Wanting to eat bear
I woke up this morning wanting to eat-bear; I was in a mood. I believe that moods can come from different places and often I have no idea from which place. There are times when a mood sits, comes up from the depths and the actual source may be something from the far past that colors the present. When that happens I look for a lighting rod that I can be like the god Zeus and throw a well aimed bolt. Of course that will not work, not being a god of any sort, and really no one to strike, so I have had to learn other strategies. Which don’t always work by the way, not always centered by any means…..but I try. I am told that failure is just as important as success, but I really, really, like success better, it makes my ego smile and strut.
When I can get to the point that no one around me is actually responsible for my ‘mood’, then I have to deal with it, or sometimes just let it ride itself out….sort of like a summer thunder storm. In other words, if I deal with it, or not, it will pass….however if I let others be victim of my mood, then it will last a lot longer and next time it may be harder to contain.
Prayer is one way to be able to set back and try to look at it; if it is a hones communication with the deity. Not sure I always succeed at that either, but again I try. Failure I guess is to be expected so I don’t try to get all neurotic about it when I fail….but who is counting, right? It is just so damn hard to get it through my head that the universe does not revolve around me….though perhaps it should….just joking there folks.
In the end, moods, the good ones and the bad ones are the same. Not in the enjoyment of them, for who likes a bad mood? No, in the reality that each passes. So how do I seek to deal with this slowly moving merry go round? The knowledge that they all pass, can help me to stay centered and get some objectivity. So I wrestle with myself and my seeking to live out what my faith calls me to and fall on my face much of the time, but get right back up. On the path of the inner life, self pity, or neurotic guilt, are pleasures that should be indulged in very rarely…..in reality they are a tar pit, or a tar baby, sticky, messy and hard to disentangle oneself from.
I pray for mercy for myself and others. However when I am in a mood, and want to throw a lighting bolt, well mercy is hard to come by for others, I am too busy wanting to aim…..so I slow down, pray, think and hopefully the clouds will pass. I would love for all of my moods to be of the happy sort. However, I have a suspicion that if that happen; I would not know that the mood was pleasant in any case. The Ying and yang sort of thing; hot and cold, love and hate, pleasure and pain, just the ups and downs of life. Sort of like if it was spring all year long, who would really notice? Also suffering, the kind that comes from within can causes me to seek deeper understanding and to take deeper root in what I am called to be as a follower of Christ…not sure being a grouch is it, though it is certainly easier from a certain point of view.
The problem with eating bear is that it has a really awful after taste, so better not to partake at all, not matter how it is served.