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God - The Adventures of Zarkor and Zerak

Posted by StarMountainKid , 10 February 2011 · 337 views

Our Alien friends Zarkor and Zerak are lounging in their home on the planet Zerak recently bought, watching a beautiful sunset when suddenly everything begins to shake and shudder violently. Even the star around which their planet orbits, toward which their gaze is focused seems to quiver a bit. Zerak bounds up and hovers uncertainly above the couch...

"What was that!?", shouts Zerak.
"I don't know!", exclaims Zarkor. "Are we being attacked by some hostile Alien ship?!  Better get to the Death Ray Control Panel fast!  You do that, Zerak, while I steady my cookies and milk!"
Suddenly a loud, deep voice is heard filling every corner of the room. "ERRUMMM!...SORRY FOR THE SHAKE-UP, BUT I HAD TO MAKE A SMALL ADJUSTMENT TO THE UNIVERSE."
Zarkor and Zerak stop in their hover and look at each other in amazement.
"Who was that, Zarkor?!", Zerak asks.
"I don't know, but I'm going to find out!  Who is speaking?!"
The deep voice replies, "OH, SORRY, THIS IS GOD, OF COURSE!"
"God?", Zarkor exclaims anxiously.
"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!  LISTEN UP!"
Zarkor and Zerak look around the room uncertainly. "You're God?? And you're talking to us??"
"I'M SPEAKING TO THE WHOLE UNIVERSE! YOU'RE A PART OF THE UNIVERSE, AREN'T YOU?!"
"Yes.", Zerak says meekly.
"WELL, I'M SPEAKING TO YOU AND EVERY SENTIENT BEING IN THE UNIVERSE! ... AS I SAID, I'M GOD...I CAN DO THAT."
"Oh," says Zerak as he looks at Zarkor.
After a moment Zarkor asks timidly, "So, what exactly was that big bump?"
"WELL, WHEN I CREATED THE UNIVERSE I MADE A SLIGHT ERROR...I JUST FIXED IT."
"I see," says Zerak, "but if you're God how can you make an error?"
"IT DOES SEEM INCONGRUOUS, I KNOW. BUT AT THE TIME I WAS DISTRACTED BY MY ASSISTANT."
"You have an assistant?", asks Zerak.
"OF COURSE I HAVE AN ASSISTANT!", God says, annoyed,  "YOU KNOW HOW COMPLEX IT IS TO CREATE A UNIVERSE?! I FOOLISHLY LET HIM TAKE CARE OF SOME OF THE MINOR DETAILS, AND HE KEPT BOTHERING ME ABOUT SOMETHING, SO I WAS DISTRACTED AND, WELL, I MADE THIS TINY MISTAKE...BUT IT'S FIXED NOW."
"Oh, good. Umm, what was the mistake, if you don't mind me asking?", asks Zarkor, rather impetuously.
"IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!", God answers loudly, "IT'S FIXED, THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW!"
Zarkor turns to Zerak and says, "Hey Zerak, I bet that's why that stupid life-form was guarding those stupid Pillars! Remember The Seven Pillars of the Universe? I bet that's what they were for! To fix that stupid mistake that God made!"
"WHAT?!!", God exclaims angerly, his thundering voice upsetting Zarkor's milk and cookies.
"Oh, sorry, God," Zarkor apologizes, "I didn't mean you were stupid, I meant your stupid mistake was stupid...or..."
"HMM...," says God, not completely reassured. "WELL, IN ANY EVENT I'LL BE LEAVING THEN. HAVE A NICE DAY."
"Wait, wait!", cries Zerak, "Don't go yet! It's not often we get to speak to God Himself! I have a million questions I want to ask you!"
"OH ALRIGHT, BUT MAKE IT QUICK," says God,  "I'M BUSY. I'VE BEEN WORKING ON A NEW IMPROVED UNIVERSE AND I DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME."
"A new improved universe...?" Zerak asks.
"OF COURSE! SEE, IT'S LIKE THIS ONE BUT WITH CERTAIN UPGRADES, MAKING IT A SUPERIOR PRODUCT! RATHER PROUD OF IT, IF I DO SAY SO..AND I DO. AND IT'S GOING TO BE RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THIS ONE, DIMENSIONALLY SPEAKING."
"No screw-ups this time, I suppose?", asks Zarkor, regaining his usual bravado.
"OF COURSE NOT! IT'S GOING TO BE A REAL IMPROVEMENT.  BETTER LIVING CONDITIONS, MORE LUXURY, EASIER SHOPPING, LESS HASTLE GOING ABOUT ONE'S TEDIOUS DAILY LIVES ... MAY EVEN THROW IN A FEW MORE RAINBOWS...YOU KNOW, STUFF LIKE THAT."
"Sounds nice," says Zerak.
"OF COURSE IT'S NICE!! WHAT DID YOU THINK?! I ONLY HOPE THE LIFE-FORMS IN THIS NEW ONE APPRECIATE IT MORE THAN IN THE ONE YOU'RE IN! YOU ALL SEEM TO TAKE EVERYTHING FOR GRANTED! YOU KNOW HOW MUCH HARD WORK AND SWEAT I PUT INTO THESE UNIVERSES, JUST SO YOUR KIND CAN WALK AROUND AND ENJOY YOURSELVES A LITTLE?! A LOT OF THANKS I GET! AND SOME OF YOU DON'T EVEN BELIEVE I EXIST! HOW DO YOU THINK ALL OF THIS CAME ABOUT?! BY ACCIDENT?! OH, I DON'T KNOW, SOMETIMES I THINK IT'S NOT WORTH THE BOTHER."
"Yes, I'm sure it's a task and all, and being unappreciated is no fun either, I suppose," says Zarkor. "But listen God, after this new one is done, do you think Zerak and me could maybe move there? I mean, this universe is real nice and all, but to tell the truth, lately I've been thinking about moving to a better neighborhood. That new universe of your's sounds promising. Are the real estate values cost-effective there?"
"SORRY, NO VACANCIES RIGHT NOW. BUT I'LL KEEP YOU IN MIND."
"Thanks," says Zarkor hopefully.
"God," Zerak interjects, "there's one more thing I've always wanted to ask you."
"YES, YES, WHAT IS IT?", God asks, impatiently.
"Well, just why did you make this universe in this first place?"
"WELL, I GOT BORED, IF YOU MUST KNOW. YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING A SUPREME BEING? IT'S THE SAME THING EON AFTER EON. SITTING AROUND CONTEMPLATING MYSELF, PUTTING UP WITH THIS INFINITY AND THAT INFINITY. TRY IT SOMETIME! SO I THOUGHT I'D DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT JUST TO GET MY MIND OFF MYSELF FOR A WHILE. TRY MY HAND AT UNIVERSES. SORT OF A HOBBY, REALLY...YOU KNOW."
"Yeah," Zarkor agrees, "I can see how all that supreme stuff would become tedious."
"YES. WELL, GOT TO BE GOING NOW. HAVE THAT NEW UNIVERSE TO TIDY UP AND ALL. NICE TALKING TO YOU TWO. YOU SEEM TO BE DECENT CREATIONS OF MINE. MAYBE I'LL MAKE SOME CREATURES LIKE YOU IN MY NEW UNIVERSE...UPGRADED, OF COURSE."
"Yeah. Thanks for the compliment, God."
"NO PROBLEM. BYE NOW."
"Oh, if you're ever in this universe again, God, maybe you can visit us again," asks Zerak.
"Yeah," continues Zarkor, "see, I've got all these theories and maybe we could work on them together or something. It would really help getting published if I could use you in my footnotes. I mean, who could argue?"
"HMM...PERHAPS. I'D GIVE YOU MY CELESTIAL CONTACT NUMBER, BUT I HAVE TO LIMIT MY CALLS. WITH 10^100 LIFE-FORMS IN THIS AREA CODE ALONE, PERSONAL COMMUNICATION CAN BE TIRESOME. YOU UNDERSTAND."
"Yes, would be a headache, I suppose," replies Zarkor.
"RIGHT, I'LL BE OFF THEN."
"Bye, God," says Zerak.
"Yeah, bye," says Zarkor.

After God leaves, Zarkor turns to Zerak and says, "That was interesting. And unusual, even for us."
"It was, Zarkor. Never thought I'd have the chance to speak to God personally."
"Seemed to be a pretty nice guy, though. It settles one question, anyway."
"Yes," says Zerak. "Now we know the Vulgarians didn't create the universe out of pointless spite after all as the ancient myths declare. It was God."
"Yeah," Zarkor agrees. "Say, do you think somehow we could travel to that new universe sometime? I think I'd like it better than ours, with all those upgrades like he said."
"I don't think it's possible, Zarkor, we'll just have to make the best of this one."
"I guess so. Anyway, God said he liked us. That's something." Zarkor thinks for a moment. "You know, knowing God personally could be to our advantage. I mean, shouldn't we get more respect now? Hmm, if he'd only given me his card or something. You know, to show he's our pal.  Hey! Would be a good way to break the ice with females! 'What was your name, again? Oh, by the way, I know God personally. Here's his card. If you're extra special tonight maybe I'll introduce you.' Stuff like that."
"I think that would be a little over the top, Zarkor."
"Yeah, maybe. Still, it's a thought. I think I'll go to my room and lie down for a while. This has been a heavy trip."
"It has," agrees Zerak.
"Oh! I forgot to ask him one more question!"
"What?", asks Zerak.
"What's the meaning of life, of course! Yeah, and what happens after we're dead!"
"Well, maybe we'll see him again sometime and you can ask him then," Zerak says hopefully.
"I doubt it. Not unless there's another mistake he's overlooked. Well, maybe it's for the best. I don't really want to know all that stuff."
"Why not?", asks Zerak.
"Cuz life wouldn't be so interesting then. Knowing everything. That would take all the mystery out of life."
"True," Zerak agrees. "Like, you're the biggest mystery in my life, Zarkor. I wouldn't want that explained! The little I do know is enough knowledge for me to deal with. I'm not sure even God would want to know everything about you. Think he's got enough problems on his mind already."
"Yeah. Thanks, Zerak."




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