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Chaos of a Bipolar Mind



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What I used to be

Posted by lizzieboo , 27 October 2012 · 678 views

Once upon a time, I was a wife. I was cherished for who I am...for my eyes, my intelligence, wit, generosity, humor, my nice legs, sunny smile, and infectious laugh.

Then my husband had a stroke. Although it took three months--of physical therapy, repeat surgeries, emergency room trips--it seems like overnight that I went from being a wife to being a...


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Enjoying the dark

Posted by lizzieboo , 25 October 2012 · 383 views
senses, night
I have insomnia. Some nights it takes what feels like forever to fall asleep. Other nights I fall asleep easily, but wake up after a short time and cannot go back to sleep.

I usually fight it, tossing and turning, ending up angry with myself for not being able to sleep. (Now, there's a stupid reason to be angry with oneself if ever I saw one.)

This...


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Honesty Might Not Be the Best Policy

Posted by lizzieboo , 06 October 2012 · 419 views

I recently had an experience in which events in my life and those occurring in another person's life shared certain similarities.

I am faced with the need to move. I hate moving. As a matter of fact, I hate it so much that it's one of the issues that triggers bipolar hypomania combined with severe anxiety. In this case, the anxiety arises from a...


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Knowing When to Quit

Posted by lizzieboo , 19 September 2012 · 435 views

Today I realized something fairly huge in terms of my future: It's time for me to let my professional career (as an editor and writer) wind down.

I need to communicate some things that it hurts to admit. But maybe it'll help me get past being upset about matters beyond my control. Over the last year, I have lost three major clients as a direct...


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Faith and Madness

Posted by lizzieboo , 19 September 2012 · 403 views

If you are an atheist or agnostic, you might want to pass on this entry.

I am a woman of faith. I call myself Christian but I don't belong to any church or denomination; rather, I try to follow the teachings of Christ as they relate to the treatment of my fellow beings and the way I conduct myself as I go about the business of living. And I revere some...


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Is Suicide Selfish?

Posted by lizzieboo , 16 September 2012 · 616 views

I've read many arguments about whether suicide is a selfish act. One especially vehement condemnation of those who end their own lives surprised me greatly because it came from a woman who is, herself, a person with bipolar disorder. Apparently her father killed himself when she was a child and, to this day (she's middle-aged now), she declares that...


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It's the Little Acts of Evil That Wear Me Down--Revised

Posted by lizzieboo , 05 September 2012 · 546 views
lack of compassion and 3 more...
I believe in the existence of evil. Not as a distinct entity (not, for example, in the form of a being with red skin, horns, and a pointy tail), but rather as a manifestation of all that is worst in the human species.

I've always had a fascination with crime stories; even as a teenager I read about cases such as Jack the Ripper, the Fatty Arbuckle...


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Someone to Watch Over Me

Posted by lizzieboo , 13 August 2012 · 264 views
inner strength, caregiving and 1 more...
I've always loved the George and Ira Gershwin song, "Someone to Watch Over Me." Everyone who knows me finds this ironic because I am almost universally perceived as the person who helps others through crises but never needs help through her own trials and...





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