+OverSword Posted February 14, 2013 Author #5276 Share Posted February 14, 2013 After eating a good meal Lady Kasey will usually excuse herself and go to stick a finger down her throat. Not because she is bolemic but because she thought the food was so good she would like to eat it twice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 14, 2013 #5277 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Ew, damn it ew, ew, ew... and damn it again, I have to censor my first idea inspired with that... So... OverSword truly is telekinetic. Selectively telekinetic, but telekinetic. Let me explain: his supernatural ability manifests itself only during a tornado. So it’s not that often, but it can be spectacular. Once he wanted only to move his uncle’s barbecue few feet to the left and ended up moving his car and the house two miles to the left. To be honest, his uncle’s house is his car and vice versa, but still, it was remarkable achievement. And if you doubt it was only a coincidence, note that OS wanted to move the barbecue to the left and everything was moved to the left. I rest my case. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted February 14, 2013 Author #5278 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Ew, damn it ew, ew, ew... and damn it again, I have to censor my first idea inspired with that... So... NNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I know where you were tempted to go and....just.....nnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Helen of Annoy, following lady kasey to the ladies room was heard to ask "so, how was your meal?"..................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted February 14, 2013 #5279 Share Posted February 14, 2013 STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT!!!!!! BOTH of you! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 14, 2013 #5280 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) OverSword is not trying to lure the real me out OverSword heard that not because I was yelling that question in the same tone of voice we use in my country instead of telephone, but because he normally uses ladies room whenever he’s in the drag. And you wonder who leaves the seat up... not that I'd ever sit on public toilet. I've developed few new yoga asanas specifically to avoid touching it. OverSword asked me to show him my asanas, thinking they could be more effective than Kegel exercises. Edit: ouija really meant that. Edited February 14, 2013 by Helen of Annoy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted February 14, 2013 Author #5281 Share Posted February 14, 2013 And that's saying alot. Helen's kegel excercises are so effective that she has been known to lift heavy objects while holding eggs in her hands and not breaking the shells. Actually it was by charging old men to watch this spectacular stunt that Helen paid for much of her education. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 14, 2013 #5282 Share Posted February 14, 2013 Look who’s talking... OverSword’s main stunt was driving a nail into the wall using his forehead. It worked fine and he was to become a doctor but then someone put plywood pane instead of crumbling plaster on the stage and OS became a lawyer instead. And he can hang his car keys on the nail that sticks out of his forehead, so we should be grateful for seemingly bad things because there’s always something good in them too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted February 14, 2013 Author #5283 Share Posted February 14, 2013 When someone told Helen that every cloud has a silver lining her response was "Sliver? How about gold? You don't think I'm worthy of gold!?!?!?!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 14, 2013 #5284 Share Posted February 14, 2013 (edited) That's your fancy western clouds with silver lining... Kidding. I can't resist, see this, it's... beyond description (the white stuff is very low cloud, probably should be called fog, anyway it's not snow) Uploaded with ImageShack.us OverSword is in that photo too, but you have to watch closely to see him. Edited February 14, 2013 by Helen of Annoy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted February 15, 2013 Author #5285 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Yes I am. The woman in the dress is Helen. She is standing on top of me. Right before the photo was taken Helen had walked up behind me, and hit me on the head with a rock. If zoom in you will see Helen is counting the money she took out of my pocket while I was unconcious. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight Of Shadows Posted February 15, 2013 #5286 Share Posted February 15, 2013 oversword on that mountain kept shouting that he's big and everyone else is so small which is why he got unconsious in first place .. they money stealing idea came later 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted February 15, 2013 Author #5287 Share Posted February 15, 2013 Knight Of Shadows hasn't been on the forum much because it's difficult for him to type in English when he's drunk (which is most of the time) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 16, 2013 #5288 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Again, look who’s talking... When thoroughly drunk, OverSword doesn’t notice if his keyboard is upside-down. So he didn’t want to shout at you, he simply hits caps lock instead of enter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ouija ouija Posted February 16, 2013 #5289 Share Posted February 16, 2013 Helen never gets intoxicated because her stomach has a cast-iron lining caused by eating homemade soup since her birth. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 17, 2013 #5290 Share Posted February 17, 2013 It may surprise you but ouija grew up in very poor third world family, where everyone ate from the same pot, since they had no plates. Each member of the household would be given a spoon, whose length indicated the importance of the spoon-bearer. So the most important family members, like fathers, would have short spoons because they were allowed to actually sit at the table while eating, while women had medium spoons, so they can grab something from their standing behind husband’s back position. The longest spoons were given to kids and toothless-old because they were not useful. ouija was born rather small so she had the longest spoon even when other, younger kids started eating on their own. They nicknamed her “Long Spoon”, implying she has no chance. But then she learned to catch pigeons in primitive trap, made of shoe box in which she slept and piece of rope no one wanted because uncle hanged himself on it. Sudden protein surge made her grow up tall and the accumulated frustration of family loser made her fight her way to medium spoon just in time – a day before long waited rain turned her most prized possession, the shoe box, into amorphous mass of mud soaked cellulose. I told you this story so you know why you should never serve anything with long spoon to ouija if you don’t want the carefully hidden real her jump out, elbow you into oblivion and curl herself above the dish, growling at anyone who attempts to threaten her short spoon status. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted February 17, 2013 #5291 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Helens nose is a spoon made from flesh and she eats rather like an elephant does. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 17, 2013 #5292 Share Posted February 17, 2013 SpiritWriter is jealous because I can open a peanut with my nose too, something she can’t do with her hands. She also hasn’t mastered tying her shoelaces yet, but it doesn’t matter since I got my nose from our common grandma, while she inherited elephant feet so she doesn’t wear shoes at all. Once she stepped on a nail... you thought I’ll say she once stepped in ****, huh? She does that all the time, but that’s not as interesting as the nail story. So she stepped on a nail and hopped around looking for help, but no one would help her because everyone thought she’s just dancing. Damn the modern epileptic seizure dancing style. Finally someone, and that someone was rather handsome guy, realized what's going on and pulled the nail out SW's foot. She wanted to thank him by taking him out for dinner and he accepted. They had a dinner and few drinks, maybe one or two too many, one thing led to another and when SW woke up next morning in his bed she noticed he has a lot of stuffed heads on the wall. Human heads. Her date showed up, smiling, carrying tray with breakfast and noticing SW's bewildered look he said: "Don't you worry, I collect only people." "Never in my life", she said later, "was I so relieved and so insulted at the same time." Yeah, she's still dating him. No, not yet, but SW is taking taxidermy classes so you know she's expecting him to pop the question any time now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpiritWriter Posted February 18, 2013 #5293 Share Posted February 18, 2013 He didn't want to use helens head either so we keep her on the backyard as to avoid the cost of exercize classes. We throw a ball at her on sunny afternoons and run aroud the yard trying to keep up with her excellent passes. We make sure to spray her and the rackets off thoughroughly, not with her nose of couse but with a hose. She has a tendancy to get boogers all over everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 18, 2013 #5294 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Speaking of boogers, SpiritWriter won the booger stretching competition. She did the stretching, the booger was donated by the homeless guy from under the local bridge. She promised to split the prize with him, in case they win, but now is avoiding him, wanting the whole trophy roll of toilet paper for herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted February 18, 2013 Author #5295 Share Posted February 18, 2013 (edited) I saw Helen wearing sandals the other day. Please buy shoes lady, you may not be uncomfortable with your ugly feet but some of us can't afford to throw up the meal we just ate. Edited February 18, 2013 by OverSword 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 18, 2013 #5296 Share Posted February 18, 2013 I saw Helen wearing sandals the other day. Please buy shoes lady, you may not be uncomfortable with your ugly feet but some of us can't afford to throw up the meal we just ate. These are your feet, you liar. I can prove these are not mine, since mine are webbed. OverSword did that to his toenails on purpose, to save on nail polish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted February 18, 2013 Author #5297 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Helen on the other hand uses alot of nail polish because she never cuts her toenails. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helen of Annoy Posted February 18, 2013 #5298 Share Posted February 18, 2013 It’s true. My toenails are so long I once punctured OverSword’s ball. Beach ball, in case you’ve been wondering through the gutter as usual. He cried his eyes out and when I tried to console him by offering to buy him new ball he said that one was unique, signed by one of boob hangers from that retarded beach show, couldn’t remember what it was called... the boob support or the show... anyway, you should ask she signs you a silicone implant instead of ball next time, they are more durable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+OverSword Posted February 18, 2013 Author #5299 Share Posted February 18, 2013 Helen knows darn well that show was called Bay Watch. As a matter of fact Helen owns a poster of Pamela Anderson wearing a red swim suit and carrying a floatation device. It's autographed but Helen had to sign it herself after Pamela was forced to have a restraining order put on Helen because she kept breaking into her home and stealing her panties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Simbi Laveau Posted February 19, 2013 #5300 Share Posted February 19, 2013 Oversword still has all his old VHS tapes of Baywatch . It watches them in marathons on the weekends ,and pretends he's David Hasselhoff . He puts on his own little red Speedo ,and recites all of Hasselhoffs lines ,while doing CPR to his pillow 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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