101 replies to this topic

[moosehead]

Oh my goodness. Thank you all. I did not expect these responses. I was busy all day yesterday trying to tie up loose ends to be able to get out of here asap. These are the things I have told him. And if it wasn't the dogs it would be something else. I even spoke to his ex yesterday and told her I was leaving. She said, "he's mean isn't he?" She was right. I can't wait to get back home to Ia. I was raised here in W Tn but left when I was 17. Only came back to take care of a family member. Have been here about 7 yrs. This place is like quick sand> It is hard to get out especially if you dont' leave when you are young. I have always hated it here and missed Ia so much. But I put that aside when we married and dedicided my marriage was important. I'm sure I have my faults too but would never do a thing to hurt someone I love or try to keep them from what they love.
I feel so much better hearing this all from you and I thank you so much. Have tried to get out of here before the labor day wkend but don't think I will make it now til after the holiday. So I will be stuck with him for a few days. (He will be off work).
I have no more tears or sorrow. I am so ready to go. I have said that if I ever get out of here I will never come back. NEVER. My folks are buried here including my Dad who died when I was 8. My gparents raised me. Being alone I sunk into my animals. I think having something you can fight for is something everyone needs.
His farm is beautiful tho. About 30 acres and it is awesome. I will miss that. But, like usual I am starting a new chapter. And once again doing all by myself. I had thought we would be together the rest of our lives. Oh well. Didn't work.
The last thing now is getting movers. I have to decide whether to have people move me or rent a uhaul.
I also will leave early in the am. By the time he comes home I will probably be in Ia. So then we both will be happy.
I sat outside last nite looking at the moon and stars and one thing I had wanted was to be able to bury my oldest dog (20) here. It is so peaceful and all. But she never got to enjoy it being so old and blind.
I can't get over the responses. I thank you so much. Feel like someone is supporting me. Thanks so so much.

[ThePhantomFlanFlinger]

moosehead, on 29 August 2012 - 10:50 AM, said:

Oh my goodness. Thank you all. I did not expect these responses. I was busy all day yesterday trying to tie up loose ends to be able to get out of here asap. These are the things I have told him. And if it wasn't the dogs it would be something else. I even spoke to his ex yesterday and told her I was leaving. She said, "he's mean isn't he?" She was right. I can't wait to get back home to Ia. I was raised here in W Tn but left when I was 17. Only came back to take care of a family member. Have been here about 7 yrs. This place is like quick sand> It is hard to get out especially if you dont' leave when you are young. I have always hated it here and missed Ia so much. But I put that aside when we married and dedicided my marriage was important. I'm sure I have my faults too but would never do a thing to hurt someone I love or try to keep them from what they love.
I feel so much better hearing this all from you and I thank you so much. Have tried to get out of here before the labor day wkend but don't think I will make it now til after the holiday. So I will be stuck with him for a few days. (He will be off work).
I have no more tears or sorrow. I am so ready to go. I have said that if I ever get out of here I will never come back. NEVER. My folks are buried here including my Dad who died when I was 8. My gparents raised me. Being alone I sunk into my animals. I think having something you can fight for is something everyone needs.
His farm is beautiful tho. About 30 acres and it is awesome. I will miss that. But, like usual I am starting a new chapter. And once again doing all by myself. I had thought we would be together the rest of our lives. Oh well. Didn't work.
The last thing now is getting movers. I have to decide whether to have people move me or rent a uhaul.
I also will leave early in the am. By the time he comes home I will probably be in Ia. So then we both will be happy.
I sat outside last nite looking at the moon and stars and one thing I had wanted was to be able to bury my oldest dog (20) here. It is so peaceful and all. But she never got to enjoy it being so old and blind.
I can't get over the responses. I thank you so much. Feel like someone is supporting me. Thanks so so much.

Take care and good luck for the future...for you and your little furry babies..

[libstaK]

Bless you Moosehead, so many of us are touched by your strength in these circumstances.  I know you will find your "piece of peace" and happiness in your new life away from this nasty man.

[Eldorado]

Good Luck!  

(Leave something "unpleasant" on his favourite chair with a note stuck on top saying, "This is for shooting my friend".)

[rashore]

Just some tips...

Make sure you get a divorce lawyer that is good in across states proceedings. If he is in TN and you in LA, you are going to need someone comfortable with that.
Don't forget to stop at the Post Office about your mail. Even if you have to rent a post box for a short time till you get settled in, you want to start diverting your mail immediately.
Call your vet and let them know you are moving, and set up a new vet ASAP after you've moved. If he's being such a prick about your dogs, my paranoia wouldn't put it past him to try some crap about the dogs during the divorce proceedings. Like trying to lay claim to them just to hurt you.
If you don't already have your own separate bank account and/or credit cards- take care of that right away.

And as an ugh.. He shot your dog? What a repugnant smear of fecal leakage at the bottom of the horseapple basket. Good for you for leaving him.

[Mike D boy]

All I can say is I wish you Good Luck in finding a new path in your life, moosehead. Divorce isn't easy and not a happy ending, but it's a way to end a bad marriage though and this is coming from a son of parents who divorced about 25 years ago, and my Dad divorced the 5th time (he's in his early 60s) while my Mom never remarried ever since. Divorce laws vary from state to state, because Cal.'s law for a divorce is harder than the time it takes to fill out a state-recognized marriage license...and Nevada's "quick divorce" law is an anecdote to lots of bad "quick marriages" are there to repair easy marital mistakes.

[moosehead]

Thanks again. However this has not been a good day. I can't seem to get everything to come together to be able to leave. Movers won't get back to me. And I thought I had found a place up there but that fell thru. I have to keep trying but sometimes its so hard. I don't really have anyone to help me so doing this alone and from 500 miles away is not easy.
I dread this weekend. Will have to spend it with him and things are not good. Just sometimes seem everything is against me. But this isn't the first time and I'm sure it will work out somehow.
One of the things he hates is dog hair. So I thought about trimming my Australian Shep and leaving the hair in his bed. Ha. I thought this marriage would be for the rest of my life. Should have known. But he did lie to me about the dogs and about how many times he had been married. Now he doesn't want me anymore and I don't want him. What do you do? Sorry a bit down today but it has to get better right?? Thanks again. I look forward to reading the posts because I feel like I do have some support even tho I don't know you all. Thanks.

[booNyzarC]

Shot your dog?  Wow...  what a complete ***hole...

I'd be happy to lend you the gallows in my avatar.

Take care of yourself and your dogs moosehead.

[Hilander]

All of us do support you and if you ever want to talk just pm me and I will be there for you.  Best wishes.

[Catz]

I'm sorry about your marriage-it sucks I know.  Hope your life will only get better from here!  It was for the best to leave him, he obviously has some issues and his next move would probably have been to harm you.  Give your Shepherd-dog a big kiss from me!!

[moosehead]

Last night he told me he would like to shoot me and then shoot the dogs. He hates them so much. Me too I guess. He is a perfectionist and OCD and probably other things too. Im not saying he is completely at fault here but I do think he just decided one day he didn't want this anymore. I told him to stop marrying people then. (Im the 4th). He is one who wants 100% of attention. Sorry but I have other things to do and that are in my life also. Expects me to come sit beside him and rub his back. Etc. I had 2 back surgeries. Did he do that for me? NO> In fact he made it such a deal that I left after 1 wk. Went to my house (recently sold) with my 3 dogs only after 1 wk of having back surgery. No one to help me. The older dog is blind and had to take her up and down steps to take her outside. It was hard and trying to stand long enough to fix something to eat. Not to mention the pain and pain pills I was not able to take because of this. Again, in his mind they are a burden and cost. Thing is if it wasn't the dogs it would be something else. Think he has more than 1 personality. Anyone out there see my side? I love my dogs. I had them when we met. He thought I would love him so much that I wouldn't NEED the dogs. Don't work that way. He has admitted he was wrong about that. So he changed his mind about us.
Not worth my time. And my heart is not broken anymore. Already been thru all that. But I do dread this 3 day wkend. It will not be fun.
Trying to arrange to leave asap but things just aren't coming together yet. Need help moving and I have none. But I will make it and be better off.
Thanks for all your support and anyone also is welcome to pm me too.
I am so impressed by the responses I have gotten. Guess I am not the only one who understands that love you have for animals. The ironic thing is that I'm having problems finding somewhere to live BECAUSE OF THE DOGS. Of course he pointed that out too.
Seems I am between a rock and hard place but my dogs are staying with me if we have to live in my car!
I am sad about my oldest dog tho. She will have to be put to sleep soon. For now NO and the vet said she will let me know when the time is. So far she hasn't and 20 yrs is a long time to have a best friend. The farm here is beautiful and I wanted to be able to bury her here. Then again now, I don't. I have lost my husband and will loose my best friend soon. So I have to try to be strong. How can I do that>? How can I take her to the vet when she knows where she is and shakes and all knowing I'm there to put her down. Do I hold her while she is put down>? I think it may kill me to do that but in a way I have to. She has always been there for me and I will be there for her til the end. Sorry got myself crying now. Again thanks for the support. I REALLY NEEDED IT.

[libstaK]

Aw Moosehead, I am so sorry your dog has to be put down.  20 years though, is a rich and good life for any dog, she must have been very well cared for to make it to that ancient age in dog years.  You need to accept that it is an act of love not to allow them to suffer with no hope of healing (she isn't going to get any younger or less frail at this point).

I've lost pets through illness, accidents (being hit by cars) and old age.  I have no regrets with those in my life that died of old age, not even in putting them down because they milked every bit of life there was for their species in their life.  It's the ones that passed too soon that I wish had lived a fuller life - it is the natural order and she is reaching her natural time to rest, we can't stop that from coming to pass, only make it peaceful for them by putting them down before the suffering is all consuming for them.

I hope you have better luck in the coming days finding a place and a mover, just keep your eye on your goal and don't be distracted by the little hiccups along the way.

[ThePhantomFlanFlinger]

Never an easy decision to make... ..and they are never with us for long enough.My wife always reminds herself of Rainbow Bridge-you may have heard of it... i'll put a link but if you have then just ignore it..

http://rainbowsbridge.com/

Edited by BrianPotter, 30 August 2012 - 11:57 AM.

[libstaK]

BrianPotter, on 30 August 2012 - 11:55 AM, said:

Never an easy decision to make... ..and they are never with us for long enough.My wife always reminds herself of Rainbow Bridge-you may have heard of it... i'll put a link but if you have then just ignore it..

http://rainbowsbridge.com/

I hadn't heard of it Brian, and I thank you for the link, how wonderful.

[ThePhantomFlanFlinger]

libstaK, on 30 August 2012 - 12:02 PM, said:

I hadn't heard of it Brian, and I thank you for the link, how wonderful.

No problem...my wife found it when we lost two of our dogs a few years ago and she always got some comfort from it..,

eta...will say it really did help her..

Edited by BrianPotter, 30 August 2012 - 12:05 PM.