Jump to content




Welcome to Unexplained Mysteries! Please sign in or create an account to start posting and to access a host of extra features.


- - - - -

Sasquatch


  • Please log in to reply
7 replies to this topic

#1    snuffypuffer

snuffypuffer

    Dandy Fop

  • Member
  • 11,038 posts
  • Joined:26 Feb 2003
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:oklahoma

  • Let's get happy!

Posted 07 October 2004 - 05:27 PM

I'll leave you with a story I wrote, about a mission, and a dream.....


Derek pulled the tent roll out of the trunk. He yelled in the general direction of where Shawn was standing. "You have beer man?" Shawn nodded. "In the ice box, snacky." He slung his duffel bag over his shoulder. "You were when me when I bought it, remember."

"You're a forgetful bastard, though, and the beer is essential to our adventure tonight." Shawn gave Derek the finger and they took off together down the trail from Derek's Focus to the campsite where Frank was waiting.

They were setting up camp in the boondocks outside of Antlers, in southern the part of Oklahoma. It was late summer, the cicadas were  singing loudly in the surrounding trees. Their campsite was on a rise surrounded on three sides by a shallow ravine.

Derek and Shawn came to find Frank stacking wood for a fire later. He had his green flannel shirt tied around his waist. He stood and wiped his brow. "Did you bring the beer?" He asked.

"What is it with you two and beer?" Shawn asked, looking from one man to the other.

Derek shrugged, "We like beer," was all he could say. They got started pitching the tent. Derek tied his long red hair up and removed rocks from the area the tent was going to be erected. Frank and Shawn argued about where exactly to put the pegs down. The weekend was off and running.

"Where are we going first?" Frank asked.

"There;s a soft river bottom a mile or so from here. The old guy that owns the land passes through there on the way to feed his cattle all the time. We can get him, no problem."

They finished pitching the tent and headed off. Shawn got the feet out of the duffel bag. "Who's gonna be baby bear fist?" he asked holding up the smallest set of bigfoot feet.

"You can." Derek said.

Shawn shrugged and nodded. "They're easier to walk in, anyway." The three of them strapped on a set of feet and made long strides across the soft ground of the river bed. Being careful not to leave any trace of human footprints, they back tracked the way they came and tried to decide where they would be going next.

"You still seeing whatsername?" Frank asked Derek on the way back to camp.

Derek nodded, "Sort of. We're not really a couple anymore." He started clapping his baby bigfoot feet together. Derek knew none of his friends really liked his old girlfriend, Jane. She'd done him wrong , no doubt about that. But, she was also still fun to talk to. He didn't hate her yet, so why make a big deal about it?

"She's just f***ing with your head, man." Shawn strode up beside him. "That whole ‘I don't want to ruin our friendship’ line is a bunch of bullshit."

Derek shrugged, "She's still cool to be around."

Frank stepped in "Look, I'm sure she's a fine heap of woman..."

"She's been dieting ." Derek couldn't help but to laugh.

"Whatever" Frank went on. "The point is, it's not working out between you two, dude. You need to cut your losses and just move on."

Derek just changed the subject to the upcoming football season and went immediately to the ice-chest to get a beer as soon as the trio arrived back at the camp site. "Oooh, check this out." Shawn was dying to show and tell. He pulled an ape costume out of his duffel bag. "We're gonna kick it up to a whole new level this year," he said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Man, nobody's gonna buy that," Derek said, opening another beer. "It looks nothing like a bigfoot.

Shawn grinned wickedly. "That's kind of the point." He pulled out a pair of black and neon pink panties. "They're gonna be some real wierd bigfoot sightings tonight."

The two others gaped at him. Frank chuckled. Derek thought maybe this was the most insane idea he'd heard lately. Then again, it would be pretty funny to read about a cross dressing bigfoot in the next weeks papers. He was actually looking forward to seeing the blurry photos of Shawn, his bright pink panties showing prominently.

They spent the next couple hours talking about the Cowboys' chances of winning the Superbowl, and about how their friend Ray's young son was "aggressively unattractive," as Frank put it. They drank beer and listened to the cicadas, waiting for twilight.

There was another beer run, They'd run out faster than expected. Shawn word the panties inside, over his jeans. It was hard to tell whether the clerk noticed or not. Mark Simmons just seemed to have that vacant look all the time. He looked from one to the other stupidly as the three friends left his store.

Back at the campsite, watching the fireflies and getting tipsy, Shawn decided it was time to make his rounds. He put on his suit, making sure the pink panties were conspicuous. Derek drove, being the most sober of the three.

Their fist stop was a trailer about a half-mile north of where they were camping. The lights were on, as the three walked up the road. They parked a little way off so no one saw the car. Shawn went on ahead, already picking the panties out of his butt. He began beating on the trash cans sitting on the corner of the driveway, making as much noise as he could until a figure appeared on the front porch. He shrieked like an ape and waved his arms. Two more people came out to see what all the commotion was about. Shawn pranced around until he was satisfied the trailer's occupants were good and confused, then he and his buddies went on to their next victims.

Shawn rushed into Derek's Ford Focus, teetering like a madman. The entire car burst into laughter. "You know nobody really buys your ape suit, man? You just look like a crazy nut job."

Shawn struggled to regain his composure. "Nah, it's dark out, nobody can get a clear look at me." He was huffing and puffing now. "The folks out here are nuts anyway, they claim to see bigfoot all the time.

The next house was occupied by an old man that came out with a flashlight. He jogged after Shawn, yelling " Ah knew it!  Ah knew it!" at the top of his lungs.

Derek could barely put his car in drive, he was laughing so hard. Frank collapsed into the back seat, holding his sides. Shawn leaned on the dash board, his back heaving with laughter.

They hit as many houses and farms as possible, within a three or four mile radius. They befuddled all but a few of the occupants, some people weren't home.

They were our of breath as they got back to base camp. Shawn went off to take a leak. He didn't bother to take off the ape suit. Frank and Derek sat on logs and started passing beers around, rehashing their escapades. Derek popped open a Coors when he heard a yell from Shawn.

He looked in the direction the shout had come from to see Shawn walking slowly backwards. "What's the malfunction, snacky," said Frank?

Shawn's voice came muffled through the gorilla mask. "I think we need to leave, guys."  He was still backing up, ever so slowly.

"What the hell for?" Derek was sure he was just yanking their chain. Then he was what Shawn was starring so intently at. Standing about eight feet tall and looking lovingly at Shawn, was a real, live, honest to God Sasquatch.

It stepped up and stroked Shawn's mask. caressing his cheeks. Derek had to suppress an urge to burst into laughter again. The bigfoot cupped Shawn's face in its hands and leaned forward as if to kiss him. Pulling him forward, Shawn resisted and the mask came off. The hairy hominid gaped at the mask while Shawn 's eyes bulged in terror. They stood frozen like that for a moment before Shawn broke away in a dead run. "Get out of here, now," he shouted! They all scrambled for the car.

Derek fumbled with his keys, nearly dropping them on the floorboard.  Shawn was shrieking like a woman, “Hurry, he’s coming, he’s coming!”

The Sasquatch was lumbering towards the car, shaking the mask furiously.  Derek finally got the car started and they roared off, leaving the bigfoot howling behind them.

The drive home was mostly quiet. No one spoke until Derek pulled the Focus into his driveway back home in McAlester. Shawn sat in his seat starring straight ahead. He barely blinked. Frank broke the silence. "Dude you almost got....”

"I know, lets never speak of that again." Shawn cut him off immediately.

Derek and Frank looked at one another and burst into a gale of laughter. They couldn't help it. They'd actually seen a Sasquatch, and it was trying to make sweet love to their friend. Shawn was getting nervous. "I'm serious guys, this doesn't leave the car."

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Derek's sides were hurting. "we won't tell anyone, nobody would believe us anyway."

And Derek never told anyone, well, for a week anyway. Then he told everyone he knew.



©2004 Michael Brandon Carroll

Nothing to see here.

#2    Daughter of the Nine Moons

Daughter of the Nine Moons

    ☆。Fearstriker Do'Teh 。☆

  • 14,304 posts
  • Joined:11 Jan 2004
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:I forgot...

  • ☆彡

Posted 07 October 2004 - 05:55 PM

Brilliant!!! Are you sure this isn't autobiographical...you were going sasquatch hunting with Gonzo right tongue.gif

iheartsugarbear

#3    snuffypuffer

snuffypuffer

    Dandy Fop

  • Member
  • 11,038 posts
  • Joined:26 Feb 2003
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:oklahoma

  • Let's get happy!

Posted 07 October 2004 - 07:42 PM

Not entirely autobiographical, Dot.  Thanks, though.  Now more views tongue.gif

Nothing to see here.

#4    ChrisC098

ChrisC098

    Government Agent

  • Member
  • 3,830 posts
  • Joined:22 Aug 2004

  • Respect the Hat.

Posted 07 October 2004 - 10:59 PM

I like it.

Posted Image

"People are ignorant. They'll feel better as long as someone is punished."

#5    Daughter of the Nine Moons

Daughter of the Nine Moons

    ☆。Fearstriker Do'Teh 。☆

  • 14,304 posts
  • Joined:11 Jan 2004
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:I forgot...

  • ☆彡

Posted 07 October 2004 - 11:50 PM

QUOTE(snuffypuffer @ Oct 7 2004, 03:42 PM)
Not entirely autobiographical, Dot.  Thanks, though.  Now more views tongue.gif

View Post



...are you sure about that?  laugh.gif

iheartsugarbear

#6    snuffypuffer

snuffypuffer

    Dandy Fop

  • Member
  • 11,038 posts
  • Joined:26 Feb 2003
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:oklahoma

  • Let's get happy!

Posted 07 October 2004 - 11:57 PM

Well, we were very drunk, there could have been some overtures, but no one remembers them.  Thankfully.

Nothing to see here.

#7    Kryso

Kryso

    Always watching...

  • Member
  • 3,943 posts
  • Joined:21 Sep 2003
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:England

  • Truth titillates the imagination far less than fiction.

Posted 09 October 2004 - 12:19 PM

As always a pleasure to read. A prolific writer if I ever did see one.

If I have said it once, then I’ve said it a million times – and will say it again – Snuffy my chap, you are a man of many talents and abilities. thumbsup.gif



#8    snuffypuffer

snuffypuffer

    Dandy Fop

  • Member
  • 11,038 posts
  • Joined:26 Feb 2003
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:oklahoma

  • Let's get happy!

Posted 11 October 2004 - 11:15 PM

We do say thankya, Kryso. thumbsup.gif

Nothing to see here.




1 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 1 guests, 0 anonymous users