44 replies to this topic

[Beany]

At the beginning of each year I choose a practice for the year. One year it was gratitude, another year, forgiveness. I figured a year is enough time for the practice to deepen, for me to internalize it if it had value, and to really grok it. You Heinlen fans know all about grokking. Anyway, a couple of years ago, I decided to practice identifying and letting go of beliefs that had little or no basis in fact, and to limit my beliefs to what I knew to be true for myself. At the end of the 3rd month my list of beliefs was whittled down to maybe 3 or 4 things, and it felt good to lighten the load. I gained some insight and began to see things perhaps a little more clearly for what they actually are instead of how I perceived them to be based on my own prejudices & false conclusions.

So now here I am, a couple of years later, and I'm not sure I hold any important beliefs, other than the importance of integrity & compassion to my well being. This isn't always a comfortable place for me; it feels like the older I get and the more I practice this detachment, the less I know and the less I'm sure of. I look at the people around me, many of whom are very certain and sure of themselves & their beliefs, and I'm both envious of their self-assurance, and distrustful of it, at the same time. I'm also wondering where this journey is taking me. The only thing I'm sure of is that I'm moving into new terrain, but I have not a clue as to where I'm going.

So through all this confusion, anxiety, and uncertainty, the thought came to me just this afternoon, that maybe instead of shaping the world/reality to fit me, maybe the reverse will happen. Maybe I need to be stripped of all my beliefs in order to let reality shape me, or in order to see more of a reality that exists independent of me. Sort of like letting it, whatever it is, finally shape me. Hey, maybe I'll even catch a glimpse of that mysterious "it." If anyone has anything to offer, I'm happy to entertain it, because right now I'm feeling what I usually feel when I'm in the midst of change: confused, anxious, and wanting to go hide in a cave, none of which is helpful. I'm hoping to hear from those who have had a similar experience, or who maybe in the middle of it themselves, like I am. Anyhoo, thanks for hearing my little voice crying out in the wilderness!

[Cassea]

God is shaping you.  You are in his hands.   Let go and let God.

[joc]

I think you have successfully stepped out of your birth boxes.  Congratulations.  It doesn't really matter where you are going.  As long as things make sense to you.  That's how I see it anyway.  If things make sense to me...good...if they don't, why not?  You just have to work it all out logically in your own head. Beware the maze of life...pick a path that is straight and true and then follow it.

[Beany]

Cassea, on 11 December 2012 - 05:31 AM, said:

God is shaping you.  You are in his hands.   Let go and let God.

It really feels more like being unshaped. I feel like a hermit crab that's outgrown it's shell. Letting go, that's great advice, thank you. Not so easy to do though, because I've always been pretty self-directed. God is one of those concepts I'm not certain about, and I'm even iffy on the Goddess. It may be that how I frame the issue, using old language, would obscure rather than enlighten.

[Beany]

joc, on 11 December 2012 - 05:46 AM, said:

I think you have successfully stepped out of your birth boxes.  Congratulations.  It doesn't really matter where you are going.  As long as things make sense to you.  That's how I see it anyway.  If things make sense to me...good...if they don't, why not?  You just have to work it all out logically in your own head. Beware the maze of life...pick a path that is straight and true and then follow it.

I think I'm trying to not pick a path, but let the path pick me. Does this sound sort of grasshopperish? Where's David Carradine when you need him? You know, you may be right, maybe it doesn't really matter where I'm going. I've been suspecting lately that my place in the universe is much less important than I used to believe. Sometimes I just need to get over myself.

Edited by Beany, 11 December 2012 - 05:51 AM.

[Simbi Laveau]

But you say you don't care about anything other than your own well being ?
I personally,don't think that's healthy ,despite the fact a huge portion of the world does this.
I may be misunderstanding ....

I assume you care about family ,but if you care about nothing but yourself,you miss a lot of life ?

If I were you ,one year I would devote time to something,that is a selfless endeavor . Some thing you care about .
Cleaning the parks ,if you love nature .
Volunteering at a homeless shelter or nursing home.
Volunteering at an animal rescue .
Something you must have some sort of feeling about ,as a societal problem .
Pollution
Helpless people
Animals
Environmental problems like fracking.

This is just my thing,as without people who care about something other than themselves ,the world is a much worse place.

Good luck on your journey .

[braveone2u]

Beany, on 11 December 2012 - 04:58 AM, said:

At the end of the 3rd month my list of beliefs was whittled down to maybe 3 or 4 things, and it felt good to lighten the load. I gained some insight and began to see things perhaps a little more clearly for what they actually are instead of how I perceived them to be based on my own prejudices & false conclusions.

So now here I am, a couple of years later, and I'm not sure I hold any important beliefs, other than the importance of integrity & compassion to my well being. This isn't always a comfortable place for me; it feels like the older I get and the more I practice this detachment, the less I know and the less I'm sure of. I look at the people around me, many of whom are very certain and sure of themselves & their beliefs, and I'm both envious of their self-assurance, and distrustful of it, at the same time. I'm also wondering where this journey is taking me. The only thing I'm sure of is that I'm moving into new terrain, but I have not a clue as to where I'm going.

Maybe I need to be stripped of all my beliefs in order to let reality shape me, or in order to see more of a reality that exists independent of me. Sort of like letting it, whatever it is, finally shape me. Hey, maybe I'll even catch a glimpse of that mysterious "it." If anyone has anything to offer, I'm happy to entertain it, because right now I'm feeling what I usually feel when I'm in the midst of change: confused, anxious, and wanting to go hide in a cave, none of which is helpful. I'm hoping to hear from those who have had a similar experience, or who maybe in the middle of it themselves, like I am. Anyhoo, thanks for hearing my little voice crying out in the wilderness!

Hi Beany,

"I'm not sure I hold any important beliefs, other than the importance of integrity & compassion to my well being."

That's wonderful, and our well-being needs to be nurtured and protected. Spirituality is our personal journey, after all. We're not doing it for the world. When a person is really connected to his or her well being, he or she projects that to the world, without even thinking about it. It doesn't have a banner or label behind his or her goodness. No agendas. Just is.

You have lost some of the unnecessary trimmings of faith (the hearsays, superstitions, trendy hot topics for the year), but you have regained your "self."

You sound like a neat woman. Actually, you are already shaping your world. You have started the deletion process. Reinventing one's self is never a comfortable. Letting go of old, worn-out beliefs are never that easy. More often than not, outside forces will encourage that massive change to happen, but at the same, the well ingrained belief system in your configuration will fight to the very end. Who said, change is natural? You are trying to go beyond your equilibrium. Spiritual work is just that -- WORK. A person is either trying to rise above one's muck, or dislocating his or her equilibrium to see another (deeper?) side of life in an endless dance. Life is never over, until it's really over.

Peace.

Paul


------------------

"Your only protection is your inaccessibility. And that is what you are working to destroy."  14 YEARS WITH MY TEACHER (Swami Rudrananda)

"It is imposible to preserve a self-image and reach any depth in spiritual work."  SPIRITUAL CANNIBALISM (Swami Rudrananda)

"(However)...you can't just listen to your own ideas and expect to get anywhere."   IN HIS OWN WORDS (Swami Rudrananda)

"How many fingers, Winston?"  1984

"But one thing you will realize as a result of this work is that you don't know who you are."  14 YEARS WITH MY TEACHER (Swami Rudrananda)

Edited by braveone2u, 11 December 2012 - 07:53 AM.

[joc]

Beany, on 11 December 2012 - 05:50 AM, said:

I think I'm trying to not pick a path, but let the path pick me. Does this sound sort of grasshopperish? Where's David Carradine when you need him? You know, you may be right, maybe it doesn't really matter where I'm going. I've been suspecting lately that my place in the universe is much less important than I used to believe. Sometimes I just need to get over myself.

That's it Beany.  Get over yourself.  But, understand that your place in the Universe is Extremely Important.  Why?  Because the only thing that exists is Energy and Energy manifests in an Infinite number of forms, for an infinite number of reasons...but if it manifests at all, it does so with purpose.  The Universe will choose a path for you. Be... in the Universal Flow.  You can pick your own path or you can choose not to pick a path, the Universe is already flowing within you and without you.  It is Ego (the definition of ourselves that we cling to) that creates the maze of confusion.  Not to get all Biblical or anything (I glean truth from where ever I find it) but when Moses asked the Voice in the Burning Bush who it was, the Voice answered..I Am.  And so, I Am is an expression of just being without definitions.  It is a wonderful thing just To Be.

[Beany]

Simbi Laveau, on 11 December 2012 - 06:25 AM, said:

But you say you don't care about anything other than your own well being ?
I personally,don't think that's healthy ,despite the fact a huge portion of the world does this.
I may be misunderstanding ....

I assume you care about family ,but if you care about nothing but yourself,you miss a lot of life ?

If I were you ,one year I would devote time to something,that is a selfless endeavor . Some thing you care about .
Cleaning the parks ,if you love nature .
Volunteering at a homeless shelter or nursing home.
Volunteering at an animal rescue .
Something you must have some sort of feeling about ,as a societal problem .
Pollution
Helpless people
Animals
Environmental problems like fracking.

This is just my thing,as without people who care about something other than themselves ,the world is a much worse place.

Good luck on your journey .

Getting involving is a great idea, and something I'm already doing. I do care immensely about the people I love, my animals, my job, the environment, and I'm active in all those areas. It's my belief system around religion & spirituality that I'm dealing with. Thanks for your post, because it pushed me towards clarification, which is always good. I'm certain that some of the best ways to get through life are to be a positive force in words & action, to stand on my ethical code, to stay out of judgement, and ground myself in compassion. As I'm typing this, I realize that what we do right now, in the moment, is much more important than what we profess to believe, so I can begin to feel the upside of all this. Thanks for your thoughtfulness.

[Beany]

joc, on 11 December 2012 - 02:45 PM, said:

That's it Beany.  Get over yourself.  But, understand that your place in the Universe is Extremely Important.  Why?  Because the only thing that exists is Energy and Energy manifests in an Infinite number of forms, for an infinite number of reasons...but if it manifests at all, it does so with purpose.  The Universe will choose a path for you. Be... in the Universal Flow.  You can pick your own path or you can choose not to pick a path, the Universe is already flowing within you and without you.  It is Ego (the definition of ourselves that we cling to) that creates the maze of confusion.  Not to get all Biblical or anything (I glean truth from where ever I find it) but when Moses asked the Voice in the Burning Bush who it was, the Voice answered..I Am.  And so, I Am is an expression of just being without definitions.  It is a wonderful thing just To Be.

Last night I went out to commune with the night sky, and saw the Pleides, that big planet hanging beneath it, and Orion. And I saw what was probably an early arrival of the Persid meteor shower, a brief flash of light, then it was gone. And I was thinking, that's me. I'm here, I'll shine brightly, then burn out. In a hundred years there will be no one on this planet who knows what my voice sounds like, who knows or would care about the journey of my life. And I'm OK with that, in fact, it's sort of freeing. So I get what you're saying about me, each of us, being extremely important in the big picture, but I'm not sure that's true, or as true as I used to think it was. The universe will continue to beeble along with or without me and I suspect my presence is far more important to me than it is to the universe.

[Beany]

braveone2u, on 11 December 2012 - 07:53 AM, said:

Hi Beany,

"I'm not sure I hold any important beliefs, other than the importance of integrity & compassion to my well being."

That's wonderful, and our well-being needs to be nurtured and protected. Spirituality is our personal journey, after all. We're not doing it for the world. When a person is really connected to his or her well being, he or she projects that to the world, without even thinking about it. It doesn't have a banner or label behind his or her goodness. No agendas. Just is.

You have lost some of the unnecessary trimmings of faith (the hearsays, superstitions, trendy hot topics for the year), but you have regained your "self."

You sound like a neat woman. Actually, you are already shaping your world. You have started the deletion process. Reinventing one's self is never a comfortable. Letting go of old, worn-out beliefs are never that easy. More often than not, outside forces will encourage that massive change to happen, but at the same, the well ingrained belief system in your configuration will fight to the very end. Who said, change is natural? You are trying to go beyond your equilibrium. Spiritual work is just that -- WORK. A person is either trying to rise above one's muck, or dislocating his or her equilibrium to see another (deeper?) side of life in an endless dance. Life is never over, until it's really over.

Peace.

Paul


------------------

"Your only protection is your inaccessibility. And that is what you are working to destroy."  14 YEARS WITH MY TEACHER (Swami Rudrananda)

"It is imposible to preserve a self-image and reach any depth in spiritual work."  SPIRITUAL CANNIBALISM (Swami Rudrananda)

"(However)...you can't just listen to your own ideas and expect to get anywhere."   IN HIS OWN WORDS (Swami Rudrananda)

"How many fingers, Winston?"  1984

"But one thing you will realize as a result of this work is that you don't know who you are."  14 YEARS WITH MY TEACHER (Swami Rudrananda)

Paul, thanks for the encouragement. I love that first quote, that's exactly how I feel. I've done a lot of work over the years, and now I'm at a place where I'm thinking not doing is exactly what I need, that instead of seeking I need to be still and pay attention to what may be revealed, and not pick up a box of crayons and color things in with my ideas of what is right or beautiful or possible. Maybe spending time in gratitude for being here and admiration for the beauty all around me will help relieve my anxiety.

[joc]

Beany, on 11 December 2012 - 02:59 PM, said:

Last night I went out to commune with the night sky, and saw the Pleides, that big planet hanging beneath it, and Orion. And I saw what was probably an early arrival of the Persid meteor shower, a brief flash of light, then it was gone. And I was thinking, that's me. I'm here, I'll shine brightly, then burn out. In a hundred years there will be no one on this planet who knows what my voice sounds like, who knows or would care about the journey of my life. And I'm OK with that, in fact, it's sort of freeing. So I get what you're saying about me, each of us, being extremely important in the big picture, but I'm not sure that's true, or as true as I used to think it was. The universe will continue to beeble along with or without me and I suspect my presence is far more important to me than it is to the universe.

Wow...that is so awesome because: Late last night...after midnight...after looking at the thermometer (20 degrees) I realized I hadn't locked in the chickens...so I put on my coat and warm things and trodded off to the chicken coop.  I looked up at the sky, clear as can be, the entire Milky Way on display...and I just stopped and for about one minute I looked  up and I saw that bright Planet and I thought...wow, that is so awesome...and I told the Universe...You are so awesome, thank you for manifesting as me...and suddenly...swish...a 'shooting star' across the sky...a You're Welcome from the Universe.  I wonder if we were experiencing that at the same time...

Would you feel better or more important if you had been manifest as Venus?  Possibly the meteor that shot across the sky burning up as it entered the atmosphere?  Would you feel more important if you were the piece of paper blowing across the road in the wind?  Or maybe the Wind itself?  How about a Frog in a pond?  Or the Pond?  A starving child in the Sudan?  Or the dust under the feet of the starving child?  

There is an infinite pool of 'potential'.  And out of that pool Energy manifests.  You ARE the Universe.

[Ciss]

Beany, on 11 December 2012 - 05:50 AM, said:

I think I'm trying to not pick a path, but let the path pick me. Does this sound sort of grasshopperish? Where's David Carradine when you need him? You know, you may be right, maybe it doesn't really matter where I'm going. I've been suspecting lately that my place in the universe is much less important than I used to believe. Sometimes I just need to get over myself.

Hi Beany

It seems different and new to stop trying to be in order to just be...the art of just being...can we truly get very far with trying to be what we already are, I say yes, we can get way far away from just being. Maybe when we get past the work of trying not to try then we will fall over with exhaustion into just being without any effort!

[Ryu]

Thanks Beany for posting this. I feel much the same way as you do..while I didn't go and adopt a yearly practice I did, however, eliminate beliefs or at least widened the distance between myself and the ideas I hold/held.
The point for me is not to be comfortable and let others tell me how to feel or believe but to eliminate this self-importance/self esteem that society tells me to have.

I do what needs to be done because it needs to be done, not because I need to fulfill some emotional need.
To be honest the individual identity of the person who is in need is irrelevant as is the personal identity of the person performing the actions just so long as the need is met.

I think what you are doing is great and it would be great if more people could take a step back, extricate themselves from life and really examine why they feel this or that or why they feel the need to believe in what everyone else does.

Edited by Ryu, 11 December 2012 - 05:11 PM.

[Mac E]

It seems like you're becoming where we all need to be.  Shaking off all the preconcieved teachings not based in fact.  Welcome to the club, now let's have a party!