Unexplained Mysteries Discussion Forums: Unexplained Mysteries Discussion Forums -> Death Rides A Pale Cow

The gauntlet has been dropped and the world will never be the same again. The marvelous tones of the "F" have debuted, belching smoke and spitting acid at the terrified mortals in its path! My newest band has just finished it's third show and I am feeling really good about this project, not since my days at Belmont University in Nashville have I felt such a positive vibe and sense of place from having the privilege to play with such fine musicians.

When I returned to Maine late last Summer I begin my search for the perfect band, which was no easy tasks 'round these parts. I was tired of living in the city and I wanted to put together a viable group of musicians right here in my own home state...which incidentally is the greatest place on earth! Last fall I began the arduous task of auditioning local musicians, 99% of the time I was inundated with metal heads and people who wouldn't know a demiquaver from a pentad. However every now and then I would run across a gifted musician, somebody who would pull me to edge of my seat and make me salivate with excitement. Those blessed souls kept me going when I wanted to throw in the towel and give up on ever having a decent band here in my home state.

The band was rounded out with myself on vocals and upright bass; Kate Maud on vocal and piano/keyboards; the wonderfully talented BILL on lead guitar; Angela Hatch on rhythm guitar; and Kevin Felton on drums. I was employing a brass section but it had become to large and after the disappointing sound quality of our first show we had to cut them loose...great musicians but in retrospect it was too muddy for my taste, in other words too many cooks spoil the broth.

So after months of grueling 8 hour practices (some in the sweltering heat of my un-airconditioned studio), long nights of writing songs with my band mates Kate and BILL, and a fried amplifier later "F" has emerged from the behind the curtain and stepped into the spotlight. In honor of F's debut, and in the interest of keeping track of my shows I have posted the set lists from our first three concerts. After an amazing set at my old stomping grounds UMF (Best show yet), F feels ready to conquer anything and everything in it's path...may god have mercy on your souls!

F
June 16, 2005
Boothbay Harbor, ME
Great place to play, right on the water front...the surf was a bit annoying but a fun atmosphere none the less. The infamous brass show...bad idea...sigh.

Thela Hun Gineet
Asphalt
Reba
Express Way To Yer Skull
Junk
Bertha
Obscure Swing
Lone Lime
Ninth Peanut
Fee
Tennessee Jed
Run Like An Antelope



F
June 24, 2005
Hollowell, ME
I love this venue, it's a tiny bar in small town Maine, no stage, people just gather around the band and listen. It's such a perfect setting to share your music with all of your friends.

Set 1:
Dire Wolf
Asphalt
Obscure Swing
Bathtub Gin
Junk
Ninth Peanut
Riddles are Abound Tonight
The Custodian of the Cottage -> Incident of the Indecent
Lone Lime
Fire on the Mountain
Run Like An Antelope

Set 2:
Old Home Place->Hey Porter->
Big River-> Cocaine Blues
Sleepy Eyebrow
Never Tell
You Enjoy Myself
Divided Sky
Bald Free
Redemption Song

Encore:
Thela Hun Ginjeet


F
June 25, 2005
Farmington, ME
UMF is one of my all time favorite places to spend my time, all of my friends attended college there. I have fond memories of heading out Friday afternoon while I was still in High School and spending the weekend getting drunk and high with my philosopher college buddies. Some of my best live music experiences took place right in the student center and it was an honor to play there for the first time. I can't wait to bring my band back this fall when the student body returns en mass.

Set 1:
Asphalt
Dire Wolf-> Bertha
Fee
Sleepy Eyebrow->Bald Free
Divided Sky
Conrad The Caterpillar
Obscure Swing
Minglewood Blues
Too Many Puppies
Junk (Long Version)

Set 2:
Ninth Peanut-> Lone Lime
Tennessee Jed
Old Home Place
You Enjoy Myself
The Custodian of the Cottage -> Incident of the Indecent
Peaches En Regalia
Camarillio Brillo
Water is Wide-> To Lay Me Down (Sung by Kate Cowboy Junkies Style...WOW!!! This one will give anybody shivers)

Encore
Scarlet Begonias-> Fire on the Mountain

I finally bit the bullet, I finally saved up the money and purchased the Double Bass of my dreams. Herbert William Tyson, Louth, March 1945, this bass is a dream machine and I am already salivating just thinking about the warm tones I will be able to achieve with this amazing piece of equipment. Sure it cost quite a bit and my wallet will be feeling the effects for quite some time but it was well worth the price.

It will take a bit of upkeep and I'm going to need to reset the wood once I receive it (darned Maine weather!!!!)...hopefully my college luthier classes will pay off...knock on wood... I've never owned a bass this nice before and I'm all kinds of excited to be able to own and play it.

Memories, memories of bad concerts with noisy punk bands. Back in the day I used to design all of my bands concert promo's, I have sketch books filled with them. I stumbled across this one last night in a drunken stupor and it made me smile so I wanted to share it with all of you here at UM.

I remember being quite annoyed at having to play this show, at the time I was attending college in Nashville and traveling back to Maine every now and then to play with my old high school band. We were all great friends, as a matter of fact we still get together on a semi regular basis and play, no more live shows or anything just jamming in the studio over a case of beer and laughing about the old days. But I have jumped ahead of myself, see our guitarist had a really bad habit of booking us in lousy clubs in front of audiences we had no business being in front of or want to perform for. The Cafe in downtown Augusta, ME was a perfect example of this. An underage club full of kids, who were pleased as punch to listen to what ever vapid pop music they could find on the radio, while sitting around talking about the wonderful benefits of being popular. Everybody is wearing the latest GQ duds of the day and doing everything under the sun to not look stupid or uncool. Thine enemy

We brought Populution into the club and sank like a lead ballon, apparently squealing feedback and de tuned guitars wasn't the hip thing to be doing at the old Cafe. Even worse I flew back to Maine to play this show and only made $10 for my trouble, but it was worth it for the look of anguish on the face of the young disgustingly hip audience.

Yeah it's a boring story, but it makes me smile anyway.

No Monkeys were harmed in the making of this poster.

About six months ago I stared deep into the eye of the beast, a beast that made me revaluate everything that I ever thought was tacky and in poor taste. While in Nashville, TN on a routine business trip, myself and few close friends thought we would take a drive out to Hendersonville to see the home of Johnny Cash. We never did make it to Johnny Cash's home because on the way I spotted what could possible be the stupidest thing I have ever seen, the very thought of it now makes my eyes water and I break out in hives. What could do this to a man? Why a place called "Twitty City"

Twitty city was the home of Conway Twitty, who apparently found himself in a deep struggle with Elvis to see who create the tackiest home in Tennessee. Now keep in mind this isn't all Conway Twitty's fault, no, apparently after his passing the Trinity Broadcasting Network bought out his land and house and turned it into a "theme park' of sorts. Only Micky Mouse was replaced by a life sized cardboard cut out of the Duke himself John Wayne (yeah I don't get it either) and *everything* was covered in Gold Leaf and Purple Velvet. Bible thumping do gooders in sweater vests and women with pink beehives wonder about in amazement, amazed that they had found a tourist stop that managed to top Branson. Good lord even Branson would chuckle, blush, and run in horror at what the fine folks at Twitty City had accomplished.

Only Twitty City is no longer the tackiest thing I have ever seen, nope I stumbled across these album covers this afternoon...I'll just let them speak for themselves.















I no longer have any desire to see Johnny Cash's house...

A guy comes to my door, he says “Have you seen my remote?”

“What?” I say

“I’ve lost my remote and I can’t find it anywhere, and I thought somehow it might have wondered on over here.”

And as he looks into middle distance, I recognize him from trying never to make eye contact with him, have him know my name, or see my face. He’s my next door neighbor.

“No I haven’t seen it,” I say “But ya know sometimes I lose my remote and it’s in the fridge, have you checked the fridge?”

“Oh yeah, several times, and it’s not on the roof or in the furnace neither.”

“Great!” I reply, even though nothing is, I close the door, and went back to what I was doing before, which was nothing, but it was sort of important to me.

About an hour later I see this grey, vague shape on my porch. So I do the manly thing, I crawl on my hands and knee’s to check it out, however this is complicated by the fact that my dog thinks I’m finally going to play that game that he’s always imagined. I open up the door and there he is.

“You know what function I miss the most?”

“Oh gee I don’t know...channel recall?”

“No! Sleep, sleep on. See I can’t go to sleep without the tv on and than I gotta wake up and turn the tv off, and with out tv...there...is...nothing...”

“Say listen, did your wife sort of leave you?”

“No, but I’m in denial.”

Than his eyes zoom in on my remote sitting on my end table and my neighbor’s eye widen

“Is that my... REMOTE!!!!” he excitedly gasps.

“No no no, my friend, that’s my remote.”

“Oh....do you use your remote?”

“Sometimes, when the night gets low I graze.”

“Oh I bet ya do brother, we’re all the same, we all got our needs.”

“Well I don’t know about that...”

“Oh you stand there in your slippers, smug, I bet you don’t think something as little as a remote can wreck your life? But I’m living proof, that it can.”

“Great, cool, nice talkin’ to ya, man...ha ha, okay bye.” And I close the door.

I sit down and pick up my remote, I feel the warmth, the power, the possibilities, and I look at my sweet dog. And for I a moment I have become exactly what the government wants me to be, happy with what I have.

I now know the true meaning of the word "boredom", it's Friday night 10:22 pm and I find myself watching the Food Network. What's worse, I just realized I have become the exact type of person that I hate. No, no it's alright it's only natural we all get older, we start to discover the occasional rebellious grey hair, begin to wither, and slowly change into what we hate the most...our parents. Just moments ago I had a flashback, a flashback to my father sitting in his big easy chair with channel changer placed firmly under his chin clutching desperately to his luke warm glass of Mr. Pib all the while calling Dan Rather a communist.

Sadly enough I just discovered myself taking part in this same bizarre ritual, only the Mr Pib is replaced by a tall glass of Poland Spring sparkling water and Dan Rather has turned into Rachel Ray.

"No you can't get crab bisque at Chubby's sea food, it will throw your whole budget out of whack!!!" I scream.

I suppose life could be worse, I could take up stamping and randomly quote passages from the bible at really strange time like my Mom. Yes boredom and heredity are a couple of very harsh mistresses.