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talking to myself



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My old tired struggle

Posted by markdohle , 30 November 2006 · 9 views

My old tired struggle

My innards boil,
Rage like a fiery serpent taunt,
Coiled with dark energy seeking a target,
Lusting to strike,
Unthinking.

In a blessed unconscious moment,
A scapegoat sought,
To release my pent up repressed rage.
Followed by shame,
Repression yet again.

Rage deep,
In caverns bottomless hidden,
Its roots wrapped around my...



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Odd that

Posted by markdohle , 28 November 2006 · 16 views

We make God into a monster,
Creating out of love we say he does,
Yet,
On the other hand,
With fervor strong, deep, and hot,
Claiming that evil in the end wins.

The majority outside of God’s love
To hell doomed,
Fiery torment unending,
Men and women like me,
For some even children,
Cosigned to eternal torture.

How easy it slips from the tongue,
A simple...



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Flight

Posted by markdohle , 27 November 2006 · 10 views


Dancing to the music
Allowing the rhythm to lead,
The intuitive flow the teacher,
Leading the body in movement ecstatic,
Freeing the mind of narcissistic concern,
Only the moment important,
Surfing the high wave of melody,
Time forgotten,
A taste of the eternal creative moment.

Flying as the body moves,
Mind, body, soul, becoming one,
Flight possible in...



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Scattered on the wind

Posted by markdohle , 25 November 2006 · 14 views

Why,
I often asked myself,
Are my insides in conflict?
Saying one thing, doing the opposite,
Acting strong in control,
Knowing I am weak and compelled.

I often feel like an undisciplined mob
Scattered on the wind,
Thoughts racing going nowhere.
Yet,
Who is it asking the question,
This observer calmly looking on.

Am I one or many?
When death comes
Is this...



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One of those days

Posted by markdohle , 24 November 2006 · 18 views



Yesterday was one of those days. You know how it is………as the hour’s progress things seem to build up, inner tension worsens, and about all that can be done is to simply try to get by without taking it out on someone else. I can get real short with people if my inner reserves get too stretched. I sometimes get a brittle feeling, sort of like dry taffy...



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Kindness unmentioned upon

Posted by markdohle , 24 November 2006 · 17 views

What we take for granted is often of greatest value,
Foolishly thought to be eternal
When actually to be torn away suddenly,
Leaving a void of regret
Cold and dark filled with memories,
Remembrance of a smile,
The gentle touch,
Kindness unmentioned upon,
Now understood and mourned,
Never again to be experienced
From the one taken for granted.
It is so easy...



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Reasons

Posted by markdohle , 22 November 2006 · 15 views



The days don’t fly by,
They meld.
Bumping into each other,
So close are they.
Each moment an invitation
Seeking a response I often cannot give,
For reasons I often don’t understand,
At other times I do.


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Between two rooms and a hard place

Posted by markdohle , 21 November 2006 · 16 views


About three years ago we added some rooms to our infirmary. Two new patient rooms, much roomier than the old ones, also with larger bathroom facilities….. friendlier to wheel chairs of the manual, and electric variety. We also added on a bathroom, small separate shower room, and three adjoining rooms. A large storage closet, a small computer room, and...



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Hidden from human eyes (written while on retreat)

Posted by markdohle , 20 November 2006 · 18 views



The pond outside my window is small,
Surrounded by tall grass on the north end
With trees slowly slipping into their winter sleep.
The water alive with gentle ripples
Foot prints of gentle rain disturbing the surface.
Still mostly undisturbed,
Its depth silent untouched

Life is there below the surface,
Its tempo hidden from prying eyes.
Life and...



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Good day's, bad day's

Posted by markdohle , 19 November 2006 · 13 views



One of my duties when I arrive in the infirmary is to get Leo up, on the days the Hospice nurse does not come in. Because of his advanced Alzheimer’s he is eligible for hospice care, which is helpful for us. He has his own nurse, and a PCT comes in a couple of times a week for personal care.

First thing in the morning, Leo is often ‘clear’. His...



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Not always a good idea

Posted by markdohle , 17 November 2006 · 16 views

As I was leaving the dinning room today, I saw William at the table and stopped for awhile to see how he was doing. He seemed to be doing well, and after a brief discussion I went to the door, hit the combination and left. Before the lock could catch, William came through the door asking if he could talk to me for a moment. I could tell he was in a place...



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Gentle touch

Posted by markdohle , 15 November 2006 · 11 views


A smiling face, or gentle touch,
Often dispels the darkness surrounding me,
Christ healing presence expressed in the simplest gestures.

We are Christ to each other,
Humble vessels used by the divine,
Icons of the transcendent, channels of infinite love.

The world a sacrament,
People Eucharist,
The Holy in the most humble places.

Christ walked the...



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Hanging in frigid air

Posted by markdohle , 14 November 2006 · 15 views


There are days when my heart is restless, un-rooted,
Torn from the earth hanging in frigid air,
Seeking once again a simple place of refuge, and peace,
Often denied as I wander empty and sometimes frantic.

The world seen as faded, without energy, unrelated,
So I wander from thing to thing,
Object to object,
As an orphan seeking a home, warmth, and...



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Rainy days

Posted by markdohle , 13 November 2006 · 12 views



Yesterday was cloudy, rainy, cool,
So peaceful without the bright sunlight
Hurting the eyes and burning the skin.
I so love fog, rain, mist and low lying clouds,
As if you could reach up and almost touch them

The sound of rain on leaves, both gentle and rough,
Better than any kind of music to my ears,
Causing deep thoughts to arise but in a peaceful sort...



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Never easy

Posted by markdohle , 12 November 2006 · 22 views



I was with Ed this week on Wednesday, to attend a class on proper care of the heart. It dealt with diet, how to handle stress, and in the beginning there was a short movie on the inner workings of a heart attack. The film was well done, and the acting was also good. I think it was put out by the Discovery Channel. All in all it took three and one...



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Just life

Posted by markdohle , 11 November 2006 · 16 views




Sometimes, I have days in my life when I don’t know what to write about, I just know that I want to write. It is almost like there are too many voices wanted to be heard, and when I sit down to write I am almost paralyzed; so many different direction to go in. Should I write about my past, a poem, or perhaps about my work? What about my emotions, my...



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Price to be paid

Posted by markdohle , 07 November 2006 · 11 views


Love, wounds as it heals,
It's blade cuts deep allowing blood to flow,
The heart released from its frozen lonliness
Open once again to life,
Though there is often a price to be paid,
It own kind of pain,
But what would life be without it.


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Slowing down

Posted by markdohle , 06 November 2006 · 13 views



Tom was having some difficulty last night at about 6 PM. I got called, and went to his room. He was having some trouble breathing, or let’s say, he was breathing too fast. He was having an anxiety attack, which was kept looping back and making him go deeper into his anxiety, which of course is understandable. Since he was just in the hospital with...



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Backed into a corner

Posted by markdohle , 01 November 2006 · 12 views




Well I jumped right into the saddle yesterday when I got back. It started when I was about two hours from Atlanta, when I got a phone call from Francis, that they had to take Tom into the ER. He was having trouble breathing, and was having serious chest pains when they called. Francis told me that he will go in and stay with Tom until he was...



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Joy

Posted by markdohle , 21 October 2006 · 16 views



Joy is like the sun on a spring morning
Cool to the skin bringing hope to full bloom,
Winds strong but welcome after a cold winter
The awakening of nature, true balm to the sprit.

Flowers bright in their new young life,
The simplest with beauty beyond telling,
Reaching up to heaven in the simple miracle of being,
Drawing all who pass by into their...



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