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  1. The struggle to be a loving human being

    Many years ago the community watched a program on crime syndicates.  It was in three episodes.  In one of the segments they had a ‘contract killer’ interview.  His voice was covered over and he was a shadow when giving the interview, so he was free to answer all the questions that were asked him.  Here was a human being, who killed strangers and possible people he knew for a fee and we were allowed to get a glimpse into his mind via the interviewer.

    There was one question that stuck to me.  The interviewer asked the man what it was like to kill someone and if it bothered him to do so.  He thought for a ‘short’ time and responded in a calm voice that “yes the first two or three were hard to snuff (his words), but after that, killing people was like stepping on a cockroach”.  I found that chilling in the extreme.  Yet it did not frighten me, for even back then I was aware of my own constellation of struggles that I was dealing with. 

    From what I gathered from that segment was that he made a choice to make that first killing and it bothered him.  Then for the second, perhaps it felt a little less ‘wrong’ for him to do it, then on the third, perhaps because of the heinousness of the act, something in him died and he became a professional killer.  Perhaps his love of the money he got for his service was the most important thing for him.  He did say that he lived very well and was in fact happy.

    This world is very hard, a difficult place to live in and in the end if we live long enough no matter if we are ‘good’ or ‘evil’ we will lose everything, then ourselves when we each experience personal death.  From birth to death, we are asked to make choices, which form us, create us into monsters or into something else.  I guess that something else is what people call “a saint’.  I guess there are little monsters and little saints living in all of us, or perhaps most of us, or for sure in me.  We choose over the course of our life what we want to feed and allow to grow.  No matter which way we decide to go down, often made by our many small choices, we will encounter suffering, for to choose one way is to let go of the other. 

    Most people seek to become better human beings, but our natures are often bruised and wounded by life, especially at the beginning of our lives.  Children do not compare, they just experience what goes on around them and accept that as the ‘real’ world.  It could be a loving caring one, or one that is loveless and filled with abuse.  These experiences often dictate our ‘interior’ path towards wholeness and holiness, or towards a downward spiral of personal inner fragmentation and disintegration.  Yes we live in a difficult world. 

    What are we called to as human beings?  Perhaps it is to become more human, more fully what we are made to be, and in spite of inner tendencies towards self destruction, which is outwardly manifested in our societies.  I believe in order to reverse this trend we need grace.  Grace is manifested in many ways.   In the human sphere we have friends who ‘grace’ us with their love and concern.  This is a free gift; we cannot demand friendship from any one, for it is simply given.  Groups show grace to their members as well.  AA comes to mind, a fellowship of men and women who come together to face their own brand of self destruction and inner fragmentation.  By doing so, by accepting this grace they slowly move towards integration and healing.  They develop a trusting relationship with their ‘Higher Power’.    The use of the term “Higher Power’ is needed because some  believers often use God as their personal bludgeon to beat down others who are different and have struggles other than their own.  They become ‘blockers’ of God’s grace in the lives of others by just adding another wound, one of many.

    Then there is the Revelation of Jesus Christ, who shows us the depth and width of Gods love for each of us.  True many reject the scriptures as true and trustworthy and I understand that.  However, the deeper one goes into the Heart of Jesus Christ and his power, the more intense the healing and ability to embrace life and all that it throws at us.  It is then that the reality of His resurrection is experienced. 

    You judge a tree by its fruits.  If I see the fruits of the Spirit in people of another path, then I thank God for filling them with the gifts of the Holy Spirit.  People who struggle with doubt, with addictions and with other mental and emotional issues that this hard world can put on us I believe are especially close to Father.   I am amazed at God’s love and mercy for each of us.

    In order to experience the freedom of the children of God, we have to die to ways of thinking and being that our past has tried to form us into.  In the end, love and mercy and the forgiveness of our enemies and to actually love them are the only rational approach to life.  For as we look at the world around us, we see the fruit of not living according to those principles.  Yet, it seems impossible to do so.

    The growth of love in the human heart that goes beyond family, friends, race and religions for me is a true indication of the work of the Holy Spirit in the human heart.  The greatest spiritual gift is love, faith and hope will one day not be needed, but love is for eternity. 


  2. cheap ffxiv gil

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  3. So I wandered around aimlessly for a while, thinking things over. What Zara said could be some of the answers I was looking for, but Dirth didn’t seem to think much of him. I didn’t want to get caught up in something that was phony, just a lot of gibberish. Zara was okay, but was he telling the truth or just jabbering about his imagination?

    I wondered where Henry was. The dome was so big I didn’t think I’d just run into him someplace by accident, and looking for him was just as pointless. I was on my own and I had to figure out the best thing to do next. I thought about going back to see Dirth, then I thought about that engineer I’d met in that eating place. He kind of said we’d meet again. I wondered where the engineers were. I thought they, if anyone, would know the secrets of the dome.

    So I turned around and headed back to that eating place, way over on the other side. As I walked, I kept looking around, hoping I’d see Henry wandering around, but like I said, I didn’t think I would.

    Suddenly there was a commotion behind me. I looked back and I saw a group of men in brown suits pushing their way through the crowd toward me. I turned to the side and started to walk faste away from them, hoping they were not after me, but they turned also. The crowd of Paratekes was pretty thick where I was and I pushed my way through them as best I could. I glanced back, and the brown suits were pushing their way through, too, getting nearer.

    I started to run, but the crowd was too thick. I stumbled and fell to the floor. Before I could get up they were on me. They surrounded me, and two of them reached down and roughly grabbed me and pulled me to me feet.

    Let go of me!” I demanded. “What are you doing? Can’t you see I fell? What do you want?!”

    One of them who pulled me up held me by my shoulders and said firmly, “You are to come with us. No nonsense, now. You are under arrest.”

    “But, what have I done?!” I demanded.

    “We have no authority to answer that question,” the brown suit said. “You are being detained. That function is all that is required of us. Others will continue the procedure.”

    With that, the brown suits pulled me through the crowd. The paratakes didn’t seem to take any notice of this; they just went on with their stupid activity as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening.

    I was pretty scared. I wondered how I was found out. Maybe Zara had something to do with this, I thought, after all his talk of peace and brotherhood. Or maybe it was that engineer. I wondered if there was anyone I could trust in this place. Just like in the village, I guessed not.

    I was taken through the bustling crowd roughly; two guys had me by my collar on either side, shoving me along, the rest pushing our way through the crowd ahead. I was scared but disappointed, too. After all I’d gone through to try to understand the Dome and everything, now it was over. It was all for nothing, and I might loose my life, as well.

    “Where are you guys taking me?” I shouted, but they didn’t answer or even pay attention, they just hauled me along. It was quite a ways across the Dome floor and I was getting tired of it. I thought I’d struggle some; maybe I could break free and run. But, run where? These guys wouldn’t give up, I figured. I thought if I could get back to Dirth, maybe he’d protect me, but then again I didn’t want to get him in trouble. So I just gave up and let them push me along.

    After a while I could see ahead of me a wall of the Dome getting closer. It was a black area in the wall. As we got nearer, I could see there was a big black door there. I also noticed, as we approached, the crowd of Paratakes thinned out until near the door there was nobody. It was like no one wanted to be close to that part of the wall. This didn’t relax my nerves any.

    One of the brown-clothed guys went ahead and pulled open the black door for the rest and me to enter. As I was jerked through it I took one last glance back at the Dome behind me. I wondered if I’d ever see it again. Probably not, I thought.

    I was pushed through and into a bright, long hallway. The two that had ahold of me pulled me along, the others disappeared somewhere. I couldn’t see where. It was all white in the hallway, floor to ceiling. The light hurt my eyes. We passed some doors on the sides, then down some stairs through another long hallway. Pretty soon the two guys that held me pulled me to a stop.

    “Here’s your new home,” one of them said, and pulled a door on the side of the hallway open and pushed me through into a bare room, only a cot coming out of one wall and a toilet. The door slammed loudly behind me.

    I stood there for a minuet, then sat down on the cot. Well, I thought, this is the end of my adventure. I wondered what kind of execution I’d get. I wondered if they had caught Henry, too. I put my head in my hands. I wondered if Dirth had foreseen this. Maybe it was Dirth who set me up. Who was Dirth, anyway? A lot of thoughts were going through my head.

    Then I heard footsteps outside on the metal floor. I looked up and the door opened and another man dressed in brown stood in the doorway. “You’re to come with me,” he said matter-of-factly without even really looking at me.

    “Yeah,” I said, “well I want to know why did you bring me here, and who are you? You have no right to push me around like this. I don’t like being kidnapped, fella.”

    The guy just repeated what he’d said and stood there looking at me with a blank expression on his face. I thought if I got into the hallway I could try to make a break for it, but I figured the outside door to the Dome was probably locked, so I stood up. “Where are you gonna take me?” I asked.

    “You’re to come with me,” the guy said again. He didn’t look too tough, but if I clobbered him, that might get me in deeper with these guys. I thought maybe it was a good idea to see what was up, I might learn something, so I said, “Okay,” and followed him out into the hall. We walked together down the hallway a ways until we got to another door on the side. The guy opened it and motioned me to go in.

    It was a bigger room, still all metal, with a two chairs around a table. On the chair at the far side sat another brown shirt. He looked up at me as I walked through the door and said, blandly, “Sit down.” So, I sat down facing him. “Well? I said.

    “Let me tell you at the outset that we know all about you, who you are, where you come from and why you are here. So, there is no use telling me lies about yourself or your purpose. You are an anomaly and must either be amended or eliminated. There are no other choices for you.”

    I sat back in my chair and looked at the guy. He looked like everybody else in the Dome. They all looked alike to me, anyway. I wasn’t going to take no guff from him, though. I figured I was caught anyway, so why make it easy for him. “You mean you think you know everything,” I said. “You don’t know the half of it, buddy. There’s more to me than you can imagine in your dumb little world.”

    “We know all about you,” he repeated. “You will tell me everything, you have no choice.”

    “Well then, if you know everything, you tell me who I am,” I said.

    “You are a member of the underground organization, a subversive. You are insane. You are here to destroy the sanity of the Dome because you are delusional in your psychosis. The Dome is a perfect society. Its citizens are perfect, the Paratakes, the Drones, the Engineers, even the Clerics and Nonconforants.

    “Because of your insanity you are an anomaly, you yourself are imperfect, and imperfection cannot be tolerated. The collective mind is sanity, the individual mind is insanity. We cannot be allowed to control our own minds, that leads to madness, so our minds must be controlled by the collective. There is not one thought that the citizens of the Dome think that has not been thought before. This makes us perfect and therefore society perfect.

    “You yourself control your own mind, like an untamed wild animal. You are insane, my friend. You must either be tamed or excluded. Self-discipline is not enough. Discipline in itself is useless. We cannot make you a sane citizen; you must become a sane citizen. You must conform or be eliminated. You are an anomaly.”

    The man sat back in his chair and looked into my eyes. “Which do you choose? Submission to sanity or the insanity of individuality?”

    I didn’t quite know what to make of what he’d said. All I knew was this guy wasn’t going to change me into no Paratake or have me eliminated. I leaned forward. “Listen, buddy,” I said. “I could easy knock you a good one and get out of here. I don’t like what you say or anything about you.”

    “That is immaterial,” the man said. “Now, I want to know the names of your comrades in the underground and their location.”

    Now I knew the guy didn’t really know who I was, so I said, “I don’t know anything about no underground, fella, so I don’t have no comrades in it. You think you’re some big guy around here, but you’re not. You got nothin’ on me, see, so why don’t you just be a good guy and I’ll go away.”

    “That is impossible,” he said. “I have my duty to perform. Now, will you confess to being a member of the underground?”

    “I don’t know nothin’ about no underground, I told you that. And listen to this, there’s something wrong with this whole Dome place. It’s not what I thought it was. It’s full of dead people as far as I can see.”

    “What are the names of the other members of the underground,” the guy repeated.

    “I told you, I don’t know and I don’t know anything about no underground.”

    “You are required to tell me,” he said, sort of mechanically. “The sanity of the Dome demands you to tell me. Your imperfection cannot be tolerated. Your mind must be reconfirmed into the control of the perfection. You cannot discipline yourself, you are like an untamed animal, you must confess your irrationality and therefore become sane or you will be eliminated.”

    “Okay then, how am I to become sane?” I asked.

    “You are an anomaly, you must confess. Either you tell me what you know and conform or you will be eliminated,” he repeated.

    “And how do you expect to eliminate me?” I asked.

    “Your elimination will be carried out by the proper authorities.”

    “Just who turned me in, can you answer that?”

    “You have been observed and reported. The sanity of the Dome must be preserved. All anomalies must be discovered and reported. We know all about you, who you are, where you come from and why you are here. It is useless to tell lies. You are a member of the underground organization, a subversive. You are insane. You are here to destroy the sanity of the Dome. You are delusional in your irrationality. You are insane.

    “You control your own mind, like an untamed wild animal. You must either be tamed or excluded. Self-discipline is not enough. Discipline in itself is useless. We cannot make you a sane citizen; you must become a sane citizen. You must confess and conform to perfection of the Dome or be eliminated.”

    I thought about what this guy was saying and repeating himself, so I said, “You’re a Drone, aren’t you.”

    The guy sat there for a while with no expression on his face. Finally, he said, “You must confess your digressions or be eliminated. It is your choice.”

    I looked at him. He was waiting for a response he could understand, I guessed. “Well, I’m out of here,” I said. “You’ll let me go or I’ll knock you good. Those others outside will have a hard time with me if they get in my way.”

    I stood up, walked around the table to the door and opened it. “You cannot leave!” the guy demanded, turning in his chair to look at me.

    I just walked out into the hallway, retracing my steps. There was no one around. When I got to the stairs I looked back, but the guy was no where in sight, no even following me. I walked up the stairs into the other hallway. It was empty, too, so I headed for the outer door. When I got to it, I pushed on it, it was unlocked and swung open, so I went through and stepped onto into Dome floor.

    That was too easy, I said to myself. That made me a little nervous. I walked a few feet looking back over my shoulder and bumped into someone. “Sorry,” I said as I turned my head around to see who it was, and there standing in front of me was the Engineer I’d met in the food place.

    “Having an interesting time, are you?” He asked casually. I was surprised to see him, and I stepped back a little.

    “I think now you’re ready to take a tour of the real Dome,” he said, smiling.






































  4. shadowhive
    Latest Entry

    Sometimes I wonder why I still come to this place.

    I've considered leaving lately a few times. I mean honestly some of the people just seem borderline insane. How little they value human life. How much they care about religion. How much they value their guns. How they cry about freedom when they don't value it. Too many people just looking for a reason to start a civil war.

    Sure there are the occasional sane voice and nice person, but too often they get drowned out in the sea of madness.

    So perhaps I should go.

    But then, isn't that lettiing those kinds of people win? I don't know anymore.

    When the shooting happened I became angry and tired and since then, I've just become more tired, more angry at the pro-gun people. At their excsues, at the lack of concern for life, their talk of freedom, their barely concealled bloodlust/ The lies and their desire for a conflict that would tear their country apart. I'm just so tired, tired of them, tired of their idiocy.

    Not to mention being tired of the whole breit thing and how all the leavers are jumping for joy despite the vote not being decisive, not meaning anything and the leaders of itopenly lying and having no plan (and the chaos after it). (And evenn then a pro-gunner wants us to gain arms, go ****ing ffigure.)

    I'm just so tired of them. All of them.

    In just over two weeks I head away anyway for a few days, so maybe I should do a break until after then.

  5. Like it or not public perceptions matter. 

    The smartest person in the room acting lackadaisical and looking disheveled might lead others to assume their possessing the same traits is acceptable.

    If they don't operate at peak performance they could lose a job over not being profitable.

    If everyone can't do it no one can.


    Frown frown frown.

    The hardest working member of the team constantly relishing the last one night stand or heavy bender might be a prompt to the next that over indulgence is alright.

    Eventually, they could end up not being fit for duty.

    Like it or not examples set can have a far reaching impact. 

    We never know what all occurrences we could have been mistakenly partially responsible for.

    The day came when I decided the world didn't revolve around me.

    Yes, it was very disheartening. 

    I'm extremely important to me. 

    But, I had to think about what life would be like in a world full of me's.

    What if it was run by me's, and all the people I ran into on a daily basis were identical to me? 

    I wouldn't have liked that at all. 

    At that point I decided to embark on becoming the best me I can be. 

    I like to do my part.  

    I want to be a worthwhile contributing member of society.

    I can't remember exactly how it was phrased, but I once heard someone make a statement to the effect of, be the change you'd like to see in the world; because you never know who might be watching.

    After I was able to push my pride to the side I decided I full heartedly agree.

    I don't want to influence anybody to make decisions which will dramatically alter their lives in a negative way.

    So, today my fun matters a little less to myself, and I'm okay with that. 

  6. The so called sexual revolution

    The sexual revolution was a joke.  I suppose it was great for the guys, but the girls who bought into it were looked down upon and merely used.  I can understand people having sex outside of marriage, it is such a powerful instinct, but it seldom delivers what it promises.  From my own experience, any relationship I had with women was truncated when sexual activity entered into it. The illusion of union is so great doing the sexual act that it overshadows the slower process of just getting to know one another.  Once sex enters the picture it becomes more often than not (there are exceptions of course) the only thing that matters, and in the end the women involved suffers more than the men.  The experience of sexual union is only based on reality when the couples involved are in a committed relationship based on mutual respect and love.



  7. Xanthurion2
    Latest Entry

    About a month ago, I was being tortured by these tiny annoying insects know simply as bedbugs. A creature I did not know actually existed before this. Well, I am here to tell you that they do exist; they are very, very real and composed entirely of evil.

    These little fu--sorry, language filter... these bassturds (really, language filter?) are vampires. Except for the fact that you can choose not to invite a vampire into your home. Bedbugs will get in any way possible. They are tiny so you never really notice them until they're sucking out your life's blood every day. My little friends probably came from a used mattress that my roommate acquired. Although it's impossible to know because he didn't have symptoms like I did. He did get rid of the mattress for some reason. Then he moved out and decided not to take the bed, leaving it in my possession. I had been sleeping on a couch for the past few months so I was happy to finally have a bed. He knew about the bugs, I knew about the bugs. I figured if he can handle it, so can I. So whoopie! I'm sleeping on a bed tonight! So bedtime comes. I grab my blanket and pillow and jump into bed. I get all snuggly and warm and withing minutes, I am asleep.

    An hour or two passes and I wake up, itching in several spots, tossing and turning. But every time I got comfortable, a new itch would present itself. So after a few minutes of this, I gave up and got out of the bed. I flipped on the light and saw nothing. But I knew exactly what it was. So driven by a madness, I take off my bedding and lift up the mattress trying to just see one of the a--holes and know that I wasn't just insane. Well, I found one, killed it and came to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to be sleeping tonight.

    My friend who was staying over was sleeping on my couch so I went into my closet, searching all of my boxes of stuff that I never unpacked; looking for signs of bugs but I found nothing and got sidetracked looking at things, reveling in nostalgia. Finally my friend woke up and left. So this is where I screwed up. I grabbed my blanket and pillows off the bed and headed to my couch, where I finally got some sleep. Unknowingly bringing some of the s--tfu-k-rs with me.

    The next day, I decide to find out how bad the problem really is so I grab a screwdriver and a knife (to kill them) and head into the bedroom. I lift up the mattress and inspect every side of it, lifting up the little corner flap things and killing every bug I see. There are about ten all around the mattress but by now I'm sweating with nervousness and because it's kind of hot in the room. So I get to the box spring which is standing on its side by the wall. I start lifting up the fabric from the wood and killing bugs. There is one or two for every inch along the edge of the box spring and some on the metal frame. At this point, I say f--- this and decide that it is not a job I can do alone.

    So I resign myself to sleeping on the couch and for the next few days I am keeping an eye out for my apartment manager to tell her about the problem but she's never around. And by this time, I can't even sleep on the couch because I had brought them in there. Even after killing 12 or so of the f93$%rs in the couch and drowning their hidey hole in alcohol, they kept coming back. So I had been sleeping on the floor in the kitchen, washed and dried my bedding and hadn't been bothered at night for a few days. During the day, they would still bite me as I sat on the couch watching TV or whatever. But it wasn't so bad during the day because I wasn't trying to sleep and I found if I moved enough, they would leave me alone.

    So finally I get a chance to talk to my managers and they understand how despicable the bugs are so one of them is all over the problem from the beginning. The other one kind of stays out of the whole mess, she is just there to collect rent. Anyway, the other one comes in the apartment to survey the situation and I tell her everything. She says she will contact their exterminator and get it taken care of asap. Good, right? Nope, because she comes back and tells me that she spoke with the landlords and I am going to have to pay for everything and also have to get rid of the bed and couch before they will even start. If I don't, they will evict me. Okay, I will do everything I can. She also says I will have to bag all of my clothes, take them to an off-site laundromat and put everything in a dryer for 45 minutes or so, then place everything in new sealed bags. I was completely willing to cooperate, even after she switched exterminators the next day and said they would create a payment plan for me, just add 20 bucks to rent every week. I was fine with this, I was excited to get the problem taken care of. But I was having problems finding someone with a truck who would haul the furniture for me. I finally found someone who was coming the next day.

    The next day, I started on the bagging things when the manager came to my door and said they decided to just kick me out. Said I had five days to vacate because I "let" the problem go on too long. So then, I was very angry. I cranked up some Cradle of Filth (a metal band that I listen to when I'm feeling angry and want to annoy the neighbors) and started packing everything into boxes. I texted the truck person and cancelled that, then called my cousin who I lived with before, told her that I got kicked out and I have nowhere else to go so I'm moving back in. So, I moved out and left the bed, the couch and a bunch of junk that my roommates left and other junk that I didn't want.

    Since moving out, I've seen and killed one bedbug and haven't felt or seen any since. So I'm hoping that problem is done and over because now I have a new and bigger problem to worry about. Anyway, so the lesson here is if you think you may have bedbugs, find out for sure and then get rid of the f----ers. It's not easy and it will probably cost you a lot of money, unless your landlords aren't douchebags. But it will save you from going insane and sleeping on kitchen floors.

  8. I remember a time in highschool, I was in biology and we were having a pop quiz that day.  Roughly 5 minutes in to the quiz some one started saying out loud "bum bum bum bum bum" followed by some one across the room belting out "Flash!", and the whole class sang out "ohh oh, savior of the universe!"

    needless to say the teacher stopped the test and told us that we passed, merely because they liked that film.  So thank you Flash Gordon, you helped me pass a biology pop quiz.  The lesson of today is thus, random acts of weirdness goes a long way... Unless you're getting a psych evaluation that's been mandated by the court system.  Venasualen beaver cheese?

  9. portia.angelique.lumiere99

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    Mark One
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    As he stood there in his brown cords, red-suede-shoes and matching tan coloured duffle coat his demeanour was excitement.  The doc casually adjusted his brill creamed side parting as he waited for the doors to slide open.  Far beyond the glittery doors he could hear Emmas voice describing the next house mate.

  10. DigitalDreamer
    Latest Entry

    I see these old blog entries riddled with depression and anger,And i don't even recognize that guy! 


    I've grown firm and hardened to the worlds attempts at kicking me while i'm down and hoping that i won't get up,Now i can see through the thunderstorms and can appreciate them.The cleansing they provide,the darkness ever so temporary until pierced by the sun rays of mushrooms and psychedelic awakening.



  11.   Chapter 13 Pic.jpg  

         Still surrounded by the pin-point lights, Cloney asks, “What are these strange lights, Zerak?

         “I don’t know. They’re all around us, but they don’t seem to be doing any harm. They’re like tiny stars.”

         “They are the portents of the Values,” Zarkor says, still in his trance. “They will guide us safely to the Depository. Within their enclosure we are hidden from the guards.”

         Our three heroes glide on. As they approached ever closer to the mysterious glow ahead, Cloney exclaims, “Look! Even this close it’s still just a wispy blaze of light! Where’s the Depository?”

        “I don’t know, Cloney,” Zerak replies. “I don’t understand.”

         Zarkor, withdrawing somewhat from his trance, says, “You two must wait here. You will be safe within the lights. I must go on alone.”

         Zerak turns to Zarkor in surprise. “Alone? Why, Zarkor? I thought we were in this together.”

         “Because this is the will of the Values,” Zarkor replies. “Only I am in telepathic contact with them, only I can be guided by them to accomplish the task at hand, to free the Values forever. Do not worry, I will return safely. Trust in the wisdom of the Values.”

         Zerak and Cloney are silent as Zarkor in his Safety Cube drifts slowly away toward the glowing brightness beyond. When Zarkor is finally out of sight in the great nothingness, Zerak turns to Cloney.

         “We’ll have to trust in the Values and in Zarkor, Cloney,” he says. “There’s nothing else we can do. It’s up to Zarkor now.”

         “I don’t like this,” Cloney says, peering into the darkness after Zarkor. “Zarkor all by himself is a danger to himself, and probably to us as well. I’m afraid he’ll get himself in mischief and we’ll have to rescue him!”

         Suddenly Zarkor’s Safety Cube can be seen returning to Zerak and Cloney. “He’s coming back!” Cloney exclaims. “He probably got scared and needs our help after all.”

         When Zarkor has reached his two friends, he turns his Safety Cube to face Zerak and Cloney.

    “I thought you were going to free the Values,” Zerak says. “What happened?”   

         Now completely out of his trance, Zarkor is angry. “This is impossible! They’re still arguing! First they want me to come to them alone, then they change their minds and tell me to wait until they’ve made a unanimous decision! I’m tired of all this drifting about listening to all their stupid clatter! These Values still can’t decide on any reasonable plan of escape. It’s useless.”

         “I though they knew what they were doing all along,” says Zerak.

         “They’re still debating among themselves,” Zarkor says in frustration. “It’s confusing, telepathically listening to their pointless discussions. They can’t make up their minds about anything! I’m going to confront these so-called Supervisors myself,” he says finally. “My superior intellect will be more than a match for their puny minds. After all, they’re all just accountants and stuff, right? Supervisors, indeed! From what the Values tell me, their all incompetent fools. They say it’s always been a mess in that Depository. One of them is always escaping then being recaptured. These so-called Supervisors keep loosing track of who’s there and who’s missing. That’s why thru need that Sentinel and all those stupid guards!

         “The Values are smart enough to escape sometimes,” Cloney offers timidly.

         “Yeah, but they don’t know where to go when they do! They just wander about aimlessly until some guard spots them and then they’re brought back. Stupid. That’s why I’m going to take matters into my own.”

         “But what about the Vulgarians?” Cloney asks fearfully.

         “I’ll deal with them, too,” Zarkor states definitely. “I’ve met Vulgarians before once, or who they said they were. This Vulgarian guy was all fierce talking at first, but I soon put him in his place. In the end he was apologizing to me for the mess they made of this Universe!”

         Zerak and Cloney stared at Zarkor in wonder. “You met a Vulgarian?” Zerak asked, bewildered.

         “Sure!” Zarkor says proudly, and even in his Safety Cube they could see him puff himself up. “It’s when I bought that classic ship from Cousin Billy’s Pawn Shop, remember? I met this guy, Mr. Brain in a diner, and we went to this Vulgarian Outpost and I gave that stupid Vulgarian a good talking too.”

         “You never mentioned that to me,” Zerak says.

         Zarkor looks a little pale. “Well, for some reason you didn’t want me to fly that ship. You said it was junk, that Cousin Billy cheated me. Well, it wasn’t and he didn’t. It was a classic space ship, real old world craftsmanship. I still have it, in fact, tucked away on the planet. Needs a little maintenance now, I’ll admit, but it’s spaceworthy. It’s a classic!”

         Zerak turned and looks at Cloney, then back to Zarkor. “Maybe we should wait until the Values finally make up their minds,” he says cautiously. “We don’t really know enough about all this to make any real decisions, do you think?”

         “Nonsense,” Zarkor snarls. “You two wait here, I’ll straighten all this out. My infallible intuition tells me all I have to do is use my superior intelligence on these inferior species, these so-called Supervisors. And if any Vulgarian interferes, I’ll deal with him, too.”

         With that, Zarkor quickly glides ay from Zerak and Cloney, not looking back.

         “Do you think we should follow him?” Cloney asks. “I just know he’s going to get himself into trouble, and probably us with him.”

         Zerak turns once again at the distant glow. “Perhaps,” he muses. “But there‘s more to Zarkor than you know, you being so young and all. I have some confidence he’ll succeed better than we may think.”

         Cloney looks at Zerak doubtfully. “Maybe, but I know Zarkor, too. I’m the one who had to save him on our Adventure on the Next Continent, remember? I just hope his Dumb Luck Implant is up and running. I have a feeling he’ll need it.”


         Zarkor, all alone now, continues his glide toward the glowing mist ahead. After a while he spots a solid structure within the brilliant filaments of light. “That must be where the stupid Supervisors are,” he says to himself. Altering his course, he heads for a large silver globe to the side of the bright filaments.

         Zarkor drifts around the globe until he spots what he considers an entranceway. Gliding up to it, he telekinetically knocks on the metal door. After a moment, a voice from inside yells out, “Who’s there?!”

         “It’s me, Zarkor,” Zarkor answers. “Let me in!”

         “Who?” The interior voice asks.

         “Zarkor!” Zarkor shouts impatiently. “Let me in or I’ll blow the door open!”

         There is confused shuffling heard from inside. “What do you want?” The voice says, then it adds, “Go away!”

         “You better let me in, whoever you are!” Zarkor shouts at the door. “You’re in big trouble! I’m on a mission from the Galactic Council, and if you don’t want to be arrested right away you better open up!”

         There is momentary silence from inside. Then Zarkor hears some confused conversations. “Well?” He shouts.

         More confused exchanges from the interior.  Finally a voice yells out, “The Supreme Council has no authority over us!”

         “Oh no? If you don’t want Council battle ships to arrive, open this stupid door!” Is Zarkor’s response.

         There is a squeaking sound as the outer door of the silver globe slowly begins to open. “That’s better,” Zarkor says as he drifts inside the airlock. The outer door closes and air hisses into the chamber. The inner door then swings wide and Zarkor is confronted by three Humanoid Supervisors.

         Looking at the three, Zarkor mutters, “I should have known, Humans.”























  12. I want to find a new job. I'm tired of where I am and to be honest, I don't think this firm will be around much beyond the end of this year.

    My problem: I've done virtually nothing for the last 10 years and have lost all confidence in what I am capable of doing. I work for 2 architects. One of them very rarely lets me type emails or letters for him; the other I always type emails/letters for him because he has virtually no knowledge of computers and is happily ignorant. The problem is that he doesn't send many letters or emails. I answer the phone, three lines, but it doesn't really ring all that much. We have the odd visitor, but not as often as other architect firms probably have. I make sure all supplies are stocked and when we have the occasional lunch n learn, I organize the meal ordering.

    That has been the extent of my work life for the last 10 years. I have always been willing to learn new things, new programs, but these two guys never wanted me to learn anything new. 

    I look at job descriptions and hesitate to apply because I am scared I will be overwhelmed and fail under pressure. I don't know what to do.

  13. Zylotta

    Latest Entry

    "Did you hear? They are putting in another spaceport out near Tempest? Apparently there's been an influx of Balini* recently and the existing 'ports are becoming too crowded to manage easily. But if you ask me I think its just another waste of resources. What they should have done was put more effort into fixing the old hydro-reclamation plant." Vayni had barely heard what Frina was going on about, he was too lost in his own thoughts. They had been waiting on the train for almost 15 minutes now, and Frina had talking his earholes off the whole time. The transit system had curved up from the marsh below along a low rise of hills. Vayni could make out the thin silver of track making its way through the trees, raised several feet off the ground on support posts. The southern region was too wet and unstable to build homes on, structures had to be buildt atop the numerous dry hills sprinkled along the marshland. As the marshland was too unstable for safe travel by ground vehicle, and too chocked with plants to allow easy access to boats, raised transit systems were the only way to cross them safely. The transit station had a semi-domed roof that faced the marsh, and Vayni had spent most of the morning looking out it, out towards New Harmony, on the other side of the marsh, silver and grey structures covered the far hillside and spread across the hills for miles in either direction. The sun had only just started to rise and many of the buildings gleamed in its light. Vayni did not like New Harmony, or any city for that matter, and had it been up to him he would never have gone near one. But his parents lived there, and with the holidays coming up, he was expected to be there. He placed his hand on the glass of the window and sighed. "Hey! What are you doing?" Vayni turned around to see Frina standing just a few feet away. "Ah, New harmony, quite a sight isn't it?" He said. Vayni looked back over his shoulder and out the window "Ya, a sight." He said half-heartedly. "Well c'mon, the trains here and I don't think they have all day!" Frina said before heading off towards the train. Vayni followed him.



  14. Getting this off my chest: I didn't date when I was younger (boys weren't interested in me at school) so technically Michael is considered my first love (he dated other girls before meeting me so I'm not his first) and people (including family) seem to have the need to say oh first loves don't usually last. It honestly gets really hard when people say that, it basically comes across as they doubt he and I will work out. We've been together since Aug 26th 2012 and engaged since Jan 24th 2015, so safe to say yes I do want a future with him. I honestly feel like snapping at people when they say it, they seem to forget he and I are well and truly adults (he's 27 this year and I turned 28 in Jan). I've spoken to my Psychologist about it because it does upset me when people say things, she told me she personally knows people who were first loves and have lasted (one are her aunty and uncle who were 14 when they started dating and now are in their 60s). I cannot understand why people seem to think that first loves don't last, relationships take work (we work on ours) and some will work out for good and others end. 

  15. I do apologize for this overdue update. I'm here to talk more about my little family. The pack as you know, The Scattered Ruins, has grown a bit more. Up to 11 members now and still a few more to come. Many plans for us all have been set for this summer. Our main event being the meet up at my place. We are going to be cooking out, sleeping out in the yard under all the stars, hanging at the park, and going to a wolf park about an hour form my place. The pack had had some major news, a lot I am not going to be going into, of new members and stuff outside of it all. Welcoming new members is always a hard time as some may not get along with others. As the alpha I'm constantly making sure everyone is ok and safe.

    Besides the pack I have my own events planned. I have two graduations and three open houses to go to. After my sister finishes summer school we are heading to Kentucky until a few days before a Slipknot concert. We are returning for a few days over the summer to camp out and get in to see Slipknot. We are buying pit tickets for the event, with about four or five of us going to the event. Besides these major events nothing to special is happening. 

    Well iv given you an update on what's going on. I'll try to do more updates and statues over the summer since I won't be as busy as I normally am. Major events and updates will always been spoken about within this blog here.

    So for now this is Lunar Wolf signing out. Have fun my mates and make it a great summer.


                                                                                                                                                   ~Lunar Wolf~



  16. AustinHinton
    Latest Entry

    These are the Aspie stereotypes I dislike the most, and why they don’t apply to me.

    -Aspies are nothing but fleshy computers (I can think creatively, a computer cannot)
    -Aspies stink at social communication and etiquette (I have decent social communication skills, but etiquette? Ya not so much…)
    -Aspies are apathic and do not care for the emotions of others (I am VERY empathic)
    -Aspies are “anal retentive” and only care about useless factoids (I care about more things than factoids)
    -Aspies speak in a monotone devoid of even the slightest emotion (My voice is quite emotional)
    -Aspies don’t swear (I admit this is true for me)
    -Aspies talk with an air of superiority (I never speak to anyone like this)
    -Aspies are doomed to stay single unless a girl takes pity on them (I cant really say much about this one, I’ve never had a GF)
    -Aspies are only male (I have known female Aspies)
    -Aspies are little more than children and need constant care and supervision (I spend a good part of my life alone, and I can take care of myself)
    -Aspies are only into “Autistic things” (What, pray tell, is an “Autistic thing”?)
    -Aspies have embarrassing “episodes” (I have meltdowns from time to time, but I wouldn’t call them episodes)
    -Aspies are just faking it for attention (I despise it when people say I’m “just faking it”)
    -Aspies are your typical nerds/geeks (Aspies can be anything, we are not nerds or geeks in the traditional sense)
    -Aspies aren’t emotional (I am quite emotive.)

  17. MoonPrincess' Blog

    By: thesanityclause


    I love this comic. I've seen it before and still funny!

  18. blog-0544041001463671897.jpeg(( this little story or whatever you wanna call it is gonna have a lot of swearing in it so if you don't like people who swear or can't stand it as it is, you can stop reading now even though the words are bleeped out.)) ((there may be more than one part))

    Almost three years ago, I met you, and you met me. It felt like a sigh of relief, the world being thrown off my shoulders. You felt like a pain pill that took it all away. Everyday we would meet outside on the sidewalk and then go into the back field. You were such an amazing friend, though there were times where your mom was a b****, yet I ignored her, you were one of the only things that mattered to me.

    I remember your 14th birthday party, I still remember all your friends that I may never see again.

    I still remember how your friend showed me "Don't Hug Me I'm Scared: Time". She was the main person who got me into the fandom and kept watching theories and videos about the series. I remember how we made videos and made parody videos that were ******* hilarious and made me laugh so hard that I almost peed my pants.

    Then things started to change, your mom started to act more of a b****, and you started texting me less. What happened, where did you go, why were you ignoring me? I still don't know to this day. You invited me to a New Year's Eve party and I agreed to go, you never texted me after that. I texted you that I was ready to come over, you said you didn't see me as a friend because I ignored you? Really? You're the one who didn't text me that past week.

    After the New Year party, you came up to me like a little child and started crying and asking ((forcing)) me for forgiveness, so I gave in. Oh boy, was I an idiot.

    Part 2 coming tomorrow or Monday

  19. In the last five months, three of my coworkers have been robbed at gunpoint while walking to work in the early morning hours. Another coworker avoided being mugged by retrieving his concealed weapon when he saw two men wearing ski masks approaching him. They saw the gun in his hand and made a hasty retreat. Those were frightening moments for my coworkers; maybe 'traumatizing' is a better word. I had some similar experiences in my younger days, though I wouldn't say I felt traumatized; I was startled and stressed out, but because of the way the situations played out I felt that I had some emotional and physical control over the outcomes.

    Both situations occurred while I was working for a warehousing company in Utah. I worked with a good crew and we had some good times. Thursdays were our easy night on the night shift: we worked five or six hours to finish up the week’s orders, then all of us single guys headed over to the Silver Cloud on 9th and State to shoot pool and listen to the band. I eventually transferred to the Produce division to drive trucks on the day shift. Late one Thursday night I was in bed when I heard a loud knock on the door of my tiny ground-floor apartment. I thought, “Uh oh, it’s the night crew wanting me to hang with them.” I ignored the knocking, and then a loud “Boom!” catapulted me out of bed. Why was the night crew breaking down my front door?

    I have a certain voice that I call my ‘scary voice’. I’ve only used it four or five times in my life because it has a startling effect on people, probably because I look like Mr. Rogers but my 'scary voice' sounds like Godzilla. Anyway, I stuck my head into the living room and said “What’s going on out here?” (paraphrased to meet family-friendly standards).

    Three young men I didn’t recognize were frozen in place, arms stretched out toward my television, stunned looks on their faces, backlit by the streetlamp in the parking lot. We stared at each other for a second, then all three bolted for the door. Their getaway driver burned rubber out of the parking lot, not even waiting for his buddies. The roar of the engine probably awakened the entire neighborhood.

    I called the police, gave my report, and went back to bed, feeling a bit vulnerable because the door jamb was completely busted and I couldn’t lock the door. (The landlord fixed the door the next day.)

    It was the roar of the engine that disturbed my sleep for the next six months. Every time a car with a loud muffler drove by during the night I instantly snapped awake, fully alert, listening for sounds of danger. Eventually I had to move away from that neighborhood just so I could get a good night’s sleep.

    I moved all the way up to the East Bench where the rich people lived. In years past, my apartment had been the servant’s quarters in a beautiful home owned by a woman who, in her younger days, had been an internationally-acclaimed concert pianist. I had my own outdoor patio with a panoramic view of the Salt Lake Valley. It was quite a change in my environment.

    Ah, but sometimes trouble follows.

    One Sunday afternoon I got a phone call from Anzio, a fellow truck driver, asking if I wanted to go downtown and shoot some pool. Anzio was kind of a thug. He was a martial artist, and had taken 2nd place in judo competition in his home state of Washington. He had long hair, a small scar on his face, and that smug look that over-confident young men have when they think they’re invincible.

    We played pool for a couple of hours, had a good time, everything was cool, but when we walked outside to the street Anzio saw someone he knew and the trouble began. Anzio walked up to the guy and said, “Where’s my money, bro?” and shoved him.

    So there we were in downtown Salt Lake City on a Sunday afternoon with traffic whizzing by, and Anzio and the Bro are doing the monkey dance. I wanted nothing to do with it. I leaned against the building and pretended to be just another innocent bystander.

    They had shoved their way half a block down the street when suddenly I heard Anzio yelling, “Help me! Help me!” I ran toward them and saw the Bro bent over in a fighting stance and holding a razor knife. Anzio was holding his right hand over his left bicep and blood was running down his arm onto the pavement.

    When interrupting a violent attack, one must be prepared to go 'all in', and continue until the threat is eliminated. I yelled at the Bro, “Drop the knife!”. He remained in his stance, holding the knife firmly in his hand. I guess my instincts took over then, because I landed a solid kick to his solar plexus and he dropped like a rock. I’m not proud of my next move, but he still held on to the knife: I kicked him in the face, and then held him to the ground as I pulled his right arm back and up behind him. I told him that if he didn’t drop the knife I would dislocate his shoulder.

    Right then a police car drove up to the curb. The officer got out and smacked his baton on the sidewalk a couple of times. Anzio and I retreated, I warned the officer about the knife, and then I started assessing Anzio’s injuries: he’d been cut seven times. His left bicep had been sliced nearly in half from his shoulder to his elbow. I took off my shirt and made a tourniquet to apply pressure and stop the flow of blood.

    After a few hours in the Emergency room, Anzio and I drove back to his apartment and I gave him a good talking-to. “Man, you gotta quit acting like that! What if he’d hit an artery? You’d be dead right now!” I don’t know if he took my advice, because shortly afterwards he moved back to Washington. The Bro’s assault charges were dropped when Anzio didn’t return for the trial.

    To add another perspective to those stories:

    I had a health club membership at the Spa Fitness Center in Salt Lake City. Bodybuilding and steroids were in their heyday in the 70‘s, and sometimes I felt like I was walking through a minefield of ’roid rage' while working out. One club location attracted a lot of ex-cons. Greg Johnson, for example, (not his real name) had spent most of his life in and out of prison. He was the most frightening man I’d ever seen. When he was in the gym, there was a pall of fear in the room; when he was incarcerated, he ran the prison. One of his trademark fear tactics was walking up to a random inmate and knocking him out, just to remind everyone that he was the top dog. Believe me when I tell you that the man exuded evil.

    I didn’t see Greg for a number of years, and then one day I saw him sitting outside the basketball arena downtown. He appeared to be waiting for someone. It was one of those unguarded moments when you get a glimpse of the real person behind the mask: Greg looked like a broken man. His youthful exuberance had faded, and he just seemed to be sad and lonely. Even the most violent of criminals may become contemplative in their old age. The people we were in our youth may be very different than the people we become as our conscience wakes up.

    The Bible has a lot to say about violence and our reaction to it. I think there’s a difference between the “turn the other cheek” type of offenses, and the grievous offenses that cause injury and trauma: we want justice, reparations, and a show of remorse by the offender. Often we're left with only a helpless rage that threatens to consume us. When that happens, the only thing we have in our control, the only thing that has the power to break through the rage, is forgiveness. The answer is the same for any offense, be it a verbal insult or a serious assault with injuries: Turn it over to God, forgive, and continue to choose forgiveness with every remembrance of the violent act. Whether it takes just a few minutes to forgive, or the offense is so grievous that it requires years for forgiveness to finally take root in our hearts, always choose forgiveness. When all is said and done, forgiveness pays better dividends than bitterness does.

    “Every warrior is happy when his enemies flee before him, but much more blessed is the man to whom his fiercest enemies can come with confidence, knowing beforehand they will be received with love.”

    Richard Wurmbrand in “Reaching toward the Heights.”

  20. More Random Stupid Stuff

    Firstly, I'd like to say that you can skip the first several paragraphs below if you want to. They're not too interesting. I didn't get very enthusiastic about writing this entry until about then. Then I started to have some pretty good ideas. I even put a star (*) next to the part where it gets interesting. Interesting to me, anyway.

    Also, I hope all this that follows isn't too long. Once I start writing I usually don't know when to stop. If you scroll down and think this entry is too much to read, just skip it and go somewhere else, I’ll understand. I don't like reading long stuff myself, I just like writing long stuff. In any case, this here is what I've written this time:

    I was thinking about creating a new set of fictional characters. When I erroneously mentioned in some previous blog entry…

    (well, see, that blog entry I’m mentioning hasn’t appeared in this blog yet, so all this is sort of mentioning something that hasn’t happened. Well, it’s happened, but no one knows about it. It’s sort of a future blog entry that relates to a past blog entry (this one) that relates to this future blog entry I haven’t posted yet. In other words, I told you, you could skip these first paragraphs.)

    …that my previous fictional characters were to be retired I thought someone would protest about me deleting these other fictional characters, but as no one has complained. I guess they weren't as popular as I hoped they would be. I had devoted a lot of time and energy bringing them into their virtual existence, however. Although they're gone, (they’re not really gone because I changed my mind in this blog entry. ) somehow they still revolve around in my head, as if they were real, living friends of mine. They are still living, of course, in a virtual way. They're still doing what ever they are doing, living their virtual lives somewhere. I just don't know what they're doing anymore because I’m not writing about them anymore (actually, I am writing about them now, it’s just that in that future entry I decided to retire them...which I now have decided to keep them alive.)

    * Now I'm thinking my new fictional characters that I mentioned above somewhere could be named Marcel and Tarquin. That might be interesting. They're decorating their new apartment and they say and do funny things. Like campy stuff. It could be funny, funny in a stereotypical way, though I don’t generally like stereotypes and I don’t want to offend anyone. Anyway, maybe they're both set designers for a big Hollywood movie studio. They get to meet all the glamorous movie stars and gossip about them. You know, about their real lives and how shabby and sleazy and scandalous the movie star's real lives really are.

    These two guys, Marcel and Tarquin, could also be shabby and sleazy themselves. Maybe not shabby, more like disreputable and sordid. Kind of like all the rest of us, but more so. That's how they worked their way up to be Hollywood set designers. But, there is good in them, too. They're basically good people, they're just caught up in the sleazy Hollywood life-style.

    Now, I know what the Hollywood life-style is like because I've seen it. It's pretty sordid and seedy. That's the real definition of glamorous. Sordid and amoral and decadent. And seedy and corrupt and self-indulgent. Come to think of it, that might not be too interesting, as it's not much different than everyone else's lives, even those who aren't Hollywood set designers.

    You may think I'm being too critical here of the general population of human beings. Maybe I am, but not too much. We always think we're better than we really are, but then again, usually we're a lot of times better than what we think we are. So, maybe we're not so bad after all. Lots of us try to do the right thing, it's just sometimes our heart's not really in it. Also, sometimes we try to do the right thing because somebody else is watching.

    When somebody else is watching it's like they're taking notes. Naturally, it's important to always be good when someone is writing it all down. If nobody's around we can relax and do what we really want to do. That's when we can actually have fun, when nobody's looking and taking notes. Or, usually when maybe one other person is there who you can trust not to take notes. Those are the best kinds of people. People with short memories, or people who don't pay much attention to what's going on, or people who like to have the same kind of fun as you do. Especially that last kind of person. Those are, of course, the best kind of persons to know.

    Anyway, maybe I'll work on this Marcel and Tarquin thing. Then again, maybe I won't. I don't really know much about those kinds of people. I'm not against them, I just don't circulate in their social world becaueI don't live in Hollywood any more. It's too expensive, for one thing. You spend more on tips than on anything else. People who lived on tips made more money than I did. So eventually I moved out of Hollywood to somewhere else.

    Where I live now I don't have to tip so much. I still have to tip, but not so much. Also, I don't have to drive so fancy a car. Just these two things in themselves save me a lot of money. And I don’t have to live in some big fancy house and wear expensive clothes. I'm all for saving money, but not for saving too much. I think it's good to spend most of your money because you might be dead tomorrow or something. After all, what good is having money in the bank when you're dead? That's stupid.

    When I die I want just enough money left over for a nice funeral. That way all my obnoxious relatives who are planning on getting rich from my demise will be suitably disappointed. Even when I'm dead I think I'll enjoy disappointing my obnoxious relatives in this way, at least I hope I will somehow. That would almost make my death worthwhile.

    The only kind of person I would feel sorry for are those who won't profit from my passing away, because I spent all my money while alive, are those people I talked about somewhere above. You know, the kind who liked to have the same kind of unobserved fun that I did, the kind who didn’t take notes.

    I can't leave them anything in my will because I can't betray them by revealing their names. They must remain anonymous. Revealing their names in my will would be like I was taking notes on them when I wasn't supposed to.

    So, unfortunately, the people I liked best and would have liked to leave some money to must forever remain unidentified and left out of my will. Sort of a Catch-22 thing.

    I’m not sure if anyone can work out all this that I’ve written here, and it’s most likely not worth the effort, anyway. In reality, this blog entry is just my typical convoluted rubbish, though I do like the potential Marcel and Tarquin characters. Maybe I’ll make them become alive in some future and write down their lives. I’ll have to do some research, but probably not personal research. I could do some personal research, but I don’t know where to find these people in real life. In Hollywood they’re everywhere, but not so much where I live now.

    In conclusion, if the reader thinks all this, as I say, has been difficult to follow, it’s been only slightly less difficult for me to work out myself. So, if anyone has read this up to now, thanks. I’ll try to do better next time.

  21. I do not remember having this episode but my partner told me when the alarm went off.

    She said I had awoken and my eyes were wide open, my body was vibrating and looking at the fan. She said i was making weird gasping noises. She said I turned the light on by my bedside and pointed at the fan. When she asked me what is wrong. I replied "the fan is falling on us".

    When she told me i am dreaming i looked at her annoyed and rolled over and went back to sleep but left the bedside lamp on.

  22. As mentioned in past articles, growing up in northern Ontario, I heard many native legends and lore. These stories are part of an oral tradition pasted down the generation to teach the way of life, explain how nature works and history of a people. Some of these legends, also server as a warning to the dangers lurking in the forest or swimming in the water. One such myth I came across was the story about the giant sturgeon of Lake Superior.

    The sturgeon is an ancient, species of fish dwelling in the various fresh waters throughout North America These creatures can live up to several decades, be several hundred pounds and grow over 10 feet in length. First, time encountering a sturgeon would appear monstrous, sparking the imagination of gigantic versions within the water. In a time when people went out on Lake Superior and never returned, one could envision them being eaten by a mammoth sturgeon which may have given birth to the legend. The native folklore mentions Lake Superior to be inhabited by several of these colossal creatures.

    They constantly patrol the shoreline searching for food including anything that enters the water. Hence, the myth warning others not to venture very far on the lake. The legend describes the sturgeon as enormous, capable of swallowing men in canoes whole. Other adaptations speak of the fish to be more massive able to consume an entire village. Each express the same warning of the threat within the depths of Lake Superior

    Since the earliest settlement of European within the area, there has not been a reported sighting of any giant sturgeon. In the 300 years of shipping, other strange occurrences have been said to happen out on the lake. Stories detailed accounts about observing an abnormal outline of some unknown creature following alongside of vessels. Sailors describe hearing the thundering of splashing water by their boats, claiming the sound could only be made by a whale. A few accounts where people witness the suddenly emerging of large eyes through the surface of the water then vanishing as they sank back in. Even though Lake Superior maybe devoid of a giant sturgeons, it is not short of other legends and mysteries.

  23. CJ1983's Blog

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    So a few posts on the forums sparked the interest in me to post something like this here. I'll give everyone the benefit of the doubt in that you are an educated, intelligent individual who tries to see things for what they are. In this day and age we live in which is full of war, environmental issues, political distress, and things like zika popping up every now and then. Either you can put full faith in the government to take care of it all for you, or you can do what you can to help ensure you and your family aren't left out to dry. This is not going to be some wackos guide to how to live off the grid in an underground bunker somewhere in the mountains. I intend for this to be a realistic set of ideas that others can take a few tidbits of info and make it work for their own personal needs to help make survival a sure thing. Now I like most of you have my doubts about the country and its leadership, but I also have faith that no one wants to see a collapse of any kind here in the U.S. But there are times when bad things happen and all you can do is ride it out, hopefully its something small like a power outage that doesn't last more than a day. Tragic events can and do lead to a united effort to help each other,... for a while. But if things don't get better quick, things can escalate to bad even quicker.

    About me: 33 years old male, married, 2 kids, 1 dog, I live in San Diego CA, Marine Corps vet of 12 years, college student, teen counselor, fire arms instructor.

    I will provide here a list of future topics to discuss in greater detail.

    Here a few tips.

    1.) The first thing you need to do is find a reason to stay strong in desperate times. Whether is due to a bad natural disaster, crime, or anything else that causes some sort of civil unrest in your immediate area. For me, that's my family. For you it could be your faith, friends, or just a huge personal desire not to die, or even be the slightest bit uncomfortable. What ever you have that keeps you going, find out what it is, and hold onto it.

    2.) Build relationships with those around you, neighbors, co-workers, expand your personal network. While you may be a jack of all trades, I guarantee others can do things better and more efficiently than you.

    3.) Make an assessment of realistic and possible scenarios. In southern California, earthquakes happen daily, sometimes so small you can't feel them, other times, they're a little stronger, even scary. Drought is an issue, and we are in a preparation mode for El Nino. There are a lot of military installations here, which is good but it also makes the area a target for terrorism. Oh and wildfires, that's another things to add to the list. So even when you live in a place that's mostly sunshine, sandy beaches, and bikinis. There are things that should be remembered in the back of your mind.

    4.) Educate yourself. Learn to garden, sew, start a fire, read a map, change a tire, cook without a microwave. Basic skills can go a long way. Read, watch youtube, you'd be surprise what you can learn and become efficient at when you put forth the effort.

    5.) Make a plan. Know which main Interstates lead to where, as well as all less traveled highways and side roads. Know when to keep put and when to head for higher ground. Most importantly, know what to pack as well as what not to pack. Know who you can depend on, and who will just be a liability.

    6.) Make a list for each individual/animal you plan to care for. Food, water, shelter, medications, etc.

    7.) Stock up. Everyone should have at a bare minimum, the means to live for 3 weeks inside of their home. Think of it like this, one weeks food inside of your fridge, and two weeks food in your freezer and cupboards. Doesn't sound so hard right? Water, water is a little harder to keep stocked. The goal here is 1 gallon per person per day, that can add up to a whole lot real quick. Keep in mind that gallon is meant for drinking as well as hygiene and cooking too, so you can lower the total amount as needed, when and if possible.

    8.) Get in shape. You'll last longer.

    9.) Designate roles. Here is where a network of people can help immensely. Food prep, medic, scavenger, security, mechanic, gardener, handy man, techie, etc.

    10.) Security. Basics, strong locks on doors/windows. Get a dog, gun, baseball bat, or don't. Desperate times lead to desperate people trying to take what you have.

    11.) Medical supplies. I feel that this set of supplies can be a whole beast in itself depending on your needs. For some it'll only be a basic first aid kit that's needed.

    Constructive criticism is welcomed.

    Added edit info is bold and underlined,

  24. myABBAsheart
    Latest Entry

    Do you remember my tree? It was strong and steady. It was something I always could count on. It was not so much a secret as it was smack dab in the front yard of my home. However, it was mine and no one could understand or feel it's beauty as much as could. I had other issues that I discussed with this tree. It was a place I was able to let go of my worries, I felt great every time I put my thoughts at the foot of this tree.

    When I was in the fifth grade, I had a teacher that loved my brother, whom he taught a couple years earlier. He was happy to have me because he stated that my brother was smart and I probably was too. I knew I was slipping big time. My heart was just consumed with things. I felt disconnected. I knew we were barely hanging on and our home life was day by day. We also lived in a run down area and had what is known as a welfare hotel next door to us. I had ALOT of fears and insecurities. I was scared of everything. There was always some sort of direct or indirect crime that targeted the area. You really could not walk down the street without watching your back. However, with that there was something protecting our street and there was that sense of community to look out for each others children. We made the rounds in our street. There were the elderly, whom we made sure we visited promptly after school. They loved all of us, and they rewarded us kindly with candy to keep us coming back. We did, but it was not for the candy. One of the homes, were owned by Mr. and Mrs. Ryan. He would hand out Blow-pops to us. They had gum inside and were awesome. When he died, we all went to his funeral. The neighborhood kids placed Blow-pops in his jacket pocket. Mrs. Ryan hugged us and sobbed. They really did mean the world to us. We made sure to still keep visiting her.

    There was a sense of evil around us. Remembering what I felt, there seemed to be a battle between good and evil. We found comfort in each other as neighbors; a street that consisted of over twenty homes. We knew each and everyone that lived on our street. We knew when we something was not right and we were taught to keep alert. We were almost kidnapped, we were stalked, and we did at some point get the crap kicked out of us for having something that someone else wanted. Our house was vandalized on Halloween. I laugh at it now, I just remember not understanding why someone would be so cruel as to smash my pumpkins that I carved. I hated Halloween ever since. We knew what drugs were, we knew what stolen goods were as well. The game was to see how much we stolen items we could find around the block. Our houses were broken into, arson, and we could not play at the park across the way at the lake. It instantly became polluted with leftover drug needles and paraphernalia. I went to sleep every night to the sound of gang fights and watching the view from my bedroom window of the VFW having bonfires. It really became a place for motorcycle gangs to hang out and party. The FBI used my room to stakeout and investigate a murder. It just so happened that we were at my fathers when this occurred. Scary thing is, my brother and I went exploring back there one day, I thought I saw a body against our fence. Wild imagination....who knows!

    I loved being outside. We did not have television, or video games. We were sent outside until that street light came on. I enjoyed being outside and feeling free. I hated school. I felt lost and confused, my head hurt when I was there. I just wanted nothing more than to be with my mother. The more I was at school, the more I became lost. I loved art class, and my fifth grade teacher would play the piano for us throughout our day. Those things I loved. I felt alone at times and not really understood, in as much as not feeling worthy. My teacher seemed like he was good. He noticed my daydreaming. He noticed I was not interested. He tried in his own way. He nicknamed me "airplane". He laughed at me to get the other kids to laugh at me and pull me out of myself. I would just sit and smile. I hated every second of it.

    He was nothing like the teacher in my third grade, who loved me and understood me. She was my favorite teacher whom said I was different and made me feel special. She would separately pull me up to her desk during assignments and help me one-one. She listened and cared. One day she did not come back. She was sick. We had another teacher, whom I could not connect too because I would not allow myself to get close to anyone. I was hurt and felt abandoned. I would send notes and tell the substitute to pass messages to her. I for some reason cannot remember my teachers name. My brain works that way, I remember every detail of her manners and face. Not so much her name.. She was my favorite teacher though and she allowed me to finally look forward to school. She saw potential and saw me differently. She always hugged me and gave me kisses on my head. She took so much hurt away. However, she got sick a lot. We were told that one day she would be there when in fact she go too sick to come back. I look forward to hearing updates on her. I was so excited to hear her come back to school after Christmas holidays. I could not wait. She never came back. I remember the last thing she wore. was devastated. The updates stopped coming. I asked one day and we were only told she was very sick. We were told that she loved us so much. I remember thinking all kinds of things. The substitute pulled me up to her desk after class one day. Told me that my teacher had spoke a lot about me. The substitute (instantly blocked her name) told me that my teacher loved me and that if I needed anything to ask her. I was so hurt, and pushed her away. I was just a kid feeling and did not understand. It was a hard year and I just stopped trying. The substitute won us over in time. I told her at one point that I thought she was a great teacher, although deep down I knew she could not compare to my favorite teacher. What I did see, is her understanding our feelings and helping us all through this. and towards the end of the year, I opened up to her. She did hug me and told me how she appreciated me sharing with her. I knew my teacher would not be returning. I am not sure I knew that she died of cancer in the middle of the school year. I was not told the details until years later. Funny, I felt her prayers when she was sick. I felt her presence over our classroom. She was a great teacher and loved children. My fifth grade teacher was nothing like her. He antagonized me and made me feel like I was stupid .I will never forget the name of my fifth grade teacher, because I despised him.

    I would hide everyday under my tree and just let my heart flow again. I knew there was something in me that needed help. I pleaded to my tree to help the adults of this world understand what is going on the minds of children like me, especially those children who just can't. There was a child I had known through the years in elementary school. He was severely hyper and would just eat everything even if it was not food. No one knew what was wrong with him. I used to sit and just watch him. I would also talk to him time to time, and sometimes I could not because he was like a rubber bouncing ball that got loose from your grip. It was hard to contain him once he was in this mode. The thing was, he was typical at times. I knew about handicaps and mentally retarded individuals, I went to visit my new aunt in her facility. She had TB and became mentally handicapped from loss of oxygen as a child. I like going to her group home. Sometimes it was hard to bare though. I went to my tree and begged my tree to allow people one day to see how children learn differently, think differently, to see what was on the inside. I begged my tree to one day change this and allow us to see it. I was told to be patient. I wanted to see it in my lifetime. That I did want.

    The pain this teacher put me through was heartbreaking. It made me cry and not want to go to school. My teacher went from what seemed like trying to pull me out, to downright cruelty. He would make the other kids point and laugh, and make them isolate me. He was ignorant as a teacher. It never occurred to him, that I have been tested for a learning disability. I had a lot of headaches, and well to be honest, was not eating properly. I had allergies then, that I know now were the cause of my spaciness. I was also consumed with hurt and emotional distress when my dad would not show up, or act like an animal towards my mother or someone else. I felt very lost and alone in school. Not one time did my teacher care how I was.

    We had open house one night at school and I was excited because my father was going to come. He told me straight to my face, that I was liar because I did not have a father. He announced it that way to the class and told the class that I was acting like an airplane again because I told everyone my father was coming. He was antagonizing and asked how that could be, I don't have a father and my mother is not married. The whole class laughed at me again. I would just take it every time. I took it again, I knew what I had, he could not touch. What he did was tell me all my brain was good for was flying around in the air full of clouds. That is all he saw in me. I saw right through him after that. I would take it and smile and nod because I knew more than he did. He wanted to dress nice and act like a hot shot, so be it. He had beady eyes and looking back reminded me of an Italian Hitler. I smiled and nodded.

    What he did not know was my mother remarried during the summer to my stepfather. I asked my stepfather to go to open house, and he said he could not. He would if he could, however he had military duties that required him to be gone Thursday to Sunday. I was hurt, but I knew he would if he could. I trusted my stepfather completely. I begged him though and he just said he could not. I understood this. I so wanted my teacher's approval. To see that I mattered too. I could not understand why my teacher hated me. My stepfather assured me that was not the case. However, I knew my brother was smart and I hated being compared to him. I hated it because my brother was mean to me too. He loved this teacher and I hated this teacher. I was told that I was the problem. I just went to class and sucked it up....besides it was only for a few months until I was away from him. I always went to my tree, I knew it understood without words.

    Open house in Elementary school was my favorite time of the year. We had our science fair and art exhibits all at the same time. I loved it and looked forward to it. I was however, not looking forward to what my teacher would tell my mom about me. I just knew I was not keeping up and could not compare to the others. I really felt inferior and intimidated. I had no confidence left either. I felt shame and hurt. I went to my desk and watched all the parents, moms and dads, be present for this. I felt alone and happy for them. I knew I had my stepfather, I did not need to prove myself to this joker. I'll just make the best of the remainder of the year. My mom left me in the classroom and she told me she would be right back. She tried to understand this teacher at times and thought I was just a deep child who was imaginative. It hurt that she could not hear my pain, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Plus, she was the happiest I had ever seen her in such a long time. Maybe she was right...... Who would believe me anyway?

    My mother came back in with my stepfather. I was puzzled and ran to hug him. He had surprised me. He had managed to take time to come and see my brother and I. He was still in his uniform, big black boots and all. I was so touched and excited. I shot such a look at my teacher and told him, "see I do have a father". My stepfather stopped long enough to see how I was doing in school and talk with the teacher. I was not made fun of after that, not to that extent. The teacher did try and stopped himself at times. He did not stop and I just smiled and nodded at him. I knew I had something higher. I told my tree again what had happened. Happiness flooded me. Hope flooded me. My heart swelled with love. If ever I am reminded of being in fifth grade, all this comes to mind. My stepfather was like a super-hero to me. He still is!