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Letting the 'dead' die.

Posted by willowdreams , 23 May 2012 · 365 views

I saw on the forum a post from someone stating that assisted suicide is a sin. I did not post on it because I honestly did not know how to post what my heart felt, though I so badly wanted to post SOMETHING. So I will place it in my blog. Not many will see it, I am sure, but at least I will feel as if I tried to say 'something' even if it means little to anyone else, save myself.

I do not know how people can use religion/scripture to say letting the dead die is wrong. That is my take on it. Letting the dead die.

I understand, accept and fully believe that to help healthy and just 'lonely' or going through some tough times' people die could and should be wrong, we all know we can go through bouts of sheer misery and come out on top, and I love life enough to where I would want everyone to have that chance, I do not believe in assisted suicide for those individuals, though if they want to kill themselves.. I would try to stop them if I could, but I am not going to condemn them because it is the road they chose to travel, missing all the other roads that are out there.

But we are not talking about 'those' individuals. I am speaking of the living dead people.

I will not lie to you, my child hood was misery, abuse.. terror.. but not everything about it was horrible, while I would have weekends and nights of misery, my days usually were filled with playing outside with friends, going to school, getting filthy in dirt, falling in the creek, swimming in the kanawa river by the locks. I had good times too. I just did not always remember those times when night fell and bad times came. I remember them NOW.

But there are other memories, memories not of abuse, or happiness, but of sadness and pity.

I was raised by my grandparents, and my grandfather was a foreman for the coal mines. Now, grandpa Pete had been in the coal mines since he was 8 yrs old. As a child he carried buckets of water to the men, or carried away buckets of whatever he was told to carry, and whatever else kids did. As it was, he died of black lung. Lung cancer.

It was not a kind death. One would say I should be happy he died a long painful humiliating death, but I was not happy because THIS kind of death is not a death of vengence, it is just an agonizing death.

He withered away from a hulking big man to this feeble boney human who could not even get to the toilet. He wore diapers, and was ashamed. Doctors kept giving him medication after medication, but he knew, we knew.. *I* knew, he was already dead, just his mind and body was not dying as fast as the rest of him was. He would lay in bed, his eyes there, alert. He would cry tears down his cheek, to weak to even vocalize the crying. He wanted to die. He would feebly try to NOT swallow the pills, or take liquid medication, he would try to not eat, but always everyone would make him, saying stuoid things like 'this will help you', there was no help. He knew he had cancer, he knew he would never ever recover, he knew he was dying.

But to deny his medication, even at his own request, was to help him die.
To give him to MUCH pain medication to let him sleep and never wake, was to let him die.

Same thing, both of them. Denying medication will help them die faster, giving them to much, will help them die faster.

Either way, one is just a bit slower then the other, but both assisted suicide in that sense.

He should have been given to much medication, or even not fed and medication. He did not feel hunger, I am sure. He just wanted to go.

We should have let him.

Later when I was dating my future husband Roy, his grandfather who also raised him, was dying of lung cancer, he too was a coal miner (west virginia, that there is coal mining territory, most men were in the cold mines at a young age), he had black lung.

His death was just as slow, just as agonizing. Jesse deserved to die as well. Medications were better then, they prolonged you more, made you suffer more. He too was in a diaper. He too was mentally alert. Medications seem to do that a lot, either they help you stay mentally there to be with family or maybe some cancers are just that cruel, they take your body and leave your mind as the last to go.

He wanted to die. I remember once when it was time to change his diaper, I never was in the room for that, (he was home to die), his daughter, my future mother in law did that with help from my boyfriend or another family, but alas, this day no one but her and I were in the house, sometimes we were lucky, Jesse wasnt 'there', he was off in another world reliving things.. he thought I was his dead wife several times, it was ok, I did not mind if it made him smile and feel less pain for just a lil while. But this time, he was really lucid, he knew.

When Dorothy called me in and said she was sorry, but she had no choice.. he knew I was Joan, NOT his dead wife Margarite. He knew I was his grandsons girlfriend.. He understood he had soiled himself.. He needed cleaned because he had a rash, that mdication was NOT helping, but alas, he had to be cleaned.. ointment put on.. and fresh diaper.

I made the mistake of looking up to his eyes when I heard a noise of distress.. It wasnt pain.. it was humiliation.. his eyes were lucid.. he knew who I was.. .he began crying tears of shame.

He wanted to die. He wanted to go to his Margarite who had died some yrs before. He wanted to go.

But that would have been wrong. To deny his meds, food.. would have been helping him die faster.

To give him to much pain meds, would have been helping him die even faster.

Either way, the definition was the same.. helping them die.

Letting the living dead


We use medication to keel you alive, even though we know the disease you have is a death sentence. I understand keeping you as healthy with this, as long as possible is a GOOD thing, but there comes a point (and yes.. though we may quibble over the 'line' we all know when a person has reached that limit/line, we just do not want to admit this), when it is far kinder to let them die. To either deny them medication AT THEIR request, or give them a lil too much of the pain/sleep meds.

We know, and the doctors know when it has gone so far that even if by some act of heaven a cure of the disease is found then and there, the body is just to far gone.

Those people who are already dead, should be allowed to die.

It is not an assisted suicide. It is not that. If this was even 100 yrs ago, they would never have made it THAT far, they would have already died because the medication to keep their body going would not have been there!

No, this is respecting the persons DYING wish. This is honoring your memory of them

My last memory of Jessa and Grandpa Pete are not memories of laughter or smiles or going peacefully to their final point in life, no.. it is of shame and humiliation in their eyes. It is a feeling of deep sorrow and pity in my chest that even today twinges and aches.

That is so sad, and not the normal sadness a death should bring, not the healing sorrow one should feel at death.

it is a long regretful sorrow that will never really go away, and I have to wonder if some of their last memories which should have been filled with loving looks from family is really a deep shame they feel at the way their body let them down in the final days.

SO no. in many cases, and we all have brains, we really do know what cases. We know it is individual, not everyone would want to die, but.. we know..

we know in many cases, it is not killing.. it is being merciful and respectful in helping them with their final wish.

i believe if someone wants to stop taking their meds or to stop eating, then yes allow them to do that espeically if they are terminal..  It is wrong to force that on anyone however.  It is when someone else makes that choice that I have trouble with.

You come across as a very kind woman and I am very sorry for the suffering you have gone through.  I hope you find happiness and are also a source of joy and healing for your childrien.

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