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Something I have trouble dealing with

Posted by markdohle , 12 July 2006 · 70 views

Anger I can deal with. This very strong and powerful emotion has so much been a part of my life, for so long, that a certain peace has come with it. It is like having a good friend who has tantrums from time to time, and over the long haul have learned to live with it. No matter what I am doing there is always an awareness of it. Sometimes it sleeps like a lion waiting to wake up, and see if anything needs to be taken care of. Almost hungry for the challenge that life throws at it. In fact my life would loose a great deal of color if anger was not somehow a part of it. At times it gives me the energy to deal with issues that have to be dealt with, and as long as this inner lion is held in check, it can be a constructive force in my life. At other times, I know if let loose can lead to great chaos, and pain, both for me, and the one on the other end of the attack, that anger out of control does so well. Its fangs can be very sharp and I need vigilance in dealing with it. So yes anger is not really a bad companion to have with me as I journey through life, but it must never be caged.

Fear also is something I can deal with. Either fight or flight is the answer to any dilemma that causes fear. Something in front of me that needs to be dealt with, or backed off from, and avoided. I remember in 1958 having to go into town for shots, a lot of shots, which would prepare us for our trip to Panama. I think we did it two (perhaps three) times; each time we got three or four shots, four needles in one day. Now that is an experience for a 9 year old. At that time there were only 9 siblings, the 10th was born in Panama, about a year after we arrived. I remember being in the waiting room, and being very unhappy with what was coming, and yes fear was very present. So I decided I was third in line, but wanted to be first, get it over with, and then I could laugh at the others. I was a mean little thing. So each time I went, I demanded to be first, to just get it over with, and I guess I am still that way. Just do it already! In this dealing with fear, anger can sometimes be helpful, but not always, since fear can be so consuming that anger is left limp without any energy to get angry. The lion does not sleep but is in a coma.

What throws me for a loop and leaves me in a lurch is anxiety, I simply hate that feeling or emotion, not sure really in which category to place it in. There is nothing really concrete to confront or flee from, just a feeling that the something is going to drop on me and I donít know what it is. I found this in the Dictionary:

ďan abnormal and overwhelming sense of apprehension and fear often marked by physiological signs (as sweating, tension, and increased pulse), by doubt concerning the reality and nature of the threat, and by self-doubt about one's capacity to cope with it ď

It is like being nowhere, helpless, with the ego in danger of simply disintegrating, which is an illusion. Perhaps that is what causes the trouble. Things I sometimes get anxious over almost never come to pass. Or just dealing with it, thought I still do it very poorly, helps to dissipate anxieties power over me. I even have trouble writing about this issue, since I really donít know what to do when this emotion, or feeling, comes over me from time to time. Luckily it does not happen often, a least on the level of everyday awareness. I know however it is swimming like a shark in my deep unconscious waiting to come up and feed, again grabbing me by the neck and shaking me around like a rag doll.

Anxiety sucks to be blunt.  I've learned how to deal with mine as best as I can thru therapy.   yes.gif   I used to make myself pass out because of anxiety but because of the therapy I am way better now.   thumbsup.gif   Good luck!
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Cool good for  you.  Therapy takes a lot of courage, you are to be commended.

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