HATHORS LAMP Posted December 21, 2011 #1 Share Posted December 21, 2011 INTERIOR-PRESS CONFERENCE ROMM-EARLY MORNING (REPORTER) -Will the president responds to Newt Gingrich allegations of conducting a "Class Warfare" soon? The president Obama steps in leaving his top advisers and the bodyguards 10 feet behind... (OBAMA) - Yes he will! The last couple of months Newt Gingrich has been attacking me of being using rich americans to blame my incompetence and my natural lack of leadership... For the records! Being a liberal like I am requires both otherwise Nancy Pelosy and Reid kick my butt away from the White House. (OBAMA CONTINUES) ... For the records, I am the one blaming rich americans and the one without leadership, but who are you Newt? America is not easy.... America is advanced citizenship. We have serious problem and I'm not the least interested in solving it. I'm interested in two things and two things only: Getting re-elected in 2012 and buying Michelle a Lexus SUV... You want a fight? you better keep it with me, Newt cause the Pipeline is out of your league. Newt Gingrich problems is not that he is better than I am as a leader, Newt problems is that he can't sell it! the pipeline has nothing to do with my plan, Newt. You better take it with the other rep candidates and leave me in peace for a while. You step in front of a microphone and you call me a "marxist"... Marx has nothing wrong, Newt. He fought for the rights of the blue collar workers and the building of a Comunist nation, you want a debate, Newt? You better take it with me! (OBAMA SHOWS TEARS IN HIS EYES AND CONTINUE) ... I'VE loved two pets in my life, I lost one to cancer and I lost the other because I was getting of from AIR FORCE ONE and the d... dog got stuck in the proppels...nasty! Today I will sent two proposals to the house; one is the reduction of opportunities to invest capital in this country and the other is the HEALTH CARE... As for now the Health care no longer exist, I will throw it up and stick it in Pelosi's rearend! You can hope to prevent sickness without taking more money from the already poor people and the rich together. I will write one that makes sense. We need serious candidates and you, Newt are ahead in the polls for a few points, I am Barack Obama and I am the PRESIDENT! (MUSIC AND THE AIDS TRYING TO CATCH UP WITH HIM) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FLOMBIE Posted December 21, 2011 #2 Share Posted December 21, 2011 This is a parody of what? Obama? I don't get it. This does not resemble Obama at all. And what is "advanced citizenship"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
randym23 Posted December 21, 2011 #3 Share Posted December 21, 2011 love this! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 21, 2011 Author #4 Share Posted December 21, 2011 More to come from the same movie tonite! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rashore Posted December 21, 2011 #5 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Wow. Mr. Obama isn't awesome, but neither is Mr. Gingrich. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 21, 2011 Author #6 Share Posted December 21, 2011 Tonight the love drama will continue with the State Dinner in honor to the Colombian president and his wife. Don't miss it! Tonight the love drama will continue with the State Dinner in honor to the Colombian president and his wife. Don't miss it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 22, 2011 Author #7 Share Posted December 22, 2011 love this! THE STATE DINNER AT THE WHITE HOUSE Lady GAGA is staying at her sister’s apartment until her own is ready to move in. The phone rings LADY GAGA Hello Richard! No Richard I don’t want to hear you Barack Obama’s imitation. SISTER I wanna hear it! LADY GAGA Bye Richard! After a while the phone rings again. LADY GAGA I don’t believe it! SISTER You want me to answer the phone? LADY GAGA Oh, no! I made the ridicule in front of everyone during the EMMY AWARDS, Richard… I can handle it myself! Hello? BARACK OBAMA Gaga? LADY GAGA (talking to her sister ironically) Oh, It’s Barack Obama! Wow, Richard you are a heck of a ride! BARACK OBAMA No! It’s the president not Richard! LADY GAGA It’s was good that you called since I forgot to tell you how nice azz you had… BARACK OBAMA No, It’s Obama not Richard… LADY GAGA Bye Richard! BARACK OBAMA Gaga! Please, hang up the phone! Hang up the phone and call 555-5555 and ask to talk with the president! LADY GAGA I can’t believe this! (sister ask “what’s going on?”) I can’t believe that I did this twice in one day! Lady Gaga dial the number given by Obama and is transferred to Obama’s phone. (CONTINUES) Mr. President… maybe there is a form of apology, a word to say sorry… I don’t quite have it right now; come to think of it: how did you get this number? BARACK OBAMA I don’t know maybe Kim Kardashian? Let’s going to the point… The Colombians have elected themselves a new dictator and we are going to have an expensive dinner paid for by the tax payers and I was thinking, and you are in no obligation-law, but I was thinking that you and I could go together… and that’s why I called you. Lady Gaga is confused and after 5 seconds responds. LADY GAGA Mr. president: I’m honor to represent you in that dinner, I’m ready to the task, Sr.! I won’t let you down… BARACK OBAMA We are only having dinner and some joint (chief of staff you know…) we are not going to do espionage or anything… LADY GAGA Of course! How do I do? I mean… should I wear the red meat again like the Emmy Award or maybe nude… BARACK OBAMA I will have a very nice lady calling you, Nancy Pelosi. When she calls you and tell you her name Nancy Pelosi, it will help to give the benefit of the doubt. LADY GAGA Mr. president… Thanks! It’s my first with a president… BARACK OBAMA Me too! Since Michelle and the kids are in Japan. (continues with the State Dinner at the White House) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 22, 2011 Author #8 Share Posted December 22, 2011 THE ACTUAL STATE DINNER AT THE WHITE HOUSE. Barack Obama is sit with Lady Gaga who is representing an absent Michelle, two other extras, Axelrod and his wife and the Colombian president accompanied by his wife. The music played by an orchestra is creating a nice environment and the dinner is about to be served. Lady Gaga realized that Jose, the Colombian president and his partner are bored and try to make Obama aware of it. BARACK OBAMA (Looking at the direction of Axelrod’s wife) Do you speak Spanish? AXELROD’S WIFE Latin! I speak Latin! BARACK OBAMA Ok! Next time Julius Cesar comes to town you are up… LADY GAGA (surprising everyone) Sr. presidente, es cierto que la cocaina que ud. Exporta es de mas calidad? JOSE Creo que mejor alguien baile y despues hablamos del tema. BARACK OBAMA You are not deciding our trade agreement with Colombia… are you? LADY GAGA No! I was asking Jose why the cocaine imported from Colombia is better and stronger than before. JOSE I said to her that someone better dance and we talk about this later. JOSE’S WIFE Absolutamente! BARACK OBAMA Lady Gaga would you dance with me? LADY GAGA YES… I guess… I mean, yes Sr.! Lady Gaga and Obama begin dancing and Gaga ask a question to the president LADY GAGA How you do it? BARACK OBAMA Henry Reid’s dancing class… LADY GAGA No, I mean how you do it? Two hundred pair of eyes are looking at this girl with one question: “Who is she and why is she dancing with the president?” BARACK OBAMA Well… Let’s clarify this point… Two hundred pair of eyes are not focused on you, they are focused on me and the answers are Lady Gaga, because you endorse my presidency before. (Will continue with the first dinner and the dish room) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 22, 2011 Author #9 Share Posted December 22, 2011 THE STATE DINNER AT THE WHITE HOUSE Lady GAGA is staying at her sister’s apartment until her own is ready to move in. The phone rings LADY GAGA Hello Richard! No Richard I don’t want to hear you Barack Obama’s imitation. SISTER I wanna hear it! LADY GAGA Bye Richard! After a while the phone rings again. LADY GAGA I don’t believe it! SISTER You want me to answer the phone? LADY GAGA Oh, no! I made the ridicule in front of everyone during the EMMY AWARDS, Richard… I can handle it myself! Hello? BARACK OBAMA Gaga? LADY GAGA (talking to her sister ironically) Oh, It’s Barack Obama! Wow, Richard you are a heck of a ride! BARACK OBAMA No! It’s the president not Richard! LADY GAGA It’s was good that you called since I forgot to tell you how nice azz you had… BARACK OBAMA No, It’s Obama not Richard… LADY GAGA Bye Richard! BARACK OBAMA Gaga! Please, hang up the phone! Hang up the phone and call 555-5555 and ask to talk with the president! LADY GAGA I can’t believe this! (sister ask “what’s going on?”) I can’t believe that I did this twice in one day! Lady Gaga dial the number given by Obama and is transferred to Obama’s phone. (CONTINUES) Mr. President… maybe there is a form of apology, a word to say sorry… I don’t quite have it right now; come to think of it: how did you get this number? BARACK OBAMA I don’t know maybe Kim Kardashian? Let’s going to the point… The Colombians have elected themselves a new dictator and we are going to have an expensive dinner paid for by the tax payers and I was thinking, and you are in no obligation-law, but I was thinking that it may be fun and we could go together… and that’s why I called you. Lady Gaga is confused and after 5 seconds responds. LADY GAGA Mr. president: I’m honor to represent you in that dinner, I’m ready to the task, Sr.! I won’t let you down… BARACK OBAMA We are only having dinner and some joint (chief of staff you know…) we are not going to do espionage or anything… LADY GAGA Of course! How do I do? I mean… should I wear the red meat again like the Emmy Award or maybe nude with only a white wig... BARACK OBAMA I will have a very nice lady calling you, Nancy Pelosi. When she calls you and tell you her name Nancy Pelosi, it will help to give the benefit of the doubt. LADY GAGA Mr. president… Thanks! It’s my first with a president… BARACK OBAMA Me too! Since Michelle and the kids are in Japan. (continues with the State Dinner at the White House) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 22, 2011 Author #10 Share Posted December 22, 2011 THE PRESIDENT INVITES LADY GAGA TO HAVE CASUAL DINNER WITH HIM AND ONE OF THE GIRLS Lady Gaga is wearing a blue wig and a dress made by bones, the little girl comes to welcome her and introduce herself. LADY GAGA Where is your father? LITTLE GIRL My father told me to tell you that he is on the phone with the Israel prime minister, he wants you to believe that he is doing presidential things… LADY GAGA You dad is at the phone with the Israel PM? LITTLE GIRL Of course not! He is at the phone with the owner of the video store around the corner… they are discussing an abbreviation I can’t never remember… LADY GAGA M.I.4? LITTLE GIRL Yeah! LADY GAGA Mission Impossible four? The president enters the room… LADY GAGA How is the situation with Israel? BARACK OBAMA Oh! Fine! A lot of sand they say… LADY GAGA You have an illegal DVD movie coming in from the video store around the corner. Barack Obama grabs her daughter’s ears and they all begin to dine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 22, 2011 Author #11 Share Posted December 22, 2011 (edited) For those that have no clue where this PARODY comes from I copied some links: Dinner invite to the state dinner in the White House: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=chKGTs0uhtc&feature=related Edited December 22, 2011 by HATHORS LAMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 22, 2011 Author #12 Share Posted December 22, 2011 This is a parody of what? Obama? I don't get it. This does not resemble Obama at all. And what is "advanced citizenship"? The "Colombian Dinner" with Jose: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 22, 2011 Author #13 Share Posted December 22, 2011 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUxGqU6LwVI&feature=related Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 22, 2011 Author #14 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Wow. Mr. Obama isn't awesome, but neither is Mr. Gingrich. CONCLUSION OF THE PARODY (VOICE OF A TV CORRESPONDENT) "We are only minutes Aaway from president Barack Obama delivering his speech in the State of the Union Address... Do you know what type of activities is the president engaged in?... BARACK OBAMA I've been trying to give you this but somehow it always came something in between... LADY GAGA (Smiling in her purple dress with a green wig on) They are beautiful! Thanks! JENNY It's time Mr. president! LADY GAGA (confused) Should I stay here? BARACK OBAMA No... walk with me. IN THE CORRIDOR THAT LEADS TO THE HALL LADY GAGA (SMILING) How did you manage...? BARACK OBAMA Manage what? LADY GAGA Being president and giving a singer plants? BARACK OBAMA It turns out I had a "marihuana garden"! A VOICE ANNOUNCE... Mr. Speaker! The president of the United States! THE END. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 22, 2011 Author #15 Share Posted December 22, 2011 (edited) INSIDE LADY GAGAS APPARTMENT AFTER SHE MOVED IN Lady Gagas sister enters the room with a box… SISTER Gaga this box only says miscellanea, is it guns miscellanea or drug miscellanea? Lady Gaga seems preoccupied and she is handling her things carelessly Why I had to kiss him? (talking to herself) SISTER You kissed him!? Lady Gaga moves her head confirming it. SISTER You didnt mentioned that… Where! LADY GAGA In the Dish Room!... The China Room! SISTER No! Where in his body? LADY GAGA His butt! Oh! This has catastrophe written all over… SISTER In what language? Gaga, the guy is a Marxist, a communist, he built Solyndra, is above an average dancer… Isnt it possible that your expectations are a little bit too high? Phone rings… SISTER Answer the phone! Answer the phone! Answer the d… phone!... Oh! One last thing: I am the author of this PARODY and I am giving you and everyone who wants to print, copy or produce it in a movie my complete conscent.I authorize everyone to read it, copy or use it as paper toillet. Thanks! Edited December 22, 2011 by HATHORS LAMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doctor_Strangelove Posted December 23, 2011 #16 Share Posted December 23, 2011 - Yes he will! The last couple of months Newt Gingrich has been attacking me of being using rich americans to blame my incompetence and my natural lack of leadership... For the records! Being a liberal like I am requires both otherwise Nancy Pelosy and Reid kick my butt away from the White House. You're misusing the term "liberal". Liberal is an umbrella term for capitalist democracies. Both your Democratic party and Republican party are liberal. The difference between the two is Democrats are Modern/Progressive Liberal whilst Republicans are Classic Liberals. This is basic stuff that is taught in Grade 12. Whenever conservatives (yes, conservatives are still liberal) spout nonsense about Liberalism destroying America, I cringe at the fact they run for leadership. In case you miss the gist of my rant, the people who are going "HURR DURR, Liberals destroying 'Murica" are in fact liberal themselves. While I do not care about your country's politics, I do care about treatment of the English language. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 23, 2011 Author #17 Share Posted December 23, 2011 You're misusing the term "liberal". Liberal is an umbrella term for capitalist democracies. Both your Democratic party and Republican party are liberal. The difference between the two is Democrats are Modern/Progressive Liberal whilst Republicans are Classic Liberals. This is basic stuff that is taught in Grade 12. Whenever conservatives (yes, conservatives are still liberal) spout nonsense about Liberalism destroying America, I cringe at the fact they run for leadership. In case you miss the gist of my rant, the people who are going "HURR DURR, Liberals destroying 'Murica" are in fact liberal themselves. While I do not care about your country's politics, I do care about treatment of the English language. With all due respect Dr. Strange, I think that we should clarify a couple of points here: First... I'm not willing to engage in a language debate here and second if I've never had the chance to see the inside of a 12ve Grade classroom is not the business of the American People! We have serious artistic work to do here and if you want to have a debate about the term "liberal" FINE! Tell me when and where and I send someone else! Man... This is the artist's hangout site. If you want to talk politics you better go to U.S. POLITICS, as a matter of fact -derived by my lack of experience in this FORUM- I started this PARODY in the wrong place too. The administrator moved "my things" from the POLITICS department to this one and I'm glad he did it... HERE IS VERY GOOD! So I suggest you to do the right thing and follow my steps left in the sand but in the opposite direction: BACK TO POLITICS! If you want to stay here with me and the rest of the crazy people "living here" I suggest you to bring a joke or something. THE WHITE HOUSE HAS NO OFFICIAL COMMENTS IN THE LIFE OF THE WRITERS IN THIS SITE! Thanks for visiting us! Oh! One last thing... My English may be sucks but I certainly made some people laugh here so I suggest you trying to do the same for the sake of the Christmas spirit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 23, 2011 Author #18 Share Posted December 23, 2011 THE DAY AFTER THE STATE DINNER WITH JOSE A happy president Obama enters his aides office to speak to JENNY BARACK OBAMA Jenny I need the phone number of the nearest liquor store, please! JENNY I handle it, Sr. Who you want to send a whisky bottle, Sr.? BARACK OBAMA Jenny I don’t want it to be a presidential order I want it to be personal , I just want the phone number. JENNY But Sr. ….! BARACK OBAMA JENNY, Do you want me to kick your butt and brake your funny eyeglasses with my bare foot? JENNY I get it right away Sr. ! An old lady aide who also starred in the movie “Clear and Present Danger” talks to Obama. OLD LADY AIDE Mr. president, Nancy Pelosi and Henry Reid are in your office, Sr. they say they need five minutes with you. Once in the office sitting in his desk with both idiots standing in front of him. Jenny brings the phone number requested. BARACK OBAMA Thanks, Jenny! REID Who are you calling Sr. ? BARACK OBAMA I’m calling the Organization for the Civil Unions of Pets, Reid! It’s is not of your business, Henry… The two idiots leave the Oval Office leaving the president alone. BARACK OBAMA Could I get an outside line, please? OPERATOR Push the bottom that read “OUTSIDE LINE”, dummy! BARACK OBAMA This was easy! Obama dials the phone number given by Jenny a moment ago. BARACK OBAMA Is this the presidential liquor store “TED KENNEDY”…? STORE MANAGER Yeah! BARACK OBAMA I’d like to order some bottles, please… wait a second, please. President Obama transfer the phone line to Jenny. BARACK OBAMA Jenny… what is the State Liquor of Virginia? Jenny turns to the OLD LADY AIDE for an answer. OLD LADY AIDE Tequila. JENNY Tequila, Sr. BARACK OBAMA This is a small world indeed, same as Mexican! Changing the line back to the liquor store BARACK OBAMA I’d like to order two dozen, please! (pause) Line change BARACK OBAMA Jenny where are my credit cards? JENNY They were cancelled as well as your personal credit after you won the election, Sr.! Line change BARACK OBAMA Well I don’t know if you recognize my voice… I’m the president! (pause) …of the United State! Yellow….? The two idiots are standing in front of the president again. PELOSI Mr. president, how are we going to handle the “GAGA ISSUE”…? REID We should have a definite consensus how to handle it… BARACK OBAMA The “GAGA ISSUE”…? There is no GAGA ISSUE here! I’m done here! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 23, 2011 Author #19 Share Posted December 23, 2011 You're misusing the term "liberal". Liberal is an umbrella term for capitalist democracies. Both your Democratic party and Republican party are liberal. The difference between the two is Democrats are Modern/Progressive Liberal whilst Republicans are Classic Liberals. This is basic stuff that is taught in Grade 12. Whenever conservatives (yes, conservatives are still liberal) spout nonsense about Liberalism destroying America, I cringe at the fact they run for leadership. In case you miss the gist of my rant, the people who are going "HURR DURR, Liberals destroying 'Murica" are in fact liberal themselves. While I do not care about your country's politics, I do care about treatment of the English language. Nazi scientist...? I HATE THOSE GUYS! Tell me some, Adolph, did you got stuck in "Dupon Circle" again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 23, 2011 Author #20 Share Posted December 23, 2011 (edited) OBAMA PLAYING POLL WITH BILL AYERS BILL THE TERRORIST Oh! Leon Sullivan called about the deal that you made with Lady GAGA…? BARACK OBAMA I forgot to tell you… BILL THE TERRORIST Its a waste of time. BARACK OBAMA But it isnt our time! Lady GAGA comes short with the votes and I don't have to buy her the OSCAR...… and everybody happy! BILL THE TERRORIST Also, Lady Gaga call to apologize this morning. The president misses the shot. BARACK OBAMA Did she say anything about me? BILL THE TERRORIST About you…? BARACK OBAMA We made a duo singing one of her songs, I messed up with her wig… we didnt have anything to eat but I thought there was a connection… BILL THE TERRORIST No, but I can waste more taxpayers money trying to send her a note before the State of the Union... BARACK OBAMA Yes… No! I dont want Michelle to know about it, like the way happened with Bill Clinton! Lobbing using those leftist liberals from Hollywood is not the business of the American people! BILL THE TERRORIST With all due respect, Sr. but the American people have its own funny way to decided whether what and what is not their business! BARACK OBAMA I like her B.T. Bill looks at Obama with curiosity. BARACK OBAMA Stop being my best political adviser for one moment! BILL THE TERRORIST Give her a call! BARACK OBAMA She didnt say anything about me? BILL THE TERRORIST Well… she did say that you sound like a liar and a Marxist S.O.B…. BARACK OBAMA Thats something! Obama calls Jenny loud BARACK OBAMA Jenny! I need to track a number for me, please! Edited December 23, 2011 by HATHORS LAMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 24, 2011 Author #21 Share Posted December 24, 2011 PRESIDENT OBAMA IS SITTING IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM WITH B.T. AND THE JOINT CHIEF OF STAFF AND HIGH-RANK MILITARY LEADERS. GENERAL NO 1 Mr. President, Iran is in possession of our drone and all negotiations to get it back have failed, we have our forces ready to attack when you give the order, Sr. BARACK OBAMA What is the estimate of casualties? GENERAL NO 2 We will hit with everything we’ve got, Mr. President, We will drop thousands of your autographed books from the air causing significant damage to the infrastructure. GENERAL NO 1 We will level the building BARACK OBAMA What else are we going to hit? GENERAL NO 2 Nothing else unless we miss… BARACK OBAMA Are we going to miss? GENERAL NO 2 No Sr.! BARACK OBAMA What is the lower shift… the night shift right? GENERAL NO 2 Yes, Sr. …mainly American tourists and CNN correspondents. BARACK OBAMA B.T.? BILL THE TERRORIST Sr. It’s immediate, it’s decisive and it is a proportional response. BARACK OBAMA One day someone will have to explain me how do you spell the words “proportional response”… Attack! NEXT DAY IN A PRESS CONFERENCE CORRESPONDENT NO 1 Mr. president is it possible that the Iranians could have mistakenly take the drone for a U.F.O.? BARACK OBAMA We specifically told the CIA to use DURACELL batteries to power the drone, they waited until our personal went to sleep. PELOSI Next question! CORRESPONDENT NO 2 There are unconfirmed reports that LADY GAGA spent the night in the White House, could you confirmed that, Sr.? BARACK OBAMA We’ve just had dinner! PELOSI Next question! CORRESPONDENT NO 3 Sr. would you comment on the status of the relationship? B ARACK OBAMA Folks! A lot of people were hit by my books last night, let’s keep the eye on the ball… OK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 24, 2011 Author #22 Share Posted December 24, 2011 (edited) BARACK OBAMA AND HIS BEST FRIEND BILL AYERS ARE PLAYING POOL AFTER LADY GAGA DECIDED NOT TO ENDORSE HIM FOR 2012 RE-ELECTION BARACK OBAMA “Eight on the hole”… You have a nice trip Gaga! Nebraska, the garbage capitol of the world… Good luck Gaga! BILL THE TERRORIST What’s in Nebraska? BARACK OBAMA Charley Reynolds’s adult movie production. BILL THE TERRORIST Listen… I’ll have Jenny to clear up your schedule for the rest of the week. BARACK OBAMA Are you handling me B.T.? BILL THE TERRORIST No, but I will if you don’t take your head out of your azz! BARACK OBAMA I bet your pardon! BILL THE TERRORIST Reid is right! Take on Newt Gingrich! BARACK OBAMA Has he lied? BILL THE TERRORIST Has he lied...? BARACK OBAMA Has he said something that it's not true? Am I not a marxist community organizer? Am I not a president without a birth certificate? Am I not conducting a class warfare the day I told Joe the Plumber about redistributing the wealth? BILL THE TERRORIST And you think you're wrong? BARACK OBAMA You don't get re-elected telling 250 million people that they are! BILL THE TERRORIST You fight the fight that needs fighting! BARACK OBAMA Are you that good on fighting, cause I’ve never seen your name on a ballot! BILL THE TERRORIST I bet your pardon? Why! Why are you always two steps behind me? BILL THE TERRORIST Because if I wasn’t, you would be the best community organizer in the poor districts of Chicago! BARACK OBAMA **** you!!! (As he walks) Let Reid to have a copy of the state of the union address on my desk first thing in the morning! BILL THE TERRORIST Yes, Sr.! Obama throw the poll’s stick on the table and head to the exit door to leave but before he does he poses a question to B.T. BARACK OBAMA (with a soft and sad tone of the voice) If “Kiki” hadn’t die… Would we have won? BILL THE TERRORIST (Inquiring tone) Would we have won? BARACK OBAMA Four years ago we went to VEGAS and played in those new ‘slots machines’.. If my dog “Kiki” hadn’t die from cancer… Would we have won? BILL THE TERRORIST I don’t know… but I would like to win the red corvette for the first prize, my best friend Barack Obama didn’t like those slot machine very much. BARACK OBAMA (Talking with a sense of regret) Yeah… Edited December 24, 2011 by HATHORS LAMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 25, 2011 Author #23 Share Posted December 25, 2011 NEWT GINGRICH CAMPAIGN’S HEADQUARTER. SNOWING OUTSIDE. NEWT’S ACTIVIST Merry Christmas, Mr. Speaker I bring a Christmas present for you! NEWT GINGRICH What you got? NEWT’S ACTIVIST Lady GAGA has an F.B.I. file! NEWT GINGRICH Oh please! My mother has an F.B.I. file! NEWT’S ACTIVIST Yeah but I got art! The picture is old and the faces are cover with wigs but that is Lady GAGA and that is a burning Barbie. NEWT GINGRICH (SINGING) It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas… CHANGE OF SCENE TO THE WHITE HOUSE, PRESIDENT OBAMA IS LEAVING TO A FUND RAISING EVENT. BARACK OBAMA (ON THE PHONE WITH ONE OF HIS EX-SUPPORTER) Jerry, how many times do I have to appear on TV to rally those protesters? I’m practically daily in the White House press conference for God sake! (Pause) Jerry I don’t have time to discuss it I got to go... JENNY Mr. President, you are incredibly late… Bill the terrorist enters the Oval Office giving a bad news. BILL THE TERRORIST I’ve just got off the phone with Georgia’s governor, people are out of control with those new Jordan air shoes, the Georgian police and fire fighters are in high alert and according to union members if the situation remains as it is it won’t be a pair of shoes for you, Mr. President. BARACK OBAMA You know what I learned from the masters? BILL THE TERRORIST “Don’t let a Christmas end without grabbing pair of Jordan’s air shoes” BARACK OBAMA We are flying tonight to Atlanta to avoid a disaster like that. BILL THE TERRORIST You are living straight from the fund raising, Mr. President. ONCE IN THE PRESIDENTIAL LIMOUSINE HENRY REID AND NANCY PELOSI GET ON BOARD TO GIVE OBAMA THE BAD NEWS. (BOTH ARE HAVING A SHORT ARGUMENT ABOUT WHERE THE NEWS ORIGINATED FIRST) BARACK OBAMA Guys! Do I have to be here in this “meeting”? HENRY REID I’m sorry Mr. President … NANCY PELOSI (Interrupting Reid) It’s got a bullet! HENRY REID The third news tonight is that five years ago GAGA participated in a rally supporting a multi-color wig for the Barbie dolls and she was seen burning a blond Barbie in protest. BARACK OBAMA Let me get this straight! The third news tonight is that a person I didn’t know five years ago, burned a doll in protest where no laws were broken and protested against something many little girls were against and don’t exist anymore… out of a curiosity, what was the forth new? HENRY REID SEE…? BARACK OBAMA Newt is trying to find someone to swing the ball it will go away! HENRY REID Sr. …. with all due respect, I don’t think that is a good course of action. NANCY PELOSI (Resting importance to Reid’s advise) You see? He is distracting you again, Mr. President. BARACK OBAMA Look! “Teddy K” liquor store! I need to get her some bottles of tequila! Stop the car I’m going to hop out a second! HENRY REID No! No! No hopping, Sr.! BARACK OBAMA (TO REID) You think there is going to be someone planning an assassination in case I decided to buy some buzz? HENRY REID Maybe… President Obama hop in the store and meet a drunken clerk on the phone with someone. DRUNKEN CLERK I’m telling you it was a PET PARTY in the White House… I’m telling you that KIKI wasn’t even there! Hold on! (The drunken sales manager is trying to concentrate in the direction of the customer) BARACK OBAMA Is this “TEDDY K” liquor store? Do you remember me? Tequila… President? THE DRUNKEN CLERK PASS AWAY FROM THE EFFECT OF THE ALCOHOL. BARACK OBAMA (Talking to himself) The same guy, he was so drunk that he couldn’t recognize me… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 25, 2011 Author #24 Share Posted December 25, 2011 NEWT GINGRICH SITS IN AN INFORMAL REUNION AT A GULF CLUB AND RESORT HOTEL IN WASHINGTON DC. HE IS HAVING A FRIENDLY DISCUSSION WITH POTENTIAL SUPPORTERS OF HIS CANDIDACY FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012. NEWT GINGRICH Gentlemen I finally decided to make the announcement of my candidacy and I call upon you to support me with some financial details. I believe this is the moment to run a campaign on issues we couldn’t four years ago. FAT CONSERVATIVE SUPPORTER Newt, I think I speak for all of us here, the guy’s approval ratings are high and his popularity soars among independent voters… EVERYONE BUT THE FAT GUY LAUGH AT HIM NEWT GINGRICH Gentlemen you have to excuse my friend, he’s been in a hunting trip in the North Pole, it seems that his I-phone have no coverage lately. FAT CONSERVATIVE SUPPORTER What’s going on…? THE OTHER SUPPORTERS DROP DIFFERENT NEWSPAPERS ON TOP OF THE TEA TABLE WITH PICTURES OF A CUTE BLACK POPPY TAKING A LEAK AND SPREADING DOGSHIT ALL OVER THE WHITE HOUSE. NEWT GINGRICH (SPEAKING WITH A TONE OF IRONY) The President has a new dog called “BO”… Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HATHORS LAMP Posted December 25, 2011 Author #25 Share Posted December 25, 2011 (edited) BARACK OBAMA ENTERS THE PRIVATE RESIDENCY AND FINDS ONE OF HIS DAUGHTERS PLAYING “CONGAS” THE LITTLE GIRL STOPS PLAYING AS SOON AS SHE REALIZES THAT HIS FATHER JUST STEPPED IN. BARACK OBAMA Oh! Don’t stop it sounds great! What is it? LITTLE GIRL (Answering her father’s question with a dosage of skepticism) Scales… BARACK OBAMA Well… They sound great! LITTLE GIRL What is it that you hide behind your back? BARACK OBAMA (Showing her a shoebox with “Jordan’s air shoes”) It took me the intervention of all my bodyguards and “Union Families” in Atlanta but I finally got it for you. LITTLE GIRL Thank you Dad! Dad why is GAGA mad? BARACK OBAMA Why? Is she here? LITTLE GIRL Yes… She is in your bedroom. Why is she mad? BARACK OBAMA (Answering the question as he walks to his bedroom) Play your “congas”! LITTLE GIRL Were you a dork? Cause if you were a dork you say sorry! Girls like that. (BARACK OBAMA ENTERS HIS PRIVATE ROOM AND FINDS GAGAUPSET AND LOOKING FOR SOMETHING) BARACK OBAMA Hi GAGA! What are you doing in my room? LADY GAGA Looking for my purple wig, I love this wig and I couldn’t leave without it. BARACK OBAMA Why are you leaving? LADY GAGA I was cancelled from the OSCAR’s list; you know how it is with those jurors in the Academy Awards… It’s always something! If is not Angelina Jolie who is adopting a new baby is J-Lo marrying someone new for Christmas… Is always something wrong with them… BARACK OBAMA Where are you going? LADY GAGA Nebraska! Richard Reynolds offered me a roll in his new movie “Hot Wig Barbies”… BARACK OBAMA What happened with your old job? LADY GAGA I lost it! (Quoting) “Failure to achieve the OSCAR nomination for the best singer in movies”! You know what happened here… I got screwed!!! You couldn’t get the votes to be re-elected and I got screwed!!! BARACK OBAMA The Hollywood unions got screwed, not you GAGA… Government is choosing, government is prioritizing I always underlined the fact that the HEALTH CARE legislation was my first priority. LADY GAGA Well then congratulation, Mr. President! You will pass a health care legislation that it has no hope on preventing deaths! BARACK OBAMA GAGA, I don’t want an issue over that. LADY GAGA I’m sorry Mr. President… You have more problems than losing my friendship you just lost my vote! Edited December 25, 2011 by HATHORS LAMP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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