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Prejudices..... Truth.....gossip.... Lost friend

Posted by White Crane Feather , 01 November 2013 · 682 views

I am here awake past midnight after a night of trick or treating and I am very angry. I'm angry at you... Yes all of you. People I mean. You are herded by innuendo, gossip, illogical conclusions, eronius assumptions, and utter lak of intelligent thought, and lak of compassion. I'm sick of it. The world is in the state that it is in because of you and your inability to rise above your own selfish behavior. I witnesses it first hand tonight, and I have to tell you I am not proud of being human. You....we....suck. Let me explain why tonight is my final straw.

We met up with a family tonight that is my sons classmate and friend. They have attended my martial arts school in the past and the boys play together all the time. The mom is also sort of a room mother... Ill call her Sophia. She often leads projects for my sons classroom. She often is short handed on the things she does for the class room so she calls on me to help. Her and I plus the British woman I have mentioned in another blog sort of form a trio. We call on each other when we are late, the boys all play together, there are play dates etc etc....

Well. I'm going to try to make this quick. There is this woman that lives across from the school. She has some mental problems. When my martial arts school was closer she used to come in and sit on the bleachers and watch the kids. I always watched her but she was just resting. I talked with her a few times and she is a little off, but no more than lots of people. I have got to know her over the years walking around, running into her at the grocery store etc... Through the grape vine I found out she lost a child once and has not been the same since. I once saw her on her own lawn holding a picture of her child and showing it to pedestrians as they walked by.

Here is her crime. She lives across from the elementary school. The amount of gossip that she stirrs up is amazing. All these catty women and their stories. Last year she came up behind a child and for some reason put her hand on his shoulder while he was walking to school. Not aggressively; I think she legitimately though it was someone she knew. I saw it happen. The mother flipped out. I can understand being concerned, but it started a huge chain of events that led to the woman being given a restraining order from being on the side of the street as the school ( which is directly across from her house). And police officers sitting outside her house every morning last year for several months. Standing around listening to these kept rich ladies gossip about her ever since has literally forced me to wait in my car. I can't stand to be around them, the amount of lying and story telling hurts my ears.

Well.... We approached that house while trick or treating tonight. Sophia was ahead of me and we were going to turn around at the next few houses anyway. She told the boys to skip that house. It had lights on and there were decorations. I knew instantly why.

After we turned around I asked her about it. Then outpoured this cockamamy story about how just a few months ago she tried to pull a kid  into her house and a bunch of other gossipy bull**** that would have the woman in prison if any of It were true. None of it were of course, it was all a paul bunion story from the incident last year. My wife, knowing me, caught wind of my incrudality and started to intercept but she was to far away. I'm sorry I could not help myself. Politely I started to explain that all that was a bunch of nonsense. I witnesses the eledged  "abduction" attempt. Everything else was hearsay. She started to get angry with me because I would not accept this story even though I was there. My wife was to late. As we passed the house I told my boys to go head, my oldest started to argue with me repeating to me the gossip ( which fueled me even more)   but I told him what it was and that its fine. My boys trick or treated the house as Sophia took her son off in a huff. The irony of course is that I teach safety and abduction prevention in my community. Her own son has attended several times.

My wife was angry with me. I suppose she wanted me to play along, but she also knows that I stop biting my tongue at certain times when it comes to people teaching my children crap. I have even refused to let my kids do history assignments when the history is blatantly, categorically, and  academically wrong.  I have my kids write what really happened in the margins. For some reason this p***es everybody off. Including my wife.

The drive and pressure to conform even in a moderate suburb is intense to the point that If you don't accept the lie of the day, something is wrong with you.

I tried to catch up with Sophia to discuss it like adults. She and her son disappeared amongst the crowds of trick or treaters and she will not return my text messages. My wife was noticeably upset, and the kids kept asking where their friend went. I'm the bad guy.

When we came back that way, we went by that house again. I could see scores of children skipping that house. It was nearly all of them. They would go to the houses on either side but not that one. A virus had been planted in everyone's mind. I'm a grown man, but I felt like crying.

It's just one little thing, but to me it represents a virus and group mentality in humans in general. How quickly we fall in to prejudices and the tolerance of blatant lies. If this was 300 years ago, they would burn that poor woman alive. I know they would. Why. Because she acts a little different when she walks around, she doesn't drive, and her life is on parade because she lives across the street from the school. My own mother that lives with us  doesn't drive, walks around keeping to herself, and smokes at the park. I have heard the gossip start up about her as well.

I can't stand it. I do not want to be apart of the human race. We are ugly things. Only children make any sense. I don't want to be friends with people anymore. I remember why I keep to myself and teach self defense now. At any moment any of you are capable of stabbing any body else in the back or lynching each other at any time. Its sickening.

Ill be better in the morning but right now, you all suck.

Professor T
Nov 01 2013 10:24 AM
Wow.. That is a great example of what we were discussing in the Thought Experiment. I think too that the Mob-mentality born out in this example might go a long way towards answering Blue's thoughts around Mob mentality and the formation of group consciousness... (I haven't quite been able to get my head around that one.)

The seed, in this case was a misinterpreted event, fueled by speculations.. hmmmmmm... virus is a good term, but seed or Egg seems more apt because from it grew or was hatched nasty stream of thoughts and ideas against this poor woman.. What's worse is that the Mob was perpetuated and sponsored by peoples love for and desire to protect their children, that's a powerful energy right there... A recipe for mob-mentality for sure... Perhaps even a case of thought forms controlling energy, as opposed to the other way around?

Don't let it get you down M8. Crappy days tend to offer the most opportunities to grow.
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White Crane Feather
Nov 01 2013 11:03 AM
Thanks proff... Yes wrapping my head around blues perceptions is a challenge for me also. Maybe one day I will understand her ;)
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Sophia will come round.  Your wife certainly will.  This could be the point where people begin to understand the poor woman who's grief has made her mentally ill.  If I lost one of my children I would lose my mind too, they are my world.  The pain would be unthinkable...

Having said that, I tend to turn into a protective tiger when it comes to my children.  It sure is powerful and something I'm not sure I could easily control - even if I knew the truth, if it 'seemed' like my kids were in danger I'd do all I could to prevent or stop it.  This is no justification for the appalling actions of the gossips though.  There are low forms of humans everywhere, and many are at the school gate every day.

Mental illness is not understood well by the general public.  My mother has a mental illness and is no doubt seen as 'strange'.  I feel embarrassed and annoyed for her sake sometimes but the illness makes her selfish too, which actually prevents her from more hurt sometimes.  Most often she doesn't see what goes on around her down the street.  I do though, and it makes me angry.  I have learnt to let go of the anger by focussing on good people doing good things.

This is all just words and blah blah I know, but I do hope you wake up feeling better.
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White Crane Feather
Nov 01 2013 11:42 AM
It's not just words :)
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spartan max2
Nov 01 2013 03:16 PM
oh wow this almost made me want to cry. That just not right.

Next year you should invite that lady to go with you and your kids trick or treating( to show your kids none thing is wrong with her). And if she is unable to do that because of her mental health then you and your wife should stay with her passing out candy on that day next year. hell you could just go for a walk with her around your community this week . Like I have no clue how much you and your wife know her

but you should do something to make the statement that there is none thing wrong with her.

That's what I would do anyway. You cant let it end there. Its not right, people need to see its not right and the only way they will see that is by experiencing her and seeing that all their judgments were based on ****

Everyone always judges people in the past for being racist or bigots of some kind and then they go and do something like this. Things like this is how it starts...
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bLu3 de 3n3rgy
Nov 01 2013 03:39 PM
Yes this is sadly mob mentality operating at its finest and the amount of vitriol spewed by gossiping groups is downright scary. Your right, groups like this would have been the cause of witch-hunts back in day,  although witch hunts arguably have never really gone away.

It really is a horrible and weak part of human nature and if there was ever anyone well equipped to stand up to it, you certainly are.  There will no doubt be a queen bee at the centre of this at the gates. It makes one wonder what comes first with playground bullying, are kids copying the standard set by gossiping parental groups or do these kind of gossips just never evolve from being 6 years old.

Oh well, i am sorry you had to go through that. This friend may or may not come back, if she is the one who's name starts with l (i think)  i see that she will. It may take a while to calm down and maybe this whole event has given your material now to teach your classes something about mob mentality, and how to recognise it, and more importantly how to distance the self from it as it can engulf someone before they even realise what is happening. It takes a strong independent mind and knowing one self to be able to do that.

P.S im working on my communication skills always :tu
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White Crane Feather
Nov 01 2013 03:57 PM
Thank you blue. Yes a queen be at the gates. There is one in particular. Ironically we are already at odds because her son was bullying kids at one of my camps and I came on down on her little prince. She is a cause for much gossip.
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White Crane Feather
Nov 01 2013 04:09 PM
Actually I'm starting a new blog focused locally and about kids, activity and fatherhood. I already have a large readership for my safety newsletters and 12 years worth of clientele. I'm renewing efforts to build it. Then I'm going to tell her story and the gossip that came up around her. Only you may understand this blue, but she came to my school on those occasions for a reason. She was drawn to me. I know she is suffering from what shamanism calls soul loss. This morning my anger has subsided and I am reminded things happen for a reason. Thank you
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Nov 01 2013 07:19 PM
I see the same thing happen with a group of parents at my kid's school. They openly pass judgement and come up with vicious ideas about people they know nothing about.  

One example, a new male kindergarten teacher was recently hired and at first glance, snarky comments were made about him probably being a pedophile, because he "looked" like one. Seed planted? Check.

It's sickening, and naturally when I've had enough and stop spending time with these people, or participating in "playground gossip sessions" I turn into the new target.  Not that I really care to be honest.  

The frustrating part is seeing people who you know are good people with good hearts, go along with or start up this kind of crap.  I wish they would all wake up and realize how much harm it causes. To themselves included.
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Mean gossip can be extremely destructive and the victim may have to suffer alone.

My "second mom" when I was growing up used to gossip all the time. She'd begin with typical tantalizing gossip intros, "Guess what I heard?" And nearby ears would perk up.
However, she always and only said something nice about another, shared another's good news, or spoke highly of someone.
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Dec 08 2013 09:08 AM
That poor lady :(

But I definitely know what you mean. Anybody who is different is immediately outcasted. You can be the nicest, most innocent person, but if you are more quiet, or you don't go out much everyone starts to whisper.
Even though there's nothing wrong, there seems to be a problem in the public's eyes.
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