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My God Deal

Posted by Dr. D , 28 September 2012 · 355 views

I prefer to keep my religion, poetry, and booze in separate containers and not pretend that anyone has the Rosetta Stone to God.  I subscribe to the church of Old Abe and his, “When I do something good, I feel good.  When I do something bad, I feel bad.  That is my religion.”  I turn away from ideas about spirits and inspiration and that both can be holy.  The spirit hides around the corner and I was not inspired, choosing instead to be unblemished by either bias or zealotry.

And so, I’m writing this to you, God.  I do it with the recognition that everything I was ever taught about you was criminally wrong.  These words come with the realization that religion was all it was meant to be, injecting into the mind and soul all the senses of glorification and guilt.  It is constructed of seething whirlpools, gyrating sandstorms, waterspouts which hiss and boil and suck us in. They are composed purely and wholly of the stuff of the soul. Against our wills we are drawn in, whirled round, blinded, suffocated, and at the same time filled with a giddy rapture.  But in the end, they have little or nothing to do with you.

I am convinced that you are there, creating and governing, controlling and observing but as you do it all, you really don’t give a damn about the little things.  Little things like a speck of dirt and water moving around a very minor star and holding life in its varied forms.  Of the trillions and more of greater bodies whirling around massive stars, this atom of life deserves your attention?  Why should we expect that?  In fact, it’s profanely arrogant for us to believe it.

So I’m going to be on your side and I want to tell you that it’s okay, I understand.  And if there’s no heaven, that’s okay, too.  What chance would I have of being one of the 144,000?  I’m not even Jewish.  And the same with hell, right?  I would have liked to see how that eternal fire and eternal darkness thing worked together, but what the hell.  So it’s all fine between us, right?  If you’ll forget about all the little jokes I’ve pulled, I’ll forget about your big one.

Now when people come to me talking about their “personal relationship with God,” I can just snicker to myself and know that you and I are the ones really on the inside.  Give me nothing because that’s exactly what I expect.  If everyone was like that, the God business would be a lot easier, right?  I mean, when there were just two people you had to rest a whole day.  There’s seven billion now and each one wants something.  Even boxers are crossing themselves, “God let me tear this guy’s head off.”  We’ve got guys Tebowing like you really give a hot damn that they scored a touchdown.  Latino ballplayers crossing themselves as they go to the plate.  It’s just gotten out of hand.  No wonder you found better things to do.

Anyway, it’s good to know that I’m cool with God.  It’s the best kind of pact.  God will be exactly as I need him to be and I’ll be just as he wants me to be.  You can’t ask for more than that.

Amen.




Amen.
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Star of the Sea
Sep 28 2012 09:45 PM
"Epiphany" Dr. D! :)
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Biff Wellington
Sep 28 2012 11:21 PM
I made a deal with "God" a long time ago. He leaves me to myself (as if it didn't plan on doing that to begin with) & I won't BS it.
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Biff Wellington
Sep 28 2012 11:23 PM
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