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*sigh* i hurt

Posted by willowdreams , in another day 08 August 2012 · 426 views

I was born with Cerebral Palsy, however.. tis mild mild mild in many ways.

I wore leg and arm brace for many yrs, all my waking time from infancy until i was school age, then after school till bedtime, and all weekend.. and all holiday/summer.. until i was 10 and just refused.

I was told when i was a teen that by the time i hit 30 i would need a cane or a walker or a wheelchair as walking would become more difficult as i aged, my muscles were not going to get better or much stronger and the 'shaking/tremors' would increase.. well, i beat that one.. so i was told by the time i was 35..... well i beat that.. and then at 40 i was told soon, any time, as i have arthritis in the joints.. they do not move properly because when you wear braces during the younger years when bone and muscle structure is developing, it 'freezes' certain areas in place.. my left side is the 'damaged' side, and my left ankle does not bend as other peoples, it is more frozen in place, the brace did this, because pple with brain damage, their feet tend to 'turn' inward when you lay down.. and they can grow that way.. so they had me wear harsh restrictive brace that basically stopped that (hey.. back then, in the early 60's, they really did think it was the right thing to do). also my left leg is almost 1/2 shorter then my right, my right leg tends to over compensate now, which also causes pain in the joints..

I understand all this.

I refuse to break down over it, or give in.

I am 49 and no leg brace, no wheel chair, no crutch, and no walker.. not even a cane.

But i will admit that I pay a price for it. I worked 5 1/2 hours today, and ended up doing a lot of walking on the hard floors, yes they are carpeted, but that does not really soften the extremely hard floors, and so now i am at home, my son had to help me OUT of the car and into the house, and I just stripped, laid down and here I am.

I am taking two pain killers, one asparine and one non asp. pain killer, the combo does better then just one or the other..

and i refuse to move.. it just hurts to damn much.

After a few weeks of walking on those hard hard hard floors and concrete.. i will eventually adjust, and the pain will cut down by at least half (least.. that is how it has been.. hope it works this yr).. but i admit sometimes i want to give in and purchase me a cane.. i just refuse is all, it is like.. if i do that, then i am going to get worse.

You give in a little, then you give in some more.. then a little more.. and a little more.

I keep telling myself, when I am 60.. then a cane is ok.. by the time i am 80 i will accept a walker, and i wont accept a wheelchair until i am 100.

i just have to bear the pain.




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