47 replies to this topic

[Sherapy]

My son is writing a speech on bullying, for his 8th grade graduation. What  I'd like to ask is this.
If you were ever bullied; in retrospect, what could you of done or  what  could of done to make things better?

What didn't help? What  made the bullying worse?

Have  you ever had a peer stand up for you and if so how did it help or not help?

My sons approach for this speech is to address the  harsh reality of bullying from the perspective that the suggested methods to cope with bullying often make it worse and the things that  would help are where so many fall silent.

What he thinks would help a lot is if peers stood up for each other more, that kids can empower each other by celebrating difference and using their voice when they see someone being picked on.

I appreciate all comments.

Edited by Sherapy, 14 May 2012 - 06:07 PM.

[CommunitarianKevin]

Sorry I know this is not the answer you want but this was my experience...

Others standing up for me made it worse because then I was a ***** that could not talk for myself...

What DID work...grabbing someone and throwing him up against the lockers...his eyes got so big...never heard a word from him again...

I also had this kid that liked to hit me with his shoulder. He stopped doing that when I put my shoulder into him and sent him flying (when he was about to do it to me.) He got in my face and I dared him to hit me...no more problems after that.

Granted when I did have my wrestling buddies around (half the wrestlers liked me, the other half did not) I got less crap but that was usually only when they were around.

The point is that it is all about standing up for yourself.

I know that's not the answers you were looking for but that was my experience...

[the L]

I was tortured by few(3) kids from my school. well, its hard to tell.

I still dont know reason why did they choose to bully me. Im thinkin that I know one reason but not sure. Still dont know what helped...well I know nothing. I finished school thats what happened.
I used to fight against them alone so you can imagine how that ended.

I remembered. Only thing that helped is that one of the nerds tell teacher that they harass me often and that teacher liked me so he invated their parrents.
Things were better for some time. In fact things were better in school but when we met outside it was harassment.

Anyway,one of  my best friend (R.I.P.) came in our school. And he had a balls to stand up against them too. Then there was two of us against three not one vs three.

But bottom line nothing helped. Those bully kids are just agressive in their nature and I will go so far and call them stupid.
Parrents are gulity not those kids.

[the L]

Thats why I like Linkin Park

"I felt this way before so insecure....Crawling in my skin....these wounds they will not heal...fear is how I fall ...confusing what is real."



or

watch?v=kXYiU_JCYtU
watch?v=1yw1Tgj9-VU

Edited by the N, 14 May 2012 - 07:25 PM.

[the L]

I would say it is part of life. No one ever siad it will be easy. But Im glad I didnt let them go without blackeye. Othervise Im sure that one day I wiould snap and in my head would be "got yourself a gun"  song.
I was going then to Jiu jitsu classes and later Muay Thai. Bad thing is that they all were great sportsmen too.
I never started but I tried to finish it.

But it helped me to improved myself. Made me stronger.Smarter. Wiser.
So again I will say that is part of the school. Always were and always will be bullys in the school.
Those kids will pushing your button unless you say...."you wanna war? you can get it cuz Im tired of running" (quote DMX)

Well writing this I realize that resistance is helpfull. After I started to give hits back they act differntly. Especially when I met one of those alone.

Edited by the N, 14 May 2012 - 07:41 PM.

[Sherapy]

HuttonEtAl, on 14 May 2012 - 06:29 PM, said:

Sorry I know this is not the answer you want but this was my experience...

Others standing up for me made it worse because then I was a ***** that could not talk for myself...

What DID work...grabbing someone and throwing him up against the lockers...his eyes got so big...never heard a word from him again...

I also had this kid that liked to hit me with his shoulder. He stopped doing that when I put my shoulder into him and sent him flying (when he was about to do it to me.) He got in my face and I dared him to hit me...no more problems after that.

Granted when I did have my wrestling buddies around (half the wrestlers liked me, the other half did not) I got less crap but that was usually only when they were around.

The point is that it is all about standing up for yourself.

I know that's not the answers you were looking for but that was my experience...

I appreciate your post, do not feel as if it's not what I want too hear! I want to hear the hard cold truth of peoples experiences .IMO, there is just not a one size fits all schemata for bullying.

I have 3 sons, each had issues with bullying, what worked for one didn't necessarily work for the other.


@ the N


Thank you for sharing!

My youngest is trained in Jiujitsu/Muay thai  and he competes. (Does very well he loves the art forms.)

I think the confidence that comes from this is astounding, not only does it empower my son  to handle anything , it does so in away that is positive and my son has no qualms about  standing up for other kids, in a civil manner.



Personally, for me as the parent I think it is on me to find ways to empower my kids, cultivate their confidence. We have found that using a non violent ethic in our parenting has been very beneficial with our sons also.

Edited by Sherapy, 14 May 2012 - 08:06 PM.

[CommunitarianKevin]

Sherapy, on 14 May 2012 - 07:51 PM, said:

I appreciate your post, do not feel as if it's not what I want too hear! I want to hear the hard cold truth of peoples experiences .IMO, there is just not a one size fits all schemata for bullying.

I have 3 sons, each had issues with bullying, what worked for one didn't necessarily work for the other.

My youngest  was with a friend ( a few years back)and got jumped, the thing is my son( a gold medalist in the art form)  and his friend were trained in jui jitsu/muay thai  submitted the kids instantly,they never saw them coming.

That is awesome about the martian arts thing. Martial arts is good. I plan on getting my kids into that (and I do it myself.) I have a feeling the kids were left alone after that. I am personally not a fan of violence and try to avoid getting in fights but when it comes to bullying my belief is "anyone that says violence never solves anything has never been hit, or hit someone in the face." I got pushed around until I got physical...sadly...

Edited by HuttonEtAl, 14 May 2012 - 07:58 PM.

[the L]

@Sherapy
Its all about confidence. But if you feel insecure you must know that is nothing wrong feeling that way.
Some kids were not for sports. How will they stand up for themselves? ? ?
My  only answer is when you on the ground- scream. Just dont give up and become their victim.
I realy think that bullys should be expelled/banned from the school.
In 99% cases they are spoiled rich kids. Those poor or "wierdo" or losers or nerds or even junkies will never touch you.

[Sherapy]

HuttonEtAl, on 14 May 2012 - 07:58 PM, said:

That is awesome about the martian arts thing. Martial arts is good. I plan on getting my kids into that (and I do it myself.) I have a feeling the kids were left alone after that. I am personally not a fan of violence and try to avoid getting in fights but when it comes to bullying my belief is "anyone that says violence never solves anything has never been hit, or hit someone in the face." I got pushed around until I got physical...sadly...

I am a big supporter of  martial arts, they are very helpful to a child's sense of personal empowerment and confidence and positive if  used right.

Yet, I have known of kids who have come into martial arts and then go bully kids at school.

So it is important as parents and coaches that  we stress the importance  of how to use the skill responsibly.

When I took karate years back, I remember my coach saying when  you know how to fight you should avoid fighting, the best way to avoid a fight is to run. Unless you have  no other choice. interesting, huh?

For me, I think karate gave me an awareness  that in some situations I have to assess the risk factor and have a plan,not just have a take my chances attitude. I live in a beach community and  parking is on the street and when I get in late I may have to park a few streets away so I  have a plan in place to watch  my back.Meaning one of my boys comes to meet me.  I think I am more realistic and pragmatic because  of martial arts and avoid creating a bad situation for myself. I also know how to defend myself if grabbed from behind, having boys they have made me practice over the years. Gosh, I hope i never am in the situation though to have too..
I have an Aunt who was mugged in broad daylight in a grocery parking lot with people around, she was screaming  her head off as the mugger was beating her  and no one helped her for a while, finally a random guy did. so we cannot always count on strangers. I went into martial arts because of this.

Edited by Sherapy, 14 May 2012 - 08:38 PM.

[Sherapy]

the N, on 14 May 2012 - 08:23 PM, said:

@Sherapy
Its all about confidence. But if you feel insecure you must know that is nothing wrong feeling that way.
Some kids were not for sports. How will they stand up for themselves? ? ?
My  only answer is when you on the ground- scream. Just dont give up and become their victim.
I realy think that bullys should be expelled/banned from the school.
In 99% cases they are spoiled rich kids. Those poor or "wierdo" or losers or nerds or even junkies will never touch you.

This is a great point to N, what about the kid who has no interest in martial arts? What can we do to protect them? Excellent pull!

[the L]

Recently in my town grows numbers of beaten girls by girls. Girls imitates boys. Harass then ground and pound. Several girls ended in hospital.
Last case poor girl was enough of bully girls so she hired woman, professional bodyguard (who btw is expert in SAMBO and Krav Maga) to kicked bullys.
This woman came and beat to death those bully girls.Imagine. So is there any good guys here? No.

EDIT: Jungle rules

Edited by the N, 14 May 2012 - 08:33 PM.

[Mentalcase]

I was bullied in school and out of school. To this day, I still seem to attract arrogant people. I think my careless nature makes me a target. I've learned to deal with it and see it as a reminder that I'm better then them and they are intimidated by my caring, calm nature. I'm a glass is half full kinda guy.

[Sherapy]

the N, on 14 May 2012 - 08:30 PM, said:

Recently in my town grows numbers of beaten girls by girls. Girls imitates boys. Harass then ground and pound. Several girls ended in hospital.
Last case poor girl was enough of bully girls so she hired woman, professional bodyguard (who btw is expert in SAMBO and Krav Maga) to kicked bullys.
This woman came and beat to death those bully girls.Imagine. So is there any good guys here? No.

EDIT: Jungle rules,

That reminds me of  a Aldous Huxley quote (and an aspect my son is addressing in his speech.)


“Everyone who wants to do good to the human race always ends in universal bullying.”


This is something that was  made crystal clear when we went to a tolerance course at the Museum of Tolerance in Los Angeles .

That regardless  of how justified we feel,  we have to make sure we are not part of the problem in our attempt to help or employ methods that are the same to counter bullying.

another great point N.!
  

[Sherapy]

Mentalcase, on 14 May 2012 - 08:44 PM, said:

I was bullied in school and out of school. To this day, I still seem to attract arrogant people. I think my careless nature makes me a target. I've learned to deal with it and see it as a reminder that I'm better then them and they are intimidated by my caring, calm nature. I'm a glass is half full kinda guy.

It sounds as if you are blaming yourself, the way I see it you never deserve to be harmed for having a carefree aspect to you nature. Bullying is the issue not you.

[Mentalcase]

Sherapy, on 14 May 2012 - 08:50 PM, said:

It sounds as if you are blaming yourself, the way I see it you never deserve to be harmed for having a carefree aspect to you nature. Bullying is the issue not you.

I do kinda blame my carefreeness. Children are harsh and even adults. I got punched in my nose for talking to a random stranger once (very recently). All because I was being nice and making conversation, this idiot took it apon themselves to "look cool" in front of his friend. What a jerk!