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Deleting Self-promotion

Posted by StarMountainKid , 06 March 2013 · 417 views

It’s kind of funny, but I just deleted my most recent entry here. I felt it was too self-promoting. My mother frequently told me to “blow my own horn”, but I always thought that was a rude thing to do, for some reason. I think it was because I didn’t want to impose myself on anyone. After all, who am I?

I suppose this is the reason that I frequently put a disclaimer in my blog entries in an attempt to discourage anyone from actually reading my stuff. This makes me feel better when I push the “Publish” button. This way if nobody likes what I’ve written, I can’t be held responsible.

As we all know, it’s very comforting to be excluded from responsibility.

Someone commented in this now deleted entry that my blog entries are strange and perhaps written by a madman. He may be right about this, the strangeness I mean. I like strangeness and absurdity. I think life in general is pretty strange and absurd most of the time. I like this about life. This is why I’m not sure I want to go to Heaven after I die. Heaven would seem too bland after living an actual life.

The madman comment I think is an exaggeration, though. However, this may be a matter of perspective. If I consider myself an artist, artists are supposed to be a little mad. I mean, an accountant wouldn’t paint like van Gogh painted. An accountant would just paint pretty pictures. Well, an accountant wouldn’t paint at all, would he?

If someone paints or writes something usual it’s boring, isn’t it? If I’m going to put effort into my artistic endeavors I’m going to make sure it’s unusual. That way it may catch someone’s attention, even though I may not really want anyone to look at it. The imposition thing again.

Another curious thing is, I don’t really write my entries here, my alter-ego does. My real self would never write in the odd way this other me does. Or maybe this alter-ego me is the real me, and the me who lives my every day life is its alter-ego. I’m not sure about this, but it doesn’t bother me much.

This doesn’t bother me much because, as I’ve said several times here, if you don’t think about something, it doesn’t exist. Not thinking about something calms me down and makes me happy. I think this is why vicious dictators, for example, are able to do the bad things they do. They are able to just ignore all their misdeeds and go on with a normal daily life.

Some would say all this not-thinking will catch up to me one day. They may be right, but not thinking of consequences is part of this not-thinking ability I’ve developed, so I don’t worry about that either.

I suppose when I have another idea, or my alter-ego does, whatever, I’ll write something else here hoping it won’t be read. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time reading what I’ve written. The responsibility thing.

Imposition and responsibility go hand-in-hand it seems I keep to myself a lot because of this. It’s a difficult life wanting to express myself and at the same time not wanting to be noticed. Sometimes events or ideas are so powerful they can crash through not-thinking, though They may even make me want to delete something I've done and am responsible for. This may be a good thing, but I’m not sure.

I’ll have to ask my alter-ego about this and find out what he thinks about it.

Mar 07 2013 06:13 PM
The madness was all mine :)
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Nothing wrong with you, or least no more than anyone else LOL.  You are a good writer and I agree, when writing another aspect or part of our inner lives does seem to step forward that is not always pesent to the mind.  Perhaps that is what writing is so important to many of us, to acheive some inner balance in a crazy and yes at times absurd world.  some people when reading me think I am bi-polar, but I am not.  It goes with the turf my friend....keep on truckin as they say ;-).

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Mar 08 2013 05:46 AM
Thanks for your comments. If you click on "All Blogs", under my name it says "Comedy". That's what I'm trying to do mostly, write comedy. Hopefully some get my jokes and don't take what I write too seriously. To those who don't get my humor they can blame that other guy. lol
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bom shankra
Mar 08 2013 10:14 PM
hi SMK, you say above


This is why I’m not sure I want to go to Heaven after I die. Heaven would seem too bland after living an actual life.
the late Christoper Hutchins said this once :


"[Heaven is a] place of endless praise and adoration, limitless abnegation and abjection of self; a celestial North Korea.
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