesome hero or something.

    But..that doesn't work, does it? I mean it sounds very encouraging and nice but the sad fact is that millions of us, including myself, have fallen into that psychological trap. To be short, I do not think we have any purpose whatsoever rather we end up fulfilling many daily purposes. For example I used to work for an elderly neighbor, I was there for the "purpose" of doing things she couldn't do for herself such as laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping and other tasks.  My "purpose" for that time, was to do specified tasks. Then I go home and I have other tasks to do. For example, if I am the only one home at the time, my "purpose" is to do a few things that might be needed.

    What I am trying to convey is that the very idea of "purpose" is rather transitory and temporary. Purpose is not something grand or life-long but merely tasks that need to be done and if you happen to be around or, in many cases, hired to do that then -for that parcel of time- your "purpose" is to do whatever it is that needs to be done. In fact we have many "purposes" daily including parenting, yard work, pet care, student studies, etc.

    I wasted much time being seduced by this erroneous lie that as I went along doing what I had to do that I would somehow discover or stumble upon something that told me "This is your destiny. This is the purpose for which you were personally born for". This is not to ever say that what you do is pointless, not at all, I am just saying that whatever you do is to fulfill a task, obligation or promise. If you happen to be around to do those things then that is what your "purpose" for the time being is, to do whatever you were told to do. Once that has been accomplished then you go on to other things that you need or wish to do.

    This what I think kids should be taught in school, that the concept of "purpose" is nothing special or mystical, it simply means there are things to do and if you are willing, qualified and able to do them then go ahead and do them.  Forget the mysticism and fantasy, that is for movies and games, if you have that "to-do" list then your purpose for the day or at least the time being is to try to complete that list.

    In short, purpose is a personal invention, a concept we attach to objects as well as to ourselves. It is not something that is waiting us or bestowed on us by some fairy or other-worldy thing, it is something we undertake and when that is done we go on to other things.

    This is not to imply that what we do is unimportant, it just means we all do similar things, there are millions of people right now working in cubicles or behind desks, there are millions who are shuffling documents or giving shots to pets or serving meals in a cafe.....if you happen to be there and you are asked/told to do it then that is your purpose for the time being.

    That's all there is to it. That is my view, nothing more.

  21. Several weeks back I got notified by one of Linda's (stepmom) co-workers about a cat named Toby the Gray Tabby. Dad and Linda went off on vacation then when they came back we adopted/rescued him. At first he was scared and went into hiding. After a few days he felt comfortable enough to come out and interact with us. Toby is 3-4 years old and very affectionate and has a bond with me. He's already had the snip and sometimes he's a complete spazz. He likes to run around without even being triggered into doing it. 


  22. Would you believe it if.................

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    Planet with 3 suns
    Latest Entry

    You go into your classroom at college. You see a girl crying quietly. You approach her and ask what's wrong. She looks at you and you notice that she looks exhausted, dark circles around her red eyes and it looks like she'd aged a little too. She says with a very painful tone" I'm tired of traveling in space and time. I can't do it anymore. I just don't want to. I want to be like everyone else".

    Would you believe her? Would you think that's she's crazy? What would you do?


    Around 8 years ago (2009) my father witnessed a dove circling our house, it would fly above our house around 3 times before flying off, my father thought nothing off it since birds are very common where we live so it must have been a coincidence, A few weeks later my grandmother fell and was taken into hospital.


    A month went by and she sadly began to deteriorate and passed away in hospital.


    6 years on (July 2014) the same breed of dove came back to our old house, it continued to circle the house for a while before flying off... Again thought nothing of it, 4 weeks later my great-grandmother fell... She was taken to hospital but luckily came back home. It was then 2 months later she passed away peacefully in her home


    This time (October 2014) the dove never went away, we would see it circling our house still and one day my father said "Look it's back, I hope nothing happens again!".. We waited and nothing happened, or so we thought....


    Come December we visited my grandfather, all well and watching TV we talked for a while before heading back home, 20 minutes after arriving home my mother had a phone call saying that my grandfather collapsed. The paramedics brought him back for a brief moment but sadly passed away in the Ambulance going to the hospital.


    Was this a complete coincidence that this dove was flying around our house and only ours? Was it bringing a message?

  24. Spiritual connections

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    HI there 

    This is my first time posting. 

    I will start with a some background history before I get to the interesting bit.

    I met "SG" about 5 years ago in 2012. My friend sent me a picture of him and from the first instant I saw that picture I felt drawn towards him. He was so good looking and damn sexy. 2months went by and we were going out to dinner with my friend, she brought SG along and told me that they were together so I pushed that feeling aside (let me just add that I had a boyfriend of 6years, so it was just a harmless feeling towards SG). 

    My friend and SG started dating and the 4 of us used to spend alot of time together. About 2years into their relationship she started to treat him alittle badly and he would message me to ask what she was up to ect because he was worried. My boyfriend and I were going through a very rough patch (he liked to party and drink and it started to affect our relationship ) My feelings for SG started up again and intensified with every fight each of us had with our partners. I started to imagine scenarios happening between SG and I were we would kiss or sometimes alittle more.

    In September 2014 my boyfriend an I broke up due to his drinking, constant partying and drug use but we were still living together in seperate bedrooms. My friend had taken a trip over-seas and one night my (ex) boyfriends friend slapped me across the face. I packed a bag to sleep at my dad's place which was where my friend and SG lived too. Her mom rented out rooms and my dad stayed there and SG and my friend stayed in a granny flat on the property.

    He told me to come sit with him and watch movies to feel better and one thing lead to another and bam we had sex. A few times after that night too. (Yes im a terrible friend siss on me) but flip I was in love by this stage!!!

    They broke up for other reasons (she cheated on him and left him for another guy) and he moved into a spare room at my house (with my ex boyfriend and I) the sex between us was our secret and no one knew what was going on. This new living arrangement just made it so much easier to continue our "just casual sex".

    When SG started to bring other girls home I realized how hurt I was and that it wasn't just sex for me I was in love but we had spoken about it and agreed we could never be together in a relationship as my friend and ex boyfriend would find out and things would get even more messy! ! Especially as we had no where else to live.

    We both decided to stop our casual sex and I tried to work things out with my ex. Things were going well for one month when my ex went out and did drugs partied for a few days and didnt come home. I was so mad I broke up with him again and SG and I ended up in bed again the next week.

    Fast forward 11 weeks. I find out Im pregnant I don't know who the father is and SG admits he loves me and that no matter who the father is he will love the baby like his own. We tell the world our story, we move out into our own place and our casual sex becomes a head-over-heels love that I have never felt in my life. We are meant to be together. He is my life and I love him with every fiber of my being. There is no other man in this entire world for me. We make love every day 3 to 4 times a day. We have the same likes, dislikes, tastes, we think the same, we are one. 

    He is there when the baby is born, I have never felt a connection so strong as I did the day I gave birth. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. I pray that the baby is his. We do a paternity test and 3 weeks go by. 

    Our little family is so perfect, he is such a good dad and I can picture our wedding until an email comes through and destroys our perfect bubble. My ex is the father!!! 

    As soon as he finds this out he distanced himself from me and the baby. And within 2weeks he breaks up with me and asks me to move out as soon as possible. His reason for breakingbup is that he cannot handle the baby growing up and being in contact with my ex and living my ad more than him, he used excuses then that he will never love my baby like his own blood child (so karma has kicked my ass HARD).

    My whole world was destroyed and I was broken. 

    While I was pregnant my ex realized what his life style was doing to him and he decided to change. He stopped drinking and going out, he stopped using drugs and he started to exercise more and go to church. He changed his life around and was doing much better in his career. 

    As soon as he found out that the baby was his he wanted to meet him. Along with his family. When he heard that I needed a place to stay he offered for me to live in the flat on his parents property. This was Feburary 2016.

    He stuck to his good ways and he became an excellent father to our son. (Our son loves him unconditionally) . By November 2016 we had grown closer as a couple and family and we became the couple I always knew we could be. He forgave me for what I had done to him and I forgave him for all his mistakes. He proposed to me in December and we plan to get married in 2018.

    It took me 11months to heal my heart from what SG did to me. But still to this day I hurt sometimes and memories are always popping into my head. I will always feel as though I've lost apart of my soul.

    A week ago (April 2017) I got an overwhelming sense of depression and saddness for SG I even cried. It came out of nowhere and nothing had reminded me of him. This feeling lasted for 2 days and then just vanished. 

    I was so confused by it that I googled what it could mean. One answer was that when someone shared a strong connection with another person they can feel what that person is going through even if they haven't spoken or seen each other.

    That night I had a dream of SG and my sister's boyfriend (who works in the same company as SG) that morning when I woke up there was a message from my sister's boyfriend that said SG was going through a depression and was trying to hook up with girls at his work. 

    The next day I saw that SG was looking at my whatsapp statuses and liking pics on my social media.

    This hasn't been the first time I have felt connections with people I haven't seen in a long time or the dreamt of random people and then seen or heard from them the next day.

    Has anyone else felt like this or experienced something similar? I would love to hear your stories. Or any answers/explanation to mine.