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Paying the bills

Posted by Beckys_Mom , 10 April 2006 · 202 views

This is my personal rantuser posted image

My partner and I own our own home, but like everyone that are in the same boat, know there are bills to be paid…right? And if you value your home and want to keep a roof over your head you will pay these bills

Sigh….My partner Gary has been living with me for 10 years, we always paid our bills on time, it was not a problem…but later Gary insisted he wanted to take full control as I have other things to attend…I thought fair enough!!

Up until last year, everything was going great, until one day I received a letter from the bank manager telling me our mortgage was in arrears!!!
This annoyed me, as I knew we could afford to pay this, so why the heck was it in arrears?  Of course I collared Gary about this, he denied it…now when someone lies to me, I will get pissed off………..We winded up fighting over this….so I told him, that was it, from now on the monthly payments is something I will take care of and I will create a separate account for this.  

He panicked for some strange reason…and asked me to give him one more change to make things right…after a while I had calmed down and said OK, this time I will give you the benefit of the doubt, and let you fix it.  
He told me he had spoken to the bank manager, and had made arrangements to pay back what was outstanding….but he forgot that along with the mortgage, you also have to pay your rates, and if you don’t pay your rates, you could looses your home and wind up in court, as its illegal not to pay them…..guess what Gary ignored?? The RATES!!!...

I received a letter from the RSA telling me the rates where also in arrears. I was like WTF is going on with him??? So again I collared him about this…after he was done beating around the bush just to tell me..he couldn’t be bothered to pay them (when I knew fine well that was it) So he told me he would contact them and pay them back….again I gave him the benefit of the doubt…

A months later I asked him was everything being paid back like promised?..He smiled and said – Not to worry!!   -  I took his word for it, because he hates it when I question him and don’t trust him, so I did, but in the back of my mind I had a feeling he was telling more lies..but I decided to wait and see what happens.

A few months have now passed and guess what? – I just received another letter from the RSA saying the arrears where still not paid…wtf?? So I called him up this morning..I growled at him and asked WHY?? Its not as if we couldn’t afford it..so WHY lie to me about it and why not pay up??? He again LIED thought his teeth..grrrrrrrrrrrr…now the arrears have doubled..all because I placed my trust in him again…..so now I have to make arrangements for another account in my own name..and leave it purely for bills such as my mortgage and rates, and I know he will yap at me saying I don’t trust him ect…well darn straight I don’t trust him…he don’t like paying bills….he never worries over them, until he receives a final red letter….I like to get it over with ASAP..I think ahead all the time

He once had my previous bank account frozen…the big mistake I made, was letting him put his name on to my account.   In time he had other bills left unpaid and he had the account frozen and everything went pear shaped and when I was pregnant, the stress I went though with this crap, was terrible.  I had to sort this out myself..I am done arguing with him, I am done trusting him…he even ignores the fact his car tax needs sorted…I always tell him a few months before it runs out, that he needs to re-new his car tax…does he listen??? NOT A MISSION…he waits until they send him a letter to take him to court..yes he is a prize plonker !!!

How can I trust someone that lies all the time and creates a mess for us??? Is there help he can get?? Meaning someone to talk things out with him, that is a professional and will help him understand that he is now a father and a home owners and that these things should be taken care of ASAP!!!!


I could just scream!! I just want to smack him one and knock some sense into him...its supposed to be a 50/50 relationship aaacccckkkkkk user posted image


That is alluser posted image





I feel your pain. Irks me as I read it actually tongue.gif
I think separate accounts are a good thing. yes.gif
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distortedpandy
Apr 10 2006 12:29 PM
I had almost the exact thing happen to me with an ex. The only difference was it wasn't the house payment, it was general bills (water, electric, gas etc). I was constantly getting shut off notices and would complete freak out.

My question to him was - If your not paying the bills with the money (because it was gone)...what exactly are you buying?  hmm.gif  Of course he got all weird and defensive with me.

I then found out what he was doing and of course it was drugs, which I never had a problem with until I seen how he was doing them in excess. -- He told me not to worry - blah blah blah...months go by, more shut off notices...no money...

I confront him again...It didn't take much to see he was now spending the money towards another female.

I took -all- the money away, including his paychecks (he wanted me to give him another chance) put it in another account at a seperate bank that he didn't know of...and he got a friggin allowance. I figured screw it! I don't trust the bastard. He isn't going to ruined things for my household. He went along with it for a while, miserable. But in the end...it taught him a lesson  yes.gif

Even though we are not together - he has told me that he learned the value of money and how important it is to pay bills...

my response? duh rolleyes.gif
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I can totally relate.  My husband always takes care of the bills because I am pretty lousy with money myself.  So when a bill came in, he'd look at it, then file it away with the rest, with me thinking that he will pay it like he always does.  Until one day, I decided to open our phone bill, and I could NOT believe my eyes.  $600!!  There's only two of us!  Why was it so high?!  So I read on and noticed that there were a lot of late charges, it hadn't been paid for months!  I checked other bills, cable, hydro...all the same.  
So finally I confronted him and asked him why he didn't pay these bills, as I just assumed he did.  He came up with excuses that we need the money for other things like groceries, gas etc...  I said that's no excuse.  I'll ride the bus to work if I have to, fries and gravy make a yummy supper.  But I cannot live without heat or water!
I grew up, we both did.  We split the bills now, half/half every pay day.  We pay what we can spare from our checks to the different bills so now we are pretty much caught up.  This was a year ago now.
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QUOTE(distortedpandy @ Apr 10 2006, 01:29 PM)

I had almost the exact thing happen to me with an ex. The only difference was it wasn't the house payment, it was general bills (water, electric, gas etc). I was constantly getting shut off notices and would complete freak out.

My question to him was - If your not paying the bills with the money (because it was gone)...what exactly are you buying?  hmm.gif  Of course he got all weird and defensive with me.

I then found out what he was doing and of course it was drugs, which I never had a problem with until I seen how he was doing them in excess. -- He told me not to worry - blah blah blah...months go by, more shut off notices...no money...

I confront him again...It didn't take much to see he was now spending the money towards another female.

I took -all- the money away, including his paychecks (he wanted me to give him another chance) put it in another account at a seperate bank that he didn't know of...and he got a friggin allowance. I figured screw it! I don't trust the bastard. He isn't going to ruined things for my household. He went along with it for a while, miserable. But in the end...it taught him a lesson  yes.gif

Even though we are not together - he has told me that he learned the value of money and how important it is to pay bills...

my response? duh rolleyes.gif


Good thinking girl.. grin2.gif

..I am at the end of my teather with this guy of mine...but now I have a seperate account...I have arranged for the mortgage and rates to come out of that account...this way I will feel better knowing these are going to get paid.....as for the rest he cdan stew in them for all I care
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QUOTE(melly @ Apr 15 2006, 10:27 PM)

I can totally relate.  My husband always takes care of the bills because I am pretty lousy with money myself.  So when a bill came in, he'd look at it, then file it away with the rest, with me thinking that he will pay it like he always does.  Until one day, I decided to open our phone bill, and I could NOT believe my eyes.  $600!!  There's only two of us!  Why was it so high?!  So I read on and noticed that there were a lot of late charges, it hadn't been paid for months!  I checked other bills, cable, hydro...all the same.  
So finally I confronted him and asked him why he didn't pay these bills, as I just assumed he did.  He came up with excuses that we need the money for other things like groceries, gas etc...  I said that's no excuse.  I'll ride the bus to work if I have to, fries and gravy make a yummy supper.  But I cannot live without heat or water!
I grew up, we both did.  We split the bills now, half/half every pay day.  We pay what we can spare from our checks to the different bills so now we are pretty much caught up.  This was a year ago now.

WOW what is it with men and money? Ok I know not all men are like this but, any time I hear a story like this, it was always the man that didnt pay his way.....and we women are called gold diggers LOL

Glad you both got it sorted



Sorry for the delay of this message...I forget about my blog most times lol
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Geri,

Don't think that gender makes a difference. I have plenty of personal experience with exes leaving me their debt (anywhere from 3k to 60k). And, I'm far from alone in that respect. Few and far between are those I truly trust. Lastly, there's never only one lie. Psychologically, lying is a sign of something more deviant. There is nothing I hate more than the stench of lies.

-Michael  

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Geri,I'm sorry to hear this...It is probably best that you take over he clearly has to work on his relationship with money...my philosophy is who ever is better with the money should handle it....In my marrige it turns out we are both concientious and rarely have money problems we even ask each other if we are gonna spend over 20 dollars, we make it a point to be resepectful to each other ..... For some people haveing there bills payed on time and nothing late is comforting to them, there is nothing worse than laying awake nights worrying over money....Tell gary I'm gonna kick his but lol...(((hugs)))geri it will be okay you are  a strong women and you will put your foot down as is needed......this probably doesn't help but i posted anyways lol wub.gif
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