Unexplained Mysteries Discussion Forums: Unexplained Mysteries Discussion Forums -> Tia's Blog

I keep getting told that a lot of what we feel in the now may be triggered by something that's happened recently but it's roots are in you're past.

Has anyone got some ideas of how to release the past?

Hi guys,

I'm in a blue downer right now. I'm trying to look at it as I was doing so well so obviously I've moved forward and now I've fallen backwards for a bit.

It was my eldests birthday yesterday, and even though I was struggling I arranged some of her friends to come over for a surprise dinner. I made it through the night without breaking down and gave her what I wanted, so I'm going to give myself a little pat on the back for that.

I've got my craft group today with others who suffer depression/ anxiety so it's a safe place to have tears. I then do my first pick up of Avon books, yep I'm an Avon lady just for a while to see how I handle it and if it's worthwhile doing it. Keep my mind busy.

Take care everyone, Tia.

I've just started feeling a bit funny, I think it's delayed shock.

As we were going down the bush bends near our house earlier to shop we came upon a car accident that had just happened. An elderly couple ran straight into a truck. Another woman had pulled up behind to stop traffic coming up the hill and I got out and went to check on the couple. I thought the man especially didn't look good and hubby rang for an ambulance. The truck driver was ok so I tried to keep the couple talking as they were in shock and I was worried about heart attacks (they were almost 80).

The adrenaline kicked in and I watched the couple and was middle person in traffic control, flagging cars down to slow and wait as there was only one lane open. The ambulance seemed to take forever and then it decided to piss down just to make the whole thing better. I think the woman may have hurt her ribs, but the gentleman was a bit out of it and was starting to get some chest pains. The ambulances arrived and took over as did the firetruck so we left.

I think passing the car on the way back up the hill (it still hadn't been moved) plus it's raining even worse now and I have to go back down the hill to take my son to the doctors to get his stitches out later is stressing me out. Anxiety sufferers don't need the added stress.

Anyway I hope the couple are ok, they were taken to hospital to make sure things were definitely ok so I hope it's only minor bruising.

My healths still up and down, but we've arranged a loan so I can at least spend a week in a private hospital should I become so severe again. I was ready yesterday to pack a bag and go down to the hell unit, I felt so bad and am sick of the kids seeing it all.
It makes me wonder if being drugged to the eyeballs at least you wouldn't notice how bad the place is around you.

My son has also started complaining of a sore arm I've felt it and am not sure if he's getting another tumor or the muscles all swollen. I've got to book him into the doctors and arrange an ultrasound and go from there. He has neurofribromatosis and had a large tumor removed a couple of years ago.

So for any religious person reading this, please pray for some good health to come our way. I try to everyday but I'm sure being tested lately.

I haven't had the chance to see little Indy since she was 3 weeks old and she's now 6 months old. What a little cutey, but my youngest J who used to hate babies had the first hold and kept trying to play with her. She was quite fascinated with all the feeding and nappy changing business. (It's like forget it , mummy is not having anymore ).

We took their dogs down the beach at dusk and they had a ball running wild in the cold surf, J almost got washed away by a large wave even though she was only standing in ankle deep water at the time. No sooner did we have her safe and dry we thought we were going to have to go in and rescue the dogs. Well I should say I would have booted my brother in to save his own dogs.

It was the first time I'd been to their new place and actually got to spend time with his partner and the baby, it was really nice I like getting to cuddle a baby and hand them over when they squalk. Indy was good she only cried at my hubby lol. The area they live in now, I use to frequent every weekend (I was an unoffical local) 18 years ago and boy has it changed.

Hopefully when hubby has his next weekend off if the health and everything is going fine we'll go stay overnight and have a really good look around and do some fishing as well as the beach when it's not so cold and rough.

Well, I hope everyone had a safe and Happy Xmas and start to 2007.

I'm adding an email here that I've sent to one of the biggest talk back radio hosts in NSW. When I started this blog I said I wanted to let the truth be known about mental illness. I have a chemical imbalance and it's like a dirty word, the way you're treated it's truly disgusting.

My email has a lot of stuff missing as it was really long to start with, but let's just say only the rich receive the treatment we all have a right to. What upsets me most is my children have to go through all this....well here's the email I hope I hear back soon from Ray.

Any questions please feel free to ask......

Firstly I'd like to say, whilst this is a long email, if as you read it, think of me as your wife, mother, sister , daughter and imagine her going through this.

Hi Ray,

I don't know if I'll have enough room here to say everything that's needed, but what I would like to talk about is the current mental health crisis.

While you have my real name I'd prefer it not used as I come from a small community and have children ranging in ages from 5 to 15. They've already suffered enough, they don't need people talking about their family.

A brief history of me is a mother and wife of 37yrs old. I have had Post Natal Depression left untreated with my first child but recognized with my second child. I had Post Natal as my primary problem with Obsessive traits attached. I was treated successfully with meds and the community mental health team and lived for the next couple of years relatively normal. At one stage spending a whole year off meds and feeling great.

In the year 2000 and off meds I started noticing I was developing major a major Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It was hard on the family but luckily I went straight to the doctor and restarted meds while starting therapy as well. Within weeks I found myself pregnant (a big surprise) and was referred to the local Anxiety Clinic to begin CBT.

When my baby was born the mental health team had a case worker, therapist and psychiatrist ready to take over my care and I stayed with them for about 2 years. The doctor then had to move on and my therapist moved interstate so it was decided to let me go my merry way whilst still on 200mg of zoloft daily. I would see my GP every six months for a new script with no questions about my health asked.
In 2005 I decided enough was enough and went and saw my GP explaining how I'd like to do a very slow wean to the lowest level I could manage on the zoloft. We went away at the end of 2005 and the kids remember a smiling, contented and very happy mum.

In 2006 things changed, I became sick again this time with panic attacks which included feelings of dispersonalization.A new and very frightening symptom for me. I was constantly ringing up the mental health team begging for help as I really thought I was losing it. Their comments came back "until you're psychotic or suicidal we don't have the time for you." This went on for months. I finally got into a therapist through the doctors free sessions but the therapist admitted she couldn't help me as my meds weren't working. She knew a psychiatrist who fitted me in straight away, so we had to tighten the belts back further what with the mortgage and growing children and now my huge doctors bills.
The psychiatrist unfortuently made me worse, sending me home to suddenly stop my zoloft at this time it was back up to 200mgs. The mental health team still wouldn't help and I had to do a cold turkey in front of 3 very frightened children. My muscles kept seizing up in funny angles, I couldn't see, my voice was slurred and I was walking into walls to name a few things. This doctor then continued to prescribe me a family of drugs I told her wouldn't work on me so all she then did was add heavy duty drugs to knock me out into the equation.

In her notes she wrote my history as my current illness even though I asked her repeatedly what was happening and I was told I had Panic disorder only.
In December I was admitted into a mental health unit, while it was new and nice you were really just there to watch your meds, nothing else. We had a small painting program but no therapy ever. Luckily most the patients were like myself there because our doctors messed our meds up and we supported each other.

By now we also further stretched the budget to include private health insurance, I expected I'd have to wait 1 year as the panic problem was pre-existing before being able to access decent treatment.

Over Christmas my meds kicked in and the panic was controlled in early January I realized I was showing signs of depression (is there any wonder after everything I'd been through and the guilt I felt towards my children having to see all this)

I decided to find a new GP with mental health experience and she diagnosed me depressed and that most the meds I was on was disgusting and not helping me at all. She referred me to a new Psychiatrist who I saw and he also diagnosed me with a deep Clinical Depression that really needed hospital treatment. I said as I'd had past panic I wouldn't be covered, but he explained that each clinical depression is a new and separate illness, nothing to do with the panic. I went home and checked my health fund and found that would he said was correct. On the Monday morning (I held strong all weekend for the kids) I rang my health fund and they checked it out and said yes you're covered you can go to a private hospital for treatment. I was in tears thanking them so much knowing that the private system offered you a one on one carer and twice daily therapy groups along with relaxing pursuits and a peaceful environment to get better. As I'd also just been changed meds again I knew my chi!
ldren wouldn't have to witness another withdrawal mess.
The hospital had to double check though and here they found a problem, as I'd had panic last year the health fund considered my clinical depression one and the same and refused to cover me.We contacted the ombudsman and had letters faxed across by the GP and my specialist definitely stating this was a new illness that had only just started and had nothing to do with my past history. After over a week of fighting it seems the health fund considers my Psychiatrist a liar and that's basically it. I'm swapping health funds and having to wait another 9.5 months before I can make a mental health claim even though legally I was within their legal booklet correct and should have had a safe place to go to.

This is now where the real problem lays, we hear about how the government is handing out cash and bed spaces for the mentally ill, but I'll give you an honest account of my last week.

After being denied the private hospital on the Tuesday last week my GP gave me a letter to go to hospital hopefully so I'd be admitted back to Katoomba as it's meant to be my local hospital and not too scary for the kids.
Instead I spent 2 nights at the Peccs unit at Nepean Hospital. Day one they forgot to give us water, lunch and dinner even though there was only 2 patients, 3 staff and 1 guard. As I was going through the withdrawal off my old antidepressant my legs kept seizing up and I was allowed to walk back and forth past the emergency patients in beds. My husband and children arrived with a hot dinner at 11.30 at night and as I was a voluntary patient they let us go outside to eat, much better then the stale sandwich we had been offered when they realized they'd forgotten our dinner.
The next day I was the only patient once again with 3 nurses and a guard, I was there to have my withdrawal monitored and also to have the start of my new drug monitored to make sure I wasn't going to have any severe side effects. Apart from that I was there with a diagnosis of depression only.The nurses kept in their station, not coming out to talk even though they were all fully trained psych nurses who could have helped with my feelings. By the third day the staff changed and all four beds were taken. I was basically told no more walking even though my legs were cramped up. We were only allowed to use one bathroom even though there were 3 available, they referred to one patient as 'it', has 'it' has breakfast yet.
I was offered a place in Pialla a unit I'd heard awful stories about but they told me there was a therapist there and social workers so I would get at least part of the therapy I needed. I agreed to go as I wanted to be better for my children but as I began to ask more questions I had a nurse sneak over to me with valium and told me I'd better take it and keep quiet or I'd end up in the acute side.
I went across to the sub-acute side and Ray it is like something from your worse nightmares. There was no therapists and one social worker to 37 patients. A nurse grabbed my bag and without even donning gloves put her hands all though it. I met the other women in my room one in particular who was very upset. I stopped to talk to her and she said she suffered endless anxiety, I tried to talk to her and share things I'd found useful in my treatment whilst also trying to learn what they were doing, I think she was receiving electric shock therapy (something I thought went out years ago).
This poor women broke down when I next entered the room and told me she was only getting worse here and wanting to kill herself. I asked her if it was ok if I got a nurse and she said yes. When I mentioned the patient to the nurse they rolled their eyes and walked off in the opposite direction. My children were waiting for me and they had to watch a woman being surrounded my nurses threatening her and yelling and screaming as she was frustrated as she wasn't allowed to say anything. There were patients there who were living in a totally delusional world others so bombed out, it was hard to tell they were alive.Women screaming and yelling at the top of their lungs due to their insanity. Most definitely not the place to send a relatively normal woman.

Ray I would love for you to share my story, I was lucky that I could discharge myself that same day. I went home and lost it again but each day whilst a struggle is slowly easing a bit. It would be my dearest wish to place some politicians in this unit and judge for themselves if the mental health system is working. The public deserves to know what is going on. The stats prove that up to 1 in 4 will suffer a mental illness and if people knew what sort of treatment is waiting for them..... maybe we could get some things changed.

Well we're not even into summer and our whole area is covered in smoke and has a weird orange haze to it.

I went through the fires in 2001, but these ones are still heaps away. The problem is they're in the Grose Valley which is the main bushland corridor of the Blue Mountains with all the villages surrounding it except for ours which runs directly through it.

The fires are still up near Blackheath but in 1994 once they got into the Grose there was no stopping them. Our suburb lost numerous houses and considering we're a suburb of 2 streets that's saying something. I feel for all the wildlife caught out there, the poor things. Hubby was gone for 16hours straight on Saturday night doing backburning to protect the houses at Blackheath. There's currently 300 firefighters and over 10 planes working on trying to get some control.

Here's a piccie showing the smoke over 3800hectares have already been lost.

Yesterday I was online in a doggy forum I go to and volunteered to help with a dogs rescue.

Princess (as my youngest called her) is a great dane x approx 18mths old. Her time was up at the pound and she was due to be pts.

Rescue in Melbourne were going to take her but they needed someone to get her out of the pound.

I packed the kids in the car and raced down to the pound to find a lovely dog though her ribs and backbone were showing. We then had to face Windsor Rd to get to the vets to have her immunised in peak hour . Afterwards we made it to the boarding kennel only 5 minutes late. She'll be staying there till Wednesday when the dog transport will take her on to Melbourne to her new foster home. She couldn't wait to get back into the kennel run, which makes you wonder if a caged life is all she's known.

She was such a lovely girl even though we only spent a short time with her, someone will be a lucky person when they get to adopt her.

My hat goes off to all the people who do rescue on a daily basis, I don't know how they hand the dogs over after spending weeks working with them.

Good luck Princess, here's to a happy and loving future in a forever home to you.

Well nothing much has happened here, just the usual ho-hum.

All my health tests came back normal so it's officially a genetic blip in my brain that causes me to have panic disorder, OCD and depression. Wow lucky me.

We're still waiting to sell our house. We've actually found a block of land, picked out a house we'd love to build and had the tree loppers in for quotes and it's in our price range plus we'd save at least $55 a week on our mortgage.
I've had to go to our current agents and put them on a 7 day warning, if they don't pick their socks up I break the contract and go elsewhere.

It's funny because I can be a b**** like that in business when I need to be and then get home and be a crying mess. I had warned the agents up front, could they do the job as I have no qualms in breaking a contract, I've done it before and I'll do it again. I'm not paying $12000 to someone who doesn't do their job.

My youngest has started big school orientation. She visits for an hour once a week to get used to the school and teachers ready for next year. Poor thing she then gets upset having to go to pre-school after it because she's (late). Her little friend is the same even though we've told them their teacher knows that they've been at big school.

I hope everyone is doing well out there, Tia

After having my nightmare week with the second part of withdrawal feeling like I was having a breakdown, I was told I wouldn't sink that low again as the specialists blamed the withdrawal.

Well guess what...... I've been sinking all evening and am now a mess, when will this crap ever stop.

Honestly people until you go through a mental illness, you can not ever image the pain and hopelessness of the situation.

It's late at night here and I'm going to try to get some sleep soon. I'll start on the phone calls in the morning to all the specialists to hear what they have to offer as an explanation as to what is happening this time.

Telling me it wouldn't happen again and then having it happen within 2 weeks has only increased my anxiety now. My specialist was tossing around the idea of a tumor pushing on something at one stage maybe she'll need to look further into that to rule it out.

People tell me I'm strong to have made it through the w/d myself, I'm not strong they just didn't see me , I'd love for someone to come and take care of me for once instead of facing all this myself.