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On spirit

Posted by White Crane Feather , 05 May 2013 · 499 views

Like many couples out there, my wife an I are polar opposites. So many things about us are so very different it's a wonder we have been together for 16 years and married for eleven next week. My wife is a simple person in the most endearing sense. She goes to work, takes care of her kids, likes cheesy sitcoms like "glee" and once "upon a time". She laughs at funny movies and reacts in the most animated fashion during action movies and completely refuses to watch horror movies. Watching her jump and squirm during a recent viewing of iron man three made me fall in love with her all over again like I have done a million times. She is in the movie, in the moment absorbing it to its fullest. Every time we go to the movies I end up watching her in amazement more than the movie. She becomes so engrossed and alive, I can't even hold her hand. On more than several occasions she has nearly broken my fingers by unconsciously tearing at them reacting to some bit of intense action or suspense.  

I am totally incapable of this. My mind moves a mile a minute. The second I walk into the theater, I'm identifying my exists, searching the faces and body language of everyone already seated, checking which of my clients are attending the movie ( there are always a few), noting people that are sitting alone, and checking for back packs, or any other large packages that might be in sight. 

In the fifteen seconds it takes me to sit down, I have examined the room more thoroughly than any CIA agent, I'm sitting In a isle seat if possible, and I have half a dozen escape plans ready, one for each type of scenario and exit. 

That's just the beginning. Through the movie I have identified dozens of flaws in human behavior and how it would not be that way in real life.  Predicted the outcome of the movie, noted the typical literary devices.....( how many times must we watch "the heros journey"? ), I have had several terrorist attack or shooter fantasies that I have followed all the way through to the specific maneuver I have used  to dispatch the evil doer.  ( usually "the assassins tear" my favorite neck breaking technique taught to me by on old ninja ( no ****) that looked more like a native american shaman on the banks of the Trucky  river, all while eating popcorn, a hot dog, and enjoying Tony Starks quirky humor and silently giggling every-time my wife jumps at an explosion. 

It never ends. But this is not about me and the never barrage of information and thoughts. 

It's my wife. it's her spirit. She preys to her god in silent. She is immune to dogmas, yet has no problem with them. She knows nothing of spirit travel, spirit guides, meditation, chakras, yada yada yada.  She is catholic by culture and remains so but cares nothing about its politics, history, transgression, or current affairs. She is not obsessed wether Jesus rose from the dead or if Mary was a virgin or not. It wouldn't matter to her. It's just her and her god. That's it. Simple. She dosn't read the bible on her own, other than when I read different scriptures to the kids to have spiritual discussions. She could care less. She dosn't even own a bible. She likes her rosary because it came from her grandmother. 

She has the most powerful and pure relationship with god that I have only seen in children.  I marvel at it. She is my saint, she is my guru. While I seek answers from angles themselves in person, she is my angle sent to me from the great spirit long before I was even born. 

I have lived very spiritually active for a long time, but being spiritual is not an action, nor a lesson, nor a search. It's a state of being. I have felt it before. Deep in the wilderness on day 5 when my mind is finally quite and tuned into the sights, smells, and sounds of the wilderness. But the racket always starts up again once I'm out. I only get glimpses of this state while meditating or in certain moments while marveling at life. But my wife, my children, the live it. All the time. I can tell. 

How the hell do they put up with me. Arrogantly I have considered myself spiritually advanced. I am the seeker, but I am far less than those who have already found. 

Oh when oh when will this mind of mind shut the hell up and just let me enjoy gods marvelous creations? 

The spirit is here now. 2:35 am in the sound of the fan, the sound of  my baby and wife breathing, the words on this screen allowing me to connect with all of you, the star light through my window, the promise of tomorrow, and the endless adventures I will experience when I fall asleep.  I now seek to be like my wife and make my life into a constant unending prayer.

Thanks for listening.

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