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The Same Blog Entry

Posted by Xanthurion2 , 12 February 2012 · 797 views

same boring sad miserable pathetic life
Well, where to begin? i guess i will begin where i left off.
i don't know what i meant by that as none of my blogs connect but anywho:
it is almost four in the morning where i am as i am typing this and i am still awake. i don't know why. i have nothing to do in the morning. i'm definitely not doing anything important right now and i am not waiting for anything. i am quite sleepy as a matter of fact and yet here i am, awake at a computer. writing a blog of all things. sometimes i think i am going insane. this has nothing to do with staying up but i really do feel crazy sometimes. i don't mean the kind of insane where you go crazy and kill some people. i mean the kind where you just lose it. madness, i guess is what i would describe it as. i have read the definition of insanity and it reads something like, "the act of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." this basically describes my life. i wake up at the same time in the afternoon every day. play the same game. either go for a walk or switch to a different same game. watch the same tv shows. eat the same stuff that looks like food. get on the same computer. visit the same websites. click on the same x button. get in the same shower. put on the same kind of clothing. maybe eat some different same stuff that looks like food. brush the same teeth. get in the same bed with the same pillow. spend the same 15-90 minutes trying to go to sleep. dream the same kind of dream (sometimes the same exact dream.) and repeat the exact same process. and ever day at a different time i wish and i hope and i pray that my life was different. i wish something exciting would happen. i hope for a job opportunity. and i pray for a chance to live the life i have always wanted to live. to be my own man and not depend on other people to live. i want my own house with my own car and my own family and my own food. i don't want to be the jobless freeloader on all the sitcoms. i want a better life. the problem is i live in the worst town in the worst state in one of the worst countries of all time. and i hate it. sometimes i think about just running away, being a nomad. or hitching my way to somewhere else. somewhere i could maybe find a job. but it's the middle of winter and it's too cold to do that. i wouldn't get very far anyway. nobody picks up hitchhikers anymore, it's too scary. and i definitely wouldn't pick up a fella dressed all in black with a scruffy beard and a dead look in his eyes. so that's out of the question. and i don't have anywhere else to live. out of the other places i've lived this is the best one. my mom and stepdad don't have cable or internet but my mom is the best cook i know. my sister has two screaming kids and she's always moving somewhere else. she's got it worse than me i think. her husband (temporarily removed) lives on a farm in a tiny little house with a old deaf woman and a crazy hillbilly in the middle of nowhere. and all my friends live in other places and it's hard to get in touch with them. we have facebook but they are never online. and i can't call them because nobody answers numbers they don't recognize. so i think i will try to hack it here for as long as i can and hopefully one day i will get a job, pay off all my debts and get out the door faster than you can say "hinkadonkahoomenflopture."





StarMountainKid
Feb 13 2012 06:48 PM
You write so well, explaining your situation so clearly. I think you have a very good mind. I believe when you do finally get out of your present situation you'll go far in life.
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Xanthurion2
Feb 14 2012 05:15 AM

StarMountainKid, on 13 February 2012 - 12:48 PM, said:

You write so well, explaining your situation so clearly. I think you have a very good mind. I believe when you do finally get out of your present situation you'll go far in life.

thank you. i try. and i hope you are right.
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