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Chaos of a Bipolar Mind


What I used to be

Posted by lizzieboo , 27 October 2012 · 739 views

Once upon a time, I was a wife. I was cherished for who I am...for my eyes, my intelligence, wit, generosity, humor, my nice legs, sunny smile, and infectious laugh.

Then my husband had a stroke. Although it took three months--of physical therapy, repeat surgeries, emergency room trips--it seems like overnight that I went from being a wife to being a...


Enjoying the dark

Posted by lizzieboo , 25 October 2012 · 443 views
senses, night
I have insomnia. Some nights it takes what feels like forever to fall asleep. Other nights I fall asleep easily, but wake up after a short time and cannot go back to sleep.

I usually fight it, tossing and turning, ending up angry with myself for not being able to sleep. (Now, there's a stupid reason to be angry with oneself if ever I saw one.)



Honesty Might Not Be the Best Policy

Posted by lizzieboo , 06 October 2012 · 441 views

I recently had an experience in which events in my life and those occurring in another person's life shared certain similarities.

I am faced with the need to move. I hate moving. As a matter of fact, I hate it so much that it's one of the issues that triggers bipolar hypomania combined with severe anxiety. In this case, the anxiety arises from a...


Knowing When to Quit

Posted by lizzieboo , 19 September 2012 · 493 views

Today I realized something fairly huge in terms of my future: It's time for me to let my professional career (as an editor and writer) wind down.

I need to communicate some things that it hurts to admit. But maybe it'll help me get past being upset about matters beyond my control. Over the last year, I have lost three major clients as a direct...


Faith and Madness

Posted by lizzieboo , 19 September 2012 · 433 views

If you are an atheist or agnostic, you might want to pass on this entry.

I am a woman of faith. I call myself Christian but I don't belong to any church or denomination; rather, I try to follow the teachings of Christ as they relate to the treatment of my fellow beings and the way I conduct myself as I go about the business of living. And I revere some...


Is Suicide Selfish?

Posted by lizzieboo , 16 September 2012 · 761 views

I've read many arguments about whether suicide is a selfish act. One especially vehement condemnation of those who end their own lives surprised me greatly because it came from a woman who is, herself, a person with bipolar disorder. Apparently her father killed himself when she was a child and, to this day (she's middle-aged now), she declares that...


It's the Little Acts of Evil That Wear Me Down--Revised

Posted by lizzieboo , 05 September 2012 · 658 views
lack of compassion and 3 more...
I believe in the existence of evil. Not as a distinct entity (not, for example, in the form of a being with red skin, horns, and a pointy tail), but rather as a manifestation of all that is worst in the human species.

I've always had a fascination with crime stories; even as a teenager I read about cases such as Jack the Ripper, the Fatty Arbuckle...


Someone to Watch Over Me

Posted by lizzieboo , 13 August 2012 · 293 views
inner strength, caregiving and 1 more...
I've always loved the George and Ira Gershwin song, "Someone to Watch Over Me." Everyone who knows me finds this ironic because I am almost universally perceived as the person who helps others through crises but never needs help through her own trials and...

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