Posted 02 February 2013 - 05:54 AM
From my American perspective of defending civil liberties, this anti-dog attitude in UK law is borderline Monty Python:
*doorbell rings*
Yamato: *answers the door*
Yamato: Oh thank goodness it's you! The police!
UK Policeman: Well of course it's the police! You called us didn't you?
Yamato: Yes I did. Can you help me? I've been the victim of a crime.
UK Policeman: I'm to understand there's been a burglary here
Yamato: Yes there has. There's a dead burglar in my living room. He met my dog, Rottie.
UK Policeman: Good heavens why didn't you say so?
Yamato: I did...when I called. I didn't tell you, because you didn't answer. They dispatched you right?
UK Policeman: Well I'm here aren't I?
Yamato: Well yeah...but...
UK Policeman: Nevermind that! Are you going to let me in or not?
Yamato: Do I have a choice?
UK Policeman: No, you don't actually, now out of my way!
*shoves Yamato aside and barges in*
UK Policeman: What did you say your name was again?
Yamato: I didn't tell you my name.
UK Policeman: Well why not?
Yamato: Because you didn't ask.
UK Policeman: Well I'm asking you now, what is it?
Yamato: Yamato...but you see it's...
UK Policeman: Yamato? Isn't that a Jap name?
Yamato: Well maybe 60 years ago you could call it that, yeah...
UK Policeman: You don't look Japanese...what are you doing in the UK?
Yamato: I find myself asking that very question right now, believe me. Actually it's just a username.
UK Policeman: You's a what?
Yamato: Nevermind.
UK Policeman: So where is the burglar?
Yamato: *points*
UK Policeman: Oh dear! Bloody hell! Was this the only one?
Yamato: No, there were others. I saw them running when I came down the stairs with my English Mastiff.
UK Policeman: Well did they get a good look at you?
Yamato: Excuse me?
UK Policeman: Or did you get a good look at them?
Yamato: No. They were running and had their backs turned to me.
UK Policeman: What else can you tell me?
Yamato: They were dressed in dark clothes and running very fast. I think the torn artery on their friend here gave them second thoughts about stealing my grandmother's china.
UK Policeman: China, I thought you said Japanese?
Yamato: No.
UK Policeman: Where did you say you were again when this happened?
Yamato: Upstairs.
UK Policeman: And what were you doing upstairs might I ask?
Yamato: I was in the bathroom and had my headphones on.
UK Policeman: And how am I supposed to know you were upstairs?
Yamato: Well you could ask my dog I suppose, but she doesn't speak English.
UK Policeman: Wasn't your dog English?
Yamato: The one upstairs is, I suppose, yes. But he was upstairs with me then too, so he didn't see anything.
UK Policeman: And the one downstairs?
Yamato: German.
UK Policeman: Typical German too. Bloody hell, this is gruesome!
Yamato: Oh yeah, that's my girl. Isn't that right, Rottie! Ooooooh you're such a good girl!
*Yamato scratches Rottie's red chin*
UK Policeman: And what were you doing in the bathroom upstairs?
Yamato: I was on the toilet.
UK Policeman: And what, may I ask, were you doing on the toilet?
Yamato: Are you serious?
UK Policeman: I'm a UK police officer, of course I'm serious! Everything we do is strictly by the book and the book is strictly by everything we do!
Yamato: I was taking a dump.
UK Policeman: A dump? You were dropping a Washburn?
Yamato: I was freeing the brown hostages.
UK Policeman: You were launching torpedoes?
Yamato: I was carpet bombing Afghanistan.
UK Policeman: You were taking a Nixon?
Yamato: I was backing the big brown motorhome out of the garage.
UK Policeman: And then what happened?
Yamato: I wiped.
UK Policeman: You mean to say you were freshening up?
Yamato: I was finishing up some paper work.
UK Policeman: You were going to see a man about a dog?
Yamato: Yes I suppose that's exactly right. I came downstairs and Rottie was enjoying her 3rd meal of the day. Isn't that right my precious little monster?
UK Policeman: Just look at that blood splatter! It nearly reaches the ceiling!
Yamato: Yeah, good girl Rottie!!!
UK Policeman: I'm sorry I cannot believe your alibi that you were upstairs!
Yamato: Uhh why not?
UK Policeman: These wounds are too severe. I'm going to have to call a forensics team to examine this immediately.
Yamato: Yeah but what does that have anything to do with...
UK Policeman: Silence! You are nearly crossing over the line with your childish questions!
Yamato: I still don't understand why the blood has anything to do with where I was when this happened, I think that...
UK Policeman: You must understand something... I am a police officer. Of the law. You are a Japanese immigrant with a Chinese grandmother, an English dog that can't collaborate your story, and a German.
Yamato: Rottie.
UK Policeman: Yes and what kind of dog is that?
Yamato: It's a Rottweiler. They're famous for their jaw strength actually.
UK Policeman: I'm sorry Yamato, but due to your irrelevancy and trollish behavior, and especially due to the extent of these injuries, I'm going to have to take you in until the laboratory has confirmed your guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.
Yamato: Uhhhh WTF
UK Policeman: Our moderator has it on good authority that this is a reasonable approach. We don't just consider what you happen to say after we question you, we look at all the evidence! Did you know that your fingerprints were all over this leash?
Yamato: Yes I'm sure they are, it's my leash.
UK Policeman: And this light switch. You turned the light on and you didn't try to stop this butchery?
Yamato: Well no, I'm sure my fingerprints were already on that too, you see I live here, and...
UK Policeman: No more questions for now! You're coming with me until we run a sweep of the area to make sure nobody else walking the streets in dark clothing saw what you were doing while this monster of yours did its number on this lifeless man. Look at that dead man your dog killed...I can barely stand to look at him! But before we go, I'm going to have to get a look at your papers?
Yamato: I already flushed them, sorry.
UK Policeman: Yes I see now, you are quite guilty. Quite guilty indeed young man! It's a good thing that Sky Scanner took over our department. Our prosecution of dog owners has skyrocketed since he started posting our guidelines.