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Just getting stuff off my chest

Posted by LizFL , 04 February 2013 · 419 views

Just had to express my feelings, once again. And once again, there is not a single person for me to talk to, so I type, and I post. As usual, the love life is a ruckus, but now I am at a university, I find my time management skills are even worse.
  Why is it that someone I want to be with has to step into my life at all the wrong times? I don't even know if he is interested in me the same way. We have a physical relationship. So I know the chemistry is there. Yet, I don't know if he wants more. When we are together, it's great. When we are not (the most frequent situation since I am gone 12-14 hours a day at school, then on the weekends I work), I go nuts waiting for a text. And he does, sometimes. I just don't know how to manage this. I am in so deep with school, do I have time to try to figure out what is going on with my love life?
  On the flip side, I need to know that some day this work will be worth it. That some day I will have a better life to share with someone. Why would I want to work so hard at school so I can know life passed me by while I was so intent on getting through this grueling work. Honestly, I just don't know how I am going to survive another three and a half semesters like this- my hair is falling out, my sleep (what little I do get) is disturbed, my weight is dropping (well, thats good but for the wrong reasons), I'm so stressed I don't even feel like myself. I feel like I have been sucked into an alternate universe of nothing but work. Yes, I  knew getting a degree would take a lot of work and effort, but this is so much more than I ever imagined. My secret fantasy is running away and never coming back...
   So do I sacrifice time and school to give myself that bit of the outside world with a man I enjoy and possibly love? Or do I sacrifice the man and work harder at school to go on to a life of emptiness?

Ever Learning
Feb 04 2013 08:31 AM
after your education you may go onto love but to love and to not finish your education might cause you to resent your partner. every thing has its season and your future sounds bountiful.
its the old age argument between head and heart, i wish you happiness what ever path you take.
feel free to pm
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Knight Of Shadows
Feb 04 2013 08:39 AM
i envy you , i wish i can get things off my chest and write them all down
hope things get better for you
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White Crane Feather
Feb 04 2013 08:42 AM
I have never met anyone who finished school and wished they had not, and virtually everyone i have met that did not wished they did.. lovers may  come and go, but your education will be with you forever. Stick it out, years from now you will laugh at the short time scales involved.
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Thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Like I said, I have no one to talk to (My family would automatically dismiss this for me being stupid that I don't discard any distractions, no matter how important), and my friends have moved away (yes, I started at a community college, so now we are all university level, they have moved off all over the country) which has caused them to drift away emotionally too. Obviously  I don't really have time to make new friends either. Just that you read this and commented means so much for me.
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