39 replies to this topic

[Darkwind]

Depending on the diamond they can be a good investment, (diamonds are a girls best friends), but as others said it might not be an expensive one. Find out what it is worth.  I have found with children time is the greatest gift you can give them. If he is not giving her time he will pay for it in the end.

[MissMelsWell]

Darkwind, on 25 December 2012 - 12:35 PM, said:

Depending on the diamond they can be a good investment, (diamonds are a girls best friends), but as others said it might not be an expensive one. Find out what it is worth.  I have found with children time is the greatest gift you can give them. If he is not giving her time he will pay for it in the end.

Actually, in 99% of cases, diamonds are like a new car; once they leave the showroom they're worth about half of what you paid, or less.

I would very rarely consider a diamond to be a good investment.

In fact, when two friends of mine recently got engaged, and he really wanted to buy a diamond for her but didn't want to overspend and wanted to keep it under $2000, I ended up taking him to a pawn shop (most good pawn shop owners know their diamonds pretty well) we selected a VERY ugly setting that had a nice  one plus carat stone in it. He paid $525 for it. we then took it to a local jeweler who has his own on-site workshop, and had the diamond removed and a whole new ring made. Total cost was a hair over $1000 after buying the diamond and having the ring remade. The original ugly ring would have retailed for right around $4500. The reality was that the bulk of the value of her new engagement ring was in the gold, not the stone.

Edited by MissMelsWell, 25 December 2012 - 04:48 PM.

[Hilander]

glorybebe, on 24 December 2012 - 02:39 AM, said:

I see it as him trying to buy her love.  Through his mental and emotional abuse to her she has refused to see him, and I see it as his way to get her to contact him.  And yes, he pays child support, but almost half of what other mothers get.

If he is abusing her he shouldn't be allowed around her.  If he isn't paying enough child support can you make him pay more, court.  I could see how him buying this necklace would upset you if he isn't paying his fair share.  However if your daughter shows it to you tell her you think its pretty and let it go.

[glorybebe]

Hilander, on 26 December 2012 - 02:30 AM, said:

If he is abusing her he shouldn't be allowed around her.  If he isn't paying enough child support can you make him pay more, court.  I could see how him buying this necklace would upset you if he isn't paying his fair share.  However if your daughter shows it to you tell her you think its pretty and let it go.

He isn't around her, she has refused to visit him.  Without going into the whole dirty bits, she is in councelling to deal with him always putting me down and positions he has put her in.  After she refused to see him anymore, things started coming out, and some of the stuff she told me really had me up in arms.  We are currently going through court to have no contact, but he continues to email me all the time.

[glorybebe]

s33ker, on 25 December 2012 - 07:12 AM, said:

He did it because he wanted to give her something expensive for her only, to improve
her living conditions would also improve yours and he couldn't have that. He will only
pay to you what he has too legally and not a penny more. Big A hole is what he is.

Thank you, that is what my opinion is too.  It has been over 13 years since I left him and he still is angry, trying to involve our daughter with his games.

[AStello]

This present is not appropriate for young girl, but if you really want to buy it, you should choose necklace on the diamonds wholesale - it will be cheaped and not less beautiful

[Taun]

A father's primary duties are to provide for his family (to the best of his abiltiy), to protect his family, and to teach his children...

Some fathers are very good teachers, by their example and active interest in their children, and they help teach their children to become good people and good parents themselves when the time comes... Other fathers are also 'good teachers', but they teach the negative side of life, through their example... But all fathers are teachers... one way or the other...

Obviously he is a failure at the protection thing, and his provision duties are somewhat suspect... but at least he is teaching his child... He is teaching her to not trust a man like him...

[AsteroidX]

In the current economy I would find buying diamonds for a 13 year old to be less then wise spending. I try to buy my kid things he will use or needs. We have a great relationship even though he lives with his mom. After years of not getting along the 2 of us parents have come to terms and now do whats best for our child.

It took some growing up on both are parts to get there but now it seems so much simpler.

Its funny though because back in the day I remember her making the same complaint about a gift bought by the dad of one of her other kids. But your situation sounds different otherwise.

[glorybebe]

Taun, on 05 February 2013 - 12:22 PM, said:

A father's primary duties are to provide for his family (to the best of his abiltiy), to protect his family, and to teach his children...

Some fathers are very good teachers, by their example and active interest in their children, and they help teach their children to become good people and good parents themselves when the time comes... Other fathers are also 'good teachers', but they teach the negative side of life, through their example... But all fathers are teachers... one way or the other...

Obviously he is a failure at the protection thing, and his provision duties are somewhat suspect... but at least he is teaching his child... He is teaching her to not trust a man like him...

I just don't want her to be jaded. I tell her that there are a lot of great emn out there and not to judge them all on this experience. One of our neighbours is like the big brother she never had and our landlord is a grandpa influence, so I am hoping that her interactions with these two awesome men will balance out what she is going through.

[glorybebe]

AsteroidX, on 05 February 2013 - 12:54 PM, said:

In the current economy I would find buying diamonds for a 13 year old to be less then wise spending. I try to buy my kid things he will use or needs. We have a great relationship even though he lives with his mom. After years of not getting along the 2 of us parents have come to terms and now do whats best for our child.

It took some growing up on both are parts to get there but now it seems so much simpler.

Its funny though because back in the day I remember her making the same complaint about a gift bought by the dad of one of her other kids. But your situation sounds different otherwise.

Yeah, it is a silly, silly situation.  At one point she had two cell phones, a laptop, 2 mp3 players, an iPod touch....and yet I was working two jobs to make sure that our rent was paid, food was on the table and clothes were on her back.   I just don't get the thought process behind this.....

[AsteroidX]

I dont get it either. I mean we have Ipod, Kindle and a few nice things for my 10 year old but the kindle is because hes a bookworm and we cant buy enough books to keep him stocked up. heh. But those things stay at our house and dont go back to his moms with him. Hes a really great kid so he gets a bit more freedoms then you might expect for the average 10 year old. But hes earned that by his behavior and school performance, You know kinda like rewarding him for doing the right thing instead of punishing him for doing the wrong thing.  I think the positive reinforcement has made a huge difference in his life. His mom uses more negative reinforcement and I can tell which is working over the longterm. I always stay neutral when talking about his mom and even try to be friendly by asking how shes doing and stuff to let him know that even though we are not together that both his parents care about him and do our best for him. Im so happy this is where we are today as we spent years in court and the negative feelings that were going on between us was so unhealthy. Id never let things go back to the way it was.

Well she has a bad habit of not returning things. Used to make me so mad. But now Ive just come to realize shes a busybody person and truly just cant get it organized enough to do that type of thing so we just keep them here. Problem was solved and nobody had bad feelings at the end of the day.

Did kinda erk me however when I got my son a wallet and had like $20 in it. I sent it to his moms with him and he told me later she took it from him and he hasnt ever got it back. So I went got him another wallet and it stays down here. I dont know just have to work with my situation and make it work. Kinda like letting the little things go.

I know every parents situation is different and you sound like a great parent.

Edited by AsteroidX, 06 February 2013 - 07:43 AM.

[Jinxdom]

Misguided sense of value, He loves his kid a lot and society puts a huge sentiment on diamond necklaces being valuable. Just a really really bad judgement call on his part.

[glorybebe]

AsteroidX, on 06 February 2013 - 07:42 AM, said:

I dont get it either. I mean we have Ipod, Kindle and a few nice things for my 10 year old but the kindle is because hes a bookworm and we cant buy enough books to keep him stocked up. heh. But those things stay at our house and dont go back to his moms with him. Hes a really great kid so he gets a bit more freedoms then you might expect for the average 10 year old. But hes earned that by his behavior and school performance, You know kinda like rewarding him for doing the right thing instead of punishing him for doing the wrong thing.  I think the positive reinforcement has made a huge difference in his life. His mom uses more negative reinforcement and I can tell which is working over the longterm. I always stay neutral when talking about his mom and even try to be friendly by asking how shes doing and stuff to let him know that even though we are not together that both his parents care about him and do our best for him. Im so happy this is where we are today as we spent years in court and the negative feelings that were going on between us was so unhealthy. Id never let things go back to the way it was.

Well she has a bad habit of not returning things. Used to make me so mad. But now Ive just come to realize shes a busybody person and truly just cant get it organized enough to do that type of thing so we just keep them here. Problem was solved and nobody had bad feelings at the end of the day.

Did kinda erk me however when I got my son a wallet and had like $20 in it. I sent it to his moms with him and he told me later she took it from him and he hasnt ever got it back. So I went got him another wallet and it stays down here. I dont know just have to work with my situation and make it work. Kinda like letting the little things go.

I know every parents situation is different and you sound like a great parent.

Thank you!  It is always helpful to see the situation from a male's perspective.  I know that she was given a couple hundred dollars from his parents to bring home so that we could get groceries.  She said her grandma-his mom- told her not to tell him how much money it was.  When he asked her how much, she refused to tell him because he would steal it.  This made him mad, but in the past, the grandma gave us extra money knowing I was working so hard to make ends meet, and my daughter's father tried to get her to dpend it all before she got home do that I wouldn't get extra money, eventhough it was to buy groceries and other things she needed.

[Leave Britney alone!]

glorybebe, on 26 December 2012 - 03:04 AM, said:

He isn't around her, she has refused to visit him.  Without going into the whole dirty bits, she is in councelling to deal with him always putting me down and positions he has put her in.  After she refused to see him anymore, things started coming out, and some of the stuff she told me really had me up in arms.  We are currently going through court to have no contact, but he continues to email me all the time.

I am skeptical. You also claimed you don't want her jaded but judging from above it would seem that you both engage in talking negatively about her father. That is not going to help. Hopefully it is just her telling you and you not involving her with your "adult" problems. That would be using her as a pawn.

If you really wanted to limit contact you could as you can block e-mails. Back to involving her, when you stated, "we are currently going through court," hope that means you and your lawyers and not her "going through (a) court," ordeal.

[glorybebe]

I believe you, on 06 February 2013 - 04:50 PM, said:

I am skeptical. You also claimed you don't want her jaded but judging from above it would seem that you both engage in talking negatively about her father. That is not going to help. Hopefully it is just her telling you and you not involving her with your "adult" problems. That would be using her as a pawn.

If you really wanted to limit contact you could as you can block e-mails. Back to involving her, when you stated, "we are currently going through court," hope that means you and your lawyers and not her "going through (a) court," ordeal.

The whole reason she is in councelling is so I don't say anything bad about him.  It puts me in a hard position when she asks me ehy he did thungs like he did.  After telling me he gave her an alcoholic beverage at 8, it was really hard to keep my cool.  When I asked her why she didn't tell me about (4 years)  she told me that he told her that I wouldn't let him see her anymore.  We blocked the emails and had to change our cell numbers due to his harrassing and abusive messages.  As to court, here in BC it is up to the judge whether he/ wants to talk to the child.  From what my lawyer has stated, she will not be subjected to this as my daughter wrote a letter with the councellor stating her wants.  I know, I have been subject to usually men who are 'skeptical'.  I am not trying to get back at him-I left him after the second time he hit me.  And with the laws here, until the child is old enough to make a choice, you have to send them to visit.  I have tried to get along with him, even listening to him complain about his girlfriends in order to have my daughter see a healthy parent relationship.  But, once things started coming out, that was the end of that.