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Honesty Might Not Be the Best Policy

Posted by lizzieboo , 06 October 2012 · 441 views

I recently had an experience in which events in my life and those occurring in another person's life shared certain similarities.

I am faced with the need to move. I hate moving. As a matter of fact, I hate it so much that it's one of the issues that triggers bipolar hypomania combined with severe anxiety. In this case, the anxiety arises from a complicated series of circumstances, the end result being that while we once considered buying the house we currently rent, we withdrew our offer and gave notice here instead. We need to move in early November but we aren't sure where we're going. I have been working every single day for the past month to correct the situation so that we'll be able to move to a place we own in Maine. (The reason that we may not be able to move into a house we own involves a long, dull story related to references required for the gated community in which the house sits.)

I feel horribly guilty about this. I believe that while some of the circumstances were beyond my control, this situation still would not have arisen if I had made better decisions. I accept accountability for this situation, which makes me work harder to resolve it. I am also working on identifying and correcting any self-sabotaging behavior that contributed to the problem.

Jump to the situation of an acquaintance of mine, who recently left an abusive relationship. While she was still involved with her partner, she spoke daily of the abuse he heaped on her, often saying she felt like dying just to escape. However, she did summon up the courage to leave. But...she is still speaking to her abuser and has even mentioned going back if her partner agrees to counseling. This is where honesty not always being the best policy comes in: Where I was originally very supportive and encouraging, I washed my hands of the entire matter when I heard she was thinking about going back. She therefore no longer speaks to me.

I find the juxtaposition of our situations ironic. While I'm working very hard to address a situation I feel that I (at least in part) created, and I have also recognized the need to improve my decision-making skills, another woman considers returning to partner who brutalized and degraded her. And I'm a jerk because I pointed out that walking back into a situation that has already proven to be disastrous is not smart.

Don't get me wrong; I do not regret having given my honest opinion: that the bridge leading back to an abuser should always be burned (and perhaps a huge wall should be built in its place).

Who was it who said that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over, and expecting different results?

By confronting the possibility that I might have made some huge blunders, I'm just trying to be a little less insane.


(The reason that we may not be able to move into a house we own involves a long, dull story related to references required for the gated community in which the house sits.)
..a fantastic comic metaphor for the worldwide financial swindle..
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