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I was not my childs friend.. I was their parent.

Posted by willowdreams , in Personal blog 06 June 2012 · 499 views

What happened to parents?

Serously, what happened? Look, I know both parents usually work outside the home now, I am aware of divorces, deaths, et et.

But it is no excuse for what seems to be happening, keep in mind I understand that there are exceptions, but I am not speaking of THOSE, I am speaking of what is becoming the 'norm' and it is shaming.

When I was growing up I was taught there are certain things a 'kid' 'teen', does not do. Backtalk was one of them! But it is more then that.

My kids thankfully were taught some of the same things I was taught. My kids did not expect squat. They did not think they deserved everything that wanted, they also were aware of consequenses and that mommy and daddy would not rescue them.

When dinner was on the table, computers, tv, phone was turned off. Period. I allowed no excuses unless htere was someone ill in the family we would leave phones on, as sadly, when our grandparents and grandparent, uncles and aunts aged as we did, they would die. SO If one of them were ill, and we 'knew' the time was coming, yes I left phones on.

Anyways, there was no complaint about the stuff being turned off. They knew if they complained or I had to 'push them' to comply, there were no warnings of 1 2 3, or they screwed up, thats ok, first time we talk of it.. NO, the first time they did not comply, exactly what I said would happen did happen. first.. if they did not come when called, or said 'in a minute', (making sure they heard), I would have everything read, we all met at the table, if said person did not come till after we were done eating, oh well, dinner is over now, in about 3 hours, perhaps they may be hungry enough for a light snack before bed? Then their computer/tv/phone, whatever the offending item was, would be removed and put away for two weeks. I did not allow excuses, not even 'homework', because homework was to be done when they got home before doing other things, plus if it wasnt, they knew they could go back to it after dinner. So no excuses.

They did not feel they were 'owed' anything. I did not even give allowance for them doing chores. Chores were part of making a 'place' a 'home'. They understood this. When meeting pple outside the family or those not family friends, they called them Ma'am or Sir, or Mr/Ms whatever their last name is, until invited to use another name, to this day in their late 20's they still do this! My son holds doors open for woman, he will carry 'heavy' grocery bags for them as well. Before one of them goes to the store, they always ask others in the home if there is anythign we would like them to get us.. when any of us goes to the kitchen, we ask others in the room 'while I am up, is there anything I can get you?'.. there is a husband and wife across the street, he has diabetes really bad and is injured in the leg and it is not healing properly, so he is not able to get around easily and his wife suffers from severe seizures due to some sort of illness she had as a child that left her brain 'damaged' in some way to where she never knows when it is going to happen, one minute she is going down her front steps.. the next minute she is at the bottom, having siezures. Neither of them drive, and even though I admit we can be on a tight schedule, my daughter who is our driver will always call them up and let them know 'hey, we are going to 'wherever we are going', is there anywhere along that way you need to go and we can give you a lift and pick you up on the way back?'.. this way they are not stranded and dont have to go begging neighbor after neighbor for a ride.

My children do not feel 'owed', they feel responsible though, they feel it is up to them to help make life better for themselves, and to help a neighbor or two along the way who needs it. They do not even expect anything back from others when they do help, my son once said it is weird, he will go out of his way to help someone, not get a thanks for it, but still feel good inside himself knowing that for a moment, he made a difference.

Most kids today that I have seen, and young teens that I see (at my job in spring they have 'temps' and 99% of them are still in high school or just out of school) are very self absorbed, and feel like everyone owes them. I listen to them whine because they HAD to get a job because now that they are out of high school their daddy doesnt give them weekly money, and how horible it is on them. One kid actually complained because their mom said if he didnt work, she would not buy him the brand new car he wanted, he had to work to pay the gas, and she would pay for the car and ins.. he felt it was unfair, if she paid for the car and the insurence then she should have the money for gas to give him too!

This is the norm I see around me.. even at stores, I will see kids who are preteen, sass their mom and the mom just gives the kid what they want.. i even heard one child curse his mom when she said no, and she was like, fine, if thats how strongly you feel, go ahead and put it in the cart.

My kids learned early on, you whined/cried/whimpered at the store.. you go home. And I did it too, I would leave a car at the front with a worker and apologize telling them I needed to take a fussy child home, and take them home without the groceries. I did it.

I worked too, I worked 12 to 14 hours a day 5 days a week then I worked again on weekends. I was exhausted.. BUT I chose to have children, and that meant tired or not, I chose to take the responsibility of raising children with manners, children who I would have no issues turning loose on the world. They wernt perfect, they misbehaved, but we delt with it, and did not make excuses and they learned early on, apologizing was not JUST saying sorry, it meant making restitution.. you worked afterwards to fix what you screwed up.

and you showed respect to other people at the very beginning, there was no stupid words like 'well to get respect you earn respect'

hog wash. what stupid idiot said that in the beginnign? whoever he or she was, they need to be ignored.

YOU give respect UNTIL it is proven to be not deserved.  How the heck can a person EARN respect if they havent GIVEN it?

Oh I am sorry sir, I will not show respect to you until you earn it from me first!

BS! You show it, you show it right off, you behave respectfully, you show respect, then if it is tossed into your face, you leave. You do not stay around said person.

You earn the right to keep being respected. At first respect is given for the sake of good manners and keeping pple happy, then eventually with luck the respect remains given and not because of manners.. but because you genuinely deserve it.

I dunno. kids today.. i feel sorry for my future :( They are the ones who will be in charge, and parents spend so much time being 'best friends', they forgot they arent best friends.

They are parents.. best buddies dont discipline and support their best friends 18 yrs.

parents do that. After the child is an adult, then you can slowly transition into friend.

I guess somewhere along the line, pple forgot that.




I couldn't agree more
Kids today lack manners basic communication skills and expect everything for nothing
I too was raised to be polite and helpful
My kids were raised the same
I open doors for all women
I still open the car door for my wife and that's how it should be
Kids today have no respect because they got away with bad behaviour at home
At school teachers cannot touch them no matter what
If I was cheeky to a teacher I was caned 6 of the best it did me no harm
Kids today are supposedly the future
I'm not that bothered if I meet God before l see too much of the future
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willowdreams
Jun 07 2012 04:11 AM

nyuk, on 07 June 2012 - 04:06 AM, said:

I couldn't agree more
Kids today lack manners basic communication skills and expect everything for nothing
I too was raised to be polite and helpful
My kids were raised the same
I open doors for all women
I still open the car door for my wife and that's how it should be
Kids today have no respect because they got away with bad behaviour at home
At school teachers cannot touch them no matter what
If I was cheeky to a teacher I was caned 6 of the best it did me no harm
Kids today are supposedly the future
I'm not that bothered if I meet God before l see too much of the future

I hear you! My kids.. I am so fortunate.. my daughter said she sees kids and young adults her age and is shocked and that she is not going to raise her kids to be like them!

I hear you on the school thing. I was told (and it was enforced) If I got into trouble at school, when I got home I was going to be in trouble again as well! It was their way of backing up the school system. My guardian was like 'When I go to work I am expected to do my job!! When you go to school I expect you to do your job and learn!"

It was expected of me to do my duty in the school system of actually paying attention and learning, or else when the school called her and let her know I was 'bad', when I got home I was disciplined!!

heh, no blaming the teacher for me not learning!
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