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Loss and anger and life is not a maze but a labyrinth
(The more useless skin we shed, the freer we become)
I find myself very angry with John, a good friend who died unexpectedly and I believe uselessly. I believe that I barely see it, or feel it, yet I experience its power deep within. Like a deep wound covered over by a lot of scabs. A painful image, yet one that shows that deep pain can be there, doing its work, without me being all that aware of it. Perhaps the anger that I feel, is something I have for all those who have died whom I loved. My friend Donna Janzar for instances. She died of cancer, I loved her and now she is gone. I think it is the anger and sorrow of a 2-year-old. Who lived in a world for a short time (though a year’s time for a two-year old is very long indeed) where I was abandoned (or felt that I was). Just dropped off in a home that was really not too friendly, it was a dark place for me. Yet it was the nature of life for a two-year old, and I adapted, watched, did not trust and ignored my parents when they came for a visit, for they were going to leave again.
At two I woke up and was sort of like an adult, yet without the ability to reason, though my intuition became my way of seeing and understanding my surroundings, rightly or wrongly. I hated where I was but did not know I hated it. I was fearful, but thought, it just life, and could not name it. I was like a feral cat inside, I believe, but adapted outside to my surroundings. My rage even then was hidden because I intuited that everyone was way too big for me to be able to do anything about my situation.
Put here, placed there, told what to eat etc. I never liked being young and only started being happy as I aged. So the older I get, the happier I get. Yet that two-year-old is still there, watching, waiting and very angry. I have found my peace with him, for he is me still, though not in charge, thank God. What is good for a two-year-old, is not in any way good or healthy for a man almost 69 years of age.
(Though as I aged I understood that my perceptions were wrong. My parents did not abandon me, what they did was necessary and when the year was over they were always there for me. Yet a wound is a wound and takes time to heal. The fact that we became a family again lessened the effect of my ‘so called’ abandonment. )
When a child and all the way through High School, I was often intrigued on how my brothers could have friends, how people stuck to them, while with me it never happened. It was not like I wanted friends, did not feel the need, yet I wondered how it worked. I did have a few that I guess I loved and were friends with, though I did not know it. I think I did not pick up clues when young, clueless I was. Happy to say, I got back in touch with all of them when the internet became common. The fact that I remembered those I cared for in High School shows that I, in fact, had friends but did not know it.
There are a lot of bits and pieces ‘of’ me that are becoming quieter as they draw closer together. Though the process is still a long way off where they will all come together. My faith I believe is allowing this to happen. My anger, and fears, and wounds, so deep that I barely feel them, are not my enemies but are actually seeking my attention by being a vexation. Some of these aspects of myself were needed when very young to protect me and warn me and keep me safe…..now they are still trying to protect me in ways that I don’t need.
So I am still on the way, and the Lord is patient with me. Calling me, giving me strength when needed and allowing me to experience my own inner chaos so that I can understand that there is a great deal about me that I do not really now about. I see the tip of a very large iceberg. Yet the load is getting lighter, though not at the speed I would like. I limp when I would want to run, fall when I want to be victorious, and finding out that my unconscious can be in charge more often that I would like to really consider, but have to. Such is the reality of pain, the goad that pushes forward.
I think most people feel different and unique and yes neither seen nor understood. Perhaps it is the most common feeling that we as a species have. I believe that these feelings are true, though they point to the uniqueness of each of us. The most common thing about being human is that deep within we are unique and that is what helps us to interpret reality, for good or ill. Once that is understood, we can reintegrate once again with all the other ‘weird’ people. Once that is understood, it is found out that there are no weird people, just those who are different and gifted in other ways.
For myself, I have come to the realization that life is not a maze but rather a labyrinth. Many turns, that seem to take me from the center, but if I continue on the journey in trust, in spite of the many voices that seek to keep me ‘safe’, I will arrive at the center. It is despair and cynicism that make a turn of the labyrinth into a wall and life can seem like a maze, because then all one can do is run in circles. Suffering is the shedding process, fear of suffering only leads to deeper suffering and chaos. During the twist and turns of life, we are never alone, faith helps us to keep the light in front of us even when it seems absent, or so bright that we only see darkness.
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I travel around the interwebz on a pretty regular basis. I've been participating in one forum or another for the better part of 10 years. So, I like to think of myself as current, and up-to-date on all the latest movements and emerging ideologies.
Until I stumbled upon the Hotep Movement. I have had a twitter account for several years, but never used it until this last election. If any of you are on twitter, you know what a volatile, fascinating, infuriating, exciting place it can be. That is where I first encountered the Hoteps.
Mostly a movement within the black community, but it is currently gathering people of all colors. It's more of an ideology than a movement, but at this particular moment it is both. Basic codes are as follows:
Now, for me, this was a total ah-ha! moment. I have felt abandoned and under-represented by the current political and social establishment. I do not buy into victimhood, a captain of my own ship, as my Dad would say. But this movement shuns group-think, abuse of social services, ignorance of law, and other things that seem to be pervasive among certain classes of people. It's about survivorship, ownership and accountability.
One of my favorite speakers of the movement is Uncle Hotep, or as on his YouTube channel Handy Mayhem.
I consider myself a part of this movement, only in as much that I already live by the above ideas. If you are looking for a group of people who value self-sufficiency, freedom, accountability and community service....these are your people.
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Oh, cold child
To dust we've lost our homes
The strength of greed was too strong
And my bones shake with gratitude
As I silently pray you never witnessed
The lust of hatred buried in their eyes
In hopes that the young of your mind
Shields you from the cruelty that overlaps
This very Earth that we lay our feet on
The sunflower that beams to the sun's gleam
Has gone withered at the absence of our community spirit
Oh, cold child
Gone is our homes as everything is left behind
But what is in remain is our dignity
I hope that as you grow in years
Your world will be a better one than ours was
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by Marco M. Pardi
"It should not be believed that all beings exist for the sake of man. On the contrary, all the other beings too have been intended for their own sakes and not for the sake of something else." Moses Maimonides (CE 1135 - 1204) The Guide for the Perplexed. CE 1190.
All comments welcome.
Some months ago my wife and I were exiting a restaurant by crossing the outdoor patio. We encountered a couple of women who had two Great Pyrenees on long leashes, rescue dogs being fostered for adoption. One was clearly an older dog. As my wife spoke to the women on her way out I knelt down on the patio and spoke quietly to the dogs. The younger one briefly checked me out and the older one stood there as I continued speaking and getting closer, moving my hand to rub his chest. (Note: Please do not make the common mistake of trying to pat a dog on top of his head, especially a strange dog) My voice dropped to a near whisper as I spoke, he appeared to listen and consider while I rubbed his chest, our faces side by side, eyes only inches apart. I don't know how long we spent like that, but sensing it was "time to go" I quietly wished him safety and happiness in his new life, got up and began to walk away. He quickly turned and, with his side against my leg, seemed to signal he was going with me. The woman holding his leash said to my wife, "Looks like he's got a friend." My wife said, "Oh, he's a dog whisperer."
I think of that dog often, the deep eye contact we had, the immediate bond we seemed to form despite the human on the other end of that leash, and all the other people on the patio. I hope he's happy. And, I hope he remembers me, though that is tempered by concern that he may have felt yet another rejection or lost bond when I left. Too often life is what you have to just settle for.
I know that feeling, and I know that I am perhaps overly quick to ascribe that feeling to others, particularly my non-human animal family. In my immediate family my earliest self realizations grew from the familial tradition that children were the inconvenient, and in my case unwanted outcome of failure to take due precautions. At best, they were what was socially expected.
My first years in the U.S. were spent in a large apartment in downtown Cleveland. My days included long stretches of looking out the windows. There below me, in the concrete canyon, I saw my first horse. On occasion a police horse and rider would pause for a while on the broad sidewalk, the cars, trams, and pedestrians swirling past. I never saw the officer interact with the horse, beyond sitting on him. It was the same as sitting on a motorcycle, only higher. Though neither the horse (I think) nor I had the vocabulary at the time, I think I formed a concept in our minds of, "WTF am I doing here?" I did get to meet and pet the horse once. No other children my age ever being around, perhaps he wondered how this human got so small.
My brother, four years senior and someone I barely knew, came home on summer break from the military school I would also soon attend and, because he was going, I got to also attend summer camp. Not too much under six years old, I learned to ride horses. The counselors saw I did so well they put me with "Boom", a large retired Army horse with a neck brand of that name. Of course I enjoyed riding, but was far happier just holding and talking with Boom. I wondered if that brand had hurt him.
Years later, on returning from Italy, my (then deceased) grandfather's secretary came to the house we had bought and a black Cocker Spaniel puppy wriggled out of her coat. Although intended for my grandmother, he quickly became my mother's dog and a major focus in her life. Cleveland winters can be brutal, so one of our four bathrooms became his when the snow was too high to go out. He was also locked in that bathroom when my mother didn't want to bother with him. With school and other activities I never had a chance to really bond with that dog, though when he was aging and sick my mother turned to me to take care of him. Beyond having a few dogs follow me home, I've no idea what I projected as some kind of "animal person."
Years later I escaped into the Air Force, volunteering for Security Forces. In Libya I then volunteered for K-9 Security, handling an Attack dog, working only at night and usually on solo distant assignments. These are manifestly not the police K-9s that ride around in police cars and perhaps get to retire with the handler's family. These dogs are raised and trained to seek out and attack, fatally if not stopped, any human other than their handler - in any and every circumstance. Retirement was a shallow grave in front of the kennels.
One handler was too hung over to get himself into clean fatigues so he borrowed a previously worn set from his roommate. He entered his dog's kennel, the dog got the roommate's scent first, and, after dozens of stitches to close the rips and gashes in his groin he was out of the hospital and transferred to a safer job.
Attrition from various causes had thinned the K-9 handler ranks. On my first day the kennel master gave me my choice of several dogs, all in their individual chain link and concrete enclosures. I reviewed them all and knew immediately who my dog was. "You won't get in that dog's kennel in under 30 days, so bring a book and sit outside reading to him", said the kennel master. I went in on the 3rd day. Okay, a trip to the hospital and a couple of stitches later I came back and went in again. This time it was a bond.
We spent our nights together, six on and three off. The kennel food was minimal ("hungry dogs are mean dogs") so I smuggled food to him and gave him Kaopectate whenever the kennel food gave him diarrhea - which was almost all the time. The base was under frequent hit and run attack from various factions for various reasons. The operating policy was that the handler should release the dog when he alerts and then follow him into the fray. I thought that a stupid way to get a dog hurt or killed so I released him, ordered him to Stay and Watch, and terminated the problems myself. Other dogs were hurt, or killed, but he never got a scratch with me. Okay, I was threatened with court-martial several times, but my dog won the Best Dog/Handler award (I still have the large trophy) and no one pressed the issue.
After thirteen months, a lot of interaction, and a lot of learning from him I got one of my off-book assignments which meant flying to Germany with him as my ostensible reason: to attend the Hundeschule, or dog school in Germany. A flight by C-130, during which I had to tell the Load Master just once not to approach his kennel, and a truck ride to the air station a few hours from the base where we landed, and I brought him into his kennel. I had been given three weeks to complete my assignment, during which he would stay at the kennel.
Unlike the concrete box with chain link enclosure he had lived in for six years, this kennel was wood, with a real wooden doghouse and a large fenced enclosure. The moment I walked us in, locked the gate behind us, and released him he exploded into the most joyous frenzy I had ever seen in a dog. He bounced off everything, repeatedly coming to me and licking my face, and vocalizing like a puppy. I was overjoyed........and heartbroken at the same time. In all that time I had no idea he could feel such joy. But I knew it was to be short lived; three weeks at most. The German kennel master wrote me up for "not controlling my dog". b***** off.
I completed my task in 10 days and had to quickly leave for Africa. Again, the feelings were indescribable as I brought him back to his concrete and chain link enclosure. He once again became the serious, but resigned fellow prisoner in the all encompassing enclosure we call Life. Making matters worse, dependents and non-essential personnel were evacuated and my tour was cut by six months. Near my departure date I was given permission to take him into the cleared out kennel yard and say my good-byes. I thanked him for all he had taught me on those long nights. I cried without shame. I think he knew exactly what was happening. My next years were without my dog physically present, but always in my heart. So many times I've wanted to go back and visit his grave. In the 1970's I was invited to do so by the Libyan diplomats I met at an official function. (Yes, assignments have long been a part of life.) But I knew I must keep my imaginary image of it rather than face the stark reality that, after the base was surrendered, all that was plowed under for different purposes. Yes, I can still cry.
In the following years, once I had settled into a reasonably stable life I had dogs, horses, and a cat I had saved as a kitten. Each of them has had a deep emotional meaning for me. I've walked and talked with horses whose days were growing shorter. I've always found the smell of horses evokes in me a deep sense of peace and companionship. And, there are stories I don't care to express in which I've had to make decisions which break my heart to this day. Who among us can say we've lived a life in which there are no moments we wish we could do over, do differently?
Being a Stranger in a Strange Land, I "connect" with non-human animals who have been born or captured into a context simply not their own. I don't see them as species; they are fellows. And when I whisper to a dog on a patio, or to a cat clearly aching from overwhelming disease, or a horse stepping uncertainly as its system shuts down I try to see and feel their context, their lives, not just the category we've put them in and the uses they've been to us. I feel a mutual love in ways that are all too rare with humans. And I cannot describe how it feels to have that love returned.
Going through college and graduate school my K-9 was always "with" me. (Two large pictures of him are on the wall by my pc now) Yes, I set the curve in various biology and related classes, but I never saw a species as just a closed category in someone's taxonomy. I saw non-human animals, even plants, in their full context, with their feelings - where credibly possible. Sure, there are people who would sneer at my attitude, just as there were K-9 handlers who sneered when I hugged my dog. I've gotten largely past the point where I would debate these people, but it makes one day leaving the human species that much easier.
In times of trial, I often find myself with a great desire to escape or ignore the problems I face. Although, I know this is not the best course of action, I usually feel no need to fight this desire because in the past, I have had great success with this method. In many cases, I have ignored my problems and they have resolved themselves or someone else found a solution without me even seeking help. I know my luck in this area is bound to run out eventually, but I feel like I want to test it. I want to see just how lucky I can get by ignoring even life’s greatest challenges. It seems crazy, psychotic even. But I need to know. When my luck runs out, perhaps I will begin to regard my issues in a more attentive way but until then, we shall see.
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I haven't been to UM forum in.... years? I'd have to check the dates. It's been a long time.
Off to see if it's the same science vs. religion debating, photo manipulation revealing, conspiracy theorizing, it-wasn't-a-ghost-it-was-probably-swamp-gas-from-Venus (ha!) -ing place it was back then.
Okay, so I've finally sat myself down to write something. Let's see...
I've gotten used to being alone and I don't mind it one bit. Let me explain...
Okay, so back when I was really close with my friend group I'd always be hanging out w/ one of my friends, at least two or three times a week. Since they've been so busy though, I really have had no one to hang out with except for myself. After my falling out with my BFF, I felt lonely and betrayed for around a week. As time went on though, that pain slowly went away and my inner introversion has come out to play. Needless to say, I haven't really hung out with anyone unless requested to, and in the meantime I've been exploring my own interests. Aside from watching YouTube and researching more about mbti types, I've been reading (with my literary diet mostly consisting of MAD magazine :P). It's like I'm experiencing some sort of inner renaissance, in the sense that I'm enlightening myself with what I like, instead of exploring my friends' interests.
I remember a few weeks ago, out of sadness, I told my dad "hey wouldn't it be great if we could lobotomize the part of our brains that makes us feel loneliness?"
And he replied, "Of course not! We would cease to be human if we did that".
Obviously, what I had told my dad was the idealization of a solution to how I was feeling at the time. Such an attempt at executing it would be flat out stupid, if not fatal. It'd probably turn me into a sociopath as well :S.
I did find a solution though, and it's achieved by focusing on your own needs and interests. Instead of pondering and longing for the past, I have to gaze my thoughts and feelings towards the future. What do I want to be? What are my passions? Those are the questions I need to find the answers to. And afterwards, set myself goals so I can move myself forward within those passions and interests.
I'm getting a bit of a headache, so I'll stop here. But ya, I'm doing just fine and I can't wait to see what interests I discover next.
- Hi-NRG Eurobeat Man
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Well it's been a while.
Not sure what made me come in. Thought of doing it many times, but so much going on.
I found a home elsewhere. They do not mock my spiritual beliefs, which is appreciated.
Still friends, offline, with a couple people I met here, all those years ago...
We think about 7 years... I think so..
Well. Still haven't even peeked into the forum. Figured I would post first.
Love too all old friends that may read this.
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I like to practise random acts of kindness - to help make a difference. It can be anything from just making a spontaneous, passing and complimentary remark on what someone is wearing (I love the colour purple) or offering to let someone go before me in a checkout queue. Giving is its own reward - it's enough, a good feeling i.e. I don't expect anything back. So what happened here took me by surprise....
One day I was cycling down a high street when the bike chain somehow jammed/went back on itself. I duly walked the bike to the pavement, turned it upside down (sitting on its saddle) whilst I attempted to disentangle the greasy chain. I was somewhat surprised when a man offered to do this for me! (It was a dirty/oily job!) I explained that it would mean him getting his hands dirty but he didn't mind! He fixed it for me and I gratefully thanked him. He was very cheerful and didn't seem to mind that his hands were now covered in black grease, as were mine.
So I then realised I needed to get my hands clean. I saw a nearby cafe and walked the bike to these premises, thinking I could slip into their toilet and get cleaned up. With my hands so dirty, I thought I would just risk leaving my bike propped against the shop, i.e. unchained....hoping it wouldn't get stolen for the short time it took to get cleaned up. Then, to my amazement, 3 teenagers (it seemed from nowhere but, obviously, they had been watching what had occurred) approached me, smiling, and offered to watch my bike as I went in to clean up! This totally blew me away and was beyond what I could ever have expected or hoped for....it seemed so unusual and blessed! Of course I thanked them and got cleaned up.....
I was left in a state of deep appreciation and amazement.
Expressing spontaneous kindness is a growing movement....
I'm not sure how the conversation turned to hitchhiking, but today I started telling my coworker Laura about my youthful adventures thumbing rides across the country back in the early 70's.
Hmm...I shouldn't say "my" adventures. They were "shared" adventures, with my friends Groovy Hoovy and Jan G.
I was 18 years old, just out of high school, working weekends at the VA hospital and paying $65 a month for a tiny red house with an outhouse and no bathtub on the north side of Des Moines near the Firestone plant. Showers were taken with the garden hose in the back yard. There was a wooded area behind the house that made a nice privacy screen, but we only had one neighbor so it didn't really matter.
It was a popular little house. Allan W lived there for a while, and Groovy Hoovy, and a hitchhiker named Dave who would move in occasionally and get a job, earn some cash and then disappear. A few months later he'd show up again and get another job and then disappear again, and so on.
Jan was just 17 when he moved in. He was taking an extended holiday from high school, living a carefree hippie life. Sometimes in the evenings, he'd take his guitar to the grassy area between the lanes of 2nd Ave. and sit crosslegged on the ground and serenade the passing cars.
Late one night, about 11:00 o'clock, we were playing chess and Jan said, "Hey, do you wanna go hitchhiking and see how far we get?" I said, "Sure."
By 8:00 o'clock in the morning we were standing inside a gas station on the eastern plains of Colorado. An old rancher saw us there and asked if we wanted to help him bale hay, but we were just too exhausted from our long night of thumbing rides. I've always wished I'd just toughed it out and taken him up on his offer. I'm sure it would've been an amazing adventure.
Jan knew a family of ranchers somewhere out on the plains, so we thumbed a ride and spent the night there. We sat around that evening and discussed philosophy with the patriarch of the family.
I had to get back home for my weekend shift at the hospital, so I left the next morning. Jan stayed in Colorado, enrolled himself in the local high school, and met a young woman named Phyllis. Later, after being introduced to Jesus, Jan became an Assembly of God minister and worship leader. Jan and Phyllis have been married for 45 years now.
Not long afterwards, Groovy Hoovy and I hit the road. Our destination was the Jesus Festival being held at the Los Angeles Coliseum. And, there just happened to be a young woman in LA named LeeAnn that Hoovy had met in Des Moines while she was there visiting relatives. I'm pretty sure the Jesus Festival was a distant "second priority" for Hoovy.
We had good luck getting rides all the way to Salt Lake City, and then suddenly the rides dried up. Nothing. Apparently, Mormons didn't like hitchhikers. We stood on the entrance ramp with our thumbs out for what seemed like hours, until a highway patrolman chased us off. We waited a while after he left, and then sneaked back up the ramp. When the trooper showed up again and threatened to throw us in jail, we slouched away in defeat and sat in a Denny's Restaurant and cried in our coffee. Some friendly patrons warned us that we had a zero chance of ever getting a lift, so we counted our cash and went to the Greyhound bus station and bought tickets for LA.
As we neared LA, a young guy got on the bus. He saw our backpacks and sleeping bags, and he struck up a conversation. He'd just gotten out of prison. He was sort of homeless at that point, but he knew a good spot on the beach where we could all crash for the night. And he admired our new backpacks. He said, "I think I'll get me one of those backpacks."
We got to the beach and rolled out our sleeping bags. Our friend laid down on the sand, and we talked for a while as we gazed at the stars. I closed my eyes and was just starting to drift off when I heard a dog barking somewhere down the beach. I opened my eyes, and saw our friend staring right at me. That should have been an indication that maybe we should be more discerning about our new traveling companion, but fatigue won out and I fell fast asleep.
I woke up the next morning with the sunlight reflecting off the ocean and the warm sand under my back. I looked around and saw a set of footprints leading away from us. Our friend was gone, and so was my backpack and my shoes, and of course everything but the blue jeans and t-shirt I'd slept in. Bummer, man.
We went to the Jesus Festival at the Coliseum, and when I told a random stranger about the backpack incident people began giving me their extra shirts and things. Someone gave me a pair of leather sandals that I treasured for years afterwards until they finally fell apart. I was a brand-new Christian, and that incident was a revelation to me of the grace of God. I still get teared up when I remember the unselfish kindness shown to me that day.
A neat story about the festival: the Coliseum was sold out the first day, as people traveled in from all over to listen to a new genre of music: Christian Rock. The next day, the emcee told us that after everyone had left, the janitors found a piece of paper on the floor. It was the only trash left behind in the entire stadium.
Well, Hoovy stayed in LA for a few more days to visit with LeeAnn's family, but I headed out to Colorado to visit our friends Larry and Joe who lived in a cabin high up in the Rocky Mountains. They were part of a construction crew that was building water diversion conduits to help carry away the springtime snowmelt. When Hoovy showed up a couple of days later, Larry drove us through the canyons in his open-top CJ-5 Jeep. I was overwhelmed by the snowcapped mountains covered in wildflowers and aspen groves. (Just a few years later I moved to Utah so I could visit the mountains any time I felt the call of the wild).
After a few glorious days of campfires and crisp mountain air, we reluctantly began our journey back home to Iowa. We hitched a ride to the Kansas border, then another ride in a semi going to Missouri. It was late at night, about 10:00 PM, when a sleek, jacked-up GTO pulled over to offer us a lift. We threw our stuff in back, and piled into the front.
The driver seemed friendly enough. He'd just gotten out of prison (yes, prison, just like our LA friend). He picked up his car at the storage lot and was takin' her for a ride! He chatted away, one hand on the steering wheel, the other hand holding a bottle of beer. We were on a narrow, winding, two-lane blacktop surrounded by woods in complete darkness. I glanced over at the speedometer. He was driving 120 mph.
He elbowed me in the ribs and said, "I saw ya lookin' at the speedometer. Heh heh heh." If I hadn't already had a 'Come to Jesus' moment in my life, I think I certainly would have had one then.
We survived, and he dropped us off somewhere in rural Missouri. We spent a sweltering night in the ditch alongside the road wrapped up head-to-toe in our sleeping bags to escape the hundreds of man-eating mosquitoes that were bent on devouring us.
The next morning, after hours of nearly fruitless hitchhiking, we called our friend Jimi in Des Moines and sort of begged him to come pick us up. He didn't hesitate to offer his services, and he arrived a few hours later with his Dad. Jimi had had his wisdom teeth removed the day before, and was too sore and swollen to drive himself. Thank you, Jimi!
Hoovy and LeeAnn were married shortly afterwards, and they've been happily married for 39 years now.
So I guess the moral of the story is: if you're single and you want to get married, just go hitchhiking with simplybill.
"A report on the Moon Dance and Masquerade Party"
I finally made it back to the UM compound after attending the inaugural Moon Dance and Masquerade Party”… I am happy to say that the event went rather well for something of its kind... Aside from a few miscalculations, accidents, and sundry mishaps their was a “slight” temporal mishap that took a few days to sort out…
The pre-event was nearly as eventful as the actual event to the people that showed up to the pre-event in the eventuality that the event would eventually happen… Party goers assembled at the world renown UM’s Airship Aerodrome located deep in the Southwestern Jungles, most arrived by utilizing one of UM’s many excellent systems of public transportation, such as the buses, trains, covered wagons, high speed zip-lines, taxis and the ever popular Galapagos Tortoise shuttle system… Some even walked (it being considered the safer – and often quicker- method)… The vast majority of the party goers stood about – resplendent in their masquerade costumes, as they partook of the many snacks and beverages prepared by the Southwestern UM Chapter of the Grumpy Old Coot and Cootess League, as well as by the Toddlers Junta (an organization comprised of UM members under the age of 30)… Since most of the Coots and Cootesses have the best cooking and baking skills – but tend to forget details – and since the Toddlers tend to lack the skills and attention span – the snacks were rather…. um… memorable..
Travel from the Airship Aerodrome to the newly constructed Lunar Lounge and Dance Hall had been setup by the tireless efforts of the UM Bored of Tourism, Cultural Appropriation and Meat Packing, and (very nearly) right on time (ish) a fleet of Alien Space Saucers arrived to whisk the party goers away to the UM Lunar Lounge and Dance Hall – that had recently been constructed in Tycho Crater on the surface of the moon… The alien’s were happy to get the business as they have not had much to do since they were marooned here back in 1534 BC after helping the Egyptians build the first pyramids… (They lost that contract – and their funding for the trip home – when the Pharaoh learned that they had travelled thousands of light years with super advanced technology, just to teach his people how to stack rocks)… The Alien Fleet Commander Preet*Hwauk Buurrskftel (Jr.) was so overjoyed at the prospect of earning enough money to furnish his ships with fuzzy dice for the rear view mirrors that he lifted his long time ban on allowing his crews to intermingle with their human
The Space Saucers made the journey to Tycho Crater in near record time of -6 hours, which allowed the party goers to attend the party, have a good time and get back home before they left which is a major time savings that the UM Council of Mods is investigating as a means of increasing worker productivity in the Data Mines…
After arriving at the Lunar Lounge and Dance Hall, Supreme Commander Preet*Hwauk Burrskftel (Jr.) released his mixed crew of Grey Aliens and BEMS (Bug Eyed Monsters) to attended the party as well as allowing his Fleets Marching Band to perform at the dance… The Band (known locally as the Toxic Troubadours) were something of a novelty to the UMers who attended as they tended to actually play the same piece of music together (at the same time) and were more or less in key and time – though the music was described as “Gravel sliding down a corrugated tin roof in a hail storm” it was largely considered as an improvement over the quality of music normally booked for these events…
Much fun was had by all – thanks in large part to the decreased gravity field everyone was dancing in – and in no small part by the mass quantities of alcoholic beverages served to the Aliens… (to be fair, no one knew that plain old tap water was an intoxicant to them – a large reason why they never quite managed to make their way back to their home world all those years ago)… While the UMers taught the Aliens how to Polka and Waltz, the aliens taught us how to do the “Aldebaran Five and a half Step”, the “Sagittarian Slime Crawl”, the “BEM Bugout” and the “Fulaxorian Frenzy”…
While the Masquerade part of the Dance was not a competition, everyone generally agreed that the best costumes worn were the “Giant Space Amoeba” worn by an Alien Crewmember (with an unpronounceable and unspellable name – called “Fred”) and the “Ancient Mummy Astronaut” worn by kmt_sesh… Later it was discovered that “Fred” actually was not in costume – and really looked that way – but no one seemed to mind – he looked awesome anyway, and kmt_sesh was actually just wearing his normal work clothes…
Eventually – as all things must (for some reason) – the Moon Dance and Masquerade Party wound down to its conclusion –about an hour prior to its start time… The many guests boarded the Space Saucers for the trip back home and in far less time than it took – they were back at the Airship Aerodrome, bidding a fond farewell to their new found alien friends… I’m not saying some romances were started, but names, addresses, phone numbers and DNA scans were exchanged by a few members…
The partiers were fortunate enough that their return was in time to greet their own arrival, and actually able to ask the very confused drivers to return them back to the Central Compound – while their earlier selves chatted with them for a short while and boarded the Earlier versions of the Alien Space Saucers to take the trip to the Moon…. Realizing that he now had doubled the size of his fleet of Saucers, the Alien Commander (and those partiers who wanted to return to the party that was about to begin six hours earlier) joined the earlier version of his fleet and he and his earlier self (reportedly) “Partied hearty” with a duplicate pair of female(ish) grey alien crewmembers… More than a few party goers actually got back on board the Space Saucers after being taken back home and re-attended the party – dancing, drinking and dining with themselves until the wee hours of the lunar night…
The second return home – which was made in the same negative time as the previous trip – created yet a third fleet (four times the size of the original fleet) – at which time the Mods stepped in and forbade them from returning to the party for a third time… While the largely partied out members (the original time line members – not their doubles and quadruples) returned to their various cells and oubliettes, the doubles, triples and quadruples were loaded up on a nearby fleet of cargo container ships and sent off to the UM research and labor division in Ulaan Bator, Mongolia… For temporal research, but mostly just to avoid the confusion of having four copies of every member running around – one version of most of us is quite enough!
A few duplicates did manage to avoid being shipped to Mongolia, and most made their way to the Old Creepy Forest and joined up with the Renegade Beer Balloon Fleet… More on this later I am sure!
So if you find a copy of yourself – or suspect that someone you are talking to is a copy of some else, please report it immediately to the newly formed UM Department of Consolidation, Confinement, Corrections and Confetti… Please ensure that you use the proper form (UM Form 657-334.716 – and make certain that you use a properly sharpened number two marking stylus on the clay tablet. All reports are confidential – unless someone asks us nicely of course…
The ever reliable Merriam-Webster defines trust thus:Quote
assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
To be sure, there are other definitions of trust, but for this particular blog post, I’m focused on the one above.
I have a friend (whom I will call Theatre Gal) who has been going to therapy for a few weeks now. It’s something she sought on her own, but is very much needed as she comes from a very problematic family, to put it nicely. On the whole, it seems that the sessions she’s had have been good ones. At least until last night. She’s had to schedule her appointments in the evening because she cannot take time off work in the middle of the day and she works in another city at least thirty minutes away (on a good day).
Last night around 7:30-ish, I receive a text from her that she’s sitting in her car angry and near tears. Through several text exchanges I got the story of what was going on. The therapist had forgotten about their appointment. I can only assume that the doctor keeps normal business hours, but returns to the office for any evening appointments. Mondays aren’t the usual day for TG to have her appointment, but last week the therapist told her that that was the only day open for the evenings. Everything else was booked.
Long story short, TG has lost faith in people when even her therapist cannot remember that they have an appointment together. They were, ironically, supposed to talk about trust issues last night, as well, so that doesn’t bode well for the future. At least in TG’s eyes. TG also stated that the therapist is always late to their appointments; 15-20 minutes late. While this is never good on a professional level, I assume that TG gets her full hour or however long their appointments usually last.
I hope that the therapy sessions do not end because of last night. I am very fond of TG and do not wish, under any circumstances, to end the friendship, but the problems she has are more than I can help her with on my own. She needs a professional to talk to, with at least one friend to give the extra support. I want to help her regarding trust, but I don’t know how. Or even if that’s something I should try taking on myself.
While I relied solely on the definition of trust from the Merriam-Webster dictionary because of the long history it has of being a reliable dictionary. However, one word I saw in other definitions that is missing from the M-W definition is reliability. I’m not sure how important that part is. Do they go together? Can you trust someone who is unreliable? Is it possible to trust a person even taking into consideration that they might not be reliable?
I just want to help her grow into the young woman I think she’s got potential to be. She’s only a little younger than I was when I started to forge my own path. It’s not too late even at 30.
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My dad is in his mid 50s, he is, as I said in the description, a hard drug user and has been since he was 12. he has also been a diabetic since he was 4 years old and he does not take care of himself like he should. Anyway, He is stubborn and has never spoken of aliens before, he has actually made fun of my friends for believing in aliens in the past. Fast Forward to late last summer: I called my dad one night when I got off work (like usual) around 10pm. He wasn't slurring like he does when he drinks and he wasn't talking fast like he does when he is high. He sounded very normal but started talking about "people" being in his apartment he said they came in "through the walls" and that they just sat on the couch. He described them as "cool" and "interesting" I assumed he was on acid and had friends over, so I brushed it off and told him I would call him in a little bit. About an hour later I called him and he was very short with me and said he would call me back. Then just before midnight he called me and he was absolutely hysterical panting like a dog yelling at me telling me to call the cops because there were "intruders" in his apartment trying to hill him. He hung up quickly and I immediately called the police and told them he was a drug user that I thought was either high or was having a blood sugar crisis. After I hung up with them I called my dad back and he was still hysterical I told him the police were on their way and I told him I was on my way too he told me to not come there out of fear for these things following me or seeing me and trying to harm me. The police showed up and he hung up with me. About a half hour later, an officer called me and said they were taking him for a psych eval at the local hospital. He also told me that when they got into my dads apartment he was naked, sweating and swinging a large knife at them telling them there were people in his apartment. The officer said they searched his apartment and found no one. He told me to come see my dad in the morning when he had calmed down, he said my presence may upset him more than he already was. In the morning I went to the hospital and my dad, who by this time had calmed down because the nursing staff gave him downers, told me about what had happened.
He said, "These things walked through walls and into my apartment! they looked exactly like people, just like you and me. They just hung out on the couch they didnt talk, blink or nod or anything. You're gonna think in ****ing crazy but they put messages into my head to communicate with me! They were really chill and interesting at first, but then they got really upset and I got a really negative feeling and they started chasing me- I ran all the way around the neighborhood naked in the rain running from them and they followed me back to the apartment! Then they just disappeared when the police showed up! It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me!"
He said he couldn't remember what their names were but they called them selves "something that sounded like The Couscous" (that wasn't it but he said thats what it sounded like.) He said they were there for 14 hours. Also, it did not rain that night, and my dad literally CANNOT run due to his health, he can barely walk on his own. I completely thought he was high and hallucinating. The more I thought about it and talked to him about it, even weeks later, after his high would have wore off he still fully believed it happened and he has never believed in aliens before this. A few months later it happened again. Not as bad and he said they didnt stay as long and they weren't threatening at all. Now just the other day it happened a third time! I called him and he was whispering into the phone and said he had another "intruder" and he was calling the cops. I was out of town and called my sister and brother to go over there. By the time they got there he was still freaked out but was slightly calmed down. The cops never showed up so we don't think he ever actually called them. He told my sister that he found "a kid hiding in his bathroom and it was the child of one of the visitors" when I talked to him he referred to the kid as a "stow away" He said something about how the visitors still didnt speak but they transmitted messages to him mentally and the female visitor wanted him to keep the child but he said he couldn't even take care of himself let alone a child. Then they left. He didnt seem as freaked out or threatened by these "visitors".
Can anyone please tell me if my dad is crazy or if this might actually be happening to him? I have a hard time believing it, but at the same time, I don't know where he would have gotten this kind of info from. He only has a home phone. an old school radio and a tv that only gets literally 6 channels and he has no way to get on the internet (he has literally never been on a computer or smart phone in his life.)
Here is everything I know about these things from the info he gave me, if it helps:
The first visit (i think) it was 2 or 3 males. the second visit Im unsure of gender. the third visit it was a child (unknown gender) and a female.
They walk through walls.
They don't blink, speak out loud or respond in any way. They only send messages from their mind into his.
They look exactly like humans
They don't let him listen to his radio or watch TV.
He said his cat hides when they are there.
If it happens again or he gives me any other details I will post about it. Thanks for reading and please, comment or message me if you have any idea what might be happening to my dad.
Weird Things Happen (A trip to Medjugorje )
I was an Anglican curate when I saw the sun spin. It happened like this. One of the teenagers in the parish had been to Medjugorje and suddenly got keen on the Blessed Virgin Mary. He joined a Medjugorje prayer group and twisted my arm to go with them on a visit to the Bosnian town where the Virgin Mary was supposed to have been appearing to some local youngsters. I resisted, pleading poverty. Then someone in the pilgrimage group wiped out my excuse by offering to pay my airfare.
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My mom used to make this caramel slice when my siblings and I were growing up, it's still a family favourite now.
I double it when I make it, but have written the single batch recipe.
It's in metric but I've checked how to convert it so will be both:
1 395gm/ 13.93OZ can Sweetened condense milk (name brand seems to work better then store brand but that could just be here).
2 tablespoons golden syrup.
130/ 4.58OZ Butter
180gms plain biscuits/4OZ plain cookies
150gm/5.2OZ cooking chocolate.
Biscuit base: Melt 90gm/ 3.17oz of butter and crush the biscuits.
Mix the butter with the crushed biscuits and press the mixture into a pan. place in fridge to set.
Place condensed milk, golden syrup and left over butter in pan over medium heat.
Cook stirring constantly (mine always looks like a lumpy odd mess but its meant to a this point) 5-8 mins or until it thickens and becomes a light caramel colour (or the way I do it is, place half a tea spoon of it on a plate tip upside down and if it doesn't move its ready).
Take off heat, pour on to biscuit base spread evenly.
Allow to cool for about 30mins.
Melt the chocolate in a bowl, I use the microwave as its quicker.
pour melted chocolate over the caramel.
Place all in fridge until chocolate has set.
ow to Survive An Encounter with an Winged HumanoidWhat if one late night, while walking home you hear a strange sound in the distance. You recognize the noise as flapping wing, yet the situation is puzzling because you are unable to find where it is coming from. While scanning the area, you locate the sound coming from above you and approaching. Under the light of a street lamp lands a massive create with sizable flapping bat wings. What seems out of a nightmare, stands an entity with a humanoid body along with animal parts. The creature turns its attention to you and begins to roar, what do you do?If I recalled ,the mentioned scenario proposed by my friend Par after watching one of those paranormal TV shows involving a couples meet with the New Jersey Devil. This would then spark a discussion about what course of action to take if we found ourselves in such a confrontation. Even though the situation was hypothetical, researching cryptozoology would show humans having brushed with creatures categorized as winged humanoids throughout historyWinged humanoids are any entity with the body of a human, such as arms and legs, mixed with animal characteristics that can fly by using either bat or feather wings. These creatures been seen in the skies across the global since ancient times like angles and harpies. Some of the more known cryptids include the New Jersey Devil, Mothman along with the Owlman. Sightings of these avian creatures were not only been reported but also accounts given where they assaulted people. A noted case was in 1909, when the Jersey Devil attacked a trolley car in Haddon Heights, NJ. All of this was part of the discussion Pat and I had on how to react if one day we came face to face with one of these winged humanoids.During our brainstorming session, we worked under the assumption the cryptid in the scenario was just an organism and not dealing with anything supernatural or extraterrestrial. In examining eye-witness reports, we concluded these creatures could fly, are strong and very agile making such encounter dangerous to be in. What does one do when being stared down by the New Jersey Devil? Here is what Pat and I suggest.As mentioned in similar past articles, any confrontation with the paranormal will result in the human brain going into meltdown as it struggles to understand why you are encountering something that should not exist. This will result in you being frozen in fear or fleeing in panic. If all possible, stay calm and collective as you need to assess the situation before reacting.1.) Always question if what you are seeing is real? Is there anything artificial about the creature? You would not be the first to fall victim to a prank or be on a movie scene. Also consider if there is anything you had consumed creating a hallucination. Anything about the wings which look fake? Observe the surrounding environment.2.) Once you concluded the avian humanoid is real do not move or make any noise which may provoke a response by the cryptid, just observe. Maybe with a little luck, the creature is only taking a break before flying off.3.) If the cryptid starts to act aggressively immediately seek out any cover or shelter. Get into heavy dense forest, inside a building, under a structure or anything large enough that could be an obstacle. You are at a disadvantage being out in the open with a flying cryptid. In taking cover forces the creature to the ground giving you a greater chance against it.4.) Some may believe fighting any winged humanoid would be the same as fighting a human. This is a false assumption as may of these creatures as described to have animal traits such as claws, talons, beaks and fangs along with reported enhanced strength you do not want to be in arm’s length. Keep your distance. Use the environment for barrier or obstacles.5.) Assess your surroundings for any improvised weapons . Rocks, sticks, garbage, coins, dirt or any object you throw at the creature. Target the face and the wings while creaming or yelling. This may discourage the cryptid to withdraw.6.) If equipped with a cell phone and if possible call for help. Maybe the sirens of emergency vehicles will scare off the creature or at least have someone armed on their way. Informed them some unknown assailant is attacking you without going further into detail. Any mention you being chased by the Mothman would lead only to recommendation of seeking out professional help instead.7.) Upon being cornered by the creature, you will need to fight it as now your life is on the line. If possible, arm yourself with anything that could be used as an improvised weapon such as keys, cell phone or pen. Target the eyes or any other vital part of the body and hopefully this will convince the cryptid to retreat. Seek immediate medial attention and upon reporting this incident will fall upon you to say unknown animal or what would come to say winged humanoid.Now this is maybe a hypothetical scenario, however if you are ever visiting the New Jersey state and encounter the Devil you now got an idea on what to do.
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I have lost people very close to my heart throughout the years but they all seem to have paled to the grieving I am still experiencing from the death of one of my best friends almost 6 months ago. I am not sure why, but her death seems to have hit me harder than my own father's death and a friend that I thought of as a mother.
She and I were close in age, I was 1 1/2 years older. We saw each other at work almost every day and hung out when we could on our days off. I walked into her office every morning and we talked about what was going on in our lives. She had divorced 3 years before and remarried within 6 months so a lot of times we discussed her relationship with her new husband and how they were adjusting to each other.
It still hurts to see pictures of her, and I cannot bear to take her number out of my contacts yet. I still have our last texts we sent to each other the night she died. I seem to be doing well and then someone or something reminds me of her and I find myself grieving anew. I often wonder if her death has hit me harder because of being close in age and the death being very sudden.
I know that everyone grieves differently but I feel like I'm still going in waves of grief and I'm not quite sure why. I did not post this to get sympathy, I simply needed to talk about it. But if anyone has insight I would be willing to listen.
Michaels mum is making threats saying I'm not welcome she's going to kick my A pick me up by neck scruff, that I have a face like a sour lemon, she hopes Michael never has the good sense to marry me. I'm a Fing lazy cow, I don't care about Noel (she says I didn't say hi I did) that I better not go crying to Michael he won't care. If I come back she'll grab me by scruff neck throw me out. I'm selfish don't care about my dying father in law, I got moody she said (bring up past) girlfriend instead of fiancé. Dads too ducking lazy to help her. All cause I said no to hanging pair of her socks. She's having a bpd lash out. Plus she threw my 2 containers in her trash pile saying they're trash. He'll be outta here before long. She's pulled this before, she'll pull it on him when he goes out to. Last time she banned me he just stayed over my place. All I said was if it's Michaels I'll hang them. She went you'll Fing hang them don't be rude. You'll hang them or I'll kick your ass. I hang his during week doesn't matter who's they are you'll hang them you're selfish cow. I gently put them on counter and she went off. She kept going. She's pulled this before, she'll pull it on him when he goes out to. Last time she banned me he just stayed over my place. All I said was if it's Michaels I'll hang them. She went you'll Fing hang them don't be rude. You'll hang them or I'll kick your A. I hang his during week doesn't matter who's they are you'll hang them you're selfish cow. I gently put them on counter and she went off. She kept going YOU WILL HANG THEM OR I'LL KICK YOUR A. IF YOU DONT LIKE THE RULES LEAVE AND DONT COME BACK YOURE NOT WELCOMED HERE. She goes in normal tone still more washing that needs to go out DONT YOU DARE THINK about putting on airer. She's either snapped out of it or it's intermission. When we left she was in her husbands room yelling at him. Shes going to send him to hospital from stress, he's dying of Cancer and she was yelling at him since she couldn't yell at Michael or I
We live in a society that thrives on the promotion of the idea that we all have a purpose in life; this concept is instilled into our heads at a early age via t.v show, books, games, movies as well as the people around us. It is presented in a manner that makes it seem like there is this special little nook just waiting or even seeking us; that somehow some mysterious person is going to follow us and at some point say something like "You passed our test..you have been chosen..." or something along that line.
We have basically been trained from childhood that we are supposed to spend our lives searching for this mystical purpose that will somehow make our entire lives make sense and that from that point onward we are just going to be this awesome hero or something.
But..that doesn't work, does it? I mean it sounds very encouraging and nice but the sad fact is that millions of us, including myself, have fallen into that psychological trap. To be short, I do not think we have any purpose whatsoever rather we end up fulfilling many daily purposes. For example I used to work for an elderly neighbor, I was there for the "purpose" of doing things she couldn't do for herself such as laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping and other tasks. My "purpose" for that time, was to do specified tasks. Then I go home and I have other tasks to do. For example, if I am the only one home at the time, my "purpose" is to do a few things that might be needed.
What I am trying to convey is that the very idea of "purpose" is rather transitory and temporary. Purpose is not something grand or life-long but merely tasks that need to be done and if you happen to be around or, in many cases, hired to do that then -for that parcel of time- your "purpose" is to do whatever it is that needs to be done. In fact we have many "purposes" daily including parenting, yard work, pet care, student studies, etc.
I wasted much time being seduced by this erroneous lie that as I went along doing what I had to do that I would somehow discover or stumble upon something that told me "This is your destiny. This is the purpose for which you were personally born for". This is not to ever say that what you do is pointless, not at all, I am just saying that whatever you do is to fulfill a task, obligation or promise. If you happen to be around to do those things then that is what your "purpose" for the time being is, to do whatever you were told to do. Once that has been accomplished then you go on to other things that you need or wish to do.
This what I think kids should be taught in school, that the concept of "purpose" is nothing special or mystical, it simply means there are things to do and if you are willing, qualified and able to do them then go ahead and do them. Forget the mysticism and fantasy, that is for movies and games, if you have that "to-do" list then your purpose for the day or at least the time being is to try to complete that list.
In short, purpose is a personal invention, a concept we attach to objects as well as to ourselves. It is not something that is waiting us or bestowed on us by some fairy or other-worldy thing, it is something we undertake and when that is done we go on to other things.
This is not to imply that what we do is unimportant, it just means we all do similar things, there are millions of people right now working in cubicles or behind desks, there are millions who are shuffling documents or giving shots to pets or serving meals in a cafe.....if you happen to be there and you are asked/told to do it then that is your purpose for the time being.
That's all there is to it. That is my view, nothing more.
Several weeks back I got notified by one of Linda's (stepmom) co-workers about a cat named Toby the Gray Tabby. Dad and Linda went off on vacation then when they came back we adopted/rescued him. At first he was scared and went into hiding. After a few days he felt comfortable enough to come out and interact with us. Toby is 3-4 years old and very affectionate and has a bond with me. He's already had the snip and sometimes he's a complete spazz. He likes to run around without even being triggered into doing it.
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You go into your classroom at college. You see a girl crying quietly. You approach her and ask what's wrong. She looks at you and you notice that she looks exhausted, dark circles around her red eyes and it looks like she'd aged a little too. She says with a very painful tone" I'm tired of traveling in space and time. I can't do it anymore. I just don't want to. I want to be like everyone else".
Would you believe her? Would you think that's she's crazy? What would you do?
Around 8 years ago (2009) my father witnessed a dove circling our house, it would fly above our house around 3 times before flying off, my father thought nothing off it since birds are very common where we live so it must have been a coincidence, A few weeks later my grandmother fell and was taken into hospital.
A month went by and she sadly began to deteriorate and passed away in hospital.
6 years on (July 2014) the same breed of dove came back to our old house, it continued to circle the house for a while before flying off... Again thought nothing of it, 4 weeks later my great-grandmother fell... She was taken to hospital but luckily came back home. It was then 2 months later she passed away peacefully in her home
This time (October 2014) the dove never went away, we would see it circling our house still and one day my father said "Look it's back, I hope nothing happens again!".. We waited and nothing happened, or so we thought....
Come December we visited my grandfather, all well and watching TV we talked for a while before heading back home, 20 minutes after arriving home my mother had a phone call saying that my grandfather collapsed. The paramedics brought him back for a brief moment but sadly passed away in the Ambulance going to the hospital.
Was this a complete coincidence that this dove was flying around our house and only ours? Was it bringing a message?
This is my first time posting.
I will start with a some background history before I get to the interesting bit.
I met "SG" about 5 years ago in 2012. My friend sent me a picture of him and from the first instant I saw that picture I felt drawn towards him. He was so good looking and damn sexy. 2months went by and we were going out to dinner with my friend, she brought SG along and told me that they were together so I pushed that feeling aside (let me just add that I had a boyfriend of 6years, so it was just a harmless feeling towards SG).
My friend and SG started dating and the 4 of us used to spend alot of time together. About 2years into their relationship she started to treat him alittle badly and he would message me to ask what she was up to ect because he was worried. My boyfriend and I were going through a very rough patch (he liked to party and drink and it started to affect our relationship ) My feelings for SG started up again and intensified with every fight each of us had with our partners. I started to imagine scenarios happening between SG and I were we would kiss or sometimes alittle more.
In September 2014 my boyfriend an I broke up due to his drinking, constant partying and drug use but we were still living together in seperate bedrooms. My friend had taken a trip over-seas and one night my (ex) boyfriends friend slapped me across the face. I packed a bag to sleep at my dad's place which was where my friend and SG lived too. Her mom rented out rooms and my dad stayed there and SG and my friend stayed in a granny flat on the property.
He told me to come sit with him and watch movies to feel better and one thing lead to another and bam we had sex. A few times after that night too. (Yes im a terrible friend siss on me) but flip I was in love by this stage!!!
They broke up for other reasons (she cheated on him and left him for another guy) and he moved into a spare room at my house (with my ex boyfriend and I) the sex between us was our secret and no one knew what was going on. This new living arrangement just made it so much easier to continue our "just casual sex".
When SG started to bring other girls home I realized how hurt I was and that it wasn't just sex for me I was in love but we had spoken about it and agreed we could never be together in a relationship as my friend and ex boyfriend would find out and things would get even more messy! ! Especially as we had no where else to live.
We both decided to stop our casual sex and I tried to work things out with my ex. Things were going well for one month when my ex went out and did drugs partied for a few days and didnt come home. I was so mad I broke up with him again and SG and I ended up in bed again the next week.
Fast forward 11 weeks. I find out Im pregnant I don't know who the father is and SG admits he loves me and that no matter who the father is he will love the baby like his own. We tell the world our story, we move out into our own place and our casual sex becomes a head-over-heels love that I have never felt in my life. We are meant to be together. He is my life and I love him with every fiber of my being. There is no other man in this entire world for me. We make love every day 3 to 4 times a day. We have the same likes, dislikes, tastes, we think the same, we are one.
He is there when the baby is born, I have never felt a connection so strong as I did the day I gave birth. I will remember this day for the rest of my life. I pray that the baby is his. We do a paternity test and 3 weeks go by.
Our little family is so perfect, he is such a good dad and I can picture our wedding until an email comes through and destroys our perfect bubble. My ex is the father!!!
As soon as he finds this out he distanced himself from me and the baby. And within 2weeks he breaks up with me and asks me to move out as soon as possible. His reason for breakingbup is that he cannot handle the baby growing up and being in contact with my ex and living my ad more than him, he used excuses then that he will never love my baby like his own blood child (so karma has kicked my ass HARD).
My whole world was destroyed and I was broken.
While I was pregnant my ex realized what his life style was doing to him and he decided to change. He stopped drinking and going out, he stopped using drugs and he started to exercise more and go to church. He changed his life around and was doing much better in his career.
As soon as he found out that the baby was his he wanted to meet him. Along with his family. When he heard that I needed a place to stay he offered for me to live in the flat on his parents property. This was Feburary 2016.
He stuck to his good ways and he became an excellent father to our son. (Our son loves him unconditionally) . By November 2016 we had grown closer as a couple and family and we became the couple I always knew we could be. He forgave me for what I had done to him and I forgave him for all his mistakes. He proposed to me in December and we plan to get married in 2018.
It took me 11months to heal my heart from what SG did to me. But still to this day I hurt sometimes and memories are always popping into my head. I will always feel as though I've lost apart of my soul.
A week ago (April 2017) I got an overwhelming sense of depression and saddness for SG I even cried. It came out of nowhere and nothing had reminded me of him. This feeling lasted for 2 days and then just vanished.
I was so confused by it that I googled what it could mean. One answer was that when someone shared a strong connection with another person they can feel what that person is going through even if they haven't spoken or seen each other.
That night I had a dream of SG and my sister's boyfriend (who works in the same company as SG) that morning when I woke up there was a message from my sister's boyfriend that said SG was going through a depression and was trying to hook up with girls at his work.
The next day I saw that SG was looking at my whatsapp statuses and liking pics on my social media.
This hasn't been the first time I have felt connections with people I haven't seen in a long time or the dreamt of random people and then seen or heard from them the next day.
Has anyone else felt like this or experienced something similar? I would love to hear your stories. Or any answers/explanation to mine.
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Ah.. still we are in Genesis. You have heard it said that when the first two people were placed in the garden they were told...eat of any tree you wish but of the tree of knowledge do not touch or you will surely die. So then the serpent says try this it's delicious and you will be wise like god and eve eats it and so does Adam and all the sudden they realize that they are nude and go hiding from god and god happens to be strolling through the garden that evening and says hey Adam where are you and Adams like we're hiding because we're nude and god's like, who told you that? And so the blame game begins and god's all upset, sewing leaves or skins together for them to wear (please read why you are both good and bad blog first, it will explain a lot about "god") and then he's like get out with a big ass eviction notice for both of them. No more free meals, no more free rent no more free loading, your on your own and you can work to death for all I care !!!! Wow tough crowd huh???
So No ... that's not what happened and the whole thing got twisted and heavily watered down because the old leaders felt it was too provocative and way too much info, so you got this .....an apple, a tree, two dumb kids, some heavy peer pressure by a snake , and finally a very p***ed off parent / landlord.
Nope..... I'm gonna explain this whole thing very shortly... Put some things in perspective for you.......
OK so let's begin, first off when I say dumb kids I don't really mean kids as in children I mean undoubtedly young people because they would have been in the prime of youth ,healthy, young strong ..logical right? Right!
So as you may or may not be aware the first man and woman were not exactly the first man and woman and were not exactly the first people's they were the first with a self awareness a higher consciousness of understanding. Intelligent!!! I will show where this proves itself,later. For now let's continue in the book if you look , the word tree is often used in reference to a family a lineage, weather spiritual or literally a tree is exactly this all throughout the book !!!! A fruit is the offspring of the tree often referred to as fruit ,again all through out the Bible it is referenced that a tree will be known by what fruit it bears. Meaning what kind of people and the offspring or children they produce.
So if we look closely we see a young woman roaming through a garden , I'm thinking we are not looking at a actual garden here but a fertile and bountiful territory of land that is obviously occupied by other humans So here comes a snake a talking snake to tempt eve.
Or how about here comes a person out of a different linage an older lineage an older model creation if you will. A more primitive but intelligent human just not quite tweaked like this couple. "Let us create man in our likeness " which should probably should have read " OK we have created but how about we create them to be like us, with a conscious an awareness a higher intelligence. So in other words, hey you two don't mix or mingle with anyone but each other. Got it.! Of that tree you must not partake !!!! So here is this beautiful different type of man and woman and who comes along,.... old proto type. Now he's smart he was the most cunning beast of the field. Right ?? Right!! Cunning = having or showing skill in achieving one's ends by deceit.
OK so this tells us that this one has been around long enough to learn how to be clever in a sneaky way like a criminal who has mastered the art of stealing but lacks the intelligence of a conscience. Primitive !!! And note it says" the fruit was pleasing to the eye" so this was one beautiful piece of fruit or we are talking about someone's apparent physical attractiveness! So, he says to eve ,if you eat of the fruit your eyes will be opened and you will be like god knowing good from bad. I doubt that conversation ever took place but She fell for it and ate of the fruit ......
*SEX* that's what happened and she gave the fruit to Adam and he too partook of the FRUIT. *Sex*.... she taught him sex after she herself learned it. Then all the sudden they notice they are naked and feel shame.( What an odd reaction. after a eating a piece of fruit ) So then they get thrown out of the garden. Why because the project is now ruined, she's pregnant she mixed with the lower intelligent being the offspring will NOT be a reproduction of great intelligence of these two, Adam and eve. Then the intruder/snake is cursed by god to slither it's belly and eat dust all the days of its life. or maybe it should have read "you are a lowly creation never will you prosper you will crawl all the days of your life. Her offspring and your offspring will be enemies. (Enemies with snakes ? What!) Notice up until this point there are no children born to them. Now here's where it gets crazy. All the sudden Adam and eve are pregnant but she says with the help of the lord. I have bore a man (male child). What...I thought it was with the help of Adam ???? So here comes Cain and Abel twins I would stand to bet. One like his mother one like his father "the snake" so like his father he is primitive so he kills Abel who probably had more of his mother's traits. Cain leaves he's now an outcast and goes of and settles in some town and finds a wife! But how they were suppose to be the first people's back in Eden. Second time it proves the point of a prior primitive creation , besides the so called snake or rather the guy who wasn't Adam! Also look over Genesis carefully. There are two creation Stories back to back. You will see where primitive man was created first and then a second people's that were obviously created with intelligence in mind. You can't till the ground unless you have some type of awareness. Just read Genesis and note where it starts over completely. So anyways after all that with Cain. Seth is born and notice when he's born ,then and only then does Adam speak and says now I have a son from my own flesh. Quite an odd thing to say after your supposedly third child. Don't you think ???
We will conclude tomorrow.
What you selling?
Nah, man... that don't work right away takes forever but controls you way to hard.
^bless is 1/2 of that so you are already 1/2 natural bless^
^you got 1/4 bless
Do I got a quarter bless?
^bless yourself by -Do (multiplied by) -¿tone?
I got quarter bless
^bless flip real soon, got truckers atlas that roads itself, and got your own 4 corners
Like that perpindicular some say is cross.
^bless yes see king arm crossed stand high proud/see king arm crossed same pose but on back -pride +++telling his princes about clouds and stars
And I'll flip it now bro sis and say quarter turn either way I see queens rule then 180° or turn two corners and queen tells man carry this ^bless for me
.....QuoteKain: The Pillars don't belong to them, Raziel... they belong to us.Raziel: Your arrogance is boundless, Kain.Kain: There's a third option, a monumental secret hidden in your very presence here. But it's a secret you have to discover for yourself. Unearth your destiny, Raziel. It's all laid out for you here.Raziel: You said it yourself, Kain... there are only two sides to your coin.Kain: Apparently so, but suppose you throw a coin enough times... suppose one day, it lands on its edge.
--soul weaver ii
/hip connect to hop, thigh sinew connect to main, and come and cover (jacob 2 iarael Etymology Mix reprise)
And we count heads, tails, edge, and alloy. Who has a head and a tail? Then perfect balance for that side inbetween both light and dark, right and wrong, this and that not this vs that, then you have noble within known as goddess annointed or deity powered.
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