1
1
Two Months Ago
Lucy arrives at the school at 8:00. Lucy hates school. She hates being home. Lucy basically hates everywhere, everyone and everything. Except Tommy. Tommy is her only friend. Sure Tommy is a dog but he is the only part of her previous life that still remains the same. Tommy was a gift from her father. When Lucy was thirteen, her dad gave the puppy to her for Christmas. It was the best present Lucy had ever received. She decided to name the little yellow fur ball after her Grandfather, Thomas who had died in October of that year. Lucy wasn't very close to her Grandfather but she always loved hearing his stories about old times and how life used to be.
Shortly after that Christmas, Lucy's entire life was destroyed. On February 13th, Lucy's father was killed in what the police described as "a freak accident with a table saw." Apparently, the machine malfunctioned while he was using it and the blade was expelled and embedded itself halfway through her father's brain. There was no way to save him. He was dead within seconds of the "accident." Lucy's mother was there when it happened. She decided to surprise him at work with an early Valentine's Day present. She saw the entire event. It happened right in front of her and she has been very distant ever since. She stopped paying attention to Lucy after the horrific event and usually just lies around in her bed all day, sometimes watching TV. Usually just staring off into space or sleeping.
Lucy doesn't care. She has stopped paying attention to her mother as well. For the first few months, Lucy was very worried about her mother. But as the days rolled on, she became more and more apathetic. Lucy could not stop replaying her father's final days with the family in her mind. She seemed to remember a lot of arguing between her parents. They threatened divorce and it even escalated to threats of murder once. Lucy didn't know what they were fighting about (they always seemed to leave the subject matter very vague) but she knew it was something important. Lucy walked in the kitched on one of those days and found her mother staring at a steak knife. When Lucy opened the refrigerator to get a bottle of water, her mother snapped out of the trance. They did not speak.
Based on the strange way her mother had acted in the days leading to the accident and her mother's presence at the job site, Lucy has come to the conclusion that her mother murdered her father. Or she was at least a contributing factor in his death. But was she smart enough to pull something like that off? Lucy didn't think so. So that means, she must have had help. But who would help her do that? Lucy could not think of one enemy her father may have had.So the mystery remained unsolved. Without hard evidence, she could not bring the accusations to the police because they would just dismiss it and with no leads, Lucy could do no further investigating herself. She had already raided her mothers room as well as the rest of the house and found absolutely no incriminating evidence. So Lucy moved on. But the thoughts were always in the back of her mind.
After her father died, Lucy became very quiet. She was never a very outspoken girl but she would speak when spoken to and say all the things required in an average high school. But after that tragic day, Lucy spoke to no one. Not students, teachers, or even the principal. After a few weeks, Lucy stopped speaking to her mother also. The only living creature that ever hears Lucy's voice these days is Tommy. The principal and teachers allowed her to continue going to school even though she was practically mute because they thought it was a coping mechanism. But by the next school year, when Lucy still wasn't speaking, the teachers grew tired of it and they tried to make her talk. They would purposely call on her to answer questions in class knowing full well that she would just ignore them. The students began making fun of her and calling her names. And Lucy began to hate. She started hating her teachers and her classmates. She hated her mother. Lucy hated everybody. The hate grew and grew until it encapsulated her very being. She began wearing only dark clothes that showed none of her fair skin. She cut her hair and wore heavy black makeup. She did everything she could to make sure no one would be interested in her. And to let them know she was not interested in them.
Her plan worked to a degree. The frequency of bullying lessened. Her teachers stopped asking her questions. But every now and then someone would make a joke. And all the time, she recieved the look. She got the look from everybody. It was the "there's the crazy girl" look. Lucy knew what they were thinking, "Why does she even bother coming to school? She's nothing but a freak. She's going to die alone." Part of Lucy began to believe them. She thought about quitting school or reverting to the person she once was. But every time, she decided to be who she was now and continue going to school until graduation. It was only a few more months. But in those next few months, Lucy's life was going to change again.
Two Months Ago
Lucy arrives at the school at 8:00. Lucy hates school. She hates being home. Lucy basically hates everywhere, everyone and everything. Except Tommy. Tommy is her only friend. Sure Tommy is a dog but he is the only part of her previous life that still remains the same. Tommy was a gift from her father. When Lucy was thirteen, her dad gave the puppy to her for Christmas. It was the best present Lucy had ever received. She decided to name the little yellow fur ball after her Grandfather, Thomas who had died in October of that year. Lucy wasn't very close to her Grandfather but she always loved hearing his stories about old times and how life used to be.
Shortly after that Christmas, Lucy's entire life was destroyed. On February 13th, Lucy's father was killed in what the police described as "a freak accident with a table saw." Apparently, the machine malfunctioned while he was using it and the blade was expelled and embedded itself halfway through her father's brain. There was no way to save him. He was dead within seconds of the "accident." Lucy's mother was there when it happened. She decided to surprise him at work with an early Valentine's Day present. She saw the entire event. It happened right in front of her and she has been very distant ever since. She stopped paying attention to Lucy after the horrific event and usually just lies around in her bed all day, sometimes watching TV. Usually just staring off into space or sleeping.
Lucy doesn't care. She has stopped paying attention to her mother as well. For the first few months, Lucy was very worried about her mother. But as the days rolled on, she became more and more apathetic. Lucy could not stop replaying her father's final days with the family in her mind. She seemed to remember a lot of arguing between her parents. They threatened divorce and it even escalated to threats of murder once. Lucy didn't know what they were fighting about (they always seemed to leave the subject matter very vague) but she knew it was something important. Lucy walked in the kitched on one of those days and found her mother staring at a steak knife. When Lucy opened the refrigerator to get a bottle of water, her mother snapped out of the trance. They did not speak.
Based on the strange way her mother had acted in the days leading to the accident and her mother's presence at the job site, Lucy has come to the conclusion that her mother murdered her father. Or she was at least a contributing factor in his death. But was she smart enough to pull something like that off? Lucy didn't think so. So that means, she must have had help. But who would help her do that? Lucy could not think of one enemy her father may have had.So the mystery remained unsolved. Without hard evidence, she could not bring the accusations to the police because they would just dismiss it and with no leads, Lucy could do no further investigating herself. She had already raided her mothers room as well as the rest of the house and found absolutely no incriminating evidence. So Lucy moved on. But the thoughts were always in the back of her mind.
After her father died, Lucy became very quiet. She was never a very outspoken girl but she would speak when spoken to and say all the things required in an average high school. But after that tragic day, Lucy spoke to no one. Not students, teachers, or even the principal. After a few weeks, Lucy stopped speaking to her mother also. The only living creature that ever hears Lucy's voice these days is Tommy. The principal and teachers allowed her to continue going to school even though she was practically mute because they thought it was a coping mechanism. But by the next school year, when Lucy still wasn't speaking, the teachers grew tired of it and they tried to make her talk. They would purposely call on her to answer questions in class knowing full well that she would just ignore them. The students began making fun of her and calling her names. And Lucy began to hate. She started hating her teachers and her classmates. She hated her mother. Lucy hated everybody. The hate grew and grew until it encapsulated her very being. She began wearing only dark clothes that showed none of her fair skin. She cut her hair and wore heavy black makeup. She did everything she could to make sure no one would be interested in her. And to let them know she was not interested in them.
Her plan worked to a degree. The frequency of bullying lessened. Her teachers stopped asking her questions. But every now and then someone would make a joke. And all the time, she recieved the look. She got the look from everybody. It was the "there's the crazy girl" look. Lucy knew what they were thinking, "Why does she even bother coming to school? She's nothing but a freak. She's going to die alone." Part of Lucy began to believe them. She thought about quitting school or reverting to the person she once was. But every time, she decided to be who she was now and continue going to school until graduation. It was only a few more months. But in those next few months, Lucy's life was going to change again.
I'm wondering from what point of view is the narration going to be. Will it be like a report? As, "Lucy arrives at school at 8:00. The teacher asks Lucy why she is late. Lucy says nothing and walks past the teacher to the schoolroom." ?
This can work, but it may not draw the reader into the psyche of the character. We may not feel her emotions when they are just described from outside.
Of course, I can't tell how you're going to write this from this introduction, and who am I to comment? Lucy's character is interesting so far, and her attitude I think will be interesting when things began to happen. She could have a unique take on what happens next.
I like the story so far. It's got my interest. Good job.