Jump to content




Welcome to Unexplained Mysteries! Please sign in or create an account to start posting and to access a host of extra features.


- - - - -

Can cyber romances be real love?


  • Please log in to reply
59 replies to this topic

#31    Lilly

Lilly

    Forum Divinity

  • 17,192 posts
  • Joined:16 Apr 2004
  • Gender:Female

  • "To thine own self be true" William Shakespeare

Posted 14 October 2012 - 05:24 PM

Observation: It is much, much easier to lie to another person online. That reality alone should make one take pause. Even the FBI has a caution statment regarding online romances.

http://www.fbi.gov/n...ng-scams_021412

"Ignorance is ignorance. It is a state of mind, not an opinion." ~MID~

Posted Image

#32    joc

joc

    Adminstrator of Cosmic Blues

  • Member
  • 14,419 posts
  • Joined:12 Dec 2003
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Milky Way Galaxy 3rd planet

  • They're wearing steel that's bright and true
    They carry news that must get through
    They choose the path where no-one goes

Posted 14 October 2012 - 07:00 PM

View PostLilly, on 14 October 2012 - 05:24 PM, said:

Observation: It is much, much easier to lie to another person online. That reality alone should make one take pause. Even the FBI has a caution statment regarding online romances.

http://www.fbi.gov/n...ng-scams_021412
Hook, line and...sink her!

Posted Image
once i believed that starlight could guide me home
now i know that light is old and stars are cold

ReverbNation

#33    Ashotep

Ashotep

    Telekinetic

  • Member
  • 7,678 posts
  • Joined:10 May 2011
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:USA

  • Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway-John Wayne

Posted 14 October 2012 - 11:01 PM

View PostDr. D, on 13 October 2012 - 08:40 PM, said:

Don't people do the same thing when dating?  Best foot forward, best possible image, etc.?
Yes they do but they can't send you a picture of someone else saying its them or lie about weight etc.  Plus when you are face to face with someone its easier to read them.


#34    Ashotep

Ashotep

    Telekinetic

  • Member
  • 7,678 posts
  • Joined:10 May 2011
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:USA

  • Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway-John Wayne

Posted 14 October 2012 - 11:06 PM

View Postjoc, on 13 October 2012 - 09:47 PM, said:

Actually, I think you would have to redefine 'communicating' with another person as cyber infidelity.  Just talking to someone in person and harmless flirtations outside of cyberspace are not considered infidelity.  So, if you are having a cyber sexual relationship...and then you cyber-sex with someone else that would be cyber infidelity.  Just keeping it real......
If there has been infidelity before flirting can be considered cheating.  It can also be considered emotional cheating.


#35    Dr. D

Dr. D

    Alien Abducter

  • Member
  • 5,275 posts
  • Joined:15 Mar 2008
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Mexico

  • I love being me even though sometimes I'm still a stranger.

Posted 14 October 2012 - 11:27 PM

View PostLilly, on 14 October 2012 - 05:24 PM, said:

Observation: It is much, much easier to lie to another person online. That reality alone should make one take pause. Even the FBI has a caution statment regarding online romances.

http://www.fbi.gov/n...ng-scams_021412

So does the presence of scam artists negate the possibility of virtual romance?


#36    Lilly

Lilly

    Forum Divinity

  • 17,192 posts
  • Joined:16 Apr 2004
  • Gender:Female

  • "To thine own self be true" William Shakespeare

Posted 14 October 2012 - 11:59 PM

View PostDr. D, on 14 October 2012 - 11:27 PM, said:

So does the presence of scam artists negate the possibility of virtual romance?

No, but it seems (to me anyway) to be inherently more risky.

And, like Hilander pointed out, it's far easier for a person to lie about their height/weight/age etc. online verses real life. Right now one of my girlfriends is doing online dating. She posted a recent picture of herself and told the truth about her appearance. However, she's met several men who were not so honest in their profiles. Now, so that I'm not called sexist, I'm certain many women are lying in their profiles as well. Obviously one can still lie in person, but not so easily (especially regarding age and appearance).

"Ignorance is ignorance. It is a state of mind, not an opinion." ~MID~

Posted Image

#37    Dr. D

Dr. D

    Alien Abducter

  • Member
  • 5,275 posts
  • Joined:15 Mar 2008
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Mexico

  • I love being me even though sometimes I'm still a stranger.

Posted 15 October 2012 - 12:21 AM

View PostLilly, on 14 October 2012 - 11:59 PM, said:

No, but it seems (to me anyway) to be inherently more risky.

And, like Hilander pointed out, it's far easier for a person to lie about their height/weight/age etc. online verses real life. Right now one of my girlfriends is doing online dating. She posted a recent picture of herself and told the truth about her appearance. However, she's met several men who were not so honest in their profiles. Now, so that I'm not called sexist, I'm certain many women are lying in their profiles as well. Obviously one can still lie in person, but not so easily (especially regarding age and appearance).

Apart from the scam artists (who exist in all arenas of communication) people entering relationships on internet understand that one day they will be asked to meet.  If they have lied, it will be known.  Simple.  If they have not, the relationship can continue.  If they refuse to meet because of their lies, there still is nothing lost.


#38    orangepeaceful79

orangepeaceful79

    Poltergeist

  • Closed
  • 2,461 posts
  • Joined:05 Jan 2012

Posted 15 October 2012 - 12:36 AM

View PostDr. D, on 15 October 2012 - 12:21 AM, said:

Apart from the scam artists (who exist in all arenas of communication) people entering relationships on internet understand that one day they will be asked to meet.  If they have lied, it will be known.  Simple.  If they have not, the relationship can continue.  If they refuse to meet because of their lies, there still is nothing lost.

I don't agree.  To say that nothing is lost when one party has fallen in love (even if it is online - those feelings can be very strong) with a somebody that has misrepresented themselves is to say that those emotional feelings of connectedness and the trust that is broken when lies are discovered are nothing.  When people lie, other people get hurt.  We have been talking mostly about folks who lie 30 pounds off their midsection or post a photo of themselves 15 years ago when they had more hair.  That's a lie, but a pretty shallow variety.  What about those folks who lie and say that they aren't married when they really are?  Someone falls for them only to discover that they aren't really who they say they are at all.  It happens and it hurts like hell.  The ability to trust others is lost, which isn't inconsequential.

I'll be completely and totally honest here and say that I've been that a$$hole that lied to women online to gain their trust.  I have been a total piece of **** in my lifetime.  I have many, many regrets because of it too.  I lost my marriage to this kind of thing.  I've been to years and years of therapy and counseling to become a better person now and to not use the internet to decieve people.   I'm honest now - why would I tell this story otherwise? - but I was not always and it took a huge emotional toll on many, many people, myself included.

I would strongly caution women especially who meet men online to be very careful.  Its too easy to lie, especially when the liar figures out exactly what you want to hear.  If he sounds too good to be true ladies, he probably is.   Thanks for reading.


#39    Dr. D

Dr. D

    Alien Abducter

  • Member
  • 5,275 posts
  • Joined:15 Mar 2008
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Mexico

  • I love being me even though sometimes I'm still a stranger.

Posted 15 October 2012 - 12:47 AM

View Postorangepeaceful79, on 15 October 2012 - 12:36 AM, said:

I don't agree.  To say that nothing is lost when one party has fallen in love (even if it is online - those feelings can be very strong) with a somebody that has misrepresented themselves is to say that those emotional feelings of connectedness and the trust that is broken when lies are discovered are nothing.  When people lie, other people get hurt.  We have been talking mostly about folks who lie 30 pounds off their midsection or post a photo of themselves 15 years ago when they had more hair.  That's a lie, but a pretty shallow variety.  What about those folks who lie and say that they aren't married when they really are?  Someone falls for them only to discover that they aren't really who they say they are at all.  It happens and it hurts like hell.  The ability to trust others is lost, which isn't inconsequential.

I'll be completely and totally honest here and say that I've been that a$$hole that lied to women online to gain their trust.  I have been a total piece of **** in my lifetime.  I have many, many regrets because of it too.  I lost my marriage to this kind of thing.  I've been to years and years of therapy and counseling to become a better person now and to not use the internet to decieve people.   I'm honest now - why would I tell this story otherwise? - but I was not always and it took a huge emotional toll on many, many people, myself included.

I would strongly caution women especially who meet men online to be very careful.  Its too easy to lie, especially when the liar figures out exactly what you want to hear.  If he sounds too good to be true ladies, he probably is.   Thanks for reading.

I appreciate your comments and in essence you answered the question if cyber love is possible.


#40    orangepeaceful79

orangepeaceful79

    Poltergeist

  • Closed
  • 2,461 posts
  • Joined:05 Jan 2012

Posted 15 October 2012 - 12:58 AM

I was just hoping that my story could help people to protect themselves in their futures.  I tend to feel that the only good that can come out of my actions now is to tell my truths and hope that my story can help other people to make good decisions regarding their online romances.


#41    Amy the Mighty

Amy the Mighty

    Alien Embryo

  • Member
  • Pip
  • 90 posts
  • Joined:12 Feb 2012

Posted 15 October 2012 - 01:41 AM

I think sparking that initial interest in somebody is possible online, but personally, I would suggest backing up that initial impression with some face-to-face contact. And, ever the Luddite, I don't think that Skype cuts the mustard. Whether you are a person with full vision, or you're vision impaired, there is so much information conveyed between people when they are in the same space, like tone and pitch of voice, smell, the person's physical presence (whether they are a big person, or a smaller person). Vision-impaired people pick up on plenty of data to ascertain whether someone is hot or not.


#42    Lilly

Lilly

    Forum Divinity

  • 17,192 posts
  • Joined:16 Apr 2004
  • Gender:Female

  • "To thine own self be true" William Shakespeare

Posted 15 October 2012 - 01:43 AM

I counseled my friend to insist upon meeting (in a very public place) the men she's corresponding with on a dating site. If they refuse to meet in person then she should refuse any further discussion with them. Wasting time with someone who isn't 'real' is just a fools errand.

"Ignorance is ignorance. It is a state of mind, not an opinion." ~MID~

Posted Image

#43    Mike D boy

Mike D boy

    ...from the Desert...

  • Member
  • 2,676 posts
  • Joined:06 Aug 2008
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Palm Desert, Cal US America

  • he's Native and Indio-geneous to the Americas.

Posted 15 October 2012 - 03:12 AM

To set up a rendez-vous for a cyber romances: Not the worth the time and cost of a plane or bus ticket to meet someone it turns not to be who they are. The cyber romance could be a trick to hoax you, he/she could be married setting up some trouble or wanting affairs, a dangerous sign of ligitation around the corner. Important for all of us to watch out for traps when it comes to cyber romantic relationships.

:innocent: The Truth is Out There - the X Files. :alien:

#44    Bling

Bling

    Psychic Spy

  • Closed
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,384 posts
  • Joined:25 Aug 2012
  • Gender:Not Selected

Posted 15 October 2012 - 07:39 PM

There are many different kinds of love, so I guess you can love online to some level. I've certainly been there....


#45    Lilly

Lilly

    Forum Divinity

  • 17,192 posts
  • Joined:16 Apr 2004
  • Gender:Female

  • "To thine own self be true" William Shakespeare

Posted 16 October 2012 - 10:31 AM

I don't think it's possible to have real love if it remains only online. Sure, people have initially met online, but any real relationship has to meet in person eventually. IMO, the people that are lying about themselves are the ones who only want their *love* to remain online. These people are the ones who've lied about their marital status, age, appearance, life circumstances etc. Such people will put off any real life meeting that would serve to out their deception. There are also those that will meet only for quick affairs, a big clue that they are married or just players.

All in all, cyber-space isn't all that safe a place to wear ones heart on ones sleeve.

"Ignorance is ignorance. It is a state of mind, not an opinion." ~MID~

Posted Image




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users