50 replies to this topic

[Rlyeh]

Neognosis, on 24 October 2012 - 07:29 PM, said:

Because you have to protect the rights of EVERYONE, otherwise you erode the rights of us all.

As for these silly sex offender notifications, they are meaningless to me. I already assume that everyone I don't know very well for a long time is potentially a danger to my child. If you live next door to me, and I don't know you very well, you are never going to be in a position to harm one of my kids regardless.

I gather your children are homeschooled then?

[Neognosis]

No, they are not home-schooled. They are not school age yet. Instead, my daughter is under the care of my aunt, who I have known since I was born.

My son is in a registered preschool, where the teachers are screened, fingerprinted, and vetted. He is never alone with one of the teachers at any time.

It is far, far from ideal, but it is the best we can do. And Megan's law or any other public notification of sex offender law would have zero impact on this, as the teachers are vetted here anyhow.

[spud the mackem]

It seems to me that the rights of the victimised children have been forgotten,and that the poor paedophile is now the victim.What a tragedy, if any of the slime-balls live near me they had better move elsewhere rapido.Is this the work of the Euro Judges telling Britain what to do again ?.

[Beckys_Mom]

Neognosis, on 25 October 2012 - 03:32 PM, said:

Right.

And that's why I don't let anyone interact with my kids unless I know them very, very well for a long time.

It's the neighbor that you've known for a few years who seems so nice who ends up touching your kid.

It is a shame it could well happen..scary thought too

I have been with my husband  just over 17 years ... His aunt  May  practically raised him  ( so to speak ..weekends, holidays )... He was 100 %  loyal to her and trusted in her... I too trusted this woman and a few of his family members...In saying that  there was something about her I didn't like.. she was moody at times and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.. but the woman  loves to dominate and boss you around...My husband  wore rose tinted glasses ..

She would take Becky everywhere...and Becky would stay for the afternoon every Monday too..  

May has a granddaughter  ( Linzi ) who is now turned 18...  She is very spoilt and bad tempered, but in front of me and Gary, she never showed that side to her...They never really do...do they?

At times I would be changing Becky for bath time. and notice some bruising over her chest and rib area... I would ask what happened?  She put the head down and said.. Nothing.. I don't know ?  I don't remember..!   This annoyed me... but I could never get a straight answer from her...She was 5 years old at the time..  I had noticed bruising before that too, but I thought she was just playing with the kids outside and got a bit rough..

One afternoon she came home crying saying that  a friend of Lindi's  ( Mark )  punched her in the tummy and kicked her to the ground.. .This guy was 17 years old at the time....Becky was just 5 years old..  
I went nuts...We approached Linzi  in front of her grandmother   ( Garys aunt May ).. and denial flew out all directions.. May backed Linzi's friend Mark  up...and they all made it look as if Becky made it up...  Well  of course, .. isn't that what people do...blame the kid ?

......................I was the only person who did not believe them...Gary  believed them  over his own daughter...he fears his aunt...  We had an argument over it

Months had passed.. Becky declined to go back to  May's caravan for Easter break.... she also started to back off from going near Linzi... ..Gary  dropped Becky off at Mays house because we were working and were running late...  That evening.. Becky came home.. Back was sore and a cut / bruise on her face........ Instantly I jumped on it  ...asking what the heck was going on?... Becky breaks down and cries..   She says   Linzi hit her on the face with her phone in temper .May shouted at Becky saying Becky was making it up...  That was it.. I had had it..I lost the rag

Gary  was sucking up all his aunt had said, and he tried to tell me  it was an accident,, because they told him so....   Becky cried and told her dad..  This is why I can't tell you the truth daddy, I know you always take their side...  She cries some more...

All blows up...after so many talks with his family members...  Turns out -   His aunt  who he trusted all his life, and her granddaughter...were abusing Becky.. Not sexually.. but punching.. kicking and slapping her...It is still abuse..and I was not having it..  They admitted it to Gary in the end...  Becky was not lying all along...  I had a feeling she was truthful.. for I asked her about other relatives she would be near.. ( Granny, granddad etc ) and Becky said no  other family member would hurt her... it was just May and Linzi

Gary had to make it up to Becky for not trusting in her word...and he had to deal with his relatives who were abusing Becky.. Gary found out that his aunt was rough with him as a kid too...
I banned them from seeing Becky.... I will not allow them to take her away for the day... nor will she stay at their home any more ..To be truthful.. I hate them both for what they did ...and it angers me how they used the same old excuse - " Becky is just 5 years old, you know kids with their tales  ha ha ..." ...... The amount of children  who were ignored  or even yelled at and punished   because  their parents felt they were making it all up ?  I have heard of that happening  many times.. It's unreal

All Garys life he trusted in this woman...it floored him to hear the truth...  They were great at smiling and being so nice to Becky in front of us...but what went on behind the scenes  was a different matter ...it can shock the hell out of anyone .  .if you knew similar was going on in your own family..  What you thought and what you find... nightmare for anyone ..  I hope that doesn't not happen to you or anyone here.. but It is

I now have a 5 month old baby boy Aaron and those people will never get to take him for a day.. not a mission..

The child's behaviour  is a dead give-away  in my opinion.. if you see them hurt,  and the more you repeat the same questions to them.. and they do not change their answers... their body language  and so on.. I think   ( at least  for me )  it is time to pay attention and take action best way you can

EDIT - Sorry that was a bit long... It was my first time posting about it all ..

Edited by Beckys_Mom, 25 October 2012 - 06:12 PM.

[Coffey]

Professor Buzzkill, on 24 October 2012 - 07:09 PM, said:

If paedophiles want the same human rights  as the rest of us (like privacy), perhaps they should have respected the rights of the little girls and boys they horrendously  abused.

Why do we bend over backwards to protect the rights of those people who have no respect for others rights?

Exactly, you take away the human rights of others, you don't deserve them yourself. Simple really...

[meryt-tetisheri]

BM, you are right a mother can sense if a child is making something up or is telling the truth. What Becky had to go through is horrid! The betrayal of trust makes it even worse, and you did right. Children's safety must always come first.

I think that there should be a distinction between ‘sexual offenders’ in general and ‘pedophiles’ which factors in the age of both victim and offender, to avoid lumping together the 19 years old teen ager who had sex with his 16 years old girlfriend, and the adult predator who molested a young child. Recidivism of repeat offenders, the age and vulnerability of their victims should also be taken into account.  Protection of vulnerable young children should be a priority. Schools and day care centers vet their employees; shouldn’t the same principle be also employed to deny molesters’ access to neighborhood children? The difference between pedophilia and other violent or sexual crimes lays in the degree of vulnerability of the victim. For me, the protection of young children overrides the human rights of convicted pedophiles.

As for children being molested by people they already know, a useful rule I used with my children was the ‘no touch zone’: no stranger or relative may touch the body area usually covered by a swimming suit unless it’s the doctor and in their parents’ presence. I also watched my children like a hawk, did not permit sleep-overs unless we knew the friends’ parents well, spent hours driving children around…etc. I was called an over-protective 'mamma bear', but it is a sad fact that it takes only a few moments of oversight for a child to be lost or harmed. There was a horrific case of pedophile ring when I first moved here, several children lost their lives, in addition to being molested, and hearing about it taught me that it is better to err on the side of caution!    

[glorybebe]

Beckys_Mom, on 25 October 2012 - 06:07 PM, said:

The child's behaviour  is a dead give-away  in my opinion.. if you see them hurt,  and the more you repeat the same questions to them.. and they do not change their answers... their body language  and so on.. I think   ( at least  for me )  it is time to pay attention and take action best way you can

EDIT - Sorry that was a bit long... It was my first time posting about it all ..

It is such a betrayal to find out one of your family members would do this to your child.  My sister was very abusive to my daughter, but, I was wrong and listened to my sister...until my daughter was blamed for something that was just so bizarre that I lost it and had a long talk with my girl.  I no longer talk to any of my family because of the abuse I suffered as a child and what my daughter was having directed at her.  Just because they are family does not mean they are not toxic.  We are so much happier without them in our lives.  Remeber that saying: you can choose your friends, your family you are born with.

[Mr Right Wing]

Bling, on 24 October 2012 - 07:35 PM, said:

Paedophilia is a psychiatric disorder, so they should not be treated like animals. I am not defending their actions, it's evil, and I've experienced it....but they are at risk of vigilante abuse.

Sociopathy is hard to cure and theres a genetic factor involved.

They dont have a sexually like a normal person they seek sexual pleasure from unusual things such as children. They have a region in their brain which is small and undeveloped compared to the rest of the population. Its easy to spot a sociopath as the same underdeveloped brain region means they have a poor concept of personal space and personal boundaries.

When someone stands a little too near you then you feel as if your personal space is being violated. A sociopath doesnt experience that when the roles are reversed. They are defective in their mental structures. Abuse and trauma can also stop that area of the brain developing if it occurs during childhood.

Because of the genetic factors I think they should get the death penalty. The sooner their defective genes are weeded out from the gene pool the sooner paedophillia and other sexual abuse will disappear.

I know if one got caught abusing someone in my area they'd get lynched from the nearest lamp post. But I'm from up north and we are a bit more barbarian lol.

Edited by Mr Right Wing, 25 October 2012 - 06:48 PM.

[pallidin]

At least one time here in the US, some judge ordered that a DUI offender place a court sponsored bumber sticker on his car, to be visible at all times, which read something like "I am a DUI offender"
I think he was ordered to do this for a couple years. Maybe just 1. Probably didn't drive very much till it was over.

Another one, this time for burglary or something, was ordered to wear a light placard on his chest and his back over his clothers indicating his crime, or else go to jail. I think that was for 1-3 months. Probably stayed in his house.

[Neognosis]

Quote

It seems to me that the rights of the victimised children have been forgotten,and that the poor paedophile is now the victim

If you don't protect the rights of criminals as well as free citizens, then you put your own rights at risk.

This is not really about protecting criminals, at the core it is about protecting our own rights.

When a person has served their sentence, they have served their sentence.

If you don't want sex offenders to ever have certain rights back, then you will need to use due process and sentence them accordingly.

[glorybebe]

Mr Right Wing, on 25 October 2012 - 06:46 PM, said:

Sociopathy is hard to cure and theres a genetic factor involved.

They dont have a sexually like a normal person they seek sexual pleasure from unusual things such as children. They have a region in their brain which is small and undeveloped compared to the rest of the population. Its easy to spot a sociopath as the same underdeveloped brain region means they have a poor concept of personal space and personal boundaries.

When someone stands a little too near you then you feel as if your personal space is being violated. A sociopath doesnt experience that when the roles are reversed. They are defective in their mental structures. Abuse and trauma can also stop that area of the brain developing if it occurs during childhood.

Because of the genetic factors I think they should get the death penalty. The sooner their defective genes are weeded out from the gene pool the sooner paedophillia and other sexual abuse will disappear.

I know if one got caught abusing someone in my area they'd get lynched from the nearest lamp post. But I'm from up north and we are a bit more barbarian lol.

I stated that before and got slammed with negative feedback, but I totally agree.

[Mr Right Wing]

Neognosis, on 25 October 2012 - 06:53 PM, said:

If you don't protect the rights of criminals as well as free citizens, then you put your own rights at risk.

Hows that?

Most of us arent criminals.

[spud the mackem]

Beckys_Mom, on 25 October 2012 - 06:07 PM, said:

It is a shame it could well happen..scary thought too

I have been with my husband  just over 17 years ... His aunt  May  practically raised him  ( so to speak ..weekends, holidays )... He was 100 %  loyal to her and trusted in her... I too trusted this woman and a few of his family members...In saying that  there was something about her I didn't like.. she was moody at times and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.. but the woman  loves to dominate and boss you around...My husband  wore rose tinted glasses ..

She would take Becky everywhere...and Becky would stay for the afternoon every Monday too..  

May has a granddaughter  ( Linzi ) who is now turned 18...  She is very spoilt and bad tempered, but in front of me and Gary, she never showed that side to her...They never really do...do they?

At times I would be changing Becky for bath time. and notice some bruising over her chest and rib area... I would ask what happened?  She put the head down and said.. Nothing.. I don't know ?  I don't remember..!   This annoyed me... but I could never get a straight answer from her...She was 5 years old at the time..  I had noticed bruising before that too, but I thought she was just playing with the kids outside and got a bit rough..

One afternoon she came home crying saying that  a friend of Lindi's  ( Mark )  punched her in the tummy and kicked her to the ground.. .This guy was 17 years old at the time....Becky was just 5 years old..  
I went nuts...We approached Linzi  in front of her grandmother   ( Garys aunt May ).. and denial flew out all directions.. May backed Linzi's friend Mark  up...and they all made it look as if Becky made it up...  Well  of course, .. isn't that what people do...blame the kid ?

......................I was the only person who did not believe them...Gary  believed them  over his own daughter...he fears his aunt...  We had an argument over it

Months had passed.. Becky declined to go back to  May's caravan for Easter break.... she also started to back off from going near Linzi... ..Gary  dropped Becky off at Mays house because we were working and were running late...  That evening.. Becky came home.. Back was sore and a cut / bruise on her face........ Instantly I jumped on it  ...asking what the heck was going on?... Becky breaks down and cries..   She says   Linzi hit her on the face with her phone in temper .May shouted at Becky saying Becky was making it up...  That was it.. I had had it..I lost the rag

Gary  was sucking up all his aunt had said, and he tried to tell me  it was an accident,, because they told him so....   Becky cried and told her dad..  This is why I can't tell you the truth daddy, I know you always take their side...  She cries some more...

All blows up...after so many talks with his family members...  Turns out -   His aunt  who he trusted all his life, and her granddaughter...were abusing Becky.. Not sexually.. but punching.. kicking and slapping her...It is still abuse..and I was not having it..  They admitted it to Gary in the end...  Becky was not lying all along...  I had a feeling she was truthful.. for I asked her about other relatives she would be near.. ( Granny, granddad etc ) and Becky said no  other family member would hurt her... it was just May and Linzi

Gary had to make it up to Becky for not trusting in her word...and he had to deal with his relatives who were abusing Becky.. Gary found out that his aunt was rough with him as a kid too...
I banned them from seeing Becky.... I will not allow them to take her away for the day... nor will she stay at their home any more ..To be truthful.. I hate them both for what they did ...and it angers me how they used the same old excuse - " Becky is just 5 years old, you know kids with their tales  ha ha ..." ...... The amount of children  who were ignored  or even yelled at and punished   because  their parents felt they were making it all up ?  I have heard of that happening  many times.. It's unreal

All Garys life he trusted in this woman...it floored him to hear the truth...  They were great at smiling and being so nice to Becky in front of us...but what went on behind the scenes  was a different matter ...it can shock the hell out of anyone .  .if you knew similar was going on in your own family..  What you thought and what you find... nightmare for anyone ..  I hope that doesn't not happen to you or anyone here.. but It is

I now have a 5 month old baby boy Aaron and those people will never get to take him for a day.. not a mission..

The child's behaviour  is a dead give-away  in my opinion.. if you see them hurt,  and the more you repeat the same questions to them.. and they do not change their answers... their body language  and so on.. I think   ( at least  for me )  it is time to pay attention and take action best way you can

EDIT - Sorry that was a bit long... It was my first time posting about it all ..

   You did brilliant ! I wasn't treated well by my Aunts and Uncles when I was a kid, but when I grew up I just walked past them in the street,and ignored them,and it sure hurt them more than it did me as my Father told me I shouldn't treat them that way,and when I told him why,we fell out as he wouldn't believe me. They've all gone now and I have no regrets.

[Bling]

Mr Right Wing, on 25 October 2012 - 06:46 PM, said:

Sociopathy is hard to cure and theres a genetic factor involved.

They dont have a sexually like a normal person they seek sexual pleasure from unusual things such as children. They have a region in their brain which is small and undeveloped compared to the rest of the population. Its easy to spot a sociopath as the same underdeveloped brain region means they have a poor concept of personal space and personal boundaries.

When someone stands a little too near you then you feel as if your personal space is being violated. A sociopath doesnt experience that when the roles are reversed. They are defective in their mental structures. Abuse and trauma can also stop that area of the brain developing if it occurs during childhood.

Because of the genetic factors I think they should get the death penalty. The sooner their defective genes are weeded out from the gene pool the sooner paedophillia and other sexual abuse will disappear.

I know if one got caught abusing someone in my area they'd get lynched from the nearest lamp post. But I'm from up north and we are a bit more barbarian lol.

Who says Paedophiles are Sociopaths?

[Bling]

Paedophiles can be family members, trusted friends of the family....anyone. We can't escape it.....if it's going to happen, but we can give the victims and perpetrators the help they need to recover from their experiences.