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talking to myself



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Unmasked

Posted by markdohle , 16 August 2009 · 23 views

Unmasked

Slowly the skin is peeled back,
the ego faced with its nakedness,
before unknown,
though a desire to flee from self revelation present,
its futility understood, f
or once shown,
to retrace is impossible;
when blindness lost,
no matter how precious,
gone forever, t
he darkness no longer a refuge from the gift presented.


Sharp and true is...


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With chains unbound

Posted by markdohle , 15 August 2009 · 29 views

With chains unbound

You hide,
we seek,
You pursue
we run,
down alleyways of pain
seeking everything,
anything,
leading to emptiness,
the fruit despair.


Yet the one thing necessary,
feared,
the inner confrontation,
love’s intent,
avoided at all cost.

True freedom
with chains unbound
too much to bear,
for flight
demands the release of everything
that...


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Growng up in a large family

Posted by markdohle , 14 August 2009 · 17 views

Growing up in a large family

I am the 3rd of 11 children. There are 10 of us still living. The youngest being 49, the oldest 67, and for the most part we are all in decent health. Michael, who was the 10th of 11, died in 1958 three days after birth. He was three months premature and back in those days it was common for preemies to die. I remember...


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Mercy

Posted by markdohle , 13 August 2009 · 24 views

Mercy

I often wonder why it is so easy to write about pain, sorrow, struggle, and strife. I know that there is much of the above in the world, and I would suppose most of us, if perhaps not all, are often part of this drama, that makes up the pain of the world. Its weight is heavy, burdensome, to the point were death is longed for by those who get the...


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Boxes don't fit

Posted by markdohle , 12 August 2009 · 25 views

Boxes don’t fit

I am amazed (though perhaps I should not be), at my insensitivity towards others. How I can say things about them (gossip), even at times laughing about what I am saying and then, if I hear about the same thing being said about me, well, I become offended, angry and hurt. I can demand that others change, not over time, but at once, so I...


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Late night call

Posted by markdohle , 10 August 2009 · 33 views

Late night call

I got a call late last night, knowing it was going to be about Fred. It was his oldest son Michael, who wanted to fill me in on what was going on. I knew from speaking with his mother, Fran, that Fred was given the option of having a feeding tube inserted. That way he could be fed and so extend his life. It is a tough call. Fran told...


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Late night call

Posted by markdohle , 10 August 2009 · 16 views

Late night call

I got a call late last night, knowing it was going to be about Fred. It was his oldest son Michael, who wanted to fill me in on what was going on. I knew from speaking with his mother, Fran, that Fred was given the option of having a feeding tube inserted. That way he could be fed and so extend his life. It is a tough call. Fran told...


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A day with Victor

Posted by markdohle , 09 August 2009 · 24 views

A day with Victor

Four days ago Victor took a turn for the worse. He became very weak at breakfast and during the meal he threw up some bile. So we took him to his room and put him to bed. He is DNR, (do not resuscitate) but we always talk to them anyway, in case they have changed their mind. So we asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital to...


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Color

Posted by markdohle , 07 August 2009 · 19 views

Color

On wings of silence you draw near,
the roar of my inner chaos drowns you out,
yet your presence sure like the sun overhead,
still illumines my soul wounded deep.

With you color returns to the world,
often cold for hidden is love buried deep,
barriers of fear and despair keep the darkness close,
the inner void becomes my well known home,
my intimate...


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John H.

Posted by markdohle , 05 August 2009 · 28 views

John H.

John (not his real name) is a very immature adult, at least on an emotional level. In the 37 years that I have known him, 17 of those was spent in manifesting bullying behavior, to not only keep people at a distance, but also manipulate them through fear; which worked to his detriment as well as the community. Those in chare of him in the past...


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The experience of barren regions

Posted by markdohle , 03 August 2009 · 25 views

The experience of barren regions

The ‘desert experience’ is an oft used term that often brings forth a shiver to many, I know it can for me. For deserts can for those who are not used to them, seem to be truly desolate and barren. I remember the first time I experienced the desert for any length of time when I went to Santa Fe, to visit my brother Craig...


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Years with William

Posted by markdohle , 02 August 2009 · 20 views

Years with William

Well the years certainly fly by, it does not seem like I have been taking care of William for almost eight years now. Four of them however have not been in the lock down unit. Before he came to the unit, we only kept a close eye on him, to watch the progression of his Alzheimer’s which at first started off slowly. It was only when...


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EMDR

Posted by markdohle , 01 August 2009 · 28 views

EMDR

When I was young, I had a way that helped me to deal with painful situations. In my head I created a long hallway that really went on forever. It was a memory storage vault. It was a dark place, but when troubled I would drag the memory there and throw it into the room and slam the door shut, and lock it. I really don’t know how many rooms there...


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Between worlds

Posted by markdohle , 31 July 2009 · 28 views



The older I get the more sensitive I am becoming to the inner turmoil that the death of another causes. It is not just the feeling of mourning, or the sorrow, because they can be felt in different degrees, depending on the person who has died. There is something else, and while it can be mixed within the sorrow and mourning, it is something that can...


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Early times

Posted by markdohle , 30 July 2009 · 14 views

Early times

I suppose like most people a lot of my struggles (with my anger for instances) have their roots from my childhood or even from when I was an infant. I do have memories from being in the crib; in fact one of my earliest memories is lying on my stomach and my mother trying to give me a bottle of a juice of some kind; I think it was apple and I...


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My teacher the knot

Posted by markdohle , 29 July 2009 · 25 views

A friend of mine wanted me to make her a seven decade Franciscan rosary. Since she is a good friend I agreed to do it. I tend to just make wrist rosaries or as some call them prayer ropes. They take no time to make and are easy to use. Normally I don’t make the large ones but once in awhile is no problem

This morning I decided to make the rosary...


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Bardo

Posted by markdohle , 29 July 2009 · 21 views


Bardo 2

flashes and images
terrifying gods seeking revenge,
then gentleness invades,
deities sublime,
over and over again

life's challenge,
ones reflection of hidden light and darkness
projected in order to be seen


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Deep memory

Posted by markdohle , 26 July 2009 · 24 views

Deep memory

The man looked at me silently for a time, just thinking over what I asked him. finally he sighed, looked down at his old worn hands, cracked his knuckles, and said, “are you sure you want to hear what I have to say”, for it is not all goodness and light,
it seems that even in this event, you can’t have one without the other.

So he began

I...


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Another waiting room

Posted by markdohle , 25 July 2009 · 14 views

Another waiting room

Yesterday, I took Cal to have a procedure done; it was outpatient, done in his doctor’s private clinic. It would take about three hours, so I had plenty of reading material, as well as a note book for writing, if the mood struck me. The waiting room was small having 12 chairs ringing around the room. As we enter there was already a...


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Riding the wave

Posted by markdohle , 23 July 2009 · 17 views

Riding the wave

Airports are interesting places to go to. Since Atlanta’s airport is so large, it is a wonderful area to just visit if watching people is an interest. Sometimes I will just sit back and watch the endless ebb and flow of people as they hurry back and forth. While I never have been interested in photography, there are times when I wish I...