emmy Posted November 27, 2002 #1 Share Posted November 27, 2002 1]Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations. 2]Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store. 3]Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day. 4]Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in. 5]Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners. 6]Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap. 7]Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters. 8]Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit. 9]When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles. 10]Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens. 11]Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10". 12]Play with the automatic doors. 13]Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment. 14]While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?" 15]Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department. 16]Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive." 17]Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department. 18]Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field. 19]As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!" 20]Put M&M's on layaway. 21]Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas. 22]Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath. 23]Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles. 24]Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 25]Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!" 26]TP as much of the store as possible. 27]Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles. 28]Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. 29]When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" 30]When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!" 31]Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?" 32]Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men. 33]Take bets on the battle described above. 34]Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics. 35]While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible. 36]Hold indoor shopping cart races. 37]Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible." 38]Attempt to fit into very large gym bags. 39]Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags. 40]Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?" 41]Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. 42]Two words: "Marco Polo." 43]Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc. 44]"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. 45]In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels. 46]When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. 47]Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out. 48]When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!" 49]Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time. 50]Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. 51]If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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