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I Nosh Delicious Dinosaur Meat With Amazing Ketchup!

Posted by IronGhost , 07 August 2011 · 241 views

Now I will focus in on my weird experience of eating a dinosaur bird steak and the “ketchup incident” at The RET.

After observing with great interest the spat between Pandit Magnneson and the 8-Foot rocker chick, the Goddess-Waitress emerged into the Left Hall and set a large platter containing a still sizzling steak of rather large proportion in front of me.

Wow! I was about to nosh the meat of an ancient extinct bird! I was excited!

I quickly discovered that the platter the steak rested upon was itself edible – it appeared to be a large slab of mushroom, about 15 inches in diameter and about 2 inces thick. The dyatrima steak was in the center, surrounded by large tubers, about ¾ the size of a baseball. I don’t recognize these garnishes as anything familiar – no manner of vegetable that I recognize from my own, waking world.

Interestingly, the Goddess-Waitress supplied me with a kind of combination knife-fork, which I am sure was made of the black, glassy rock, obsidian. Ancient man and proto-men used similar tools for cutting meat – although this was more than an eolith implement – this implement was not as crude, worked with more artisanship and featured a handle obviously made from carved antler horn.

I cut into one of the whitish tubers and popped a piece into my mouth. Hmmm – it had a soft crunchiness, and had the flavor that was a combination of potato, apple and onion. Remarkable!  I wondered if this form of tasty vegetable was extinct in our world.

Now it was time to finally dig into that steak!  Using the obsidian eolith knife, I effortlessly sawed off a bite-sized strip of tender meat, and kept going so that I also sliced a chunk of the mushroom platter beneath; and shoved both into my watering mouth.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! Oh my! – Delicious, savory, slightly garlicy, slightly peppery, tender meat with the redolence of a fine cut of beef fillet mignon, combined with succulence of duck breast! WoooooooooooW!!!! So yummy!!!! The mushroom itself was pungent, but not overpowering and complemented the dyatrima meat with perfect balance!

I began eating with eagerness – slicing, shoveling juicy chunks of medium-rare dinosaur bird meat into my hunngry gob– the meat had just the right charcoal crust brazed on the outer surface, evincing a pleasant crunch against my palette as my teeth sunk into the tender meat! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! Nom nom!

After eating about half the steak, I had the notion that what would really complete this meal to the ultimate degree would be some ketchup! (Yes, I am the kind of guy who puts ketchup on steak. I make no apologies!)

I first thought about asking the Goddess-Waitress for a bottle of ketchup, but quickly told myself that such a condiment was still perhaps hundreds of thousands of year away from being invented.

And since I have long considered The RET to be a world of the lucid dream scenario (although this is a complex issue, which I will not get into here) – I decided that, since this as it least partially MY dream, I can manifest anything I want. So rather than trouble the Goddess-Waitress, I gulped a mouthful of Million Year Wine, sat back, and composed my mind to visualize, and then materialize a bottle of ketchup for myself.

I’ll skip the details of my mental mechanics in visualizing a bottle of ketchup, except to say that the results were not exactly what I had intended. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see there on the table before me -- not a bottle of Heinz 57 -- but rather, a stoneware pot – but which had the most amazing label pasted on it!

The label of the ketchup pot was colorful and of elaborate artistic design, drawn by a skilled hand. The “brand name” of the ketchup I had materialized was in large bold letters across the top of the label: “RIAL-K”

Beneath each of these letters was written in smaller letters: “RISK IT ALL KETCHUP!”

The image beneath this brand name lettering was a horrific picture: It was a gory “zombie head” or maybe a human head that had been skinned and mutilated. Bloody eyes gaped in agony, a mouth was yawning open in a blood-curdling scream.

The zombie head was screaming for a good reason, for also depicted was a boney skeleton hand, clutching a glass ketchup bottle with the top broken off, and this was being jabbed into the partially exposed brain of the screaming head!

But there was more: Below this gruesome depiction, there were two small vignettes.

In the lower left hand corner of the label was a picture of what looked like a Catholic nun. Her head was thrown back, her eyes were pinched shut, her mouth gaped open in a scream, and her back was arched – and that is because a spider-headed demon was thrusting a jagged, cruelly serrated insect leg through her back. The jagged edge came out the front of the nun, spewing crimson blood. Watching this scene was depicted a beautiful golden haired angel, who was covering her face in shock, but you could see her eyes, wide in terror, and weeping tears, as she watched the Sister being gored by an insect demon.

In the other corner was depicted a handsome square-jawed man – sort of a 1950s style perfect TV dad – he stared straight ahead, and his eyes were an amazing study in sorrow and grief. In a way, this man, with his perfectly combed hair, nice shirt and necktie, projected a more powerful feeling of horror, in that, his look of utter hopelessness and despair was so complete and convincing. He looked too miserable to even cry. His despair was complete. He looked as if he wanted only one thing – to end his own life as quickly as possible

Below all of this amazing art at the bottom of the label was a final slogan: “The Finest Ketchup!”

Well!

You can imagine I was nonplussed at this eerie stone pot of ketchup! Now, I realize that it was I who had affected the materialization of this– however, I disavow the cruel and sadistic nature of the art depicted on the label. And don’t give me any of this crap about the subconscious mind and all these warmed over Freudian theories. As most of you know from reading my Ouija transcripts, I hold the theory of the subconscious or even unconscious mind to be a primitive and false theory – which is why the ideometer effect used to explain the Ouija phenomenon is also a false theory – but I won’t get into that now.

I reached out for the jar and took off the lid – more than half expecting to find something abominable inside – but all I saw was what looked like perfectly red, smooth, sweet and tangy ketchup.

I noticed that there was a handy ketchup scoop attached to the pot. It was a spoon fashioned to look like a half human skull. I used this to scoop out a generous amount of RISK IT ALL brand ketchup and slathered it on the remaining portion of my dyatrima steak.

(Note: In a room off to the right of where the volcanic shaft was located was another dining room, and in here a large group of The Hidden People were gathered for some kind of feast. They were watching this whole ketchup incident with enormous interest – and in fact – I suspect that the gruesome label on RISK IT ALL brand ketchup had something to do with them. But because this post is getting too long again, I will discuss The Hidden People in a future post).

So anyway, I apply a generous coating of RISK IT ALL brand ketchup on my steak and take a bite ---  Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!! – it is beyond delicious -- beyond the beyond -- delicious ketchup!!Let me tell you something, RISK IT ALL brand ketchup truly is what the label says it is – “The Finest Ketchup!”

I would say it is well beyond ‘the finest.’

  RISK IT ALL brand ketchup is like the Platonic Ideal of Ketchup – the very essence and archetype of perfect tangy, sweet, rich tomato flavor blended into perfect smoothness and mellowness – I don’t care who you are or where you live on our planet earth today – you will NEVER, EVER taste or experience the wonderful deliciousness of ketchup like that of RISK IT ALL brand ketchup! You just can’t get something like this in our spacetime dimension. You can’t!

I just hope some of you will be able to journey to The RET someday, if only so that you can experience RISK IT ALL brand ketchup and a savory, perfectly broiled dyatrima steak!

PLEASE VISIT: MINNESOTA PARANORMALA





The Albatross
Aug 08 2011 04:20 PM
I just made a reservation at the RET.

I hope their corkage fees aren't ridiculous, because I have a nice bottle I plan on bringing with me;-)
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Anon-y-mous
Aug 14 2011 08:43 PM
I would be very curios to know about how we can experience lucid dream state?
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Sounds like an awesome place. Of course I never have dreams about delicious steak and beautiful women who want to jump me even though they're clearly very busy. Maybe she gets breaks to better "serve" the customers ;)
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Corp, on 17 August 2011 - 11:44 AM, said:

Sounds like an awesome place. Of course I never have dreams about delicious steak and beautiful women who want to jump me even though they're clearly very busy. Maybe she gets breaks to better "serve" the customers ;)

LOL, Corp. You know there are so many issues surrounding seemingly simple concepts in a "consciousness realm" such as The RET. The irony is that the more one lusts after "steak and sex" the less likely one is to get to The RET in the first place. On the other hand, one has to be wary of aritifical value judgments which have different meanings in different "environments."

At any rate, "Steak and Sex" would be great title for a novel, or maybe a good name for a rock band.  :alien:
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