If you are very gifted, you can learn to fart few popular tunes and then you simply stand on the corner, with plastic cup and cardboard sign “at your request”.
If you’re just ordinary mammal like the rest of us, fart in plastic bags, seal them tightly. Sell as natural gas, suitable for camping, or use them yourself for heating and light. Just connect the fart bag to your old gas cooker the same way you’d connect any standard propane gas tank, only adjust the flow and don’t forget to check with lit match if it leaks.
Edit: damn it... PlanB, stand near alan when he starts using his fart bag. Debris from imminent exposion should rip your abs too.
I need more vegetables in my diet and less vegetables in my office. What should I do?
Edited by Helen of Annoy, 14 January 2013 - 07:10 PM.
Start wearing a Carmen Miranda hat to work, the kind with a bunch of fruit on it. Attach workplace vegetables so that you can furtively sneak them home. If anyone questions you about your choice of head attire, mesmerize them with a samba dance. Artist depicton below:
According to Einstien, the faster you approach the speed of light, the slower time will move for you. I imagine the opposite to be true as well. Try to stay as far as possible from the speed of light and time should move more quickly. Matching the speed of say, a rock, should make time fly by. I am not a scientist, but this makes total sense to me.
Get another dog, preferably one which already has the taste of postman. That way the postman will either stop delivering your mail, solving the problem of the gate, or close the gate so damn fast in order to get away from the new dog!
!!!! You haven't replied to them? WHY haven't you replied to them? OMG, Helen, REPLY TO THEM NOW!!!!!!! And don't come near me with all the bad luck you have accrued in the mean time ....... aaargh!!!! * runs off at speed*
In my haste to get away from Helen The Hex I ran under a ladder propped against a wall and then trod on and killed( ), a lucky black cat ............ how do I undo all the bad luck I'm accumulating?
Give CPR to the black cat. After you resuscitate it, you’ll have to walk backwards under the same ladder to reverse that too, but cat first. It won’t respond to amateur CPR, you need electricity to jolt it back to life, now, there’s no time to waste, just cut the toaster cord with scissors, separate the wires and... no, you don’t have to unplug anything first.
I found a man on my windshield this morning. Is that something you have to report or it’s finders-keepers?
Why cheat if you can sleep with the teacher? Don’t forget to record it for future use.
Just walk to your teacher, make eye contact and say: “I know where you live.” Start walking away, then stop, turn around and add: “I also know where and how you will die if I don’t pass this exam.” Do not forget the eye contact, speak in low but clear voice and move not one muscle more than it’s necessary.
Sometimes I get an urge to start digging really deep hole in the ground. But where?